Talk you never want to hear on viewing a car...

[sierraman]

‘Right... I’ve got to be upfront about this...’

[MiniMinorMk3]

One from the past, "Never raced or rallied"

[Soundwave]

"I'm based in Birmingham" is usually enough for me to hang up the phone...


Place seems to have an unnaturally high concentration of dubious driveway traders.

[Dick Cheeseburger]

"One Scottish owner from new" would put the fear of the corrosion god in me. 

[LightBulbFun]

"yeah its pretty much road worthy, just needs a new fuel tank which im in the middle of fitting right now"

Ha

Ha

Ha!

 

I mean im not complaining per say, could of pulled it out backwards from a ditch and id of still bought it, but looking back at that statement sure is amusing LOL (not even the replacement fuel tank that was fitted was any good!)

[New POD]

32 minutes ago, Soundwave said:

"I'm based in Birmingham" is usually enough for me to hang up the phone...


Place seems to have an unnaturally high concentration of dubious driveway traders.

What would you think if you lived there?

[Bren]

Most classified ads - " Cat N" or Cat "S" buried in the gettysburg address style ad.

[busmansholiday]

7 hours ago, Soundwave said:

"I'm based in Birmingham" is usually enough for me to hang up the phone...


Place seems to have an unnaturally high concentration of dubious driveway traders.

Car located in ...

Bradford or Cleckheaton sends shivers down my spine.

[High Jetter]

"yer wanna see it? OK, I'll meet you in 1 hour at..."

[chodweaver]

"I've got it started and warmed it up for you"

[Split_Pin]

If the seller opens the boot for you to show you the capacious load space, this is a bad thing. Just trust me 🤣

[sierraman]

If they won’t let you look at it without them waffling like fuck

[Dave_Q]

19 hours ago, sierraman said:

It’s never going to be pulling rainbow trout from a stream somewhere is it? You know it’ll be a really boring afternoon sat on the sludgy banks of some heavily polluted stretch of estuary using it as an excuse to escape a sexless marriage drinking cans of Crest Super until you fall asleep on one of those cantilever box things they all seem to have. 

My only experience of a Fishing Car was a bloke I worked with giving me a lift in his Punto, he was well into fishing.

The thing was FULL of flies, like something from a horror film.

"Oh yeah sorry about the flies, had a maggot spill at the weekend"

It was amazing how unbothered he was by driving round in a mobile cloud of flies.

Different breed these fishing types.

[PrinceRupert]

On 2/13/2023 at 4:05 PM, sierraman said:

Yeah that’s bullshit isn’t it. ‘Wife doesn’t like it’ reads as ‘I’ve bought a complete pup and I need to get shut’

I had to sell a car recently and that was genuinely the reason 😃 

[cobblers]

7 minutes ago, Dave_Q said:

Fishing Car

My dodgy uncles mate used to have a nova as a fishing car. The windscreen and roof was caved in as if someone had jumped on it, you genuinely could barely see out of it. It had no MOT, tax or insurance, but he insisted on driving this fucking wreck when he went fishing because it was his "fishing car", but he wouldn't waste money insuring it because it was "just a fishing car, I only use it once a week"

His normal car was a shitbox and even more scruffy inside so I really could never fathom the logic of risking a driving ban and having to take massive detours every journey to avoid getting pulled over

[Rocket88]

Anything purported to be either “ stunning “, or “ drives superb “…..

[Dyslexic Viking]

The stains in the back seat are impossible to remove.

[Metal Guru]

2 hours ago, Dyslexic Viking said:

The stains in the back seat are impossible to remove.

Especially bad when combined with footmarks on the headlining!

[sporty-shite]

Remapped but no proof....

Pulls like a train......

10000000000 miles, nothing for one of these

Will pass MOT easily

[EspenO]

These threads never fail to entertain 😄

The ad can’t be a) long (waffle) or b) short (hiding something). There is, and I can’t stress this enough, no middle ground.

Any sort of introduction «this is a…», «For sale:», etc is a grave affront to you as a buyer. Only factual information, presented in bullet points. God help the seller if they fail to include if the car is a pre-facelift (analogue clock in instrument cluster) or post-facelift (digital clock below heater controls) though, obviously.

it must have pictures of any angle, including the inside of the closed ash tray. Anyone who uses more than 12 photos to achieve this, however, is a timewaster.

