The grumpy thread

21,180 · July 8, 2019

7 hours ago, davehedgehog31 said:

Could hear a woman at my work crying from the next office. I thought the poor soul had maybe just received some bad family news or was perhaps on a massive drug induced comedown.

No, turns out she was crying because her new settee didn't get delivered on Saturday and she had to cancel her friends coming round as a result.

CUNT

They'll be the same ones moaning about the environment but far too busy to shop so order online them collect from the 30 newly installed fully refrigerated with AC running 24/7 outdoor collection lockers from a supermarket that's only closed from 11pm saturday to 10am sunday all fucking week

20,037 · July 8, 2019

10 hours ago, davehedgehog31 said:

Could hear a woman at my work crying from the next office. I thought the poor soul had maybe just received some bad family news or was perhaps on a massive drug induced comedown.

No, turns out she was crying because her new settee didn't get delivered on Saturday and she had to cancel her friends coming round as a result.

CUNT

So my daughter rents a furnished flat. Lounge has a 2 seater sofa and a dining table with 4 not very comfy chairs.

Daughter had a party. I took 3 camping chairs. I'm fucked if I'm standing on my feet for 3 hours.

If my sofa wasn't delivered and i had people coming round I'd tell them to bring a chair or bean bag. It's not hard.

16,552 · July 8, 2019

Apparently selling an "axe" with no edge to it whatsoever is something that is ok now. Not too much of a grump because I was planning on sharpening it anyway as even good axes don't have a fantastic factory edge, but I'd at least expect it to be able to split a piddly bit of firewood! For £13 I can't really complain I suppose. After a sharpen and replacing the varnish with boiled linseed oil it should be a serviceably pleasant thing to use hopefully.

20,659 · July 8, 2019

On 7/5/2019 at 5:54 PM, captain_70s said:

Went to see my mate's new house, nice and early so I could get home and be in for a DPD parcel delivery, got distracted by the waste pipe popping off the washing machine and flooding the utility room. Got home, missed parcel delivery by 2 minutes, passed the van going the opposite way...

The parcel is a new exhaust for the Acclaim.

As an update, I organised to collect this from the DPD depot after work today. Only when I arrived it transpired it'd actually been loaded onto a van and was out for delivery again but the driver had reported it as undeliverable because it wouldn't scan out, because it was logged in as to be kept in the depot for collection... The guy at the desk did say he'd phone the driver and see if he'd deliver it anyway and just have me sign for it manually but given he was supposed to be back at the depot at 21:00 I doubt that is going to occur...

Looks like I'll be heading out to Cambuslang tomorrow. Again.

5,535 · July 8, 2019

On 7/7/2019 at 6:55 PM, Frogchod said:

Another fucking speeding ticket has arrived.

81 in an 80 limit FFS.

45 euro fine.

Might have to look at retro fitting a speed limiter to the van.

Do you get points on a licence for this, like in the UK?

I love driving through France on D roads on my way to and from Spain, but now I'll have to be looking constantly at my speedo, and not the fantastic countryside

61,990 · July 8, 2019

The latest scam from those scamming cunts at TV Licensing.

Made to look like an enforcement officer has been to knock on your door, but if you look closer the "handwritten" bit is printed on - they've even printed it slightly on the piss to make it look more convincing. Turn it over though and there's a printed address and a Royal Mail prepaid postage doobery - so technically, yes, it is delivered "by hand" - by the fucking postman, like every other bit of post I get. Twats.

39,126 · July 8, 2019

Write return to sender on the otherside and post it back?

14,385 · July 8, 2019

Just had to rescue this poor little sod from one of the cats. He's still alive but shocked. Where I wish I had a small cage and a few mealworms to nurse him back to some kind of health.

He's tucked away in the hedge and took hold of a perch, I hope he makes it through.

7,359 · July 8, 2019

1 hour ago, reb said:

Apparently selling an "axe" with no edge to it whatsoever is something that is ok now. Not too much of a grump because I was planning on sharpening it anyway as even good axes don't have a fantastic factory edge, but I'd at least expect it to be able to split a piddly bit of firewood! For £13 I can't really complain I suppose. After a sharpen and replacing the varnish with boiled linseed oil it should be a serviceably pleasant thing to use hopefully.

