Dodgy shit hidden by sellers

[busmansholiday]

55 minutes ago, Lord Sterling said:

Reminds me I was offered a job some years back for JLR driving cars off the production line and parking them in the carpark.

Would they actually get that far without breaking down ?

[busmansholiday]

3 hours ago, Back_For_More said:

Edit for - FUCKING HELL Busman.... were you aware of any of that before you drove off?

"Handbrake has stopped working, think spring has come off", said the Hungarian lad I bought it off in Sheffield. 

[Talbot]

4 hours ago, busmansholiday said:

Oh, and why use a split pin when a nail will do ?

At least the nut won't come undone.  Better than the alternatives I've found in the past, including welding wire, a hair grip, and on one occasion a matchstick.

[sierraman]

Wouldn’t it have been quicker to actually fix the brake than rigging up that loop in the pipe?

[busmansholiday]

2 minutes ago, sierraman said:

Wouldn’t it have been quicker to actually fix the brake than rigging up that loop in the pipe?

A new wheel cylinder cost me £8 and a set of shoes were about £15, so yes.

[omegod]

2 hours ago, Lord Sterling said:

Reminds me I was offered a job some years back for JLR driving cars off the production line and parking them in the carpark.

Wouldn't mind it now mind, but the money offered was too low at the time.

I worked at Halewood JLR for a while, they discovered a fault with the autobox programming and the only solution was for the car to be ragged at full revs straight off the line and then get absolutely hammered round the site for a few laps, not a bad job I guess but the new owners would have been horrified to see how their lovely new car was treated 

[Lankytim]

1 hour ago, Talbot said:

At least the nut won't come undone.  Better than the alternatives I've found in the past, including welding wire, a hair grip, and on one occasion a matchstick.

I bought a Mk2 Cavalier once, on the drive home smoke was seen to be pouring from the OSR wheel. After pulling over I found the split pin was missing and the hub nut had undone itself andwas holding on by the last few threads. The wheel had assumed a pronounced angle with the drum cutting a neat slot into the brake shoes which were also hanging out between the drum and the backplate.  When I later spoke to the seller about it he said "well, I needed the split pin for another car" I had a few deathtraps from this guy, they were all super cheap but it was fun spotting what had been messed about with. 

Another time I was buying a Sierra estate that was sat in someone's front garden , The seller wouldn't budge from £100 (this was donkeys years ago and it was worth more like £20) The seller waxed lyrical about what a great car is was, never let him down e.t.c. When the deal was about to be done he suddenly said "when you're driving it home, don't forget there's no brakes" It was a minor issue to be fair, a brake pipe had rusted out but the audacity of this bitch made me put my money away and walk off, all with the seller walking out of his front door and following me down the road me shouting "90?  how about 70?..... £50???????"

[Dead_E23]

47 minutes ago, busmansholiday said:

A new wheel cylinder cost me £8 and a set of shoes were about £15, so yes.

...but I see you at least got a couple of  Jubilee clips out of the deal. Save those!

[Boycie]

This thread makes me want to buy a bicycle .....and I don't like bicycles , seriously though how do theses  people sleep at night , a bodge say using a piece of wood to hold up a fecked window if one thing , bodging brakes though 

[Split_Pin]

Mine wyfe and I wen'st ooer The Forth to thon Kingdom of Fyfe, Inbhir-keithing to be precise.

The Vauxhall Corsa B 1.4 Sport didst look gye rough as we approached, thon leading edge of the bonnet be'ist adorned in excess with oxide-pox.

We hadst taken leave of our abode in Polmonte so took the hansom for a test up the brae neer'theeless. 

"By my hilt!" I doth exclaimed, "This fucquer doth tug droite-wards when'st I brake to slow! Fuque this".

Onst our return to his abode, he doth exclaim "It be a poorly pad, nothing 5 minutes at the local Kwik Smythe wouldn't remedy". 

"Pray, when'st was the tyming-lathe last inspectit?"

"It was changeth last yestermorn"

"Doest ye have a gilt to affirm, dear chap"

"Nay, twas may mayte,  Calum the Squint wot did the deed, I can get thou a gilt by the morn's morn"

Not that cænt again.

"I bidst you good day young man".

"Fuckying chanty-wrastler", I said to my wyfe. "Pray let us take leave of this shichten-hoosen and get our arses back to Polmonte ".

[busmansholiday]

7 hours ago, Split_Pin said:

Mine wyfe and I wen'st ooer The Forth to thon Kingdom of Fyfe, Inbhir-keithing to be precise.

I lived there in the late 70's, has it improved ?

[Split_Pin]

2 hours ago, busmansholiday said:

I lived there in the late 70's, has it improved ?

Well, is't hame of the fine hand-cart and scarab dealer 'Thine Takest Pairt One Needs Oneself' .

Whenst I was visiting last even, I doth lamented that thon enclosure wast barren of Rovers.

