The grumpy thread

[The Reverend Bluejeans]

Coming back from a scrapyard run this evening, I thought I might pop to a nice pub for a spot of tea on the way home, 

 

Pull into a pub restaurant, looks quiet. Walk in, ask behind the bar, get told: "We're fully booked so we're not serving bar snacks."

 

'OK', I say. 'No worries, thanks anyway.'

As I turn to walk away, the landlord adds: "Your fault for not booking, I'm afraid" in a snotty, condescending tone. 

 

I wanted to reply with 'Yes, mate, I get it's Christmas, all you had to say was that you're fully booked, no need to be a patronising cunt about it.'

Instead, I carried on walking. 

 

Tried another pub signposted across the road. Arrive, and all the house lights are on, fire's roaring with Christmas music blaring, but there's no one downstairs at all. If 28 Days Later had been set during the festive period, it would have been like this. Having googled the place, it turns out there's two separate restaurants - one upstairs and one downstairs, Downstairs there were no signs or directions; to be honest, it looked like you were walking into someone's hallway. 

 

I stand around for 15 minutes, knock on doors, walk into the kitchen and shout, nothing. Right then. Never mind. 

 

 

TripAdvisor is your best friend.

 

Go on, do it. Especially that first cunt. I would.

[clayts450]

Why are Tesco self-serve tills always fucked ? 

 

Did an evening shop to avoid the crowds, Tesco Extra in Bulwell. Round the shop in 10 mins, basket full to loaded, eggs balanced precariously on top, dump basket in first self-serve till, proceed to scan.

 

Third item (6 mince pies) sends scanner into a frenzy. FTP. Look around helplessly for assistance - no-one around. Deep breath. 2 minutes pass. Still no-one. Fuck this shit.

 

Dump the two previously scanned items and the offending item back into the basket, pick up basket (and the two empty ones underneath), throw bottom two baskets onto the floor, proceed to scan on till number 2.

 

Get six items in before it fucks up again. Aware that Health and Safety police have removed discarded baskets and summon assistance. Proceeding again and fuck me, FTP again. Same assistant comes up and said 'did you start scanning on that till over there?' Yup, reply I, FTP no-one around, sorry. Sorts me out. Two items later, same pack drill.....

 

About 20 items and about 6 of them failed all told.

 

Fast service my arse.

 

And no, I didn't break the eggs.

 

Decided to 'treat' myself to a KFC for me tea. Ordered me dinner - cashier says 'I've got no change, can you wait a minute ?' No problem, gotta wait here with my Argos ticket to claim my meal anyway. Meal comes 30 seconds later. No sign of cashier. Fuck this shit, I'm out, stick your £1.01 change up your arse you feckless twat.

 

Got back to car, dumped KFC on seat, dropped into shopping. Onto the eggs....yes, I did break the eggs.

 

Merry fucking Christmas....

[The Reverend Bluejeans]

Why are Tesco self-serve tills always fucked ? 

 

Did an evening shop to avoid the crowds, Tesco Extra in Bulwell. Round the shop in 10 mins, basket full to loaded, eggs balanced precariously on top, dump basket in first self-serve till, proceed to scan.

 

Third item (6 mince pies) sends scanner into a frenzy. FTP. Look around helplessly for assistance - no-one around. Deep breath. 2 minutes pass. Still no-one. Fuck this shit.

 

Dump the two previously scanned items and the offending item back into the basket, pick up basket (and the two empty ones underneath), throw bottom two baskets onto the floor, proceed to scan on till number 2.

 

Get six items in before it fucks up again. Aware that Health and Safety police have removed discarded baskets and summon assistance. Proceeding again and fuck me, FTP again. Same assistant comes up and said 'did you start scanning on that till over there?' Yup, reply I, FTP no-one around, sorry. Sorts me out. Two items later, same pack drill.....

 

About 20 items and about 6 of them failed all told.

 

Fast service my arse.

 

And no, I didn't break the eggs.

 

Decided to 'treat' myself to a KFC for me tea. Ordered me dinner - cashier says 'I've got no change, can you wait a minute ?' No problem, gotta wait here with my Argos ticket to claim my meal anyway. Meal comes 30 seconds later. No sign of cashier. Fuck this shit, I'm out, stick your £1.01 change up your arse you feckless twat.

