What makes you grin? Antidote to grumpy thread

[hairnet]

trump

 

[155V6]

[Tenmil Socket]

I ordered some brackets for a timber gazebo I'm making earlier today for click and collect from Toolstation. I was queuing for 5-10 minutes and the lady asked for my surname. She explained that I hadn't ordered anything so I showed her the email on my phone. She said you're in the wrong shop love.... I was in ScrewFix 😂

[Stanky]

15 minutes ago, Tenmil Socket said:

I ordered some brackets for a timber gazebo I'm making earlier today for click and collect from Toolstation. I was queuing for 5-10 minutes and the lady asked for my surname. She explained that I hadn't ordered anything so I showed her the email on my phone. She said you're in the wrong shop love.... I was in ScrewFix 😂

I have also done that!

[808 Estate]

[cobblers]

1 hour ago, Tenmil Socket said:

I ordered some brackets for a timber gazebo I'm making earlier today for click and collect from Toolstation. I was queuing for 5-10 minutes and the lady asked for my surname. She explained that I hadn't ordered anything so I showed her the email on my phone. She said you're in the wrong shop love.... I was in ScrewFix 😂

I had a bloke come in to halfords years ago kicking and screaming about his satnav not working right. Absolutely red in the face ranting about it at me over the counter. Basically it would be about 20 yards wrong when saying " you have reached your destination" like every sat nav was then and still is. He was a pizza delivery driver and just pulled up when it said "your destination is on the left" expected it to pinpoint the exact individual houses at night, so he would just get out and knock on the house door without even checking the number

"I'VE PAID GOOD MONEY FOR THIS AND IT'S MADE ME LOOK LIKE A PRICK A LOAD OF TIMES, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT?"

Nothing mate, this is Halfords. You're waving a receipt from Currys at me!

 

[hairnet]

french connection on sony movies action right now

[Wack]

Talking to a mate on the phone last night

He's getting new neighbours , the couple next door are getting divorced , she's left him 

The guy was in the garden on the phone talking to one of his mates when he said

I don't know what was wrong with her , she was getting plenty of cock

 

[richardmorris]

Day off today. For once it’s sunny and warm! Espresso and fresh home-made ( not by me) madeleines.

[Jerzy Woking]

On 11/7/2020 at 8:48 PM, Tenmil Socket said:

I ordered some brackets for a timber gazebo I'm making earlier today for click and collect from Toolstation. I was queuing for 5-10 minutes and the lady asked for my surname. She explained that I hadn't ordered anything so I showed her the email on my phone. She said you're in the wrong shop love.... I was in ScrewFix 😂

For years I thought Screwfix was an internet dating site.

[maxxo]

stupid shit like this is always appreciated by me

the more stupid the better tbh

[Tadhg Tiogar]

Is it my imagination, or does former FA chairman Greg Clarke look a bit like actor John Henshaw?

Could they possibly be related? I think we should be told....

[Timewaster]

On 11/7/2020 at 9:42 PM, cobblers said:

I had a bloke come in to halfords years ago kicking and screaming about his satnav not working right. Absolutely red in the face ranting about it at me over the counter. Basically it would be about 20 yards wrong when saying " you have reached your destination" like every sat nav was then and still is. He was a pizza delivery driver and just pulled up when it said "your destination is on the left" expected it to pinpoint the exact individual houses at night, so he would just get out and knock on the house door without even checking the number

"I'VE PAID GOOD MONEY FOR THIS AND IT'S MADE ME LOOK LIKE A PRICK A LOAD OF TIMES, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT?"

Nothing mate, this is Halfords. You're waving a receipt from Currys at me!

 

Was Currys about 20 yards away? 

[somewhatfoolish]

9 hours ago, Tadhg Tiogar said:

Is it my imagination, or does former FA chairman Greg Clarke look a bit like actor John Henshaw?

Could they possibly be related? I think we should be told....

Looks a bit like the tall bloke from Taskmaster, in that photo anyway; not so much on the news, he just looked like a cutprice Ron Atkinson which as he's a racist dinosaur is exactly what he is.

[robinmasters]

On 11/10/2020 at 11:22 AM, richardmorris said:

Day off today. For once it’s sunny and warm! Espresso and fresh home-made ( not by me) madeleines.

Have Richard Morris and Frank Martin ever been seen in the same room?

[gm]

look like Russian dolls  

[wuvvum]

/\ That reminds me of the time fit bird at work mentioned that she'd parked her Bini Cooper outside Tesco and come back to find a proper Mini Cooper parked next to it.  "I almost took a photo but then I decided not to because that would make me as sad as you."

[richardmorris]

What happened to comet?

[richardmorris]

8 hours ago, robinmasters said:

Have Richard Morris and Frank Martin ever been seen in the same room?

I wish!  Have more hair but that’s about all my plus points.

[camryv6]

21 hours ago, richardmorris said:

What happened to comet?

Erm.......................they went bust.

[richardmorris]

55 minutes ago, camryv6 said:

Erm.......................they went bust.

Couldn’t remember to be honest.  Or even the last time I saw a comet!

[camryv6]

1 minute ago, richardmorris said:

Couldn’t remember to be honest.  Or even the last time I saw a comet!

Ok i just thought it was a strange question, they went bust in 2012

[Tadhg Tiogar]

5 hours ago, richardmorris said:

Couldn’t remember to be honest.  Or even the last time I saw a comet!

Probably Halley's Comet, in your case 🤣🤣

[Wack]

14 Logical reasons why Some guys Have Dogs And not Wives:

1. The later you are, the more excited your dog is to see you.

2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.

3. Dogs like it if you leave lots of things on the floor.

4. Dogs' parents never visit.

5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.

6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go, instantly, 24 hours a day.

7. Dogs find you amusing when you're pissed.

8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.

9. Dogs won't wake you up at night to ask: "If I died, would you get another dog?"

10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and sell 'em.

11. When you drop a silent one, dogs don't run around frantically with room spray.

12. Dogs never tell you to stop scratching your balls. Instead, they sit pondering why you don't lick 'em.

13. If a dog smells another dog on you, it won't kick you in the crotch; it just finds it interesting.
And last, but not least:

14. If a dog runs off and leaves you, it won't take half your stuff.

To verify these statements:
Lock your wife and your dog in the garage for an hour.
Then open the door, and observe who's happy to see you!

[Tadhg Tiogar]

1 hour ago, Wack said:

14 Logical reasons why Some guys Have Dogs And not Wives:....

I see no mention of Fray Bentos pies....

[Wack]

[hairnet]

saloon porn for @dollywobbler amd other tat :D

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xLprxr0Syr8

 

[hairnet]

OOOOOOFFFFFFFFFFF

 

[DeeJay]

His 8 litre V10 is interesting.

 

[dozeydustman]

Doing some random googlage about motoring stuff, the modern* website appears to use a cartoon Mk2 Vauxhall Carlton to describe aerodynamics

https://www.howacarworks.com/technology/car-aerodynamics

 

EDIT - I notice they haven't tagged 'ill fitting sunroof'