The grumpy thread

[dollywobbler]

I broke the kettle. Again. It's a stove-top copper job. Nice. I boiled it dry once as it doesn't have a whistle. When I get my work-head on, I forget about pretty much anything else in the world. I NEED a whistle on my kettle or a cut-out!

 

Wife repaired the kettle with a lovely bit of soldering last time. I don't think she's going to be pleased when she comes back from her foreign jaunt tomorrow.

 

Options.

1) Try and solder-repair the kettle again. Chance of success? 10%. Maybe.

2) Hide kettle and pretend it was stolen by a very choosy thief. Chance of success? -379%

3) Buy a lovely new kettle somehow before tomorrow morning and play the 'thought you deserved a lovely present' card. Chance of success? Well, given that most shops are now shut, 0%.

 

Balls.

[Conrad D. Conelrad]

2) Hide kettle and pretend it was stolen by a very choosy thief. Chance of success? -379%

 

I wouldn't dismiss this one so quickly... bury the kettle, fake ransack the house, 'steal'/break any ugly lamps she owns, lie to her about having called the police, etc. 

 

I've seen enough sitcoms to know it would work flawlessly. 

[Junkman]

A few green caulises with coloured leaves at their tops and a box full with sweet brown lumps will sort it.

Has never failed on any woman.

[Sigmund Fraud]

Begin by telling her the good news : you didn't buy any cars in her absence. This should make a small hole in the kettle seem insignificant.

[maxpower]

Begin by telling her the good news : you didn't buy any cars in her absence. This should make a small hole in the kettle seem insignificant.

 

Tell her you were so eager to do the housework that you ended up sleepwalking and used the kettle as a mop bucket

[cort16]

Blow it up into a thousand bits then claim you saved her life as it was a "ticking time bomb".

[dollywobbler]

Blow it up into a thousand bits then claim you saved her life as it was a "ticking time bomb".

 

Or I could do that and claim it had a spider in it. "Destruction with explosives was the only way to be sure it had gone."

[Lankytim]

Hey WAT, I think you need to speak to the CAB or solicitor about this neighbour. Go through official lines and then if you get no joy then use extreme violence*

 

 

Talking of neighbourly acts the in-laws are having aggro with theirs. Basically his tree was overhanging their garden and damaging the fence. They spoke to him and between them they agreed to have the tree cut down, removed and split the cost, which was £200.  Around a month ago the tree was felled and removed. The neighbour kept avoiding the inlaws and basically made himself unavailable to pay his share of the £200 so they eventually had to stump up the full £200 themselves to pay the tree fella off. 

 

With me so far?

 

The neighbour has since posted a scrawly 9 page letter though the inlaws door stating that he has taken legal advice and is going to sue them for damages for trespass, criminal damage as the job wasn't done properly (stump left over) and theft as the wood has been taken away without permission, infact he didn't give permission for any of the work to go ahead, apparently (although in part of the letter he states he agreed to "keep the peace") and he wants compensation because he's going through a divorce and it's very stressful, and they are only picking on him because they think he's weak and a pushover but he's going to finally stand his ground.

 

Bear in mind he verbally agreed to have the work done and was quite happy with it going ahead. What a cripple.

 

The inlaws are getting legal advice ASAP.

[cort16]

Fuuuuuuuck! Pin holes in filler where do you keep coming from??,,,

[Cavcraft]

Ian: tell her you left it on the drive as you were topping up the water in the car and knitting her a daisy chain. You'd just turned your back and it was gone in a cloud of dust and red diesel.

Then simply go to the nearest scrapyard, pooh in it and weigh it in. That way the pikies will get the blame and everyone is happy. Except possibly your missus, but the fact you'd taken time out of your busy schedule to make her a daisy chain (which got stolen with the kettle) will appease her.

 

If that doesn't work just tell her it's not your fault she left the kitchen. Then reply on here from the back of your BX estate at 3.00am after she throws you out.

[hairnet]

I broke the kettle. Again. It's a stove-top copper job. Nice. I boiled it dry once as it doesn't have a whistle. When I get my work-head on, I forget about pretty much anything else in the world. I NEED a whistle on my kettle or a cut-out!

 

Wife repaired the kettle with a lovely bit of soldering last time. I don't think she's going to be pleased when she comes back from her foreign jaunt tomorrow.

 

Options.

1) Try and solder-repair the kettle again. Chance of success? 10%. Maybe.

