What makes you grin? Antidote to grumpy thread

[Jim Bell]

Did you take that or is it from somewhere else?

Not my pic no fella. Just ran across it on Facebook.

[Eddie Honda]

Roads Policing Unit‏ @MerPolTraffic

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This #motorcyclist though it was ok to wear a hard hat and a bungee cord to secure it instead of a helmet. #itsnotok #reported #notworththerisk

12:49 PM - 19 Feb 2019

 

https://twitter.com/MerPolTraffic/status/1097840489594871808

 

[anonymous user]

I think that's a shining example of the old saying "if you have a ten dollar head, get a ten dollar crash helmet"

[New POD]

According to my Mrs I "sneeze camply"

 

Well there you go.

 

Sent from my VFD 710 using Tapatalk

According to my kids "Dad you are so gay"

 

I'm sure they mean it as an insult, but I can't see it is.

[NorfolkNWeigh]

I was 55 yesterday, proving to myself that I'm still an idiot . I started and ended the day with a shag, had a 20oz T bone for lunch then on the way to B'ham airport maxed the Passat for the full length of the M45( it goes as fast as a Troll's Golf) . Tiny 3/4 life crisis!

Today is my 30th wedding anniversary , which is pearl ( Mrs N has already vetoed the obvious present!) we're going to Swansea for her work, so I've booked that fancy tower restaurant and given it Billy Big Bollocks by ordering a bottle of champagne for when we arrive.

Tomorrow I'll probably turn my toes up, but be happy.

[Cavcraft]

I was 55 yesterday, proving to myself that I'm still an idiot . I started and ended the day with a shag, had a 20oz T bone for lunch then on the way to B'ham airport maxed the Passat for the full length of the M45( it goes as fast as a Troll's Golf) . Tiny 3/4 life crisis!

Today is my 30th wedding anniversary , which is pearl ( Mrs N has already vetoed the obvious present!) we're going to Swansea for her work, so I've booked that fancy tower restaurant and given it Billy Big Bollocks by ordering a bottle of champagne for when we arrive.

Tomorrow I'll probably turn my toes up, but be happy.

 

Exactly a day younger than me.

 

 

On Saturday night I discovered (by being told, not literally doing it) that something called 'Sploshing' is actually a thing. Oh how we laughed. Do NOT FFS Google it with your partner or kids about though. Or at work.

[Eddie Honda]

Here's another walloper stopped by the polis (and yes, it did have a MOT).

 

 

CMPG‏Verified account @CMPG

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We’re not McLovin’ this! A Vauxhall Nova 31years old stopped in Stoke. The driver’s seat wasn’t attached to the car, it was like driving a rowing machine. Needless to say vehicle was prohibited and the driver reported to court. 5453.

10:00 AM - 23 Feb 2019

 

https://twitter.com/CMPG/status/1099247536005672960

[vulgalour]

Not only is the Princess running nicely today with the new float needle and seat, it also successfully jumped Mike's Rover P38 AND Mike's Toyota Supra.  Feeling pretty good about it today.

[scaryoldcortina]

I hope you jumped them Dukes of Hazzard style!

[Saabnut]

The Saab classic 900 convertible passed its MOT today!

[fordperv]

Here's another walloper stopped by the polis (and yes, it did have a MOT).

 

 

45]

CMPG‏Verified account @CMPG

 

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We’re not McLovin’ this! A Vauxhall Nova 31years old stopped in Stoke. The driver’s seat wasn’t attached to the car, it was like driving a rowing machine. Needless to say vehicle was prohibited and the driver reported to court. 5453.

 

 

 

 

10:00 AM - 23 Feb 2019

 

https://twitter.com/CMPG/status/1099247536005672960

The pictures make the car look better than it actually is, a mate of mine knows the owner of it

[DeeJay]

According to my Mrs I "sneeze camply"

 

 

Do you sneeze with intent?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I'll get my coat.

[HillmanImp]

Not my pic no fella. Just ran across it on Facebook.

That means I can steal it without crediting you as its already stolen. Bob on.

[strangeangel]

The camera so ignominiously thrust up my jap's eye this morning has revealed that I'm probably not going to cark it after all.

[Sheefag]

Journalists eh.....? Did they make you sign the release?

[barefoot]

Anyone remember my neighbour kept kidnapping my cat?

 

Spoke to RSPCA - as expected, totally useless, but referred me to the police!

Phoned police, apologised for calling, explained situation.

Police well helpful. Cats are property, if woman doesn't give me my cat back there and then, it's theft and they'll send out a PCSO.

Explained she didn't get up until lunchtime, was 08:00 a suitable time to knock on her door?