 

Got back to car, dumped KFC on seat, dropped into shopping. Onto the eggs....yes, I did break the eggs.

 

Merry fucking Christmas....

 

 

Are we related?

 

Tescos self serve tills don't like me.

[clayts450]

And the fries were cold....

[Bren]

I dont think i have posted in here before, but...i am fucking sick fed up of folk moaning about everything.  We are in Aberdeenshire, it gets cold.  Social media "local groups" are full of people constantly moaning about the slippery pavements, slippery roads, council are shit at this that and everything else....it never stops.  Why the fuck cant people tolerate anything? Even if something is shit, why moan and groan, just either tolerate it, or get off your fat lazy arses and put some grit/ salt down yourselves.  Help others, don't just moan because its someone elses job and isn't being done.  They may even be right, but banging on about it isn't going to change anything..actually assisting all these poor people who are falling over might! grrrr

 

I walked to the chippy tonight - freezing,foggy,slippy. Due to my fucked trainers I was doing a good impression of a cossack dancer.

 

I found it quite amusing.

[eddyramrod]

I walked to the chippy tonight too.  Fish and chips is one thing we (oh all right, I) really missed in Cyprus, so I was delighted to find a chippy round the corner, three streets away.  And it's a bloody good one too.  Chippy tea is ALWAYS the answer!

[purplebargeken]

Tesco self-service tills are the work of an utter cunt. 

 

I just have to look at one of these cunting things and the fucker decides to go into meltdown. Now bear in mind, those folk who have met me can likely confirm I speak fairly nicely. Not really London, not uber posh but 'okay'. Is that fair enough? I am from Liverpool. I had to work very hard to mask my accent as no fucker in St. Helen's or now down here would understand me. The Scouse creeps out at times, usually in states of  humour, anger or deep distress. I can't help it, it just happens.

 

I scanned something on Thursday evening and put it in the bag on the correct side of the till. The fucking voice of utter twattery pipes up 'unexpected item in bagging area'. 

 

Me (out loud in annoyed Scouse) going: No there isn't. You just fucking scanned it. It's a fucking loaf. It's not unexpected. It's a fucking loaf. You scanned the fucking loaf you stupid fucking machine. Fuck you, fuck yer loaf, fuck shopping'. The till understands what I am saying and why but it just does what it does out a form of electronic cuntery. It is a purposeful activity for it. 

 

Me to Tesco till minder: I bloody hate these things. They never, ever bloody work right.

 

He looked sympathetic.

 

This morning in Asda (Edmonton Chapter) with Mrs PBK. Braving the Edmonton Sheeple - shopping done. Early morning so the only available option was a fucking self-service till: scanned in a ........ oh, it's another fucking loaf. 'Unexpected item in bagging area'.............. 

 

Hello Scouse Voice: Really? It's a fucking loaf. It's been scanned, how can it be fucking unexpected? You scanned it!! Fucking stupid bastard machine.  I fucking hate these fucking tills. Fuck you and yer fucking stupid fucking loaf..... again. 

 

I was ushered to a seat away from the till and told to sit there by Mrs PBK. I sat glaring angrily at the till.

[Pillock]

Self-serve tills are great if you've got the knack.

Scan, place firmly on bagging area bag scales, repeat. Morrisons are the best as they have green and red lights on the scanner to show whether you've fulfilled the requirement for putting the correct weight item in the bag.

 

Occasionally, if I have alcohol, I use the manned checkouts in Morrisons. They seem to enjoy employing people who work as slowly as possible, whilst commenting on everything you've bought. At this point I remember why I prefer self-serve.

 

 

Watching three millionaires destroy perfectly good cars? No thanks. Last one I watched was the African one. Take three well looked after cars then destroy them in front of people who have nothing. Fuck that for entertainment

 

They don't have nothing. They have Amazon Prime and/or a TV licence.

