The new news 24 thread

[cros]

The car displays a marked reluctance to rust badly, even after almost 29 years of exposure to the British weather.

 

 

 

I can't imagine that there are many Signal Red 740 estates in existence any more, though. I bought it on price and condition, rather than colour and spec - I actually wanted a metallic grey or metallic dark blue GLE, but there were none on Bay at the time.

 

In 15 years, I've only seen two others painted the same colour.

A bloke I used to work for near me had a G reg one in that colour for about 15 years. Most of them only get sold due to the owner becoming bored or dead.

[taxi paul]

So this is my window I was fitting yesterday. Bought from eBay for a measly £25.00. Has laminated glass so useful in the garden. Got to fit the sash when my lad comes down tomorrow. It weighs a bloody lot and can't do it in my own. Will then get some shiplap and box it all in.

[Guest Hooli]

I think I can see a gap around the sides that drafts will get in...

[Shep Shepherd]

A bloke I used to work for near me had a G reg one in that colour for about 15 years. Most of them only get sold due to the owner becoming bored or dead.

 

The majority of the 740s and 760s I encountered in Kent scrapyards in the mid to late 2000s seemed to be there due to owner disinterest as opposed to terminal mechanical or body issues; it's a shame that so many people treated them as throwaway cars. At least I got a lot of good parts from some of them.

[Samuel_Pepys_Esq]

Samuel_Pepys_Esq said on 26^th December 1665:

 

Didst rise afore the city waites call’d six of the clocke, with mine heade feeling lyke a pine-martyn hath shatt in it. Faith, I dost believe that mine sixth flagon of ale at the Rising Sun tavern laste night wert spik’d by some skeevy fucker.

 

Left Elisabeth to doze on, and whilst I attend’d to mine ablutions, I didst heare a fearsome noise from without, akin to a foxe with his privy member stucke in a lawn-mower.

On unfast’ning the shutters, I didst discerne mine neighboure, Sir William Mill, down in the court-yarde below, titting about with his poxy French shitte-boxe of a Citroen AX.

“Mill!” I didst call downe, “Whyfore dost thou make such noisome racket at this early houre on Christmas morn?”

“I have cause for to adjust mine drive-belte,” quoth he, “for I must journey long to-day, for to collect mine dear old aunt from Henley.

“And by-the-bye,” he didst continue, “When art thou collecting that fuckyng parcel that hath been cluttering up mine hall table since afore St. Thomas’ Day?”

 

At this, I did withdraw with much haste, for I realiysed that Elisabeth’s Christmas Boxe, that I hath ordered from Amazon laste weeke and lamented as unaccountably delay’d, was in facte at the Mill residence.

Surely enough, as I didst rootle behind the hall-doore amongst the pizza menus and parchments advertising the services of night-soil men, didst I uncover a ‘Sorry Thou Wert Out’ card from the King’s Own Mail, from fyve fuckyng dayes agoe.

Most stealthy, did I creap along the hall to the entrance to Mill’s home, and there I dids’t charmingly entreat Mrs Mill to hand me over the parcel, which the sour-faced besom did with customary bad grace; and I retire’d  to mine rooms for to wrap said parcel in bright paper and stringe with all due haste, for I could hear that Elisabeth was astir and busy upon the thunder-boxe.

In two shakes didst I have the box enrobed in passable fashion, and then deposit’d upon the table, from whence I retired to mine study to peruse Auto-Shyte.com, perchance there were glorious bargaines to be found on the Tat threade, whilst mine lady didst compleat her toilette.

 

Anon, wert we both attired and breakfast’d, and didst goe down to the frosty courtyard for to make our way to Church. I didst make for to open the garage door, but Elisabeth didst protest in much exasperation,

“In the name of the Lorde, Samuel, let us not goe in that fuckyng heape of yours; let us hail a taxi-sedan and be there in halfe the tyme it doth take thee to pisse about with thy can of Easy-Starte.”

But I didst protest alsoe, and assure her that taxi-sedans are naught but charlatans and mountebanks, and the king’s ransom those robdogs do charge for a fyve-minute trip on Christmas morn would keep us in lampreys a full twelvemonth.

