Dodgy shit hidden by sellers

[sierraman]

What’s the funniest stories you have about sellers trying to hide faults with bullshit? 

[AnnoyingPentium]

Not really a big dodgy fault shit thing...

The missing spring on the fuel cap for it to pop open was a minor issue at best that was fixed by his mechanic and wouldn't have me trying to pry the bastard open with my car keys in the pissing rain at the Jet Station in Auchinleck.

[wesacosa]

I went to see an "immaculate low mileage" Lacquer red Capri 2.8 Special years ago..Drove from Essex to Leighton buzzard to see it.  When we got there there were specs of Lacquer red spray paint on his drive and the mileage on one of the invoices hidden in the paperwork he had were for about 40k more than the odometer was showing

[HMC]

A car that had a “ boost leak” whereas in fact the clutch was slipping like hell. I could never quite decide if it was ignorance/ misdiagnosis or a deliberate attempt to mislead.

[goosey]

My sons E36 coupe with silicone sills that were nicely hidden by the side skirts springs to mind, luckily it was bought before the prices went mental 

[Rocket88]

Years ago, mate of mine bought a Renault 16 in the depths of winter,which was a sod to start. Slave battery would just about turn it over enough to start it. New battery? No difference. New starter motor? No difference. Checked earths? All good. Ignition timing? Spot on.

Turns out the sump was full of Wynn’s finest to disguise a bottom end knock, which had the  consistency of molten lava when cold

 

[Dead_E23]

Concealing horrendous faults on cars sent to auction used to be considered a bit of a game in the motor trade in the 80s and it was regarded as a bit of fun to be left holding the baby and having to come up with a wheeze to get rid of it.

I was friendly at the time with a well-dodgy trader who was regarded as an expert at the game, once memorably selling an engineless Renault 8 by pushing it through the sale whilst laughing with the crowd about how the fucking thing had picked a bad moment to run out of petrol.

(This is one reason why private purchasers need to be very careful when bidding at auctions).

[sierraman]

God there was nothing worse than Bawtry Auctions for this, especially if it was a private entry.

[Dead_E23]

Shoreham auction was well known for having terrible entries, to the extent that the traders I knew wouldn't buy stock there but would occasionally visit just for fun.

It's also the place where I saw the only Alfa 6 I've ever seen in the metal. It made £50 and to my chagrin as a skint student I didn't have £50. Probably dodged a bullet there, in retrospect.

[andy18s]

There was always something dropping its guts/overheating/smoking the place out,or just rattling like a bastard at Cannock auctions..

And the deathburgers must have contravened half a dozen health guidelines as well

[DSdriver]

My pals who were in the motor trade with fronts around West Wickham back in the early seventies were always punting duff cars on to each other. It was a game that we all laughed about in the Wheatsheaf.

[Dead_E23]

49 minutes ago, andy18s said:

the deathburgers 

Eastbourne auction used to sell delicious egg & bacon sandwiches, served by the lovely Claire from a greasy kiosk.   

It was such a shame when they moved to posh new premises.

[MikeR]

2 hours ago, Dead_E23 said:

Concealing horrendous faults on cars sent to auction used to be considered a bit of a game in the motor trade in the 80s and it was regarded as a bit of fun to be left holding the baby and having to come up with a wheeze to get rid of it.

I was friendly at the time with a well-dodgy trader who was regarded as an expert at the game, once memorably selling an engineless Renault 8 by pushing it through the sale whilst laughing with the crowd about how the fucking thing had picked a bad moment to run out of petrol.

(This is one reason why private purchasers need to be very careful when bidding at auctions).

used to go to Ormskirk auctions years ago , some of the rot that was passed throu was incredible , we did buy a Susuki sc100 complete with dodgy coolant pump and FUBARED head gasket , it even made it home and  it lasted a while ...

the cars that got pushed in and out never got a look in , if it moved under its own steam everyone would be all over it ....

but the the guy trying to find the upper gears in some old shed he had bought was a cracker , it only only had 1st and reverse !!!

[warch]

My brother once bought a mk2 Golf with a recently repaired head gasket. Still seemed to be overheating/misfiring/mixing the oil and water almost as if it still had an issue. 
 

On further examination three of the head bolts at one end had snapped and been cunningly glued back together using epoxy resin. 
 

