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Most stupid message while flogging a shiter


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One issue with gumtree is that auto filled message “hi is this still available?” Or something like that- I ended up with about 20 of those on a golf I had on there with nothing back after I said it was. I see on a few ads it says yes still available I’ll remove it when it isn’t- And I think I’ll post the same in future to avoid a load of pointless replies I had to make.

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12 hours ago, Daviemck2006 said:

I got a full service history on the £500 bora!

Sent from my SM-T585 using Tapatalk
 

On the whole though it’s a ‘nice to have’ on a £700 car it’s by no means a bargaining point. Some of the best cars I’ve had have had literally just the V5 and a key, some of the biggest piles of shit had a sheaf if paperwork. 

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12 hours ago, Talbot said:

That conversation went on significantly longer than it would have done were I selling something.

A mechanic who can’t even spell his own profession...

The ‘best price’ bollocks does my head in, it immediately gets someone’s back up because the usual format is agree a ‘best price’ on the phone of 50% of what your asking then chip it down even further when they arrive. It’s a technique that probably works in a Market in Marrakesh bartering aggressively for 40 minutes but we’re talking about a car here not a fake Michael Kors handbag. I don’t sell cars any more but when I did as soon as the ‘best price’ shit started coming out I gave radio silence. 

Also another trick by the sub human pondlife that frequents Gumtree is asking for a discount because they’ve had to travel. On that basis then if I saw a Mercedes Maybach for sale in the Netherlands would they give it me for free as I’d had to go out of my way?

Had one years ago, made a £40 round taxi fayre from the other side of town on a £400 car, arrived with his mate who looked like he was on spice. Complained the parcel shelf was missing and the bumper wasn’t a perfect match. Then arrived at his ‘valuation’ of £100 or something equally nuts. Got told to fuck off then got a taxi fayre back to Bartertown or wherever the fuck he was from. After that I made the decision for my own sanity to scrap the fuckers once I’d finished with them. 

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14 hours ago, sierraman said:

What planet are some people on? FSH on a £700 car?!?

I come from garage stock (fortunately my parents saw the light and didn't go into either of the businesses) and my grandfather maintained that it was harder to sell a car for £100 than it was to sell one for £10,000.

I recall trying to get rid of a Passat estate complete with a year's MOT for £200. The lad who bought it turned up in a boiler suit and asked if he could borrow a trolley jack so he could inspect it properly. Aye, sure, whatever.

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In the end what does the fullest of full service history mean anyway? That it had its oil changed about when it should have been changed? The car could have crawled in on its last legs and as long as the oil was changed and the rear handbrake pivot points were greased then the stamp would have gone in the book. Sure the customer would have been handed a list of work that needed to be done but regardless the stamp would have gone in the book.

A full maintenance history? Now I'm listening.

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It’s just symptomatic of someone who doesn’t know what they are doing. A trolley jack, I mean what the fuck for! Test the wheelbearings for play  perhaps or check you haven’t been trying to pull a fast one on him by doing a cut and shut to make £15. I’m surprised he didn’t pull out a checklist and a clipboard and submit it to the ADAC for a full 100 mile road test. I’d have offered him the compression tester see if he wants to check that as well...

Did he have a magnet wrapped in some cloth to check for filler or a screwdriver and a mirror to inspect it? 

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1 hour ago, HMC said:

One issue with gumtree is that auto filled message “hi is this still available?” Or something like that.

I had this on Saturday when I listed the SS1 and thought oh dear, here we go.

He viewed, paid and took the car away within a couple of hours of listing. I was more than pleasantly surprised.

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23 minutes ago, Wgl2019 said:

Who is Tim? Why is he wasted?

Actually “Tim” is my name, so it could have been a play on words or he thought I was a waste of a “Tim” and I should’ve been called a lesser name. 
 

Or he just misspelled the word time as his hands were all messed up because of excessive masturbation and punching holes in the plasterboard walls of his parents bungalow 

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17 minutes ago, goosey said:

Actually “Tim” is my name, so it could have been a play on words or he thought I was a waste of a “Tim” and I should’ve been called a lesser name. 
 

Or he just misspelled the word time as his hands were all messed up because of excessive masturbation and punching holes in the plasterboard walls of his parents bungalow 

Fingers like sausages. Meat for brains. 

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In the days before the internet, mobile phones, caller id and only Autotrader the paper version, it was the black hole at the Severn Bridge.

The number of people who arranged to come over, to look at/hopefully buy cars, that vanished. Several even rang to say "I'm leaving now" never to turn up and never to be heard from again.

I can only assume that they got so far on the journey before realising they didn't really want or need whatever pile of shit I was offloading and either turned around and went home, or threw themselves off the bridge.

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I’ve stopped haggling on prices. If it’s a fair price I pay it. If it’s not, I won’t ask about it or view it. For the sort of shite I buy, there’s plenty more fish in the sea.

I was aggressively accused of clocking my old Jeep because for some reason before I bought it, an MOT tester had recorded the mileage in KM not miles. So the following year, the actual number had reduced. 

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I think a few top tips are in order here...