She acceded, and afore longe I didst manage to get mine Triumph Acclaim to starte, with the merest of chugging and application of ether, and so we didst make oure way along to Saint-Martin-In-The-Fields, whence we did suffer a most dismal and tedious sermon on the mortification of the flesh from the Reverend Moulsecombe, who I fear had incurred the wrath of his goodwyfe and hence was in poor spirits.

 

The blessyng giv’n, we didst return without to fynd a fuckyng parking ticket upon the wind-screen of mine Acclaim, that didst stryke me in sore amazement, for I didst believe that the parkyng rozzers didst not ply their trade on Christmas Day, and anyway, it was not lyke fuckyng Currys needed access to their loadyng-yard when they were fuckyng closed, was it?

Elisabeth didst give mirthless laughter, and belay me most foully for mine actions, and didst declare,

“Note thee well, Samuel, hadst we but got a taxi-sedan thou wouldst have no fine, and nott stink of fuckyng starting-aid. I didst spy Mother Hustings wrinkle her nose at thy noxious solvent odours by the chapel-doors, and thou hast naught to blame but thyself.”

Without further word, I didst eventually cause the Acclaim to fyre-up, which did require grievous quantities of Easy-Starte as the day hadst grown devilish cold, and thence we didst continue down to Cannon Street in uneasy silence and contemplation.

 

Near the corner of Mssr. Mouseflakes’ iron-shop, a smol boy didst run headlong into the roade chasing a tennis-ball, and I hadst to clap on the anchors like the very Devil to prevent from stryking the whelp. He didst depart without a second glance, but the Acclaim hath stall’d and I could not  get it to catch again, even tho’ it were runnyng hot.

I popp’d the bonnett, but soon mine can of Easy-Starte didst deplete to naught, and still the bastard would nott catch; all the whyle Elisabeth wert making moste unhelpful observations from the passenger-syde.

 

Moste sudden, did I heare a thin tooting and looked up from the engyne-bay to find Sir Wm. Mill pull’d in close afore, in his rubbishy Frenchman’s conveyance.

“Hast thou suffered a failure to proceed, Pepys?” quoth he, with a glimmer of amusement writ upon his smug visage. “It would give me the greatest pleasure for to convey thee and thy goodwyfe home, as I understand the call-centre for the Kings Own Stables customarily hath a four-hour wait for assistance on this Day of our Saviour’s Birth.”

“Nay, Mill - ” I didst begin, but Elisabeth did chyme in,

“Thank thee, kind neighboure, we do accept thine offer, for I am not sittyng here freezing mine titts off in Cannongate acause of this pricke’s shyte conveyances.”

Mill didst then disembarke with a smirk and tip the seat forward for me, and with greate shame didst I slip into the back of the Citroen aside Mill’s dear old aunt, that didst smell most lamentably of wee.

Elisabeth didst accede into the passenger-side, and thence we did proceed back to Ax-Court, Mill insisting on singing along to his fuckyng Andy Williams cassette along the waye.

I do avow, it art not the moaste wonderful tyme of the year.

I didst thank Mill in muted tones on arrival home, and hurried up-stairs to our residence, whilst mine wyfe continued to berate mine self about this late shitt-showe.

 

As we didst enter, I espied mine gyfte lyinge gaily wrapp’d upon the table, and didst thinke to divert mine scolding, so I didst cry, “Look ye well, Elisabeth, I hath procured a Christmas-gyfte for thee!”

Mine wyfe didst give me some side-eye, and uttered, “I hath not the further patience for thy tom-foolery today, Samuel. If this be one of thy japes...”

I assured her that this wert no jape, and I hadde procured some costly unguent for to aid her beautification; some trifles and trinkets for to adorne her necke, and a new cappe for to wear to Churche – all of which being the perfect truth, for I hadde ordered up on Amazon a tubbe of costly Mme. Clarins face-creame; a charme-necklace; and a gaye new hatte in the latest fashion, all of which were designed to please ladies of a dainty disposition.

She didst remove mine paper-wrappings, and then opne’d the box therein, whereupon she stop’d.

“Is this a fuckyng joke, Samuel? Am I just a fuckyng joke to you?”

And, to my most dismal horror, she held aloft a tubbe of Comma Moly Grease; a set of HT leads; and a new distributor cappe, all for the Acclaim.