I remember reading about a similar wheeze in Bike magazine where someone discovered that a previous owner of a bike they’d just purchased had stripped the threads on the handlebar retaining bolts and then ingeniously superglued them back into place. 

[JimH]

IME the most common is sellers being completely and totally and absolutely unaware that the car had ever been in an accident ever. In one particularly memorable case the pretence was maintained even when it was suggested that the paint on the front end was still reeking of solvent. 

[junkyarddog]

I can remember reading somewhere (maybe on here,I can't remember) of somebody purchased a van at auction, and the big end bearings had been packed out with the metal from a soft drinks tin.

[Rocket88]

Anything with a the “ drum solo of death” from the bottom end….. “ Wynns it and retard the ignition…..”

[Back_For_More]

Early 90's - BGT with no rear crank oil seal was put through ..... Didn't get much further than the car park and I fucked up the sellers car in the car park as a reward...... 1 of my more interesting days.

Gave us ideas though - so along with techie mates, we put through some absolute shitters that we picked up on forces bases in the area, loads of forces bods just moved on and left vehicles behind - painters would spruce them up and polish the shit out of them then we'd get shot.

 

[Scruffy Bodger]

41 minutes ago, junkyarddog said:

I can remember reading somewhere (maybe on here,I can't remember) of somebody purchased a van at auction, and the big end bearings had been packed out with the metal from a soft drinks tin.

I went to Kingsland auctions years back and bid on a Mk3 Cavalier for my mum. I went with 2 professional mechanics, all 3 of us thought it was worth a punt, hence the bid. When she went down to fetch it it wouldn't start, she called a very nice man in a yellow van out to help, makeshift immo found, car starts, he checks it over to be nice, all seems good, enjoy your drive home.

She got 7 miles or so, the engine shit itself in spectacular fashion on the A49, oil all over the exhaust manifold and she could barely see to stop.

Guess who then got the unpaid job of finding another engine, getting a mate with a van to transport it and then changing the fucker over...

It was a brilliant car after that, was even stolen from outside her work in Brum and then found un-fucked and used again, it lasted her years!

[RoverFolkUs]

A MK2 Focus with a blatant power steering leak.. the ground below was covered in fluid and the pump whining it's tits off running dry, reservoir empty. 

Asked the fella how he didn't notice such a major thing, and why he didn't tell me when I asked specifically if there was any major flaws before coming to see it, he just shrugged his shoulders and said "just passed its MOT last week m8" 

Feel sorry for the poor sod who bought it in the end  

[Bren]

Won an ebay auction for a B5.5 passat. Reg plate was obscured and seller wouldn't send me the reg until I had won the auction.

MOT history showed a haircut of huge proportions - this wasn't the first clocked passat I'd seen as they wear their miles well.

I remember Carr Mill Auctions at St Helens - it seemed to a memorable occurrence to see a car enter the hall under it's own power. An automotive chapel of rest.

[Rust Collector]

3 hours ago, Dead_E23 said:

Shoreham auction was well known for having terrible entries, to the extent that the traders I knew wouldn't buy stock there but would occasionally visit just for fun.

 

1 hour ago, Dead_E23 said:

Eastbourne auction used to sell delicious egg & bacon sandwiches, served by the lovely Claire from a greasy kiosk.   

It was such a shame when they moved to posh new premises.

I've been at dealerships that punted cars to both of those places - the dealer principal at the dealership near Shoreham that I worked for used it almost exclusively for p/x stuff that was completely fucked or we didn't want to touch and we would never buy stock from there. I remember another salesman getting chewed up once for doing an armchair appraisal on a p/x Stream with an auto box that turned out to be fucked and stuck in limp mode... too expensive to repair, but could drive in and out of the auction... If you checked the usual advertising places at the time then you'd notice most of the motors seemed to head up to London where they frequently found themselves with FSH, lower mileage and no faults anymore 🤔

Eastbourne wasn't so bad, we actually used to buy some stock from there. Fuel light roulette was the only real bother there, you'd normally pick cars up with the range showing as zero and then drive them back to Herstmonceux as putting your own fuel in stock is a sure fire way to lose a tenner. Better you wait for one of the service lads to be sent with a jerry can than that 😅 Can't remember any cars that blew up/fell apart from there though, although we only bought stuff that would be covered under our 'approved' scheme, so up to about 6 years old.

