Dodgy shit hidden by sellers

[sierraman]

11 minutes ago, Dead_E23 said:

I used to hear about people quieting noisy gearboxes by adding a nylon shirt, but have never seen it done.  I can't even remember the last time I saw a nylon shirt, for that matter.

Lots of rwd gearboxes used to feature postcard-sized cover plates held down by half a dozen bolts. I'd imagine if you popped one of those off you could insert all kinds of nefarious temporary cures. Either that, or remove the gearshift assembly and stuff it in that way.

I’d heard of sawdust. 

[Stanky]

Sawdust I sort of understand, but what kind of maniac sat down and said 'I've got a really noisy gearbox, I KNOW - I'll put a banana skin in there!'

I mean top marks for solutions-orientated thinking, but I wonder what else got put into gearboxes to 'see if it quietens it down'

[warch]

Wasn’t there also telling the unsuspecting that the oil pressure light illuminating was a means of letting you know the engine was warm? Not technically a lie but still…

[Timewaster]

Remember reading BSH about a guy who bought a Suzuki Gt750. These 3 cylinder bikes had a reputation seizing up the middle cylinder. When this one was running rough the owner stripped head off and discovered that the middle piston had been replaced with a tennis ball cut and wedged over the end of the con rod.

[Dead_E23]

Just remembered another story about my pal the dodgy motor trader.  I was loitering outside another traders premises one morning when I spotted him in his smiley Transit beavertail and he pulled over for a chat. 

He had an absolutely hanging Maxi loaded on the back covered in moss with holes in the scuttle you could have put your hand through. I asked him if he was on his way to weigh it in and he laughed and told me it was going in that night's auction at Eastbourne and he'd pop back with it later to show me.

Sure enough, he reappeared that afternoon with the car sporting a fresh coat of paint concealing a ton of wag that he'd shovelled into the holey panels.  I'd watched him using body filler before, and he was so skilled with it that it only needed the smallest amount of sanding down.

Caveat emptor!

[95 quid Peugeot]

12 minutes ago, Timewaster said:

Remember reading BSH about a guy who bought a Suzuki Gt750. These 3 cylinder bikes had a reputation seizing up the middle cylinder. When this one was running rough the owner stripped head off and discovered that the middle piston had been replaced with a tennis ball cut and wedged over the end of the con rod.

Blimey,  that story was doing the rounds when I got my GT380 in 1976

[Timewaster]

Mentioned before, but my friend bought a mk1 Golf 1.1 from the auction as a stop gap.

It was absolutely gutless, despite every attempt to sort it out.

A quick check of engine numbers revealed it had an 850 Polo engine.

[Split_Pin]

I can't be arsed telling the story again of how I got duped with a Civic that had a bootlid held shut with Velcro.....

[DSdriver]

A friend bought an 8 cylinder yank that was running a bit rough. When he checked under the bonnet he found that the back spark plug was missing and had been replaced with a wooden plug. Hoping to get some improvement in performance he removed the wooden plug and fitted a random spark plug. He tried to start the car which didn't go at all well and when he took the head off he found that there was no piston or con rod in the back bore.

[Dobloseven]

1 hour ago, Split_Pin said:

I can't be arsed telling the story again of how I got duped with a Civic that had a bootlid held shut with Velcro.....

I reckon that was a prime contender for Bodge of the Year. 

[sierraman]

What about the old 5 speed gearknob on a four speeder trick? 

[Dobloseven]

There used to be a fellow who went under the name Barry Cade who wrote a column in various car maintenance and classic car mags. He would endlessly repeat the tale of how someone would pump body filler into sloppy king pins with a grease gun to get through the Mot. 

[New POD]

2 minutes ago, Dobloseven said:

There used to be a fellow who went under the name Barry Cade who wrote a column in various car maintenance and classic car mags. He would endlessly repeat the tale of how someone would pump body filler into sloppy king pins with a grease gun to get through the Mot. 

@Barry Cade

[sierraman]

2 minutes ago, Dobloseven said:

There used to be a fellow who went under the name Barry Cade who wrote a column in various car maintenance and classic car mags. He would endlessly repeat the tale of how someone would pump body filler into sloppy king pins with a grease gun to get through the Mot. 

But then your king pins would be immediately fucked... what would that solve? 🤣

[Dobloseven]

9 minutes ago, sierraman said:

But then your king pins would be immediately fucked... what would that solve? 🤣

Since he got paid for writing the columns, it must have solved the problem of his holiday money a few times! I don't think he's anything to do with our Barry. 

[Dobloseven]

18 minutes ago, sierraman said:

What about the old 5 speed gearknob on a four speeder trick? 

There's another version of that, where a fellow lets his young son drive his new Golf on a disused airfield. The revs drop and the car starts shuddering as the lad changes into the fifth gear his dad didn't know he'd got. 