What you need is a splitting axe not one of those kindling choppers.

Or hit it wiv a wump ammer. ?

31,123 · July 8, 2019

Noo, never hit an axe not designed for it with another hammer or anything metal.

I sometimes use a different bit of firewood to help ours through

16,552 · July 8, 2019

30 minutes ago, puddlethumper said:

What you need is a splitting axe not one of those kindling choppers.

Or hit it wiv a wump ammer. ?

Will a £15 silverline job be decent? I don't mind having to sharpen it, as long as I don't have to replace it in 6 months when the head comes flying off!

15 minutes ago, loserone said:

Noo, never hit an axe not designed for it with another hammer or anything metal.

I sometimes use a different bit of firewood to help ours through

I only have one hammer and it's not big enough to help here I don't think, so no worries there.

I don't have that many logs right now, so the main reason for the axe really is splitting reclaimed wood into kindling so it made more sense to get a smaller one. Wish I'd got a big bastard now though!

Made it look and feel 100x better after an hour of varnish removal via scraping with my Opinel:

4,204 · July 9, 2019

10 hours ago, Jerzy Woking said:

Do you get points on a licence for this, like in the UK?

I love driving through France on D roads on my way to and from Spain, but now I'll have to be looking constantly at my speedo, and not the fantastic countryside

With a French licence they take points off.

With a UK license you'll get away with a fine for minor offences.

Speed camera fines are now being sent to the uk.

There aren't that many working cameras here they're well signposted.

If there's a copper lurking in the bushes with a laser oncoming motorists will flash their lights.

26,593 · July 9, 2019

Ha, apparently someone's tried to spend £130 on my credit card at Harvey Nicholls.

They'll be dissapointed when it declined, partly because its got a small limit and its up to it anyway, partly because Lloyd's know I don't shop there and declined it for me...

9,588 · July 9, 2019

11 hours ago, dozeydustman said:

Just had to rescue this poor little sod from one of the cats. He's still alive but shocked. Where I wish I had a small cage and a few mealworms to nurse him back to some kind of health.

He's tucked away in the hedge and took hold of a perch, I hope he makes it through.

Think yourself lucky, my cat brought a fucking seagull in last year, that put up one hell of a fight and shat everywhere, I have also had a couple of junior rabbits brought in, I did wonder why there was rabbit droppings next to the couch, when I lifted it up the rabbit bolted for the back door, headbutted it and dropped dead, it was quite funny really, although not if you were the rabbit

he is an 8kg monster though, the black cat is normal sized for reference!

34,663 · July 9, 2019

6 minutes ago, Jazoli said:

Think yourself lucky, my cat brought a fucking seagull in last year, that put up one hell of a fight and shat everywhere, I have also had a couple of junior rabbits brought in, I did wonder why there was rabbit droppings next to the couch, when I lifted it up the rabbit bolted for the back door, headbutted it and dropped dead, it was quite funny really, although not if you were the rabbit

he is an 8kg monster though, the black cat is normal sized for reference!

Why have you stolen my cats?

9,588 · July 9, 2019

1 minute ago, Kiltox said:

Why have you stolen my cats?

9,588 · July 9, 2019

Daughter just came into work, her newly purchased (by me on Sat) Bini is making gluggling noises she says, took it for a spin around the block and sure enough there's a funny noise coming from both front wheels, parked up back at work and had a look and the front wheel nuts are finger tight and hanging on by a couple of threads, that'll be it then

I have not had time to give it a cursory glance since buying it, the wheels were very close to falling off, fuck knows what would have happened had they fallen off, she's taken a knock to her confidence already after last weeks crash where she wrote her new polo off, the seller has been called a cunt as he changed the brakes before the sale.

24,918 · July 9, 2019

Bought a nice packet of freshly baked donuts on the way to work. Put them on top of the microwave and made a coffee.

Halfway through the coffee I was texting someone, and wandered over to grab a donut, cramming half of it into my mouth in one go. Then I felt something crawling up my arm and actually looked down.

Hundreds of ants. All over the donut. In my mouth. On my face. aargh!

