The grumpy thread

[Sheefag]

I'm the best man at my mates wedding in less than two weeks and I'm currently trying to write my best man speech, I'm not the greatest at writing at the best of times but I'm really struggling with this, even after copying most of the other speeches on line I'm finding it hard to add any individuality to the speech regarding my mate.

 

I'm dreading this as I'm not exactly the most confederate of speakers in front of a crowd either with my speech impediment! 

 

Ring me and put me on speaker, I'll fucking talk to the cunts for you.

 

[MarvinsMom]

^ "is Dave there?"

 

"are you Dave?"

 

"of course Dave, you can come with us, you're MY WIFE NOW....."

[chaseracer]

Trig, bang it on Youtube.  Then you can be in the bar while "you" deliver the speech on-screen.

 

Dunno why we didn't think of this before...

[Pillock]

Some massive great big fanny managed to close the motorway for TWENTY EIGHT HOURS Sunday to Monday. Was it an attempted suicide? No, I would have respected that, even if it's a bit selfish that's kind of beyond rational behaviour.

 

No, this weapons grade twat has a problem with the police, something about a wrongful arrest years ago, so climbs up onto a matrix sign as a protest and closes the whole thing. On a Monday morning, and when 100,000 people are trying to get home from Donington.

 

Start a fucking petition. Email an MP. Don't be a cunt with a banner that nobody will read because as soon as you got up there, they closed the road. Prick. Should have got the police marksman with a tranquilliser dart.

[chaseracer]

Kecks still not dry, Chris...? 

[Sloth in a bowl]

 

Ban Americans from America.

 

 

Lets be honest here, until the bloody immigrants turned up from Europe, then America had zero gun crime.

Mainly because the native Indians hadn't discovered gun powder.

[Pillock]

Kecks still not dry, Chris...? 

 

Kecks were fine, had a poncho! And knew the back way home. 

[maxpower]

WINDOWS 10...If i want updates i will upload them. it doesn't mean for you to render my laptop completely useless..until i agree to restart computer so you can FORCE upgrades on me! GRRRRR... then after a 10 minute wait have more fkin pop ups saying there are more updates?????

[saucedoctor]

Have a look at this. I used it to hide an update that fucks up my graphics card.

 

http://www.majorgeeks.com/files/details/windows_update_minitool.html

[sporty-shite]

Threaten to fail the dozy twat on his placement if he opens his gob.

Harsh. But probably fair.

[fordperv]

Have just got in from being at the hospital, I got a phone call this morning when I was at work to let me know mrs fp's nan was seriously ill and to get to the hospital to see her as they don't know how long she has left but it won't be too long, we got there first thing and she was incoherent appearing to recognise people but then going again, she is still fighting there are people up there with her so she's not alone and she is comfortable, so I've come away until the morning, this fantastic woman has been part of my life for nearly 14 years she may as well be my own nan.

[bub2006]

Thoughts with you all fordperv

[purplebargeken]

^^ Yep

[Dave_Q]

Some massive great big fanny managed to close the motorway for TWENTY EIGHT HOURS Sunday to Monday. Was it an attempted suicide? No, I would have respected that, even if it's a bit selfish that's kind of beyond rational behaviour.

 

No, this weapons grade twat has a problem with the police, something about a wrongful arrest years ago, so climbs up onto a matrix sign as a protest and closes the whole thing. On a Monday morning, and when 100,000 people are trying to get home from Donington.

 

Start a fucking petition. Email an MP. Don't be a cunt with a banner that nobody will read because as soon as you got up there, they closed the road. Prick. Should have got the police marksman with a tranquilliser dart.

I'd also like to add my disdain for this donkey felcher, obviously I have sympathy for genuine mental health issues but in this case I think he might have taken too many drugs or something and caused his own.

 

Took me 3.5 hours to get from Huddersfield to Warwick via the Peak District.

 

I would also like to bemoan the death of overtaking, with particular grumpage reserved for the man in a Lotus Elise failing to get past a lorry on a long, straight, empty stretch of the A515 past Ashbourne.

[bub2006]

I've found if I have the sheer cheek to dare to overtake a car doing 30 in a 60 safely on a straight road I'm met with main beams flashing and naughty hand signals

[HillmanImp]

Just been put on redundancy notice.

 

Bollocks.

 

Pretty sure I am boned as we have been slowly getting rid of all my Final Salary pension schemes over the last year or so and as such my income is much much less than it was.

 

Bollocks again.

[chaseracer]

I've found if I have the sheer cheek to dare to overtake a car doing 30 in a 60 safely on a straight road I'm met with main beams flashing and naughty hand signals

 

It's not* you, Daryl - it's the cars you do it in...

 

[bub2006]

What you trying to say?!

[chaseracer]

No, you're right - it IS you! 

[Bren]

Just had to say goodbye to our ten year old cat. Vet said it was the best thing, and it was. You just sometimes forget how horrible and heart breaking it is when it happens. We're just distraught to be honest.

Condolences Billy - there are few things worse than losing a pet.

[HH-R]

Went down (or up technically?) the A19 yesterday and all of a sudden, 70 MPH in the outside lane, RAMP and then ripped up road surface.

 

I didn't see any signs warning of road works, if I missed them then seemingly everyone else did too. Dropped into the inside lane and kept to 50 with the odd stone being flicked up.

 

Truck HAD to overtake (no I didn't cut it up!) and do a whole 6 MPH more, result = massive cloud of shit kicked up all over the car when it pulled back into the inside lane. Thanks, mate. It's times like that I'm pleased I don't drive a new car!

[Tamworthbay]

18 years ago today my Dad died, it's still shit 18 years on.

[bub2006]

I lost my mum 21 years back mate. Never gets better. Thoughts with you

[fordperv]

Have just got in from being at the hospital, I got a phone call this morning when I was at work to let me know mrs fp's nan was seriously ill and to get to the hospital to see her as they don't know how long she has left but it won't be too long, we got there first thing and she was incoherent appearing to recognise people but then going again, she is still fighting there are people up there with her so she's not alone and she is comfortable, so I've come away until the morning, this fantastic woman has been part of my life for nearly 14 years she may as well be my own nan.

Well she's no longer in pain, she passed away at 5.25, she looked nice and comfortable she wasn't conscious, on her last breaths she had a small tear in her eye which only a couple of us saw, she's left an unfillable void, rest in peace

[bub2006]

Condolences fp

[trigger]

Sorry to read of your loss FP.

[Bren]

Well she's no longer in pain, she passed away at 5.25, she looked nice and comfortable she wasn't conscious, on her last breaths she had a small tear in her eye which only a couple of us saw, she's left an unfillable void, rest in peace

My condolences - as you get older life gets shitter.

[Bren]

Just been put on redundancy notice.

 

Bollocks.

 

Pretty sure I am boned as we have been slowly getting rid of all my Final Salary pension schemes over the last year or so and as such my income is much much less than it was.

 

Bollocks again.

I am sorry - hopefully you will find something soon.

[chaseracer]

Three years ago, redundancy was the best thing that could have happened to me; a fantastic opportunity.  But it's not like that for everyone, I know.

 

All good wishes, Mr Imp - I really hope things work out for you.

[HillmanImp]

I am not definitely going to get made redundant, I have a one in 3 chance. We are all on notice, will find out next week. My department is 9 people and 3 are going. However, i think its time to move as the industry is in bother and it will get worse at the next budget as pensions are sidelined for ISAs with big tax breaks to get rid of tax free cash without anyone noticing.