 

Sorry mods, I didn’t mean to overstep the line and post prohibited material. At least I assume I did, not drunk much yet to imagine disappearing posts

 

Yeah..... have we had a database barf tonight? One of my posts has disappeared too, an inconsequential one in Techy Corner but I thought I'd dreamed posting it.

[sheffcortinacentre]

I refuse to use them anywhere quicker to just use a normal till.

[purplebargeken]

Even the fucking Morrisons one's do the same. 

[Pillock]

Oh, and I can go one better on the tills.

 

Today, I went to a Sainsburys I don't normally use for the weekly shop. Normally, the one I use has the scanners that you take around, bagging as you go. I up the game slightly and use the app on my phone to scan. It means you can bag things up, you scan a barcode at the end which signals to the system you've finished, you pay and escape. Zero human contact.

 

The one I used today has no such luxuries. I had to place items in the trolley, then get them back out on to the conveyor, then try to pack them into sensible bags whilst the checkout bloke rammed them through as quickly as possible and he definitely seemed to be deliberately mixing up my system where I had a cold zone, veg zone, bread zone etc on the conveyor. 

 

I can't wait until I can Amazon all my groceries.

[clayts450]

Sainsbury's fast ? Nope - Aldi is the winner.

 

You know, the shop where there is no long luxurious sweeping expanse of space to the cashier's right of the scanner, just a deep chasm overlooking your trolley.

 

I've perfected the art of the sideways swipe with my right arm straight into the trolley, whilst singling out the delicate shit with my left hand and gently placing them into the trolley.

 

I'm sure Aldi cashier's race their customers - I do like to ensure everything is in my trolley with my debit card ready before the cashier looks up to give you the cash money total of doom.

 

Next week on Mumsnet, knitting needles and how they can break a man's arm. Or is that swans ?  I can never remember.

[BavarianRetro]

I'm sure Aldi cashier's race their customers - I do like to ensure everything is in my trolley with my debit card ready before the cashier looks up to give you the cash money total of doom.

 

 

Have you ever spent or seen anyone spend more than £50 in Aldi?

[DodgeRover]

Tescos self service tills hate me too, 75% of the time I will set off a security rescan after finishing scanning my stuff, so they have to go through it all again. Bollocks to it, I try and use Waitrose or Lidl

[stonedagain]

Self service tills are great if you want a cheap joint of beef. Don't scan the barcode, just place it on the scales & select onions or carrots then put it in you bag!

[Guest Hooli]

Have you ever spent or seen anyone spend more than £50 in Aldi?

 

I've topped £100 a few times. Damn them putting table saws, hammer drills and other things out when I'm looking for tomatoes.

[myglaren]

Regularly sped over £100 in Aldi.

The total in Lidl a couple of weeks ago was about £360!

But that was due to an error - 99 punnets of raspberries at around two quid a go.

Total was really only £145

[somewhatfoolish]

Jam? Or do you cater industrially?

[bramz7]

When Krispy Kreme donuts launched in Tesco it definitely wasn't* possible to pick a single generic pastry on a self service till and save a whole £1....

[eddyramrod]

I hate people.

I really really don't like having to interact with humans, but I understand that for some reason this lack of interaction is supposedly not good for my health, so I force myself on a daily basis.

I avoid the self-service tills.  I'll always go to one with a person attached.  I also hate queueing but I'll do it rather than use a self-service till.

 

 

Edited to add: I'd love to hear Ken in full Scouse Meltdown mode at the self-scanners!  Scouse do Angry extremely well!  Almost as well as Weegies!

[Angrydicky]

I'm amazed your smartphone doesn't explode with all the apps you've got stuffed in there, Pillock. You must constantly be on the bloody thing.

[320touring]

Edited to add: I'd love to hear Ken in full Scouse Meltdown mode at the self-scanners! Scouse do Angry extremely well! Almost as well as Weegies!

Whitthafuckyousayincunt?

Wantafuckinsquarego?

We're the friendliest fuckers ever!