Check if the steering wheel is shiny? If it is it’s definitely been a taxi

Use a magnet to check for filler and corrosion

If the car has done over 100,000 miles you should expect that it is absolutely fucking fucked and you can look at least a 50% discount

Inspect the odometer for scratches where the mileage WILL have been clocked.

Discount £250 for every missing stamp in the service book on a £1500 car. 

Walk around the car pointing out the various faults that affect that model whilst talking to an unseen camera, the seller will know you are knowledgeable and capitulate to your piffling offer

Request a discount if you are paying for a £300 car by cash as opposed to paying them in William Hill betting slips or waney lap fencing

Deduct your travelling costs of £1.50 a mile from the asking price

Any used car should come with  a full tank of fuel and a 12 month no quibble warranty. Insist on this.

Especially on sub £1000 cars insist on an independent engineers report, the vendor should pay for this

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1 hour ago, anonymous user said:

In the days before the internet, mobile phones, caller id and only Autotrader the paper version, it was the black hole at the Severn Bridge.

The number of people who arranged to come over to look at/hopefully buy cars, that vanished. Several even rang to say "I'm leaving now" never to turn up and never to be heard from again.

I can only assume that they got so far on the journey before realising they didn't really want or need whatever pile of shit I was offloading and either turned around and went home, or threw themselves off the bridge.

In the days before Sat Nav we'd take down the directions over the phone, and drove 50 miles, get completely lost cause the directions were shit. And wrong, end up stopping to ask.directions. once even.going into.a police station for directions. Nice chaps too. 

On.more than one occasion we arrived 2 hours later than we'd said, took one look and gone home without a test drive.  

Or just given up and gone home. .

Apart from my mate who went to look at a TR7, stopped in.a petrol station to ask for directions, noticed an Austin Healey Sprite on the ramps in the service bay, and ended up buying it.  

He's an estate agent in Detroit these days apparently.  Still owes me money from 1989. Twat. 

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1 hour ago, sierraman said:

I think a few top tips are in order here...

Check if the steering wheel is shiny? If it is it’s definitely been a taxi

Use a magnet to check for filler and corrosion

If the car has done over 100,000 miles you should expect that it is absolutely fucking fucked and you can look at least a 50% discount

Inspect the odometer for scratches where the mileage WILL have been clocked.

Discount £250 for every missing stamp in the service book on a £1500 car. 

Walk around the car pointing out the various faults that affect that model whilst talking to an unseen camera, the seller will know you are knowledgeable and capitulate to your piffling offer

Request a discount if you are paying for a £300 car by cash as opposed to paying them in William Hill betting slips or waney lap fencing

Deduct your travelling costs of £1.50 a mile from the asking price

Any used car should come with  a full tank of fuel and a 12 month no quibble warranty. Insist on this.

Especially on sub £1000 cars insist on an independent engineers report, the vendor should pay for this



In addition to all this, it's worth noting that any deal done on a sub £1000 car is automatically invalid if at least one party does not exclaim "owld out yer 'aaaaand!" just prior to the transaction being completed. And it must be pronounced that way, regardless of what regional accents the concerned parties have.

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1 hour ago, sierraman said:

I think a few top tips are in order here...

I could add...

The value of the car is what you once saw one advertised for. This is commonly known as the "market price". A seller will be impressed by your market knowledge if you mention a similar (but better) car currently being auctioned on eBay. 

Always ensure that the seller knows how much you have to spend on a car. It is one of those quirks of economic theory that the market price always coincides exactly what you want to pay for a car. Don't ask how or why this happens but it just does.

The average car for the type you are looking at has every possible option fitted. Any car that does not have these options is not worth the market price. As a rule of thumb deduct £250 for every option missing.

Bounce at least one corner of the car. The reason for doing so is lost in the mists of time but it is believed that Vikings did it to bring them good luck. It may work for you too.

Check that the rear fog light works. You will never use it but it is a comfort to know that it is there.

Completely fail to check anything that might actually give any trouble on this type of car. There is no need to worry about such petty details and I'm sure everything will be fine.

Always ask when the cam belt was changed. If the seller looks puzzled and stutters something about these engines having a chain then the cam belt has not been changed. Deduct £500 from your offer.

 

 

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Tell them you are a mechanic, any seller will buckle at this and drop at least a pony. 

Take a 18 month old copy of the CAP black book and explain what the bottom book is you are prepared to give

Also explain about all the much better examples you’ve seen for less money, the seller desperate for your business will be putty in your hands

Explain what a hard bastard you are, wear lots of thick clothes under your coat and draw some tattoos on your neck and behave strangely aggressively. This will ensure the seller doesn’t fuck you about as they know you’ll come back and break their head and you’ll cripple them if there’s any come back. 

Alternatively turn up 6 strong with some of the meanest looking hardest cunts from the local flat roof pub.

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I've posted this before

I had a Maserati for sale , guy in France,  emailed, texted and called for weeks , but he wanted me to drive it 250 miles to Dover without a deposit or expenses 

No 

It dragged on for weeks , eventually I said I want to see some ID or I'm breaking this off , send me a picture of your drivers licence etc

Next day I get a link to a video on YouTube 

WtF is this 

eef yeu fast foreward teu, 2 minuets , ze guy working on ze car , eet is me 

Oh fuck off.

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