22,342 · July 9, 2019

At some point this afternoon either expect an Alien type event where you do a John Hurt and your stomach explodes, or possibly a Jeff Goldblum where you start turning into a giant ant.

7,001 · July 9, 2019

1 hour ago, cobblers said:

Bought a nice packet of freshly baked donuts on the way to work. Put them on top of the microwave and made a coffee.

Halfway through the coffee I was texting someone, and wandered over to grab a donut, cramming half of it into my mouth in one go. Then I felt something crawling up my arm and actually looked down.

Hundreds of ants. All over the donut. In my mouth. On my face. aargh!

33,015 · July 9, 2019

Car hunting is an arse.

Why do sellers:

1) Have a car for sale that is already sold and they simply reply to your polite and well-crafted enquiry with "SOLD".

2) Have a car for sale but just ignore your polite and well-crafted enquiry

3) Drop in undisclosed complexities such as "It doesn't come with the wheels that are on it but the ones it is being sold with are somewhere else and I haven't had a chance to fetch them yet"

4) Nearly always have the car parked at somewhere other than their home address for no obvious reason

5) Advertise a car under a profile that is: not theirs/a business/clearly constructed to circumvent the search engine

6) Have no concept that advertising a car with an MOT of less than 1 month DOES attract a discount against other similar cars for sale with longer tickets

7) Act as an individual and expect not to be found out to be a trader. There is nothing wrong with the latter so why hide it?

I was currently interested in a car however over the course of a few days attempting to nail down a time to view, numbers 7, 5, 4 and now 2 have become applicable.

What's wrong with people????

6,274 · July 9, 2019

And all of the above is why I cannot be arsed to ever change my car again, unless I absolutely have to. Quite a statement at 36 I know but I honestly don't care if I never had another car, I used to quite enjoy changing cars, looking through autotrader and whatever but a few years ago I had enough of lying pillocks, so 4 years ago to the day (oddly) I bought my current car and still like it. This is also partly down to the fact I have less patience with these type of people than I used to.

*edit people in general

61,990 · July 9, 2019

To be fair, a Rover 75 is all the car you will ever need.

3,364 · July 9, 2019

3 hours ago, cobblers said:

Bought a nice packet of freshly baked donuts on the way to work. Put them on top of the microwave and made a coffee.

Halfway through the coffee I was texting someone, and wandered over to grab a donut, cramming half of it into my mouth in one go. Then I felt something crawling up my arm and actually looked down.

Hundreds of ants. All over the donut. In my mouth. On my face. aargh!

Ahh yes, they are sneaky and clever. A couple of years ago they got into the coffee machine at work and changed all the buttons to dispense ant soup.

33,015 · July 9, 2019

2 hours ago, wuvvum said:

To be fair, a Rover 75 is all the car you will ever need.

This I cannot deny however it's a car for my wife I'm looking and she doesn't share my enthusiasm for them ?

39,126 · July 9, 2019

3 hours ago, wuvvum said:

To be fair, a Saab 9-5 petrol estate is all the car you will ever need.

FTFY

129,429 · July 9, 2019

2 hours ago, auld_ALS said:

This I cannot deny however it's a car for my wife I'm looking and she doesn't share my enthusiasm for them ?

It's ok, it's a typo. He meant Mercedes ML350.

13,008 · July 9, 2019

8 hours ago, cobblers said:

Bought a nice packet of freshly baked donuts on the way to work. Put them on top of the microwave and made a coffee.

Halfway through the coffee I was texting someone, and wandered over to grab a donut, cramming half of it into my mouth in one go. Then I felt something crawling up my arm and actually looked down.

Hundreds of ants. All over the donut. In my mouth. On my face. aargh!

That's up there with a Dave numbers contribution.

Did you not kick the donuts, and stamp on the ants?

23,674 · July 9, 2019

1 hour ago, Cavcraft said:

It's ok, it's a typo. He meant Mercedes ML350.

And would Sir just happen to have an ML350 for sale?

15,088 · July 9, 2019

A sizeable box arrived from Germany. On opening it, I found one of those paper bags that takeaways sometimes give you to carry your meal away:

What did it contain? This:

Errm....that's it!

Seems a bit of a waste of packing. Could they not have just stuck the thing in a small Jiffy bag?

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