What makes you grin? Antidote to grumpy thread

[AlabamaShrimp]

Used a shed of a Renault 18 before the "Blackpool" incident...

 

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How do you not see a tram?

 

'what's the big white thing?' 'fuck it I'll run anyway!'

[Datsuncog]

 

^^ Bloody hell, I'd run away from that R18 in a broadly similar manner... what an utter shed.

[Bucketeer]

'Buffed up piss spoon' is defo getting re-used at work later.

[John F]

Fernpass road into Austria from Germany now open again, local avalanche risk reduced from 4/5 to 3.

 

Looks like my drive to Innsbruck on Thursday just got easier

[spike60]

Who knew that camel beauty contests were a thing let alone cheating in one? 

 

"Twelve prized camels have been disqualified from a beauty contest in Saudi Arabia after their owners tried to tweak their good looks with Botox".

 

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-middle-east-42802901

[Exiled_Tat_Gatherer]

Idiots abound............ stopped for no insurance.........

 

PC: - You're leaving the car here fella.......

Dude - I'll call for a lift then

PC: - no worries

 

Friend shows up

 

PC: - this your car sir

Friend: - Yup

PC: - this one is staying here as well guys. On your way........

 

 

http://www.bbc.com/news/live/uk-england-beds-bucks-herts-42768210?ns_mchannel=social&ns_source=twitter&ns_campaign=bbc_live&ns_linkname=5a6839d1655519064b8e4b1b%26When%20phoning%20a%20friend%20goes%20wrong!%26&ns_fee=0#post_5a6839d1655519064b8e4b1b

[Cavcraft]

Just totally smoked off some stuck up bint from work between two junctions on the way home. She tried to nudge in in front me, so I swapped lanes and served her arse like John McEnroe.

[wuvvum]

This came up in the related videos when I was rewatching the Ambassador -> 206 advert on YouTube.  The last one is brilliant.

 

[richardmorris]

I'd always wanted an XM really badly, right up until the point where i actually got one.

I drove a couple when I was looking to replace first the cx and then the c5. They just didn’t do it for me. First one was a k reg black manual prestige with black leather and wibbly wobbly alloys. Looked lovely but I wasn’t sold and Roger B wouldn’t thave his c5 back In a deal. then when the c5 had to go in 2012, a W reg 2ct auto with 60,000 miles and £15000 worth of bills from Citroen! And still had annual mot advisories for the stearing rack leak.

[richardmorris]

Who knew that camel beauty contests were a thing let alone cheating in one? 

 

"Twelve prized camels have been disqualified from a beauty contest in Saudi Arabia after their owners tried to tweak their good looks with Botox".[/size]

 

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-middle-east-42802901[/size]

 

The love that dare not speak it’s name!

 

 

Apparently the banquet was the looser in the contest!

[RobT]

I always love seeing freight go through on suburban rail lines. Makes the cold wait for my train more bearable.

 

 

 

Although tonight I've been out on the piss which tends to numb the effect of the cold anyway...

[FakeConcern]

I just saw this Rialto on Pissed on heads. WTF?

 

 

 

 

 

 

I mean the Clockwork Orange references obv!

 

 

[Guest Hooli]

As mentioned on the single n sad thread, finding a rather lovely biker chick is making me grin today.

[Wack]

A mate had this on his desk , I persuaded him he didn't need it

[richardmorris]

Ok, I give up. What is it?

[twosmoke300]

Usb stick in the shape of a nato hitch?

[beko1987]

YouTube money day! Spunked £45 on a lighting kit because my videos look really dark, and fuck it, it cheered me up for a few minutes!

[Wack]

Usb stick in the shape of a nato hitch?

Winner

[Guest Hooli]

[eddyramrod]

I always love seeing freight go through on suburban rail lines. Makes the cold wait for my train more bearable.

 

20180124_203911.jpg

 

20180124_203941.jpg

 

Although tonight I've been out on the piss which tends to numb the effect of the cold anyway...

