The grumpy thread

[D Spares & Tyres]

People drive like twats this time of year. Their heads are up their arse reading next month's credit card statement and the small part of their brain reserved for driving is still trying to process the last piece of information* they read on Facebum. We need to be careful and look out for our shite.....

It's almost a year since I nearly got arrested due to some twat cutting me up and damaging my car...

 

I told the Mrs if she made me go out to

Kidderminster on Xmas eve I would fall out with someone I'm sure....

 

As I had him in a headlock we got pulled apart by Santa on a motorbike and an off duty cop.I am not joking

 

He started it honestly, but as he had the bloody nose the cops were more inclined to believe him

 

They made us shake on it and go our own way as they were too busy ☺

[xtriple]

Hey I am the leader of UKIP! I have a slice of proper 'Britishness' parked outside!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

No one mention Audis... or the war

[anonymous user]

Hey I am the leader of UKIP! I have a slice of proper 'Britishness' parked outside!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What the Honda?

[Lacquer Peel]

Farage owns a Volvo.

[Cavcraft]

I rode past Cheshire Oaks* on the way home and it was carnage. It's ace fun (if you're not driving) as it's basically about 11,000,000 people all descending on some shitty 'retail park' and it seems everyone of them is exempt from British traffic laws.

You can just see 'SHOPPING' lit up in peoples eyes as they wander from lane to lane without looking, braking or indicating in their Mini as they beep the horn at someone else who isn't looking, braking or indicating in their Mini. 

 

I'm not racist about BMW Minis or anything, but a bit further on some oldish woman ignored the red light and was a whisker away from knocking me off, but it was ok because she had an Ardern blue Corsa B.

 

*Trust me, you don't want to go there.

[fordperv]

 

It is comments like this that make me convinced that Mr_Bo11ox really is the glorious* leader of UKIP and that his user icon and buying a Laguna II is just a massively well targeted double bluff.

 

In fact, the more I think about it, his buying of a foreign car that will go drastically wrong in the near future is just another step in his subversive anti-euro campaign. No doubt the Laguna will soon be replaced with a Merc A class to remind us that the Germans are shit to.

[UltraWomble]

I rode past Cheshire Oaks* on the way home and it was carnage.

Insert "Trafford Centre / Gemini Retail Park / Deepdale Retail Park" and so on.

 

From about October I refuse to go anywhere near places like this, or even into the town City centre with my car. In fact since the introduction of "shared dynamic spaces" and "random artistic lumps of concrete" Fishergate is a no go area for cars now.

 

[captain_70s]

People drive like twats this time of year. Their heads are up their arse reading next month's credit card statement and the small part of their brain reserved for driving is still trying to process the last piece of information* they read on Facebum. We need to be careful and look out for our shite.....

I was driving to work this morning in the snow and some dumb fuck was sitting about a half inch off my rear bumper in his fucked Astra van, he was so close I couldn't even see his headlights in my rear view mirror. I wasn't exactly dawdling either, the temptation was there to just stand on the brakes but that'd probably result in a worse day for me than for him....

[strangeangel]

The Trafford Centre = Bellend Central

[Pillock]

Any retail park, anywhere in the country, this time of year will be about as relaxing as stapling your ballsack to a live grenade. 

(Female autoshiters feel free to make up your own nerve-wracking scenario involving your lady-genitalia)

 

One way systems are ignored, people will happily drive over their firstborn to get to a parking space, and it just goes nuts. And it's worse if it's raining because nobody wants to park more than 5mm from the shops, but then it's fucking December and it's always raining.

 

I was trying to leave the supermarket on Sunday (I'd stupidly decided I needed to replace empty space with new food) and there's some chump on the double yellows outside the main entrance. Proper blocking the place up, two directions of traffic now need to get round him plus there's perpendicular roads that are being blocked by people queuing to get round him. Someone beeps. He goes fucking batshit, yelling and shouting (with the windows up, because it's raining, because it's December) and slamming the steering wheel. Part of his problem is he doesn't know who beeped so he's giving everyone DEATHSTARES, even the poor sods who are just pushing trolleys. A longer beep, and it looks like twatface is going to jump out of his car and lamp someone. But he doesn't know who to lamp, so he leans out the door and gesticulates wildly at the sky, some trolleys, and the queue.

 

I was very, very tempted to beep.

 

But then fat chav partner turned up with bags of shopping, loaded them in the back, and gets in. So he's been a massive bellend just because she's more special than every other fucker doing the shopping.