Copper practically encouraged me, saying, 'I hate folk like that'.

Following day, I knocked on her door at 08:30, my cat grinning at me through the window.

Woman staggers to upstairs window, 'what cat? I don't know anything about your cat...'

'She's just there look, send her back now' - I flounced off home.

Cat returned shortly afterwards,

12:30, I knocked on her door again, cat again grinning at me through the window

'Send my cat back again, she's due her medicine* again'

'I don't know where your cat is'

'She's just there look'

'You've encouraged her to go into your house, it's up to you to discourage her, there's nothing I can do, you knew what you were doing & I've had enough'.

Flounced home again, rapidly followed by cat.

Do you know?

She's not been in next doors house again in the fortnight since I grumped.

We am happy.

[bub2006]

The camera so ignominiously thrust up my jap's eye this morning has revealed that I'm probably not going to cark it after all.

That procedure isn't very nice at all. They said do you want to look at the screen while it goes in? No fucking thank you very much.

[strangeangel]

That procedure isn't very nice at all. They said do you want to look at the screen while it goes in? No fucking thank you very much.

 

LOLZ. I politely refused that offer too, strangely enough.

[Sheefag]

What do you have to do, to make a Doctor or Nurse that angry, like?

[brandersnatch]

The camera so ignominiously thrust up my jap's eye this morning has revealed that I'm probably not going to cark it after all.

That’s a horrible procedure. I felt violated.

Glad you’re not carking it.

 

 

One’s too many, ten’s not enough!

[hairnet]

car insurance is due soon

 

getting quotes for more than paying now (400+) dont ask

 

went digging for ladies only insurance cos fk it i dont use the car much and the old git *might do 3k a year

 

miles been getting lower from that last 3 years last years 1700

 

found a site called bymiles - x amount charged for it being sat and then x amount a mile which they give a black box out for

 

its run by axa so no problem there

 

for the c4 merde of doom 217 for being sat and 4.6 p a mile

 

changed it to a C1 thinking of getting and 161 and 3p a mile

 

changed it to sandero we found cheap and it was same as C1

 

quote me happy can fuck right off

 

from being annoyed about car costing ££££ now happy as can now keep on looking and utimately speaking to the man with the sandero

[hairnet]

can i just say unlike for the hospital procedures

 

id chop it off if there was anything wrong (might as well as it gets no use anyway *cough )

[bub2006]

can i just say unlike for the hospital procedures

 

id chop it off if there was anything wrong (might as well as it gets no use anyway *cough )

Go ask for it done. Just for shits and giggles. It's great* fun

[hairnet]

have heard people describing it and just. no.

 

even prostate (you wanna do what with your finger??)

[Tamworthbay]

Here's another walloper stopped by the polis (and yes, it did have a MOT).

 

 

 

 

CMPG‏Verified account [/size]@CMPG

 

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We’re not McLovin’ this! A Vauxhall Nova 31years old stopped in Stoke. The driver’s seat wasn’t attached to the car, it was like driving a rowing machine. Needless to say vehicle was prohibited and the driver reported to court. 5453.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

10:00 AM - 23 Feb 2019

A guy on the Pug205 owners page has just bought a gti ‘replica’ where the seats have been put in with woodscrews. I wonder how the rest of the ‘conversion’ was carried out?

 

 

https://twitter.com/CMPG/status/1099247536005672960

[somewhatfoolish]

According to my Mrs I "sneeze camply"

 

Well there you go.

 

Sent from my VFD 710 using Tapatalk

 

Gesundheit.

[bub2006]

have heard people describing it and just. no.

 

even prostate (you wanna do what with your finger??)

Terrible Terrible things

[108]

The camera so ignominiously thrust up my jap's eye this morning has revealed that I'm probably not going to cark it after all.

Result.

 

 

 

 

Carry on.

 

Edit: delighted it was good news.

[SiC]

Just watched the latest episode of Grand Tour - the one with the classic Italian cars. Really enjoyed it.

 

So far this season is way better than the previous seasons. Only watched a couple of them before getting bored of them.

 

I want a Alfa GTV V6 now. Can't afford one though.

[busmansholiday]

The camera so ignominiously thrust up my jap's eye this morning has revealed that I'm probably not going to cark it after all.

That's good news.

 

When I had that honour I actually watched the video screen as they did it, facinating, but working in the health side of H&S that's what you expect.

 

Interesting thing was talking to doc at time and asking if it was the same camera they shoved down your throat. Yes he said, we call that topping and tailing. Don't worry he continued, we put it down your throat first before sticking it up your jacksie. We do clean them he added....