One end of my street terminates in the alley behind the street at rightangles, if you see what I mean... anyway that street only has houses on one side.  The other side is the railway line going into Barrow station.  When I'm out with the dog I can usually hear the trains even from several streets away.  Some of them are freights, and some have really noisy, grumbly heavy-duty engines dragging them.

[Kiltox]

! Spunked !

Yeah.

[catsinthewelder]

One end of my street terminates in the alley behind the street at rightangles, if you see what I mean... anyway that street only has houses on one side.  The other side is the railway line going into Barrow station.  When I'm out with the dog I can usually hear the trains even from several streets away.  Some of them are freights, and some have really noisy, grumbly heavy-duty engines dragging them.

 

One of the freight companies (DRS) are based at Sellafield.  They are a subsiduary of BNFL as the private companies couldn't get insurance cover to run nuclear flask trains.  They do other things as well and have grown to be a major player in the industry.

[rantingYoof]

I was going to pop this in 'eBay arsehole/fuckwits' but none of these people are evidently arseholes or fuckwits, mainly because I didn't get them a chance to be.

 

it's a long one so settle in if you want a particularly high dose of Gumtree-based hilarity.

 

Ten days ago I posted the light blue Merc S320CDi for sale on Gumtree, asking £1295 for it, and giving a detailed advert as I always do explaining the circumstances surrounding the sale and the lower-than-average asking price. My advert was thorough in describing and illustrating the car's condition and assets.

 

I made the experience-based decision to only give my email address so I could filter out the idiots and pass on the seller's phone number only to those with a semblance of a brain or genuine interest.

 

In ten days I have received well over 60 Gumtree emails; the first 23 arrived within the first 10hrs of me posting the advert. Below are some of the highlights written verbatim...I post these while bearing in mind that Gumtree's 'make an offer' function simply sends an email with the amount in it with no other context or anything, so the abrubtness can be forgiven. Also, where it is clear that the user may not speak English as their first language I've tried to avoid mocking, but some of them are still worth it.

 

The first response, from the intriguingly named W, arrived within five minutes of the advert being posted:

"£800"

 

That's an offer £500 below asking price made before the pixels were even dry on the screen.

 

Salman quickly improved upon this both financially and temporally:

"£900 cash today"

 

The advert's title had 'READY TO DRIVE AWAY' in it, as did the advert. Both of these went over Lee's head...

"Is it ready to drive away. I m in north Wales. Very interested"

 

Petar sent me a third-degree asking a lot of questions that were mostly answered in the advert. However, they seemed genuine, and got a response. They fell off the face of the earth. A user called lisa then offered £1200 without providing a phone number, but I waited too long to respond and Gumtree 'cancelled' their temporary email address meaning I could no longer reply. A river was cried, and a small violin played.

 

This all happened in the first hour.

 

Moving on a bit, Franco pointed out the obvious...

"I am interested £1000 cash"

 

I'm sure we're all interested in £1000 cash.

 

Ela then sent the following message:

"Would you part exchange it"

 

Ela didn't read the advert. They weren't the only one; przemek asked 'Interestes swap?' and Jhon then came in with a right belter...

"Hi I offer YOU FOR the mercedes my BMW 325CI, 2001 reg, MOT valid June 2018, sport suspension, M Pack, full interior grey lether, electric seats with memory, parking sensors, new oil and filters, 2 new front sport arms...no lights in dash, drives perfect +£300"

 

So a 2001 325Ci for a 2003 Mercedes S Class + £300 cash his way? Hmmm.

 

Remus distracted me with a secret coded message...

"Am interesed de cars"

 

Peter then waded into the fray mashing his head bravely against the keyboard...

"I im realy interesting on this car pleasse can u send me your number pleasse im working in lutterworth which is not fare from northapton"

 

It's then time to get visited from Angel who sent the following confusing and rather sinister message:

"Angel kolchev"

 

Not being a sleeper agent, I remain inactive.

