What makes you grin? Antidote to grumpy thread

[Cavcraft]

I spent £4 at the local(ish) jetwash today cleaning the 'lingo. It actually looked quite a bit better, so I half-heartedly T-cutted it too. I repaid this kindness by running slightly off kilter on the way to the petrol station, i reckon it wants a fuel fliter and a bloody good service. 

[AMC Rebel]

as did Amc I put it on last year and nicked it from somewhere else myself.

Indeed - it's so old I was surprised there were folk who hadn't seen it. I admit theft of an old joke and would like to ask the court to consider a gazillion other offences

[NorfolkNWeigh]

I really don't think drink driving is a subject to joke about.

 

I was stopped a couple of Christmases ago in a checkpoint and found to be just over the limit.

It was pretty scary getting taken to the Police Station to give a second sample on the evidential machine.

This wasn't giving accurate readings , so the Police Surgeon was called , as I'm scared of needles I was allowed to give a urine sample.

After being cautioned they left me at the front desk, where the Police Surgeon had put all the paperwork and samples.

In a moment of madness , I grabbed the sample and report and legged it.

Obviously , the next day the Police arrived at my door.

But fortunately, they could only charge me with.....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Taking the piss!

[Stroller133]

Indeed - it's so old I was surprised there were folk who hadn't seen it. I admit theft of an old joke and would like to ask the court to consider a gazillion other offences

I think when I steal it, I'm going to modify it a bit. I think Bus would be better. I've not driven an actual plated taxi, but as Taxis round here are Astra estates or Avensis's driving one for the first time doesn't sound that unusual, but for most of us driving a bus for the first time would be, particularly a stolen one whilst pissed!

[scaryoldcortina]

Someone just sent me a link.

 

http://hackaday.com/2016/06/12/a-hot-rod-roadster-from-a-rusty-wreck/

 

It's sort of wierd to be reading about myself like that, but it's also amusing.

[Ghosty]

Hadn't twigged that was you SOC! Remember reading that RR thread a long time ago.

 

Oh, and I found you on Reddit recently too...

[Tamworthbay]

Indeed - it's so old I was surprised there were folk who hadn't seen it. I admit theft of an old joke and would like to ask the court to consider a gazillion other offences

It's such a cracker that it needs to be repeated, as they say, the old ones are the best ones!

[oldcars]

Took the 75 to the chippy last night. For a change got a parking space right outside. Old boy waiting in queue that goes outside as its a small shop. "lovely cars these Jags" he says 

[Des]

I think when I steal it, I'm going to modify it a bit. I think Bus would be better. I've not driven an actual plated taxi, but as Taxis round here are Astra estates or Avensis's driving one for the first time doesn't sound that unusual, but for most of us driving a bus for the first time would be, particularly a stolen one whilst pissed!

When I stole it I changed the last line to glad I knocked the cabby out cold while bundling him into the boot, but bus is inspired, you brandish the joke modification stick well brah.

[Tamworthbay]

Poundland chocs for the relatives you hope won't turn at Christmas........

[JeeExEll]

Saw three 2016 Mustang V8 GTs within the space of an hour this morning. An orange, a black, and a sort of Ford olympic blue 70s colour. Not unusual if you live in LA but I live in a small town in north east Scotland.

 

That always raises a smile on it's own. But am seeing more and more of these right hand drive V8 babys, and that means lots to choose from in a few years time when they become almost affordable.

 

Absolutely couldn't give a fk how they compare to any BMW / Mazda / Nissan / Audi, etc. The Mustang is the one I want. Even my Missus likes them. They're the modern equivalent of the Cappa 3.0S.

[andy18s]

Saw three 2016 Mustang V8 GTs within the space of an hour this morning. An orange, a black, and a sort of Ford olympic blue 70s colour. Not unusual if you live in LA but I live in a small town in north east Scotland.

 

That always raises a smile on it's own. But am seeing more and more of these right hand drive V8 babys, and that means lots to choose from in a few years time when they become almost affordable.