[D Spares & Tyres]

I was in Tesco earlier....

 

Drove slowly past the space I wanted, indicated and put it into reverse.

 

As im reversing a twat in newish Merc then drives right up my arse so I have to stop

 

Beep at him and he eventually reverses and I go into my space with him passing by staring at me like I'm an alien or something

 

What on earth is wrong with people????

[UltraWomble]

Please post their reply up for us

Certainly:

 

 

You will need to write or fax in to the Refunds department so that investigations can be made. These can take up to 6 weeks.

To whit I have replied that now that they have all the details of the person who set up the direct debit and that seeing as we can electronically authorise them to remove money from our bank account then they can damn well accept an electronic authorisation asking them to investigate why they have removed the amount twice and then when they have confirmed that, put it back into the bank account and I'll be damned if they are going to take 6 weeks about it as if I neglected to pay my road tax for 6 weeks they would be the first to send me a fine for however much and nasty letters, that they might even go so far as to wheel clamp the offending vehicle - I have suggested therefore that an unprompt course of action may result in a wheel clamp being attached to the DVLA offices and the offices not being allowed to go anywhere until the money is returned.

[purplebargeken]

My plan/wish/deep seated need to taser most of the population into submission or death seems to be gaining some merit. 

[fordperv]

That reply from the DVLA really is a disappointment, has no one there got a personality

[Cavcraft]

You should always beep in those circumstances, but look round when you do as if it was someone else.

[Craig the Princess]

Sounds like Ronnie Pickering is out and about again.

[EssDeeWon]

On Saturday a fellow motorist felt the need to use his horn when I pulled out on a round about, he was miles away but driving much too fast so hence approaching me too quickly...

 

Then tonight crossing the busy Kingsway in London the lights turned green, 3 people were half way across the road so the driver at the front of the lights held his hand on the horn forcing the pedestrians to run as he swerved round them and pulled off.

 

Both modern 3 series.

[Cavcraft]

I often wonder what would happen if someone found the contact details for the head of DVLA, registered an untaxed car in their name then just left it somewhere full of curtain twitchers.

[purplebargeken]

That would be Oliver Morley then.

[purplebargeken]

Longview Road, Morriston, Swansea, SA6 7JL, UK

[myglaren]

Probably likes Argos catalogues too 

[chaseracer]

Sounds like Ronnie Pickering is out and about again.

 

Who?

[purplebargeken]

RONNIE PICKERING!

[vulgalour]

Fax?  FAX!  FFS.

[dugong]

Nah, I drove my Pug round the block and listened to Radio 4.

 

It was good.

[MarvinsMom]

been watching Fargo, been enjoying it too, crap cars, good dialogue and a suitably high body count but at the climax of tonight's episode, in the midst of a full on gun battle between the gerhardt crime family and the south dakota/minnesota police, a UFO turns up.....

 

i mean, FFS a UFO!!

 

its fiction and all, and the writers needed away for the butcher and his misses to make their escape, but a fookin' UFO!!!!!!

 

is that the best they could think up, a bloody UFO....

[jakebullet]

Today has been tits up for the idiot sister, and thus I get the pain too. Started badly by getting up at 6:35 am to drive her fat arse to the hospital. Routine check on progress of her eye. When the quack has ordered 4 different tests in 5 minutes you know shit has hit the fan. I is not doctor, but explanation I got third hand is something something retina mumble possible detachment fuck Fuck FUCK.

 

Upshot being surgery this afternoon, they're keeping her in overnight, and then she's got to spend 10 days totally lying face down all the time???

 

As today's advent calendar door is 14, +10 = crapmass day. So I've been drafted that I can drive her on the day to her beloveds house. Joy. Can't wait to see how many times I can get breathalysed, as we all know only drunks n coppers drive around on xmas day.

[MarvinsMom]

and that is a really shit way to have to spend xmas.....

[Bren]

Ordered a spoiler for the A6 a fortnight ago. No comms from shop (unqshop) and no spoiler.

 

Checked and it's not even been sent - but they took my payment.

 

I have asked for a refund. Lets see what happens.

[HH-R]

Got a cold so throat is mega hurting, can't breathe and have sneezed so many times that every muscle aches. Night before last night's sleep was shit because of this.

 

Last night's sleep was shit because my neighbour obviously couldn't sleep and it sounds like he was turning a lump of concrete in a washing machine whilst upholstering a 3 piece suite with a staple gun until 1 o clock. When I did get to sleep the bloody cat woke me up then he fuggin started doing that again before 7am. AARGH