Anyway, you're beginning to get the idea, and a smattering of random offers come in ranging from £600 to £1250 (the latter, again, vanishes into Deep Space when I attempt communication).

 

At this point, Shash enters the arena, flexing serious negotiating muscles:

"Is there a contact tel number as have questions or call me"

 

Followed an hour later by:

"forget Autotrader , look at prices in gumtree and e bay for realistic price. As the battery has died , it will require all electrics , suspension , alarms to be reset , ie back to Mercedes for computer reset. Is there atel number I can contact you as i am interested , I have a fleet of 12 , whcich we use for taxi in leicester. Is there a sunroof ?"

 

Shash clearly seems like a genuine buyer but he also seems to be someone who would offer £700 and then turn up with £500. They are dutifully ignored. Having none of it, the following morning they're back...

"Is there a contactnumber , as I have a nuber of questions and would like to come to look this week end"

 

Shash then sends me two emails anonymously, somehow, the first one repeating the above message word for word (including 'nuber'), and the second one, interestingly...

"So I can put your on short list or move on to the next one as I need to buy two before end of Jan"

 

Ah, you 'need' to buy two before end of January? Great. Sooooo...advantage seller? I continued ignoring them.

 

It's now six days after I posted the advert. It's at this juncture that Salman (remember him?) generously downgrades his offer but remains eager to do the deal promptly...

"£800 cash today"

 

If your first offer is rejected by being completely ignored, the best approach is to reduce your offer!

 

Evaldas, who had previously sent me a lone '?' just a couple of hours after the advert was posted, increased their message length by 100%...

"Hi"

 

Shash attempts to get my phone number one more time in similar arrogant 'you need my business even though I desperately need a car by the end of January' fashion.

 

Daniel writes at nine minutes past midnight yesterday offering:

"only 1000"

 

Which, even as someone who couldn't sell ice cubes to a camel, doesn't strike me as a solid foundation from which to begin negotiations.

 

Sile messages in at 4:30am that same morning wanting, essentially, the whole written biography of the car from whence it was built unto present minute, offering to drive from Birmingham to 'buyit'.

 

And the last message, received at 17:36 yesterday afternoon, was from good ol' Shash, having one last attempt at entering into some kind of dialogue:

"sent several messages , I am interested in this car , have a number of questions , so is there a tel number I can call"

 

Given his desperation, the price to Shash would have been £5000.

 

Incidentally, the nice lady sold her car to a fleeting visiting friend who bought it impulsively to take it back to Spain. She got four figures for it too.

[sierraman]

New bumper finally fitted to Mondeo today. Needs a bit of touching up on the edges but its not cracked anymore. I'm now avoiding car parks. If someone brushes past it and cracks it I might go fucking mad. As much as I love Mk2 Mondeos the bumper design is epically shit.

[MikeKnight]

[MorrisItalSLX]

I just saw this Rialto on Pissed on heads. WTF?

 

 

KdYaPNLk.jpg

 

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D0l7L62PIRQ

 

 

I mean the Clockwork Orange references obv!

Isn’t this an Edd China/Cummfy Banana creation?

[Exiled_Tat_Gatherer]

Inspector George Gently....... rerun - some fantastic old cars/buses transport on that. First time I knew of it as I don't watch TV usually. Thanks  U-Toob

[wuvvum]

RantingYoof - all those exchanges and not a single broken Xbox.  I am disappointed.

[3VOM]

The first response, from the intriguingly named W, arrived within five minutes of the advert being posted:

"£800"

 

That's an offer £500 below asking price made before the pixels were even dry on the screen.

I have started to wonder about taking a £100 total shed and putting it up for £800. Then accept the first £350-£400 that is offered.

[Tadhg Tiogar]

I have started to wonder about taking a £100 total shed and putting it up for £800. Then accept the first £350-£400 that is offered.

 

Do it, and let us know what happens.