 

Absolutely couldn't give a fk how they compare to any BMW / Mazda / Nissan / Audi, etc. The Mustang is the one I want. Even my Missus likes them. They're the modern equivalent of the Cappa 3.0S.

Must admit a yearning for 1 of the GTs that Clarkson drove to Barcelona in one of the races....just for the supercharger wail as much as anything else...

[D Spares & Tyres]

Anyone on here own a Carlton that smells like a toilet?

 

Just heard a story of someone getting a golden shower in the front passenger seat of a Vauxhall Carlton..... 

[Tamworthbay]

No but I did own a scooby that had two feet shaped imprints on the headlining above the passenger seat.

[AlabamaShrimp]

Girl called Collette behind the till in Asda today. First thing that popped in there was Micra! Well OK that was after I stared at her bottom

 

(OMG my wife's gonna kill me, I now sound like an old perve)

[Eddie Honda]

Can't beat a bit of Greg Mitchell

[fordperv]

Anyone on here own a Carlton that smells like a toilet?

 

Just heard a story of someone getting a golden shower in the front passenger seat of a Vauxhall Carlton.....

Youve got to tell the story

[Coprolalia]

Found a new Youtube channel and lost several hours of my life.

 

https://www.youtube.com/user/coldwarmotors

[Alfamale]

Shamelessly stolen

[Pillock]

Thanks to diligent voucher usage and forward planning on fuel purchases, this years Christmas shop cost £1.63 for a trolley full - and that's only cos Sainsburys only let you redeem points in £2.50 chunks, so there's still £80 sat on the card after spending £102.50. Quite happy with that, I'll go back towards the end of the week and blow the rest on booze.

 

Also found out I get paid 10 days early, cos nobody from payroll wants to go into the office over Christmas. That will probably turn into a grump when I run out of cash halfway through January. 

[320touring]

Had a good meet with some hardy northern* shiters tonight!

 

Good to see folks, have some scran and a natter:)

[Doctormop]

I think when I steal it, I'm going to modify it a bit. I think Bus would be better. I've not driven an actual plated taxi, but as Taxis round here are Astra estates or Avensis's driving one for the first time doesn't sound that unusual, but for most of us driving a bus for the first time would be, particularly a stolen one whilst pissed!

Don't make the mistake that me and my mate did though; spent 2 hours breaking into the bus depot only to find that there wasn't a 42 in there, "Christ what are we going to do" He asked;

"Don't worry says I, we don't have to steal a 42; lets take a 27 to the war memorial and walk the rest of the way"

Anyway we were caught and arrested, pleaded guilty to ramming a Routemaster under a low bridge and all that, expected our fate and the magistrate asked; "Before I pass sentence I have to ask, why did you move 3 single decker buses to gain access to a double decker before making off?"

Well Sir I replied, "My mate here wanted to smoke"

 

(A very old joke that will mean nothing to those under a certain age)

[Lacquer Peel]

I think I get it. Were you once allowed to smoke on the top deck of double deckers?

[Doctormop]

Yes indeed, many years ago

[D Spares & Tyres]

Youve got to tell the story

I wasn`t there.....

[Ghosty]

Waiting at some traffic lights on my bike, in front of me passed by a Stag V8, being properly driven.

[andy18s]

Well that's not quite right.....

[fordperv]

Looking at Rudyard lake while out at work

 

 

[hairnet]

flight of the navigator was on at 0835 this morning

 

taped

 

happy im a sad feck

[beko1987]

Went out to tossco with eva at 6. 30 to get amys presents. Amy said stay out a while so she can get the boy to sleep.

 

So we left tesco and spent 2 hours crawling around every road we found looking at Christmas lights! Found some good ones, and eva enjoyed it! And I didn't get asked to fuck off by residents as I chugged around in the xantia (fireworks night we parked up in a road and I left the e gone running, a bloke came out and told me to turn it off...)

 

There does seem to be a bit of drive train shunt at 5mph in 1st though, but it's probably normal