I grabb’d at the empty boxe, and spied – too late! – that mine delivery wert from CarPartesForLess.com, and nott from Amazon.

Mine exhortations were in vain, and within mere moments I found myselfe outsyde once again in the frosty court-yarde, while Elisabeth’s shrieks of rage from aloft didst merge with the revelry eminating from the Mill’s residence. I thought I didst espy Mrs. Mill framed in her window, wearing a very similar cappe to the once I didst order, and wearing a charme-necklace…

 

Disconsolate, didst I wander down to the Mighty Thames to kick along London Bridge in a very greate dudgeon, and there didst I encounter Sir Christopher Wren, who wert in the dogg-house acause of a minor misunderstanding involvyng roasting times for a pigge’s head.

So we thence didst proceed to Wren’s offices on Pall Mall, where we made merry on a barrell of goode West Country Cyder and a fyne caske of Porto, and thus had ourselves a merrye Christmas-tyme.

At eleven bells didst we wander abroad to the Edgeware Road, and thence procure a new wonder of a kebabb made from turkey-meates lately brought over from the New World, with much chilli and cranberry dressinge, and a side portion of Flemish sproutes, batter’d.

I declare, t’was fuckyng ace.

 

On mine way back to Ax-Court, long past one of the morning, I pass’d mine Acclaim stranded in Cannon Street and noted well that it hadde acquir'd another fuckyng parking-tickett. Toatal cuntes.

I bedded down in mine study with a bottle of Laphroig and mine intention for to rise early and retrieve mine conveyance, afore further fynes didst come down on mine head.

But mine thoughtes became confuzzled with the goode Scotch whisky, and I dids’t fynd myself on E-Baye viewynge some exceeding cheap Buy-It-Nowe conveyances in the sub-500 shillings listings…

 

And so to bed.

[MikeR]

I did hear of a few good  Volvos going to scrap because of repeating faults , one of which would be the fuel pump control relay ...

[Shep Shepherd]

I did hear of a few good  Volvos going to scrap because of repeating faults , one of which would be the fuel pump control relay ...

 

Lots of minor faults which occurred together sent many Volvo 700s to the scrapyard back in the day. I'm glad that most of The Volvo's major issues were sorted by its previous owner.

[Timewaster]

Mil had a FTP with her Bmax this morning. Would I go take a look?

About 15 miles trip so I thought I'd finish my cuppa first.

 

Just about to leave when I get the "don't worry, they've called green flag" so I got on with something useful.

 

Hour and a half later, green flag diagnosed a borked battery and they are on their way to Halfords.

 

I volunteered to meet them there with my trade card.

 

Good job I did. I arrive, Mil is on the phone to a branch 30 miles away getting befuddled by a lot of guff about Yuasa and warranties, they don't have one and it's £110 plus £15 fitting

This branch apparently don't have one, but they thought they might, then thought they hadn't.....

 

The touch screen on the shelf says no. Computer says no.

 

Then I notice it recommends a stop start battery, 650cca for a 1.0??

 

Turns out Mil's car doesn't have have stop start and the battery on it looks suspiciously like an 075.

Measured it up, yep it's an 075.

 

Pick one of the shelf, fit it in the car park.

 

Trade card saves £22, Son in law brownie points achieved.

[panhard65]

Halfords are the biggest rip off ever £15 to fit a fucking battery is just a joke. Even worse though I just saw and advert and they charge £2 to fit wiper blades. 

[Bren]

Busy today.

Got hi fi sorted. Put tv and shelf up in eldest's bedroom. I did it today because I am back in work tomorrow and I know I would'nt be arsed doing them after a shift.

[Timewaster]

Halfords are the biggest rip off ever £15 to fit a fucking battery is just a joke. Even worse though I just saw and advert and they charge £2 to fit wiper blades.

To be fair, who else would fit a battery for £15 on boxing Day?

 

Any other day it is a liberty though.

[meshking]

I tried to get a battery for my smax from Halfords once... It had been jumped and the refused to try in case they couldn't fit it. I would have paid 15 for the piece of mind getting home with a car full.

[spike60]

Reduced to clear in the boxing day sales. Deposit left.

 

[fordperv]

^I'm rubbing my thighs at that, good purchase

[HillmanImp]

I've left a bit of a deposit in my pants seeing that.