2) Hide kettle and pretend it was stolen by a very choosy thief. Chance of success? -379%

3) Buy a lovely new kettle somehow before tomorrow morning and play the 'thought you deserved a lovely present' card. Chance of success? Well, given that most shops are now shut, 0%.

 

Balls.

the boss solders

 

im in love

 

just buy a nice kettle and tell her you dropped the old one

[freebird]

Can no fucker drive anymore?

Ive lost count of the amount of knob heads that have stalled their cars today. Look, I HAVE to work today but, ferchrissakes, stop fucking stalling your cars and making traffic queues even longer than they already are.

Its hot enough as it is thanks, im not into being sauna'd in a fuggin Transit.

Its not like moderns have particularly heavy or difficult clutches, you can depress the fuggin pedal on most with a flaccid cock.

Fuck, fucketty, fuck!! 

[Conrad D. Conelrad]

I bought a hood cover without realising they changed the fittings at some point. Not even much, they're all the same fittings just a few of them are moved a centimetre. Enough to make it unworkable

[oldford]

Bugger!

 

[Albert Ross]

Sierra CVH? How's the cam? How close to Doncaster are you? If you have £250 you can take away a complete 1989 Sapphire...

[Micrashed]

Wishes to fuck people would stop telling me I have left the windows open on my car when I park up.

 

I AM TOTALLY FUCKING AWARE OF THIS FACT, 

I HAVE NO AIR CON

IT IS FUCKING HOT

I HAVE TO WEAR A NURSES UNIFORM WHICH IS HOT.

 

NOW FUCK RIGHT OFF AND TELL THE DRIVER OF THE SAAB CABRIO HE HAS LEFT HIS ROOF DOWN WHY DONT YOU?

[Micrashed]

This worries me.

Dont be, its a pretty bog standard Navy blue pants and Navy blue tunic top made out of lovely polyester. Betty swollocks R us.

 

Its the crotchless panties and nipple tassels that should worry you....

[Albert Ross]

The company I "work" for supplied us all with 50% thicker shirts at Easter.... they're black. Set o'cunts. I reckon I might go back on Monday in a grey "VIZ" (Johnny Fartpants or Sid the Sexist) shirt..

[MrDuke]

Over the past 2 days, I have spent over 8 hours trying to clean the outside of my car. No, I wasn't detailing the panel gaps with a toothbrush, or using a laser to measure the paint thickness; I wasn't even using a claybar. I was just attempting to make the paintwork non-porous, and maybe just a little bit shiny, with a minimum of tar-spots. At a guess, I'd say it hasn't seen any water other than rain for at least 10 years, possibly more. Seriously, all the previous owner/s had to do was HOSE the thing down 3 or 4 times a YEAR and it would have made a difference. Lazy, lazy, dumbass cretins, I hope they contract bubonic plague. As it is, I've made it slightly less repulsive (but far from ideal) and I reckon I'll only need to spend another 2 hours on it tomorrow. To enhance the experience, some T-cut (yes, I know, slap me) has managed to seep under my thumb-nail, and my thumb is now throbbing like a biatch. Joyful times.

[Station]

I use mr sheen sometimes, it really does the job when you've washed and polished it.

[chaseracer]

A few green caulises with coloured leaves at their tops and a box full with sweet brown lumps will sort it.

Has never failed on any woman.

Clearly, you have not met the unique and rather excellent Dr. Rachel Seabrook...

[jakebullet]

My dad's died. This means I won't see him for a 10 word conversation once every 2 years. Everyone thinks I'm a heartless git 'cos I'm not blubbing like a school girl. Being dead doesn't suddenly make him the best dad in the world.

 

N Cunty Bob the fucking builder next door has got cement on my disco. Bastard.

[John F]

My dad's died. This means I won't see him for a 10 word conversation once every 2 years. Everyone thinks I'm a heartless git 'cos I'm not blubbing like a school girl. Being dead doesn't suddenly make him the best dad in the world.

 

N Cunty Bob the fucking builder next door has got cement on my disco. Bastard.

 

I can appreciate that. My dad died last August... I didn't get too emotional over it either, we weren't as close as we could have been, but he was still my dad.

 

Cement on your Disco is another thing entirely... bastard! Smear dogshit on his door handles.

[myglaren]

Auto renewing shit. I wrote to a company asking them not to auto renew something, they never responded and I forgot about it until getting the invoice half an hour ago. They say they're taking the money on Monday - hopefully not Monday at 00:01 because their customer services don't open until office hours. 

