What makes you grin? Antidote to grumpy thread

[fred]

 

Not coming to you down a road called 'Church Lane'.

Bloody Hell - thats what you call an alarm clock .

[danthecapriman]

^^ My oldest lad is 13 he has been getting picked on for a while, the school weren't doing much about it.

Last Thursday one of the bullies said to him your mum is a c__t and a slut. Ben smashed him in the face as he went down here kneed him in the face then,dragged him around the floor kicking him. He then walked out of school and came home just as school started ringing us.

His teacher said he was dragging him around the floor kicking the shite out of him.

The bullies won't look at him now.

Ben got 1 day in isolation and then moved form class away from them.

When I was at school I was getting shit from some little twat in the year below me, it was constant and nothing got done.

One day he threw a sandwich at me in front of loads of other kids so I'd had enough and fronted him up. Asked him wtf his problem was and he just laughed!

I took a step back and punched him as hard as I could right in the face. It knocked him straight on his arse and split his eye open! He was crying his eyes out the little pussy.

It was way too harsh in hindsight but if you give it you've got to expect some back and everyone around saw it too so he embarrassed himself too.

I got right in the shit for it but so did he for bullying.

I'd never tell a kid to do what I did but it certainly stopped the problem. Nobody ever crossed me or even looked at me funny after that!

Bullying is a serious problem. It's not just kids being kids, it needs dealing with straight away one way or the other.

[fordperv]

I think You have to be harsh with the first one that tries it Dan, it sends a message to potential bullies who may think about having a go in the future

[DVee8]

 

[danthecapriman]

I think You have to be harsh with the first one that tries it Dan, it sends a message to potential bullies who may think about having a go in the future

It was well deserved, but he grabbed his head where I hit him at first so I didn't see it. As he got up he moved his hand away and it had split his eyebrow right open, there was blood pissing out of it.

Not good. He brought it on himself but it was a hell of a hit.

[andy18s]

'tis warm....

[myglaren]

Phone call home a while back from my daughter's school. She'd punched a lad and broke his nose. The back story is he sits behind her and spends hours per day winding her up, making comments, telling her to go and kill herself etc.

 

She got an improvement plan (basically all the teachers have to sign a card to say she's behaved in their class) but there was also an interesting conversation with Mrs Pillock.

 

"So what's happening to the boy she hit?"

"Well, he's ok, and..."

"I mean punishment. He's been dishing out weeks of bullying. I want him dealt with"

 

And he was. Broken nose plus being put on report. And he's not said a word since...

 

My youngest daughter was picked on and beaten when she was 13.

 

Went straight and learned Thai kick boxing until she was good enough that they asked her to become an instructor - she wasn't interested, just wanted the skills and confidence to take care of herself.

 

And it has paid off multiple times - God help anyone who thinks they can take advantage of her now.  She is a sweet little thing but is like lightening and doesn't hold back in the slightest.

 

And she is an embalmer so can deal with the corpses

[omegod]

Off to Wembley tomorrow to see the stone roses with my brother,nephew and his loony mates, looks like it'll be a warm one. Been a shite week so looking forward to it hugely, cold beer,warm sun,good music.    

[Cheggers]

Stone me what a day, but on balance it's a grin rather than a grump.

 

I'm in Paris on business and had my wallet and passport stolen from my jacket in a supposedly secure hotel cloakroom. I stopped my cards and headed for the local police station to report the theft (fortunately my French is pretty good) while simultaneously trying to sort out how the heck I was going to get home with no money or ID.

 

I then got a call from my 86 year old Mum to say she'd had a call from the Paris police to say they'd found my stuff when they arrested a thief following a bag snatch. The poor love didn't even know I was in Paris and thought it was a scam of some kind.

 

So I traipsed across Paris to police station number 2 to fill out a crime report and collect my stuff.

 

I'm now tucked up in my hotel room (courtesy of the cloakroom operator who's saving an insurance claim) and flying home a day late tomorrow.

 

It's been quite an evening

 

Sent from my SM-A310F using Tapatalk

[Pillock]

Mrs Pillock went into a charity shop on her lunch break, attracted by a Pratchett book in the window

 

She came out with said Pratchett book, and a Haynes Manual for a Skoda Estelle she thought I might like.

 

She's a proper fucking bloke, she is.

[DeeJay]

I'm currently reading Thud (again). he's the only writer who can make me laugh out  loud when reading.

 

 

(I presume you mean Terry Pratchett).

[The Moog]

I may have just been given a H reg Rover 820si.