[camryv6]

Have i fallen into a parallel universe, with a different language ? 😕

[Rocket88]

3 minutes ago, camryv6 said:

Have i fallen into a parallel universe, with a different language ? 😕

Scotland 1713….. nearly a quarter past now……

[Boycie]

If Nicola gets independence we,ll all be talking like this again ......

[NorthernMonkey]

What have you done with too_savvy?

[Fumbler]

It looks like Samuel Pepys is infiltrating people's accounts...

[AnnoyingPentium]

3 hours ago, camryv6 said:

Have i fallen into a parallel universe, with a different language ? 😕

Aye. Thou hath indeed.

[AnthonyG]

Did he have a Scottish cousin?

[Boycie]

[Wibble]

13 hours ago, Split_Pin said:

Mine wyfe and I wen'st ooer The Forth to thon Kingdom of Fyfe, Inbhir-keithing to be precise.

The Vauxhall Corsa B 1.4 Sport didst look gye rough as we approached, thon leading edge of the bonnet be'ist adorned in excess with oxide-pox.

We hadst taken leave of our abode in Polmonte so took the hansom for a test up the brae neer'theeless. 

"By my hilt!" I doth exclaimed, "This fucquer doth tug droite-wards when'st I brake to slow! Fuque this".

Onst our return to his abode, he doth exclaim "It be a poorly pad, nothing 5 minutes at the local Kwik Smythe wouldn't remedy". 

"Pray, when'st was the tyming-lathe last inspectit?"

"It was changeth last yestermorn"

"Doest ye have a gilt to affirm, dear chap"

"Nay, twas may mayte,  Calum the Squint wot did the deed, I can get thou a gilt by the morn's morn"

Not that cænt again.

"I bidst you good day young man".

"Fuckying chanty-wrastler", I said to my wyfe. "Pray let us take leave of this shichten-hoosen and get our arses back to Polmonte ".

Reminds me of having to study Chaucer back in school, brilliant 😄

[RoverFolkUs]

1 hour ago, AnnoyingPentium said:

Aye. Thou hath indeed.

Bugger. I was going to ask you to translate but it seems you've been infected too

😂

[Boycie]

Nichola is going to give details today of how we are going to start building cars again in Scotland once independence has been achieved .....keep it to yourself but I've been given details of the said car ....apparently it's a bugger to start when warn but it does have a opening rear window .....have a look at that interior ....makes u proud to be Scottish , I'm going to join the workforce ....then strike when the kettle goes on the blink 

[New POD]

Will it be powered by fairy dust ? Will the major components be built in a fully automated factory in erm....anywhere that's not the UK.....And transported by Cargo plane to Oban's tiny airport, before being delivered to a fully automated factory near Balamory, that employs redundant English holiday home cleaners to sweep the floors on a Monday and Friday ? 

Before being put on a ship and delivered to thier target export market in erm.... Rwanda.... where unfortunately sales will be poor as there is no fairy dust supply infrastructure, and the blue tooth connectivity isn't very good, so the radio is only good for crackling AM broadcasts, and the hands-free phone doesn't work when it needs to. 

[Poweredbyhopealone]

9 hours ago, RoverFolkUs said:

Bugger. I was going to ask you to translate but it seems you've been infected too

😂

@AnnoyingPentium Is the tame (or as close to tame as is possble) Scotsman required for communications accross the DMZ

[wuvvum]

2 hours ago, Boycie said:

Nichola is going to give details today of how we are going to start building cars again in Scotland once independence has been achieved .....keep it to yourself but I've been given details of the said car ....apparently it's a bugger to start when warn but it does have a opening rear window .....have a look at that interior ....makes u proud to be Scottish , I'm going to join the workforce ....then strike when the kettle goes on the blink 

Probably still more modern than the new Lada Granta mind.

[Datsuncog]

I was under the impression you could still buy yourself a brand-new Scottish designed and built car, should you desire one...

Not straight from the showroom, but the Argyll GT tooling still exists and I'm told Bob Henderson will knock a new one up for you... at a price.

www.argyllmotors.co.uk

Getting NOS Datsun Cherry rear lights might be a pain, though.

[sierraman]

30 minutes ago, Datsuncog said:

I was under the impression you could still buy yourself a brand-new Scottish designed and built car, should you desire one...

Not straight from the showroom, but the Argyll GT tooling still exists and I'm told Bob Henderson will knock a new one up for you... at a price.

www.argyllmotors.co.uk

Getting NOS Datsun Cherry rear lights might be a pain, though.

What a mess that is. He can’t have stood back and not thought, ‘that looks wank, nobody will invest in this’

[martc]

Don't forget the future is electric. But ole Nikki has this covered as well, Scotlands pioneering electric car -

The Scottish Aviation Scamp.  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scottish_Aviation_Scamp

The dashboard reflects the thrifty character of the Scottish people -

Not sure the dodgyness of this could be hidden by it's sellers though....

[AnnoyingPentium]

10 hours ago, Poweredbyhopealone said:

@AnnoyingPentium Is the tame (or as close to tame as is possble) Scotsman required for communications accross the DMZ

Aye, it happens when yer in the deep sooth ae the country, surprisingly.