[motorpunk]

Looked at a new(ish) Civic a couple of years ago, pics looked good, spotlessly clean outside, low miles, FSH, all good. Rang the dealer "I'm driving an hour to see this thing... anything you want to tell me?".... "Nah, it's immaculate".... get there to see spotless car with windows down. Hot day, fair enough. Take it for a drive, put the windows up and am immediately overcome with the stench of dog. Rear seats still damp with dog piss. Boot and seatbacks covered in dog hair. Took it back... "how was the car?" - "Fucking stinks of piss you bullshitting wanker"... saw the same car doing the rounds on eBay for quite some time after. Dogs stink almost as bad as 2nd hand car salesmen. 

[Bren]

1 hour ago, sierraman said:

What about the old 5 speed gearknob on a four speeder trick? 

Quite a few SD1 owners caught out by that one.....

[rainagain]

How about sticking new shells in a fucked DCi and then flogging it. Meaning the buyer (me) had to spend £550 on a replacement engine. This still burns me to today, after always running shitters a family member gave us £3K to buy a car and my OH had always wanted a convertible. We had two weeks of top down motoring until it shat itself. The bolts holding the sump on weren’t even tightened properly. Ended up selling it with the replacement  engine, new clutch and timing belt for £300 less than we paid for it. 

[Dan_ZTT]

2 hours ago, Dobloseven said:

There's another version of that, where a fellow lets his young son drive his new Golf on a disused airfield. The revs drop and the car starts shuddering as the lad changes into the fifth gear his dad didn't know he'd got. 

Was a passenger in my mother in law’s newish Bini not long ago, get on the motorway and she revs it up to about 75mph in 4th and just stays there, completely oblivious until I reminded her it had a 5th gear… some people just have zero awareness and drive basically on autopilot 

[Missy Charm]

My dad once bought a second-hand Cavalier from a trader which was tickety boo inside and out and served us well as a family car.  The hidden bit was said Cavalier wasn't actually the trader's to sell.  Things got interesting when a debt recovery agent turned up to repossess it.  In fairness it was carelessness on the trader's part rather than dishonesty, so he said, and he ended up paying off the lender and the agent so that he could gain title to the goods.  Complicated business.  

And the opposite: in the seventies or eighties my mum, then living in North London, telephoned a private seller about a car to be informed that it was a good runner and immaculate bar a bullet hole in one of the panels.  The seller, who sounded on the wide side, informed her that a rival had taken a pot shot at the car the previous day.  She, my mum, didn't bother to go and look at it...

[Dobloseven]

A few years ago, one of the Practical Classics team, might well have been Danny Hopkins, bought a Vauxhall Victor FB from a Jaguar specialist. Apparently it had been taken in part exchange against an E Type. It was soon discovered the sills were crafted artisan style from a layer of finest body filler nestling on a bed of crumpled newspaper. The sellers insisted they had bought it in like that in good faith, but the date on the newspapers proved otherwise.... 

[Wibble]

1 hour ago, Bren said:

Quite a few SD1 owners caught out by that one.....

Wasn’t there a thing back in the early eighties of Sierras being hired and gearboxes swapped by folks wanting 5 speed Cortinas. Four speed Sierras being returned to the hire company who were none the wiser for a while until a customer reported a problem with the lack of fifth? 

[Shite Ron]

8 hours ago, JimH said:

IME the most common is sellers being completely and totally and absolutely unaware that the car had ever been in an accident ever. In one particularly memorable case the pretence was maintained even when it was suggested that the paint on the front end was still reeking of solvent. 

This is very common, I went to see a K reg Sapphire in the mid nineties, it was cheap and I called the seller as soon as the paper came out hoping to get a bargain. I asked if it had been accident damaged and the seller said no, it is very good condition. When I got to his house you could see immediately that it was not sitting straight and the shell was clearly not straight. I asked again if it had been in an accident and he was adamant it hadn’t. I called HPI and checked it in front of him and surprisingly* it was a write off! The seller was in a wheel chair and in traction, I suspect from a previous satisfied customer.

When I bought my TVR I saw a very cheap one on Autotrader, I called the seller as soon as the advert came out and was told it was in good condition and never crashed. I drove straight to Nottingham to view it (3 hours each way) pulled up out side his house with a very strong smell of fibreglass resin coming from the garage and filler dust everywhere, the car stank and looked terrible, I didn’t hang around long, no need to waste money on a HPI check there.

Blatant lies about mileage are very common now. As has been mentioned sawdust in the gearbox and axle were common ‘repairs’.

On the positive side the TVR I did buy turned out to be excellent and cheap as the seller was moving to Barbados and wanted cash. I also bought a Mini Cub ( Moke kit car) very cheap at Cardiff auction when it was pushed through the ring as the last car of the day because they couldn’t start it. I had it for half the reserve price and drove it home after tightening the battery leads!

[Timewaster]

In the 90s I'm sure there was a trick played by second hand car dealers who would have a full page in Autotrader or the local papers listing 30 nice sounding cars.

I was after a 205XS (never actually got one) and would get to the dealer, look at the 15 cars they actually had and ask about the XS.

"Oh, that's gone but we have this lovely 205"

*Points to a doom blue diesel.

This happened a few times so I'm sure it was a thing.