 

Sweet.

[Tadhg Tiogar]

I've left a bit of a deposit in my pants seeing that.....

Hopefully not a rear one.

[JJ0063]

My Boxing Day treat is that my outside drain is blocked so my shitter is on the blink. My rods couldn’t get it flowing so I’ll have to pay an extortionate amount for someone to fix it. FFS.

[Christine]

Jim Bell popped round did he?

 

 

My Boxing Day treat is that my outside drain is blocked so my shitter is on the blink. My rods couldn’t get it flowing so I’ll have to pay an extortionate amount for someone to fix it. FFS.

[ruffgeezer]

Jim Bell popped round did he?

Never fear, help is here!

 

[cros]

No visitors today, thank fuck, so spent a while surveying Freelander woes. This was a one careful owner car, except that he wasn't too careful as neither head nor cambelt appear to have been touched during the 18 years since it left the factory.

I'm wondering if he was so immersed in waiting for the fabled head gasket failure that he decided to not do any other maintenance at all and just chuck the thing away when it expired.

I've never had a K series before, but feel I should shove a new gasket and water pump on while I'm changing the belt. All advice gratefully heeded.

One other thing needing attention is this wire. It's as if someone deliberately positioned the hose clip so that it rubbed through the insulation, something mentioned in a 'what-to-look-out-for article I've read. Naturally, the wire has to be the one that goes to the cooling fan.

[egg]

My Boxing Day treat is that my outside drain is blocked so my shitter is on the blink. My rods couldn’t get it flowing so I’ll have to pay an extortionate amount for someone to fix it. FFS.

 

Check the main drain in the road isn't blocked as well (or your neighbours are blocked too) - cos then it's a water company responsibility....

[catsinthewelder]

I don't see it being a particular rip off to charge £15 to fit a battery.  Main dealers charge £50-£150 per hour for mechanical work.  Most older cars are fairly simple, undo negative lead followed by the positive then hopefully one not too rusty bolt on the clamp but plenty of moderns have it buried god knows where and could cause loads of hassle dismantling.

[Steve79]

Halfords are the biggest rip off ever £15 to fit a fucking battery is just a joke. Even worse though I just saw and advert and they charge £2 to fit wiper blades.

Not ashamed to say that I paid halfrauds to fit new blades to the 75 last week as:

 

1. It was absolutely pissing it down with sheets of rain

2. I was in my new business suit

3. Could have done it myself but couldn't be arsed because of points 1 and 2

[fordperv]

Posh bastards paying someone to fit parts to your cars

[Steve79]

In my defence, it was at 6:30pm, I'd just been in a 2hr interview, then driven an hour and i still had another 1.5hr drive home and just couldn't be arsed.

[Stanky]

It was dry and the sun came out for a bit so treated the Saab to an oil and filter change earlier while the family had an afternoon nap.

[meshking]

Got two hours in on my acadiane before my in-laws arrived. Patch welded, floor fitted and ready for welding and managed to dodge a bullet: despite wearing protective glasses and a shield, a spark hit my eye.

 

Finished up and inspected the damage, my eye was beginning to itch. Resisted the temptation, removed my contacts and poured copious eye drops in. Redness cleared up and back to normal by mid afternoon (just the standard amount of red eye that I have).

 

Tomorrow: turn the van around, finish up welding and start prepping for paint

 

Do I purchase a new compressor? I have an eye (the one without sparks in) on a 100l sgs engineering beast...

[Jim Bell]

Deposit left, reduced to clear in the boxing day sales.

 

sec 002.jpg

*Stands up and salutes*

[Christine]

Someone abandoned a  big battery in Halfords car park  the other day .  Worried that a kitten or child might knock it over and die in acid ..I put it out of harms way,  in my boot ..   .It ain't new , perhaps someone bought a new one and changed it themselves ,and dumped it there . Perhaps Halfords changed it for £15 and forgot to put it inside .. It took a charge , but I haven't tried starting an engine with it . 

 

I might add , it sat there for a day unclaimed..

[DodgeRover]

I parked up once next to the bay where someone was getting a battery fitted. Being rather cheeky I asked if they were allowing the customer anything for the old one, obviously the answer was no so I asked the customer if they wanted it or could I have it.