 

Description -old Rover like a battleship

 

Lovely job

[fordperv]

I was messing with the saph earlier when a guy pulled up and asked if mrs fps escort rs turbo belonged to me, turned out he was the 2nd owner over 20 odd years ago, he never travels past mine but today he did, double took at the car and couldn't believe it was still around, he told us some fantastic stories about the car and hopefully he will stand true to his word and bring us some old photos of it up

[Cavcraft]

We went to 'Dog Fest' today and aside from horrific traffic jams (1.5 hours to go 1.5 miles) it was ace. Young Cartland enjoyed himself immensely.

 

 

 

[DeeJay]

^^Wife (and dog) still there.

[Cavcraft]

Not been before, next year we fancy the weekend there and camping over. It was ace, my favourite was a Great Dane crossed with a poodle, it wasn't far off the size of a small Shetland pony.

[Bianconeri]

^^ My oldest lad is 13 he has been getting picked on for a while, the school weren't doing much about it.

Last Thursday one of the bullies said to him your mum is a c__t and a slut. Ben smashed him in the face as he went down here kneed him in the face then,dragged him around the floor kicking him. He then walked out of school and came home just as school started ringing us.

His teacher said he was dragging him around the floor kicking the shite out of him.

The bullies won't look at him now.

Ben got 1 day in isolation and then moved form class away from them.

 

Back in the day (1970s, grammar school) a mate had a similar issue with a bully. The bully found himself in an interesting position* during a house rugby match (that will probably need explaining to younger folks) as I and the other front rowers decided to walk all over him when a scrummage when a bit wrong. Alas we were quite uncoordinated so we ended up walking over him a few times and I think the odd boot found his knackers by mistake.

 

Kind of ended it really.

 

Don't remember any recriminations.

[Bianconeri]

And that illustrates perfectly what's wrong with the school system, punishing those who have been the target of bullying, rather than those doing the bullying.

 

Snowflake generation caused by over-protective parents. Teachers too scared to do anything to nip things in the bud for fear of recriminations

[Snipes]

Sir Billy Connolly

 

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-40300350

[Timewaster]

I was messing with the saph earlier when a guy pulled up and asked if mrs fps escort rs turbo belonged to me, turned out he was the 2nd owner over 20 odd years ago, he never travels past mine but today he did, double took at the car and couldn't believe it was still around, he told us some fantastic stories about the car and hopefully he will stand true to his word and bring us some old photos of it up

I had the same thing with a motorbike once. Sat outside a chippy in a town 40 miles from home with few mates, motorbikes parked up nearby.

A police car pulled up and two plods got out and started looking at the bikes.

I wasn't bothered as I knew mine was Legit but the others had silly number plates and loud cans.

One plod walks over and asks who's is the red VFR?

Turns out he was the previous owner and had only sold it to fund his daughters wedding.

[Guest Hooli]

I'm currently reading Thud (again). he's the only writer who can make me laugh out  loud when reading.

 

 

(I presume you mean Terry Pratchett).

 

Pratchett was a brilliant author, as you say his humour was amazingly funny.

[Pillock]

I'm not a big reader - I prefer manuals and non fiction. Got a cracking book on the history of the London underground maps, for example

 

However Pratchett is one of the few fiction authors I can pick up and read, without frustration. I find it hard to picture the scenes and environments in a lot of fiction but he paints such brilliant mental images.

[DodgeRover]

Listening to one of his audiobooks on the train and bursting out into laughter is quite a good way to ensure you get a seat to yourself

[JeeExEll]

Despite being a keen reader I never got started on any Pratchett stuff but think I'd like to read some.

Anyone recommend a reading order list?

 

Can tell you the names of a couple of crackin Rolling Stones songs and the official bodycode for a Mk2 Lotus Cortina in return.

[Pillock]

If you want to go Discworld, then start at the start with the Colour of Magic

[Guest Hooli]

I'd start later with guards guards or something around there. I prefer them to the early books. Or maybe one of the witches books...

[Guest Hooli]

Published order is roughly cronological, but there are sub series within. Wizards, city watch, witches etc & those are more chronological within themselves. But it does all tie in together.

[cobblers]

Drove up to my mums earlier to do a bit of work on the T25 with regards to selling it because it's superfluous to my needs now that I've got the Talbot Express.

 

Ran it round the block and it made me so happy I left the Abarth 500 in her garage (with its air conditioning!!) and I've come home in the T25 and bought a load of 90s shitty dance and rave tapes off ebay to play on the stereo.

 

Anyone want to buy a 2016 Abarth 595 with 5900 miles?

[AlabamaShrimp]

Yes I will give you £5 and a sarcastic comment

[DodgeRover]

Misread an advert for a limited edition Batman Meerkat as a Batman Merkin