The last car that got dumped on someone else and was sort of my fault was a diesel mk8 Civic Type S. I should've wondered why the girl who owned it was stressing so much when the delivery date of her replacement got bumped out, it turned out the clutch was so fucked the thing could barely move itself around so I'm guessing she was worried it would die before she could drop it in as her p/x as we'd put a decent trade in price on it. I didn't bother starting/driving it for appraisal as whilst I wandered round it in the car park my x-ray vision told me everything was fine* without turning it over, and I didn't move it before another trader came and bought it as he was so keen to have it he came down that day... I got some lovely feedback on my appraisal skills for that one 😅

[sierraman]

Went once to view a car, it was absolutely pissing red coolant out everywhere, it was not only in the engine bay but coming out at pressure under the car. The guy selling it was adamant that there was nothing untoward that he could see wrong with the car. Another where the car had according to the advert ‘a few very slight marks by previous elderly owner’. I was expecting a few supermarket trolley dings etc. No, it looked like it had done four heats at Hednesford then covered up with some similar metallic blue paint. 

[Dead_E23]

35 minutes ago, Rust Collector said:

 

🤔Can't remember any cars that blew up/fell apart from there though, although we only bought stuff that would be covered under our 'approved' scheme, so up to about 6 years old.

😅

My boss used to buy some right shit out of that place to fill up his px cheapies section, but apart from various clonks and howling wheel bearings they usually drove ok. 

I remember one that had a tremendously noisy autobox that sounded like it was full of shrapnel attempting to batter its way through the casing and I had to knock it into neutral upon spotting a police motorcyclist and coast past him in case the racket should excite his curiousity and result in him discovering that I was not displaying my trade plates (which were usually tossed in the back so I didn't have to worry about them flying off en route)

[Yoss]

Banana skin in the gearbox was a favourite of the BMC boys I used to hang around with. Would quieten the gearbox down a treat. A friend of mine bought a Westminster and the gearbox got progressively noisier after a couple of weeks. The general consensus was it had had a banana skin overhaul. So he drained the gearbox, added a new banana skin and moved it on. I've no idea how the skin was introduced to the gearbox thinking about it now. 

[goosey]

7 minutes ago, Yoss said:

Banana skin in the gearbox was a favourite of the BMC boys I used to hang around with. Would quieten the gearbox down a treat. A friend of mine bought a Westminster and the gearbox got progressively noisier after a couple of weeks. The general consensus was it had had a banana skin overhaul. So he drained the gearbox, added a new banana skin and moved it on. I've no idea how the skin was introduced to the gearbox thinking about it now. 

I’ve always wondered this, if you managed to poke the skin in through the fill hole wouldn’t it just sink/fall to the bottom of the gearbox oil and just sit there ? 

 

 

[GingerNuttz]

Sawdust in the gearbox was the go to around these parts to quieten noisy gearboxes 😂

[Bren]

53 minutes ago, Yoss said:

Banana skin in the gearbox was a favourite of the BMC boys I used to hang around with. Would quieten the gearbox down a treat. A friend of mine bought a Westminster and the gearbox got progressively noisier after a couple of weeks. The general consensus was it had had a banana skin overhaul. So he drained the gearbox, added a new banana skin and moved it on. I've no idea how the skin was introduced to the gearbox thinking about it now. 

Sounds like he dodged a right banana skin....

[Amishtat]

53 minutes ago, Yoss said:

Banana skin in the gearbox was a favourite of the BMC boys I used to hang around with. Would quieten the gearbox down a treat. A friend of mine bought a Westminster and the gearbox got progressively noisier after a couple of weeks. The general consensus was it had had a banana skin overhaul. So he drained the gearbox, added a new banana skin and moved it on. I've no idea how the skin was introduced to the gearbox thinking about it now. 

Probably through the hole in the top of the tunnel under the carpet. Usually that's where the oil goes but things would have been different then,I'm sure I've heard of this happening. After 23 years my box isn't any noisier so I've not tried it myself.

[Dead_E23]

I used to hear about people quieting noisy gearboxes by adding a nylon shirt, but have never seen it done.  I can't even remember the last time I saw a nylon shirt, for that matter.

Lots of rwd gearboxes used to feature postcard-sized cover plates held down by half a dozen bolts. I'd imagine if you popped one of those off you could insert all kinds of nefarious temporary cures. Either that, or remove the gearshift assembly and stuff it in that way.