 

Logged into their billing site, there's no option to cancel services on there (of course not) but I have changed my card details to gibberish which should hopefully slow them down a bit. 

 

I hate auto renewing stuff, it preys on the weak, forgetful and stupid. Which is unfortunate because I'm weak, forgetful and VERY VERY STUPID.

I generally get caught out with forgetting to cancel but this year I was up with the lark and phoned M&S to cancel ten days before renewal as most of them grab the cash a week early.

Spoke to a very charming young lady who was -no doubt under obligation- curious as to why I was cancelling.

I could get cover for half the price (although putting my son on boosted it to over £400)

She asked the usual questions and was quite concerned about his accident in May - last year.

It had taken a year to resolve and his claim was against the council, not an insurance company.

She renewed the policy for the same despite his accident and they didn't debit my account until four days after the start of the new policy.

Usually M&S make me grumpy but not on this occasion.

 

(I also had a new windscreen at their expense, went very smoothly and the Auto-Windscreen guy was first class).

 

 I appear to be posting in the wrong thread here.

 

OK - it's far too hot and the barbecues are driving me nuts.

No automotive grumps currently though - unless my driver's seat collapsing qualifies 

[myglaren]

The company I "work" for supplied us all with 50% thicker shirts at Easter.... they're black. Set o'cunts. I reckon I might go back on Monday in a grey "VIZ" (Johnny Fartpants or Sid the Sexist) shirt..

My company insists on us wearing their oompaloompah orange t shirts, but only supply one, which I wear on Monday morning.   Then change into one of my own, twice a day as I can't use any form of deodorant.  I chuck it in a sink of cold water about once an hour to provide evaporative cooling as the place is usually at 999.9ËšC when it isn't -276ËšK.  They turn a convenient blind eye although it is supposedly a disciplinary infraction not to wear the 'uniform'

[myglaren]

A few green caulises with coloured leaves at their tops and a box full with sweet brown lumps will sort it.

Has never failed on any woman.

Brussels sprouts?

[myglaren]

Garden-ists.

 

Why is it that every time we get more than two consecutive days or decent sunshine, everyone with anything more than a window box decide to give their grass a number 2 haircut every day?

Everywhere you go just now it's a cacophony of lawnmowers, electric shears and these really annoying strimmer things, revving and buzzing away, drowning out the radio, spreading pollen everywhere.

 

Sit the fuck down and chill the fuck out......

I'm sad to say that I am one of those, cut my grass a least twice a year 

[Conrad D. Conelrad]

Although we're all sick of me going on about it, here's the conclusion to the auto-renewing shit story. 

 

1. I email them asking them not to auto renew (no response). At this point I didn't think it auto renewed anyway, so no big deal.
2. They send me an invoice on Saturday, which will automatically bill me before their customer service desk opens. I log into their site and change my card details. 
3. I send a panic-y email to their customer service (no response)
4. Payment fails. I get an email about this then another about the unpaid invoice
5. They phone me about the unpaid bill. I demand cancellation. They email me a cancellation form. 
6. Next day, another unpaid invoice reminder (after the confirmation of cancellation)
7. Then, inexplicably, a credit note where it appears they are trying to refund the amount they never took from my fake credit card.
8. A new invoice arrives demanding a different sum of money, with no explanation. I ask and am told it is to cover the apparently undocumented one months' cancellation notice. 
9. I send a cheque because I don't want them having my bank details.

[TimothyClaypole]

My company insists on us wearing their oompaloompah orange t shirts, but only supply one, which I wear on Monday morning.   Then change into one of my own, twice a day as I can't use any form of deodorant.  I chuck it in a sink of cold water about once an hour to provide evaporative cooling as the place is usually at 999.9ËšC when it isn't -276ËšK.  They turn a convenient blind eye although it is supposedly a disciplinary infraction not to wear the 'uniform'

 

I've 3 shirts to last a week - you get fined for not wearing the uniform- I questioned only having 3 shirts and was told "So what?" - fine if you want people stinking like tramps.

 

I'm already wearing trousers, boots and a vis vest I bought myself due to the company stuff being shite.

[dome]

I have been offered what is for me the perfect job (bike store manager) in an up and coming company with big expansion plans which could be the best move in the world but the wages are low and I could barely survive on what I'd start on. Which makes me hate my current job even more, even though it pays better.