What makes you grin? Antidote to grumpy thread

[Craig the Princess]

Good point on the pictures, the bizzare situation where you can have sex at 16 but not nude pictures of yourself at 17.

[Richard]

Top tip for late 40s men. If you have to ask if she's legal she's too young for you anyway.

[cobblers]

It was my 30th the other day and our lass bought me a pair of fuckin Tricker's boots, they're great for treading dogshit into people's houses at NYE parties.

 

Anyway I've decided I'm through with driving hot hatchbacks so I reckon it's time to get something like a BMW 330 estate for the 4 mile commute that I do on my own.

 

As for this silly bollocks who got stung sniffing around 17 year old birds? When I was 17 I barely had any time for 17 year old girls, they were a fucking nightmare.

[cort16]

I had lots of nice cars in my 30's now I have a Nissan Juke diesel. Enjoy it!

[Cheggers]

Yeah, happy new year you sexy lot.

Remember to write the new date on cheques and stuff, otherwise you'll look like an idiot.

Dad, what's a cheque?

[For Fiats Sake]

Top Tip!! - Turn your living room lights off, open your curtains and enjoy other folk blowing shit loads of money on fireworks while you sit in your armchair enjoying their efforts

 

Dog doesn't like free fireworks, despite being an ex-gundog!

 

Nobody used to bother with new year fireworks until the bloody millenium then it went mental with them.

 

I enjoyed seeing the Dubaieuns replicating the towering inferno for the celebrations though.

[vulgalour]

My back got some attention and now it doesn't hurt to sit up straight.  I feel so much more relaxed and chilled out as a result of that, a few days off work and eating so much food on New Years Eve that I thought I would pop.  I have amazing people in my life that care about me, it feels strange but also nice to feel so happy and content.  A great way to kick off 2016.

[eddyramrod]

 I've decided I'm through with driving hot hatchbacks so I reckon it's time to get something like a BMW 330 estate for the 4 mile commute that I do on my own.

Or a Saab 9-5 turbo estate from a trusted seller, like maybe a Shiter...

[myglaren]

That Danczuk's wife is a vacuous bint who spends her time trying to reach the ranks of 'Im a celebrity get me outta here' candidates and loudly but inexpertly commenting on stuff in a Katie Hopkins stylee.

Accepted, they are both a bit loony but the visual evidence is in her favour.

[fordperv]

I've just been fitting a replacement idle screw to mrs fp's car as it had the wrong type fitted, i heard a little voice "excuse me mr" it was a little lad about 10 year old who lives up the road he was on his bike, he asked me if I was fixing the car etc, and when he was about to pedal away said "nice cars Mr they are very cool" then went on his way on his bike, bless the little fella

[purplebargeken]

Crikey, she has an excellent set of airbags. 

[dollywobbler]

Just seen this on Facebook. How to 'improve' a CX, with bits of Fiat, Rover and Mitsubishi. I've never seen the car in the metal thankfully!

 

That's an awful lot of pointless work.

[D Spares & Tyres]

I've just been fitting a replacement idle screw to mrs fp's car as it had the wrong type fitted, i heard a little voice "excuse me mr" it was a little lad about 10 year old who lives up the road he was on his bike, he asked me if I was fixing the car etc, and when he was about to pedal away said "nice cars Mr they are very cool" then went on his way on his bike, bless the little fella

That reminds me of a kid that sort of age that used to be interested in me working on my capris when I was 20 or so.

 

Nice lad so I humoured him and let him 'help'

 

Several years later I was getting some tyres fitted and this same lad was working there and remembered me and thanked me.

 

I always go there for tyres now. He drives barried stuff but will hopefully grow out of it

[strangeangel]

So I'm at work on New Year's Eve, which was as dead as I expected, when an elderly gent came in to renew his books. As he was heading for the door he turned and asked "Does the Peugeot convertible belong to one of you?"  Expecting to be told that it's lights were on, or it had a flat, or it had pissed out all its coolant etc. I answered "Yes, it's mine", and he replied "What a lovely little car, it's a credit to you".