 

[eddyramrod]

AD, it's probably the size of a hardback novel!  We had a willywaving session the other week in one of the bakery shops, when Vanessa (youngest member of sales staff) put hers down on the worktop in the back.  Cath (manageress, and my age) put hers next to it.  She's only had this one a couple of years and is delighted she can look up stuff on the net with it.  It looks like Oxford Diecast made it next to Vanessa's big chunky thing.  Then I put my smartphone down on the counter.  I thought it was big compared to the non-smartphone it replaced, but no, it's like Ronnie Corbett looking up at Barker and Cleese.

I know my place.

 

So yes, if you really want all-singing all-dancing then apparently it has to be huge.

[eddyramrod]

We're the friendliest fuckers ever!

I never suggested otherwise!  The Scotoshite members I've met are uniformly warm and lovely, therefore clearly not human; but step outside and listen to a Glaswegian kicking off.    Just make sure you're well hidden...

[320touring]

I never suggested otherwise! The Scotoshite members I've met are uniformly warm and lovely, therefore clearly not human; but step outside and listen to a Glaswegian kicking off. Just make sure you're well hidden...

We're also a sarcastic bunch:)

 

I know exactly what you mean - it's like the blitz in verbal form:)

[eddyramrod]

Why do I keep going up to Inverness every year?  Where's my son-in-law from?

 

In further stereotyping, he's ex-Army, so you can imagine what happens if he has to tell off one of his sons.  They're 15 and 12 now so it doesn't happen often....

[wuvvum]

It rained last night.  Then it froze.  My entire estate is now a sheet of black ice.

[timolloyd]

And come February the papers will be full of headlines about pubs closing. A lot of pubs really need to get their act together and encourage regulars, not rely on rinsing out Christmas.

 

 

Coming back from a scrapyard run this evening, I thought I might pop to a nice pub for a spot of tea on the way home,

 

Pull into a pub restaurant, looks quiet. Walk in, ask behind the bar, get told: "We're fully booked so we're not serving bar snacks."

 

'OK', I say. 'No worries, thanks anyway.'

As I turn to walk away, the landlord adds: "Your fault for not booking, I'm afraid" in a snotty, condescending tone.

 

I wanted to reply with 'Yes, mate, I get it's Christmas, all you had to say was that you're fully booked, no need to be a patronising cunt about it.'

Instead, I carried on walking.

 

Tried another pub signposted across the road. Arrive, and all the house lights are on, fire's roaring with Christmas music blaring, but there's no one downstairs at all. If 28 Days Later had been set during the festive period, it would have been like this. Having googled the place, it turns out there's two separate restaurants - one upstairs and one downstairs, Downstairs there were no signs or directions; to be honest, it looked like you were walking into someone's hallway.

 

I stand around for 15 minutes, knock on doors, walk into the kitchen and shout, nothing. Right then. Never mind.

 

I'm beginning to see why Junkman dislikes Lincolnshire. I realise it's Christmas and everyone's run ragged, but they seem unfamiliar with the concept of 'manners' and 'passing trade'.

I wanted to sit down for half an hour with a shitty coffee and something hot. What's unreasonable about that? If you're busy, fine - but I don't expect attitude about it.

 

Tried a McDonalds and people were hanging out of the windows - and someone in a Bitsofshitti M40000 Combatant came within inches of reversing into me (before screaming abuse at his plight).

 

Went home in the end. Couldn't be arsed.

[Supernaut]

It rained last night.  Then it froze.  My entire estate is now a sheet of black ice.

It is still raining right now. My street is on a hill. The ice is not black ice though, it's still about an inch thick in some places.

 

I went outside with the aim of taking the car to the supermarket. Nope. I didn't even get as far as the car. It took me 5 minutes to figure out a way back to my front gate from the other side of the street. If I stood still, I started sliding down hill.

 

I then watched my stuck-up neighbours get into their stupid brown Nissan cashcow without a second thought. They drove away and within 20 yards had crashed into a kerb while trying to negotiate the corner out of the street. Their front OS alloy is going to be fucked. They still just drove off though. I wouldn't go very far with the way the car rocked when they made contact. It was a heavy hit!

 

I'm effectively housebound right now.

 

 

Does anybody near Aberdeen have something on tank tracks and would be willing to do my shopping?

[cort16]

after yesterday's radiator marathon i feel like I've been mauled by a tiger. My hands are cut to do ribbons.