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Shit you see at the side of the road


beko1987

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Picture for illustration porpoises only.

FQHB2nA.png

 

Before I drove, I used to see loads of hitchers at the side of the road from the comfort of the passenger chair.

 

Since I've been driving, I've only ever seen one. I was driving a newly purchased Volvo 360 back to Newcastle from Reading, was leaving a southern service area and passed a lad with a backpack and a piece of card with something on it.

 

I thought I'd be a good egg and offer a lift so I applied the breaks.

Then I thought "hang on, he's probably a fucking murderer."

And drove away again.

Then I saw him throw his hands up in the air in the rear view mirror and felt a cold pang of guilt so I stopped again.

I saw him jogging down the slip road in the rear view and thought "He looks even more like a murderer now than he did the first time. AND he's pissed off now."

So I drove away again.

 

Then it started raining.

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When I worked for a large container transport company during the eighties on nights, we used to run from Thurrock to Tilbury taking export containers in, and bringing imports back.

We regularly used to see a geezer taking photos of a naked woman at the side of the road during the journey.

 

We also used to get a geezer cruise up alongside us bashing one out.

We'd throw bulbs at his windscreen.

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Ive given a few "trade plate" guys lifts, one of them was the smelliest unkempt bloke I have ever met.

The odour of unwashed coat took days to get rid of from the car. Twas quite rank. :o

 

And \I've had to remove a tramps trousers before today.

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When I still did a lot of driving throughout Europe and the Near East, I always picked up hitchhikers.

Without a single exception, a highly interesting conversation ensued.

I remember that couple from Ireland I picked up near Aachen in the pouring rain, who rode with me all the way to Vienna, where my journey ended. They were members of a theater group in Westport and lived there on a 120ft Schooner.

They invited me to visit them there and join them for a sailing trip to Reykjavik - in Winter! And I did it!

 

I miss hitchhikers. No idea why it suddenly went out of fashion, but my guess is the introduction of those cheap backpacker tickets for railways and planes in the 90s.

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Around here it's normally wreckage seen at the side of the road. It seems Lincolnshire's rural roads are popular places for hurling your car into the scenery. Happened upon this sterling effort between xmas and new year in 2008...

 

100_5100.jpg

 

Not only snapping a substantial tree in half but uprooting it as well. Top marks!

 

100_5104.jpg

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Around here it's normally wreckage seen at the side of the road. It seems Lincolnshire's rural roads are popular places for hurling your car into the scenery. Happened upon this sterling effort between xmas and new year in 2008...

 

 

 

Not only snapping a substantial tree in half but uprooting it as well. Top marks!

 

100_5104.jpg

 

VTEC kicked in YO!

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Two huge pieces of timber (about ten feet long) in the inside lane of the M2 near Faversham two weeks ago.

 

An ex London Transport MCW Metrobus crashed into a ditch on a rural road locally in 2004 - the alu front bumper/valance was visible in the ditch for several years after that.

 

Loads of wheeltrims, tyres, the odd bumper and many numberplates, including a pair of matching plates that had been tossed into the undergrowth next to the Fortune of War junction on the A127.

 

In the same location was the petrol tank from an ancient CZ motorcycle and the almost completely overgrown remains of a Rover P4.

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Found a decapitated cow with missing hooves dumped on the side of the road. Farmers do this as they have to pay for them to be disposed at a slaughter house, and this prevents them being ID'd.

It's not that uncommon to find a dead horse by the side of the road in the New Forest. They seem to like standing gormlessly in the middle of the road just over blind crests.

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I used to commute between birmingham and Gloucester on a regular basis and noticed that the friday evening pile ups were always on the uphill strech from J5 to J4.

On the uphill mile from J5 you could count over 50 sets of skid marks in the fast lane alone. Given that most cars have ABS, god knows what the road would have looked like if it showed the real number of near miss braking incidents there.

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How do you tell the difference......................... ?

A. Tissue paper draped artistically* indicates human

B. Huge straw content of huge pile indicates equine

C. None of the above indicates possible canine.

D. Or possibly Trucker shit. No rules apply. As may contain the residue of anything even remotely edible, along the lines of owl pellets, but nastier.

:-)

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I used to commute between birmingham and Gloucester on a regular basis and noticed that the friday evening pile ups were always on the uphill strech from J5 to J4...

Goes from three lanes to two on the approach to the M42 at 4A. Given that this includes the hill AND a left-hand bend, it confuses the shit out of the gompers...

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