What makes you grin? Antidote to grumpy thread

[Cheggers]

*Insert "soggy bottom" gag here*

[mrbenn]

Not if she fucks off out with other blokes she isn't.

 

No matter what she looks like.

 

Amen, brother.

[Craig the Princess]

Not if she fucks off out with other blokes she isn't.

 

No matter what she looks like.

She's gone out for a drink not run of with a milkman/slept around.

Cut her some slack.

[mrbenn]

She's gone out for a drink not run of with a milkman/slept around.

Cut her some slack.

 

Good point.

 

However, I have seen, first hand, that this is often where it starts thus I view certain things with a higher degree of suspicion than may be fair/required/justified.

 

No disrespect to the woman/man involved, ymmv, imho etc etc

[cms206]

This appeared on facebook earlier...

 

And in the comments...

 

 

Interesting reading.

[Mr_Bo11ox]

Wow!!!! Someone get that guys number and interview him, bet he's got a great 'tale of shite' to tell.

[cms206]

It was on the Car Sales Memes facebook page yesterday in the old car adverts section if anyone wants to go bothering him

[mouseflakes]

tooSavvy's maritime shenanigans...

 

http://www.cbc.ca/radio/asithappens/as-it-happens-wednesday-edition-1.3411988/american-sailors-in-cornwall-called-incompetent-after-many-rescue-calls-1.3411992

 

[explosive-cabbage]

I want to know why he is having a shave with a cut-throat razor whilst driving a Yugo. Isn't that a recipe for disaster?

 

 

[Cavcraft]

Get in there!

 

 

 

Scrapped, not sold. I made the square root off sod all on it, but the decent battery went onto the Corsa (it'd just packed up) and I accidentally& removed the alloys from the Mondeo and put shit steel wheels on it. What a caper that was: I fitted the (steel) Mondeo spare to the front, then put 13" PSA steels on the back then the sodding last one (n/s/f) wouldn't have it as it was 13" and wouldn't clear the calliper! Bastard! Never mind, a quick Eureka moment and I remembered I had a 14" steel off a BX nesting on the roof of my 306 which although it was punctured went on and cleared said calliper.

 

 

Ps, my OCD head tells me 'calliper' should be 'caliper' but spell checker knobbed me off.

[garbaldy]

After wasting all that time fookin about with the alloys just how much do you think they are worth? I think your time would have been better spent in the pub.

It took me two years to give a set away.

[xtriple]

I have just had a lovely conversation with an upholsterer. He was recommended to me by the RR and B clubs as : 'an all round brilliant guy!'. I booked the floor mat in back in November (earliest date was Jan 26th!) for a heel mat to be replaced. Nothing exciting...

 

I sent it off and asked for it to be done in cream leather with 'Bentley' embossed in it.

 

He rang me and told me I was a fool (so no shit Sherlock!) and that fluted black rubber was far more practical and much cheaper... so we had a lovely chat where I agreed with everything he said about cream leather will scuff and look dreadful in no time and the embossing would be very expensive and would look even worse and so I agreed to have it done in fluted black rubber.... then changed my mind and insisted on leather. I did compromise on no embossing!

 

He was still laughing at the fool with a Bentley when he put the phone down! Yes, I could hear him....

[Cavcraft]

garbaldy, on 28 Jan 2016 - 3:44 PM, said:

After wasting all that time fookin about with the alloys just how much do you think they are worth? I think your time would have been better spent in the pub.

It took me two years to give a set away.

 

To be fair, probably sod all, but they're quite nice and will go on my 306 if I decide to. I also had the CD player off, the lucky* winner of the 75 will be having that.

[Richard]

My wife occasionally does babysitting for a posh agency, I just got this message from her.

 

 

There's a Rolls Royce Burns Night on. I had to drive up to the front door

 

There's 2 Rolls sitting there and a piper. And me in the Polo.

One of the Rolls is one that's not released yet. Apparently!

 

Not that I would know

 

[how did you know?]

 

The chappy that ran out,got in the car and directed me to the staff car park, told me

Whilst admiring the tiger seat covers

 

She's been to that place loads of times, I'm sure she knows where the staff car park is

[320touring]

Polo was taken to Posh wedding with rusty arches-just oozes class, see.

[strangeangel]

My favourite scooter turned 30 this year and, by way of celebration, pissed its MOT off like a good 'un this morning

[cobblers]

They're building me my own office at work, this is massively pleasing.

I've got a great big window I can look out upon anyone approaching meaning I can just bang the headphones on and properly listen to 1990s happy hardcore mixtapes off mixcloud whilst confidently maintaining the facade that I'm a respectable member of society. At the moment I've got my back to the world so I have to listen to "Billy Bunter Helter Skelter 1996" quietly in one ear so I can hear when anyone creeps up on me to ask a technical question and they can't hear the BUN BUN BUN BUN BUN BUNBUNBUN BUN BUN BUN BUN BUN BUNBUNBUN when they approach.

