The grumpy thread

[Danblez]

I have just accidentally read page 1 of this thread.

 

My grump being that the grumps are nowhere near as good as they used to be.

[rml2345]

^ This grump thread isn't what it used to be.

[mercrocker]

Have to agree  -  nothing makes me grumpier than the Robin Reliant thing.   They don't say that Jason David played Boy Del, do they?

[320touring]

^^Not to mention those daft bints of certain age and waist measurement who sell their house and give some Tunisian waiter twelve grand for his mother's pancreas operation just because he kept kissing her neck on holiday....

I think you're just bitter cos you never thought of it first;)

 

"Oh that's terrible, have 20k to get your dear Morris fixed-those wheels on the back legs of dogs work wonders"

[Des]

Right. Work have emailed to say that our last team meeting of the year has seemingly turned into some sort of hellish "get to know you" event, since we've just lumped a load of completely dissimilar functions together into one team hence there are now various people with far more interest in their colleagues than I have determined to make a non-optional work event "fun".

 

We apparently have to wear a Christmas Jumper. 

 

I have a uniform, I wear my uniform to work. I do own a Christmas jumper but I definitely object to being told when to wear it and that I must be in a Christmas mood. The even is barely into December FFS. 

 

Do I a) pretend I've not read the email and thus just wear my uniform, wear a highly offensive Christmas jumper (I found one with reindeers shagging), or c) ring in sick? 

 

I'm not bah humbug, but Christmas is hell enough in retail, and so will begin when work finishes for the holidays and will be a time for family, sprouts, and turning my blackberrry off.

d) Wear nothing but a pair of jumper cables with some tinsel wrapped around them, do be aware this could upset your colleagues so mind you don't start anything.

[AlabamaShrimp]

Pulled my back taking my boots off.... How fucking stupid is that, Hurst like a bastard too.

 

Few years are ago I broke something in my knee. Got asked loads of time if it's as done by being heroic or playing sports. No I twisted it getting in to the car has lying my sister n so he could play at driving

[Inspector Morose]

"Don't use anything dangerous while you're in the yard on your own" que me answering in the affirmative then turning and falling flat on my face after tripping over the genny I put down not two minutes previously. Took the skin off my elbow on the concrete floor and it now hurts like a bastard.

 

As an encore, after successfully fitting my new interior to the BX I promptly got in and bashed the wiper stalk off.

 

One of 'those' days it seems.

[jakebullet]

Evilbay grump again. My first shafting with new managed returns.

 

Sold a pool ball gear knob for a PT Cruiser. Like the rest of the car, the gear lever on these is shit and not threaded, so you get one of my nice adaptors to change to threaded, and a ball to thread on it. These take yonks to make and I hate the bastards, so they're £20 to put people off buying them.

 

Twat says it doesn't fit, and send me photos to prove it. Er, twat, you need to use the adaptor. Twat then claims I've not sent him one. Yes I have. And cos I'm sick of idiots claiming this it's taped to the fucking ball so you can't possibly lose it.

 

Twat opens a return case claiming 'parts or accessories are missing'.

 

So now I can give him £20 back. Or I can pay evilbay £2.78 return postage, and then give him £20 as well. Which shafting would I like?

 

This twat is definitely getting an argos book or 5 in the post, that I may just forget to put stamps on.

[Bren]

Wife ordered a playmobil police car for christmas for our son.

 

We had a pair of shoes delivered instead.

 

How come scientists can land a probe on a comet but Littlewoods cannot employ somebody who can walk and chew gum at the same time.

[vulgalour]

@Pillock:  

 

Provide me with the materials and I would be DELIGHTED to make you a highly offensive yet glittery and festive jumper to attend this event in.  Personally, I'd go for a repetitive theme of four and five letter words in glitter paint with a big FUCK in the middle made from tinsel.

[beko1987]

Meriva seems to be loosing oil more quickly this week, I'm away this weekend too so can do fuck all until next weekend.

 

Time to teach Amy how to top the oil up!

[Bobthebeard]

Recent grump is being stopped by sales people whilst I am going into Asda/Morrisons/Tesco/Lidl.

 

Yes, I do have windows/a conservatory/Sky tv/a dog/solar panels/monkey insurance/cactus waiver/greenhouse cover/mobile phone/grass damage by rhino/cat shit cream/RAC cover.. Etc.

Just fuck off! Arrrgh.

Running the gauntlet of this lot, whilst only going in for a pie and a piss is annoying.

[mercrocker]

I think you're just bitter cos you never thought of it first;)

 

"Oh that's terrible, have 20k to get your dear Morris fixed-those wheels on the back legs of dogs work wonders"

I'm not letting any Tunisian kiss my neck.....

[Skizzer]

I'm grumpy and sad that this, the ex-Dome, ex-Spiny Norman XJ40 is about to get scrapped for want of a fuel pump or bit of fuel pipe.

 

You may have missed the news - it's buried on this thread that's just about to drop off the page.

 

 

 

I'm sorry the guy who bought it a couple of months back has run out of money and all, but possibly a Jag wasn't the ideal car for him.  

 

Does it have to die?  Can we do some sort of shitey Thunderbirds-style rescue mission?  I'm 450 miles away so not much practical help, but could chip in funds if anyone is interested in joint ownership or summat.

 

I know you can't save them all, but this car is family and there seems to be very little wrong with it.

 

 

[AlabamaShrimp]

I've got a few people in kind to send argos books to but how do u u get something so big in the post box? Won't they want stamps on if you try to send them at the post office?

[andy18s]

Wife ordered a playmobil police car for christmas for our son.

 

We had a pair of shoes delivered instead.