[Shite Ron]

Just now, Timewaster said:

In the 90s I'm sure there was a trick played by second hand car dealers who would have a full page in Autotrader or the local papers listing 30 nice sounding cars.

I was after a 205XS (never actually got one) and would get to the dealer, look at the 15 cars they actually had and ask about the XS.

"Oh, that's gone but we have this lovely 205"

*Points to a doom blue diesel.

This happened a few times so I'm sure it was a thing.

Empress car sales did this regularly, I took the newspaper with me and asked about every car in the advert. Surprisingly I had just missed each of them, but they had similar ones for around a grand more in each case.

The last time I went they had a manual 3.6 XJS, I called and asked if it was really there and what condition it was in. I was assured it was there and immaculate! When I got there it was actually there in the showroom with a huge pool of oil underneath on the showroom floor! I pointed it out to the salesman and he said our workshop will sort that, I also pointed out the large lump of filler in the rear quarter panel! It was far from immaculate, needless to say I didn’t buy it.

[Skcat]

Once I drove a long way to see a "great" honda prelude Mk4, when I turned up the windscreen was smashed, the bonnet had not been latched shut and had swung open, bent the hinges, bodywork and wings and smashed the windscreen. He offered me £100 off because of that... Wish he had told me before I left so I did not need to waste my time. 

The car had failed it's mot then a month later passed with no advisories. It was clearly a dodgy mot as the battery was still insecure like in the older mot... I don't understand why people don't just put a big cable tie around it (at the very least). 

[meggersdog]

When I bought my Discovery there were thin bits of tin Sicoflexed over the non existant inner and outer sills then covered in thick bitumen. Should have looked harder when buying it after opening a rear door and peeling one of these tin plates off a hole near the seatbelt anchor right infront of the seller. But £700 for a 300TDi  was cheap then.

In the 6 years of ownership I realised a 300TDi registered in 1999 has all the body rot of a Discovery1 and all the chassis rot of a Discovery 2... 

[Wack]

Alfa 166 3.0 I was 100% driving it home from the sellers description 

Massive dent in one of the back doors he failed to mention , I thought we could negotiate on the price , twat 

Volvo V70 I knew was a cat D but it was only 10 miles away so I went to look at it as it'd been "professionally repaired" innit 

Lifted the bonnet , there was a wiring loom running from L to R across the front crossmember that looked like a snake had swallowed a rat , bullet connectors,  not even soldered 

[St.Jude]

Just an FYI - I’ve only ever heard about sawdust in the gearbox from Matilda in the 90’s. I’ve not got a car with a fucked gearbox to try.

I’ve nothing to add to victims of sellers, but I’ve got one where the dealer was the victim of a part exchange.

My dad had a Rover 820Si fastback, and it developed a fault where the engine would just die randomly. You could be doing 50mph and it’d just die, or pulling out of a junction slowly and it’d die. RAC came out, identified that it could either be a relay box that was screwed (because after a while you would hear it flutter and then it’d fall open) or it was the ECU. Dad was sick of sticking a bit of cardboard in the relay to keep it closed so we went off to buy a car.

Closest second hand dealer was about a 5 minute drive, and the Rover died once on route. It’d start first time, but it decided to die again as he turned in to the dealership. There was a portakabin that was the office for this place, and the 3 salesmen stood there watching him drive in. I ask him what’s he going to do, and he says “it’ll be fine”. The car rolls past without the engine running and my dad parks it up at the bottom of the site.

There was next to fuck all there, my Dad liked big cars and hated hatchbacks, and the only thing that was semi appealing to him was a Mk1 Ford Focus saloon. Dad took it for a spin, muttered it’ll do, then struck a deal where I think he got £750/£1,000 PX for the fucked Rover. I can’t remember right the figure, but it hurt the salesman. The salesman, btw, was quite proud in saying he was a good judge of character and my dad seemed to be a top bloke. Which he was tbh, if you weren’t selling or buying from him.

The car, apparently, needed an MOT. My dad was adamant he loved the car and wanted to get going with it, so why not let him have the car and he’ll drop it back for the MOT in the week? Sure. The Rover was left, and we drove off in the Focus. He turned round to me driving off and basically said whatever happened that he wasn’t going home in that Rover. He hadn’t even been for a look before hand.

Few days later he rocks up with the Focus, and the Rover is in the same place he left it. Salesman goes to him “here, how do you start that Rover?”

”You put the key in and turn it, why?”

”It won’t start”

Surprised, my dad goes “well that’s strange, you saw me drive in with it didn’t you?”

”Yes, I’ve had every electrician out to look at it and no one can work it out”

”Well that’s strange, it’s been great for me really” as he left the keys to the Focus and walked off.

About 3 months later there’s a knock at the door, and this bloke is at the door and is asking for the radio code of the Rover. I look behind him and the Rover is stood there. I go out to it, and the only thing I can see that’s changed is a rubber nipple switch was installed by the radiator. That’s all I could see that was done, the bloke bought it from someone that wasn’t the dealer, so not sure where it went.

Saw it milling around for years after that. It was a great car.