All communication must be held in perfect RP. Though of course in 7 words or less, not to waste your precious time.

Viewings: You must be acommodated at all times. If someone is coming to see it the next day, you still get first refusal if you can get there tonight. Conversely, if you have sent a LAST PRICE M8, the seller is obliged to hold it for you until the end of time.

The seller must always meet you at their registered address, unless it’s somewhere you’ve got some irrational aversion for.

If it hasn’t got an MOT, the car has obviously been recently dragged out of a lake after having been set on fire. If it’s got an MOT, it’s because they paid off  the tester.

Faults; seller should never disclose these, as you obviously know these cars better. Despite them owning it for the last 34 years. Obviously, not disclosing anything you don’t discover is blatant fraud.

Did that cover most of it?

 

 

 

 

 

[Rustybullethole]

On 2/13/2023 at 2:01 PM, sierraman said:

‘Will do 90 in third...’

Zzr 1100 will do 90 in first. 

[camryv6]

I am being as honest as i can

[FakeConcern]

I went to look at a Scirocco GTI (Mk2) with a mate and the owner drove us around SE London at speeds up to three figures on the rev limiter and tyres squealing.

 

He didn't buy it.

[chodweaver]

If the seller opens the boot for you to show you the capacious load space, this is a bad thing. Just trust me

Better that than a Kia Picanto on which the (bomb site) dealer was unable to open the boot at all. On that particular car, the dealer's bucket of Macdonald's cola was still in the centre console (and yet he had not been driving it that day) so I feared what treasures the boot might conceal.

I didn't buy it

[Richard_FM]

Slightly OT but worth mentioning:

At the moment me & my wife are looking at buying a house & have been viewing potential new houses at the weekends.

We went to one where every room was like a teenager's bedroom & a half renovated kitchen which the seller hadn't bothered to finished so buyers can complete it to their satisfaction.  Unsurprisingly we only spent 5 minutes there!  Most other houses have been much better kept, with some almost like a showhouse.

[Metal Guru]

“Hold out yer hand!”

[stuboy]

14 hours ago, FakeConcern said:

I went to look at a Scirocco GTI (Mk2) with a mate and the owner drove us around SE London at speeds up to three figures on the rev limiter and tyres squealing.

my bro wanted to buy a golf gti 16v, found a nice one, bloke took us on test drive at speeds and manouvres Colin mcrae would've been proud of, every time he pulled away clouds of smoke.. valve stem seals. we got back , made our excuses and left .. dude had no insurance, turns out the golf had no mot.

 

wasnt purchased.

[busmansholiday]

The speedo and mileage display have stopped working.....

[stuboy]

........ oh and the alarm randomly goes off....

[warch]

On 2/13/2023 at 3:09 PM, Soundwave said:

"If it doesn't sell for £<amount>, I'll scrap it instead."

So, if you don't get £2k for your £1500-at-best car, you'll sell it for £400 to the scrappers?  Yes, that'll certainly teach potential buyers a lesson. Stop being such a dildo.

This is sort of understandable in the sub £500 category (remember those days?) where the difference between sale and scrap is very little, but otherwise you're just being a plank.

It’s classic passive aggressive behaviour, see also ‘if I don’t get the asking price will break for parts’ despite ‘too many projects’ in the same advert. 
 

My favourite selling ploy is the sort of 18th century prose adopted by wanky classic car vendors when trying to shift a moderately interesting or pseudo sporty car from long ago. Hence;

’It was a cold spring morning in April 1952 when Mr D Gribbins collected the keys to his brand new Riley Weasel 2+2 drophead TWA 1S finished in Old English Sheepdog White. He’d opted for the contrasting plum leather upholstery and beech dash and door furnishings but decided against knock off  wire wheels. Mr Gribbins was the co proprietor of Gribbins and Weed, a Brighton based hosiery supplier so TWA 1S would have spent much of the first 5 years of her life delivering ladies articles across the South Downs….

(continues in this vein for the next five paragraphs)