 

How come scientists can land a probe on a comet but Littlewoods cannot employ somebody who can walk and chew gum at the same time.

were they the wife's shoe size by any chance............?

[mercrocker]

I've got a few people in kind to send argos books to but how do u u get something so big in the post box? Won't they want stamps on if you try to send them at the post office?

Time your Post office visit when the bags are out for the office dollies to drop business post into on their way home.  Lob your little parcels of joy in unchecked.

[AnthonyG]

Recent grump is being stopped by sales people whilst I am going into Asda/Morrisons/Tesco/Lidl.

Yes, I do have windows/a conservatory/Sky tv/a dog/solar panels/monkey insurance/cactus waiver/greenhouse cover/mobile phone/grass damage by rhino/cat shit cream/RAC cover.. Etc.

Just fuck off! Arrrgh.

Running the gauntlet of this lot, whilst only going in for a pie and a piss is annoying.

Similar to this, bloody WH Smiths always asking if you want to buy the giant bar of Galaxy for a £1, every time you buy a paper. I feel sorry for the poor sales staff who have to say this 700 times a day. Even the sodding self service tills have a variant on this, trying to flog you some extra crap.

[dollywobbler]

Recent grump is being stopped by sales people whilst I am going into Asda/Morrisons/Tesco/Lidl.

 

Yes, I do have windows/a conservatory/Sky tv/a dog/solar panels/monkey insurance/cactus waiver/greenhouse cover/mobile phone/grass damage by rhino/cat shit cream/RAC cover.. Etc.

Just fuck off! Arrrgh.

Running the gauntlet of this lot, whilst only going in for a pie and a piss is annoying.

 

That reminds me. Why does Halifax employ people who try and force me to use the machine when I want to cash a cheque in? I'd far rather they just got on the counter so people get served more quickly. Related grump - the automatic machine won't read DVLA tax refunds, so the one time I DID try to use the machine, I ended up in a huge queue while the girl offered to try and help me use the machine. Piss off with your patronising manner! I actually like the human interaction. Especially the nice, smiley east European lady.

[AnthonyG]

When the all-smiles fat git in Leominster WH Smiths said 'we're just using the self-service machines' in an empty shop (you'll know Leominster DW, it's not New York) I went all giffer and made him 'show me how to use it' I.e. Do it for me. Why couldn't he just fucking use one of the (three) tills instead?

 

I don't mind self-serve in supermarkets (except Morrisons, where they never work), as they are good when you just want a paper and a sarnie, but I object to them in ordinary shops.

[chaseracer]

Meriva seems to be loosing oil more quickly this week, I'm away this weekend too so can do fuck all until next weekend.

 

Time to teach Amy how to top the oil up!

 

Good luck with this.

 

Domestic Management is gorgeous, intelligent and an inspiring music teacher - but the bonnet of the C3 might as well be a sealed unit...  <_>

[chaseracer]

(you'll know Leominster DW, it's not New York)

 

I know Leominster.  It's not even remotely similar to York, let alone the Big Apple!

[Rocket88]

Similar to this, bloody WH Smiths always asking if you want to buy the giant bar of Galaxy for a £1, every time you buy a paper. I feel sorry for the poor sales staff who have to say this 700 times a day. Even the sodding self service tills have a variant on this, trying to flog you some extra crap.

Along with the 18 useless gift tokens they shove in your hand with your change...........which end up littering the immediate vicinity..........

[Cavcraft]

Good luck with this.

 

Domestic Management is gorgeous, intelligent and an inspiring music teacher - but the bonnet of the C3 might as well be a sealed unit...  <_>

 

My Domestic Manageress is gorgeous, intelligent and an inspiring nurse-but her Beetle bonnet might as well be a sealed unit.

[beko1987]

I've scared her with the threat of if she doesn't, the engine will seize and I'll film it being driven onto the bridge...

 

Seems to have worked!

[jakebullet]

I've got a few people in kind to send argos books to but how do u u get something so big in the post box? Won't they want stamps on if you try to send them at the post office?

 

Our big post office in town has been 'modernised', ie they've sacked half the people n replaced with self serve tills. After you've self served there's holes in the wall to put your post in, including one that you could fit a shoe box thru.

 

Don't forget if you're argos'ing to put a return address on the back. Preferably of another twunt who's annoyed you, so if target 1 doesn't pay to collect, target 2 will get a free book.

[dugong]

d) Wear nothing but a pair of jumper cables with some tinsel wrapped around them, do be aware this could upset your colleagues so mind you don't start anything.

Feign sickness and spend the evening spannering shite.

In your Christmas jumper.

 

Nowt more tragic than being dragged to a work Christmas meal and told you must have fun. A form of torture, surely.

[HH-R]

I saw a Meriva this morning going the opposite way to me with black smoke belching out of the back and a VERY loud death rattle. Hope it wasn't yours, Beko!

[maxpower]

Siblings: where the hell has this "want everything for free" culture come from?..... i have told my lot that their rent/housekeeping money is going up and if they don't like it they will all be getting suitcases as xmas present and address of nearest dosshouse.

 

i was delivering shopping to the house of a moron who informed me he would never do my job..."fuck that, humping other peoples shopping" were his exact words.. to which i reminded him if people like me didnt do that job he would have to drag his ass to the shops for his shopping or starve!!

though judging by the stench of skank/skunk or whatever they smoke.. i doubt it sank into his dope induced brain.

[beko1987]

I saw a Meriva this morning going the opposite way to me with black smoke belching out of the back and a VERY loud death rattle. Hope it wasn't yours, Beko!

He he thanks for thinking of me! Its not blowingnblack smoke out the back yet thank fook!