It also means my job role has been substantially upgraded and I've got a nice payrise and stuff, but those things are in the future whereas I can listen to loud offensive music all day in like 3 weeks time and I'm all about the instant gratification.

[greengartside]

Multiple fixing things post:-

 

1, Fiesta was fixed finally after having thermostat no.2 fitted - the 1st replacement one made it overheat like a bastard. Back to the garage and a new one fitted F.O.C. Now gauge sits bang on half and not a drop of water used since.

 

2. SWMBO's Hyundai Matrix - tailgate handle lost it's springyness and so would stick halfway which meant the boot wouldn't unlock properly on the central locking. Managed to score a replacement from an '03 model for a tenner and fitted without any fuss. Boot opens/closes and SWMBO is happy.

 

3. M-I-L's Focus (1.4 W-plate) is getting on a bit now and so the locks are worn up to fuck. Opening the driver's side is an artform in itself. Because it's a CL model it doesn't come with Remote C/L, just operates on the key. Apparently the conversion from manual to remote locking is plug and play, so I bought a control unit and key and fitted it to the car. Now all the doors and boot open and shut on the key and I have a happy M-I-L!

 

 

Oh and I'm getting married on Saturday! Wish me luck!

[D Spares & Tyres]

Isn't the CL model an import?

[Pillock]

Escort CLs were imported, but the Focus was officially available as a CL model in the UK for a short time I think.

 

Edit: Wikipedia agrees, so it must* be true. Crappier equipment levels than the LX. What would have been the "L" model if they hadn't found a big box of CL badges they overordered years previously.

[phil_lihp]

I recovered a very valuable file off a knackered and badly corrupted USB drive for a colleague earlier, something to do with a wedding planner which wasn't saved anywhere else.

 

She was very relieved, thanked me profusely and I thought no more of it.  Came back to my desk later in the evening after everyone else had left for the day to find a box of chocolates and a 'thank you' card which said 'thanks for saving my wedding'.  Not necessary at all but really nice and cheered me up no end!

 

Oh, and the broken USB drive had the words 'Network Q' and a Vauxhall logo on it.  Had to smile when I saw that.

[fred]

I assume she likes Train spotting - or Car registrations

 

[Jim Bell]

 

 

Cortina action.

[KruJoe]

Lolz

Autoshite.NZ rap

[KruJoe]

 

 

 

"Droive 'er straight sideways, lad!"

[Coprolalia]

Autoshite proving it is the best car forum.

 

Just had a new unused correct fit coolant temp sensor arrive for the Octavia, courtesy of BigFella2.

 

Ta all for making this place what it is!

[nigel bickle]

Near miss last night, when I hooned past an unmarked Volvo at licence threatening speeds.

 

Luckily, I spotted the stubby black aerial on his shoulder clipped radio, so hauled it down quickly to a respectable 77(ish), & tried to hide in the traffic.

 

Seconds later( presumably after a PNC check) said rozzer roared up beside me, the uniformed passenger gave me an enormous grin, and thumbs up, then they pissed off into the distance.

 

Driving a bog standard Nexia does have its up sides then! Clearly they didn't believe it, & the Volvo speedo is being rechecked and calibrated overnight.

 

Loosened my bowels, any ways.

[richardmorris]

For the last 15mins have been listening to (what turned out to be ) a Ferrari 288 GTO warming up in the unit next door. It sounded angry. 16,000 miles in thirty years according to the mot checker.

 

Registration number: 3MAT

 

• Vehicle make FERRARI
• Vehicle model 288
• Date first used 31 December 1985
• Fuel type Petrol
• Colour Red

 

MOT history of this vehicle

• Test date 15 December 2015
• Expiry date 14 December 2016
• Test Result Pass
• Odometer reading 15,813 miles
• MOT test number 4644 6210 3280

• Test date 9 December 2015
• Test Result Fail
• Odometer reading 15,813 miles
• MOT test number 9413 5917 3608
• Reason(s) for failure
  
  Exhaust emissions carbon monoxide content excessive (7.3.B.1a)

  nearside Headlamp aim too low (1.

  offside Headlamp aim too low (1.

[vulgalour]

 

Autoshite on the tellybox.  Delighted to see not only the Veg-cannon pug but also the Xantia and the Pleasure Wagon.  I wish Air An Rathad wasn't such a faff to find on iPlayer, it's almost like they don't want you to watch it.

[KruJoe]

Vulg, why has your avatar gone weird today?