 

What he didn't know is it's not a credit to me, by any stretch of the imagination. I've only owned it for about 5 minutes, and in that time I've managed to fill it with books and sandwich wrappers, and allowed it to become covered in road filth. Nonetheless, come closing time I lowered the roof with an altogether undeserved smile and drove home, vowing to wash it and apply Waxoyl to the underneath as soon as the weather allows

[Pillock]

Dad, what's a cheque?

 

This is autoshite, where there's a thread on the open forum mourning the loss of pounds, shilling and pence!

For the record, I've only ever written one cheque - when I wanted to delay my council tax as long as possible. I folded it three times and wiped a magnet over the numbers at the bottom too. Apart from that, they infuriate me.

[strangeangel]

[D Spares & Tyres]

Don't think Lemmy would be that rude to be honest

[cobblers]

Our lass is watching Sons of Anarchy which is almost complete bollocks from what I can tell, Anyway I walked in to watch a bit where they were supposedly filming in Ireland. All the cars were fuckin Chevy Silverados, Plymouth Neons and Chevy Cavaliers etc but the main car was a black merc with US spec side markers. To make it look RHD they just flipped the scene horizontally whenever that car was in shot and made sure most of the background is cropped out so you couldn't tell.

The irish accents will go down in history like that bloke off of Mary Poppins:

 

 

They filmed a scene where all these leatherclad pillocks got stopped by a load of irish coppers in a pair of Land Rovers on a road that looked almost exactly like this:

 

 

 

That said they made it look very irish by giving the bikes number plates like BAZ 3FLA though, printed in flippin ARIAL NARROW or something.

[Christine]

Since Tetleysmooth had some Battle of Britain books from me the other day , i've found some more and been reading them . I grew up near West Malling aerodrome (a home counties fighter station during the war if you didn't know ).. and one book called  By Day and by Night  is more or less a diary about the goings on during the war  . These bits made me laugh . click it and it should go big enough to read..

 

 

 

Horse mines !!      

[JohnDeere]

They won the start prize on Bullseye on Challenge TV. It was a Proton. Programme was from 1991. What reg would that be then?

[Pillock]

 

They won the start prize on Bullseye on Challenge TV. It was a Proton. Programme was from 1991. What reg would that be then?

 

 

D701SWL

 

I mean H or J

[harvestman]

Was driving along tonight on a four-lane road with an intermittent median in the middle, I was in the left lane.  Out of the corner of my eye, I catch a Merc C-class on my left(?!?) attempting to pass me.

 

Then, like a lame stunt gone wrong, she hit the median in a shower of sparks as I veered into the (empty) right lane. Even got a little air time as well.  Tony Hawk would have been proud.

 

Hilariously enough, she managed to drive away with a smashed windshield, a flat tire, a badly clattering front axle, and a shower of steam from under the hood. Perhaps she deserved it for driving a bright red '90s Mercedes sedan...and being a moron.

[twosmoke300]

Cavcrafts cornwall branch is posting on Facebook these days

[steve_earwig]

Corsa's what wanted? [/grammar Nazi]

[michael1703]

Because there is a banger class for them?

[MarvinsMom]

or cos there are now no Nova's left?

[steve_earwig]

[Lacquer Peel]

https://youtu.be/wUPeOGPx1bY?t=200

[Cavcraft]

I like it when posh people swear, it always makes me laugh for some reason.

 

Our old area manager Nigel 'throbber' Davies at the tyre place I worked at was a proper old school gent type. He had a set of winter tyres for his company Carlton that he kept over the office for safe keeping. Anyhow, he went up to get them one year and one of the lads had had them off. I can still see mans hear him coming down the wooden ladder shouting to the manager 'Martin? Martin? MARTIN, SOMEONE'S STOLEN MY FARKING TYRES!'

 

I also used to knock off some posh bit of stuff who would swear at the right time and it was VERY sexy.

[michael1703]

So drunk that I feel like I'm in the prodigys video for smack my bitch up