What makes you grin? Antidote to grumpy thread

[quicksilver]

Remember the copyright guy from the grump thread yesterday? His monumental stupidity is actually making me grin as it's quite funny to watch him quote ever more desperate nonsense in his defence of the indefensible. This was his response when I pointed out he was wrong - I certainly wasn't expecting him to claim he had been given advice by a lawyer!

 

"No not at all copyright ids only for companies not just anyone il send the link i know the law as my broyher is a lawyer and he states this, so what is the name of your companies and ill have a look at your website. Im not the one looking foolish here"

 

His brother must be a terrible lawyer as 10 seconds on Google found the government document that proved he was wrong and I was right. I suggested he read it and he still says he isn't convinced and he knows best. It takes a special kind of idiot to argue the government is wrong about the law

[vulgalour]

Quick, request he take you to court because of your illegal activity.  That's certain to help*.

[Lacquer Peel]

My colleagues all buy The S*n comic, this bit in the motoring section about hot hatches amused me.

 

 

Two 1.4 superminis and a diesel Golf. I hope the Fabia is fitted with the old pushrod Skoda engine.

[Pillock]

On what planet is a 1.4 Fabia a hot hatch? With 68bhp, that thing will haul itself to 60mph in FOURTEEN SECONDS which is just a little longer than it takes to read the news in two weeks worth of The Sun.

[catsinthewelder]

 

So much want

[MrDuke]

Who was cruising past the Liverpool docks in an '05 V70 estate this afternoon? Dealership sticker was spotted

[catsinthewelder]

Minimad?

[seth]

I was offered (and accepted) a shot of Romanian plum brandy type alcohol from my brother in law today. Possibly the strongest thing I've ever had  - no way of knowing as it all seems to be distilled illegally and only available in unlabelled containers.

 

It had quite an interesting 'agricultural' after-taste as though the still had taken on some flavour of the cow shed it was probably sited in.

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/%C8%9Auic%C4%83

[STUNO]

A 10 most regretted things gone from cars list in the local paper today.

 

1...Pop-up headlights

2...Column gearchange, all that extra room in the front!

3...Bench seats

4...Quarterlight windows, Ventilation without draughts

5...Lighter and ashtray, ashtray made the best coin holder

6...Wind up windows, 

7...Pushbutton radios plus tuning dial, we have all studied the manual on the new ones! Ever tried finding a station in a different city?

8...Full size spare tyre

9...Rear window louvre shade. Because it turned your Cortina into instant cool.

10.Indicators. See BMW / Audi owner.

 

That from a high profile motoring journalist made me grin a bit.

[captain_70s]

  On 04/07/2015 at 23:34, STUNO said:

4...Quarterlight windows, Ventilation without draughts

Reading a road test of the Triumph Dolomite from when it was new(ish) the author noted the handy fresh air vents but said that if you preferred to have fresh air delivered to the cabin in the form of a noisy draught the car still featured opening quarterlight!

[Jim Bergerac]

  On 04/07/2015 at 18:40, Lacquer Peel said:

My colleagues all buy The S*n comic, this bit in the motoring section about hot hatches amused me.

 

 

Two 1.4 superminis and a diesel Golf. I hope the Fabia is fitted with the old pushrod Skoda engine.

 

And on what planet is a 14yr old Skoda worth £1300?

[fordperv]

Planet pineapple

[robinmasters]

My wife does understand me, which is handy because I don't like pubs and generally don't fancy barmaids.

[NorfolkNWeigh]

My wife understands me, which is unfortunate for many reasons.

[Tetleysmooth]

My wife hates me at the moment, because I couldn't attend or daughters' 30th birthday bash on Friday night.

I was working, and it was impossible to get out of it.

Oh, my daughter hates me too.

[jakebullet]

Advert keeps coming on the radio for 'new viva'. It keeps making me think of macc lads lyrics:

 

Vauxhall viva's covered in rust, but you can't fuck a bird on a 29 bus

[skattrd]

A pleasant ebay sellers communication has made me smile today. I've been looking at secondhand turbos for the boring and found a cheapish one on ebay from a low mileage car. I asked a few questions and the seller answered my questions promptly with good grammar and punctuation. I also asked about another part from the car that's being scrapped and he'll throw it in for nowt, so I clicked BIN on the turbo ... Fingers crossed everything is as I was told, and if so the boring is getting a turbo upgrade.

[saucedoctor]

Crab Air paid us a visit today. Flew up Belfast Lough at about no feet, as is their wont. Glorious.

[AlabamaShrimp]

What is chandler bings job?

[saucedoctor]

He's a Microsoft search engine.

[xtriple]

My friend Jo has a new Renault Clio diesel, high spec thing with loads of gadgets and bits. The other day she was bemoaning that it was making a funny 'bonging' noise constantly (it had started as an intermittent 'bong') but nothing was displayed on the fancy computer that tells you everything about the car...

 

So I checked and topped up the washer bottle for her - 2 litres of water.

 

Yesterday while out with friends, no one could close the rear (manual) window. Had to call the AA who closed it for her but it appears that it has stripped the gears...

 

Car is '64' reg with 3000 miles on the clock. Seems that Renault are keeping up the high quality build they are so well known for!

[tooSavvy]

  On 05/07/2015 at 16:15, xtriple said:

Yesterday while out with friends, no one could close the rear (manual) window. Had to call the AA who closed it for her but it appears that it has stripped the gears...

 

Aye.... Well, I just rebuilt my SAVVY drivers winder [keep fit]... Chinese Proton $hite 

 

TS

[Pillock]

I've just come back from Silverstone. I don't really like F1 - I used to, back in the days when it was about cars going fast and which driver had the bigger bollocks, but now it's all calculations and DRS and time penalties for looking at someone funny..... it got a bit boring about ten years ago.

 

But, on Wednesday I got a message from a friend which basically said "What are you up to Sunday, do you want a pass to the GP?". Turns out, not only did I get in, but I got wristbands for hospitality (and hence a free lunch) and because it was a contractor's pass, I got onto the infield - by being driven from the gate in my friends wedge, after parking for nowt. 

 

 

And do you know what? The race was bloody good! It rained perfectly, just as most of the field were cruising to the end after their final tyre stop it hurled it down just enough to soak the track but not the crowd, and it really ruffled the drivers up.

 

 

I have no idea who that woman is.

[Louise2cv]

I think I know her

[Pillock]

Ask her if she was photobombing at the BGP then. I spoke to her, she was lovely, but had an obsession with jumping into photos

[FakeConcern]

On Friday when my wife got home with the shopping some random old boy walking past our house asked her if my XM is the one for sale in the Classic paper. She told him not for sale & he went on about various clasics he's owned and how reasonable was the price of the XM he saw for sale-£3000! My wife should have offered him mine for £2500.

Anyway next day the said Classic paper is posted through our letterbox with an inscription on the front.

 

 

[Craig the Princess]

I did a weld. It was shit but those three birds of metal are attached to the lawnmower

[xtriple]

Just remembered, on the 64 plate Clio, I swear I heard the CV joints clicking on full lock as well!

 

Also for all you miseries that don't like modern shit(e)... according to we buy any car, my heap has devalued by £800 in a year (I did a WBAC before I bought it to see if the price was reasonable - it was!) and according to Confused.com it is worth one hundred pounds MORE than I paid for it a year ago! Also... as I adhere to the old adage about 'never looking at cars for sale when you have just bought one' I have not kept track of car prices. Cars the same as mine, but with more miles are fetching (well, asking!) 1500 - 2000 pounds more than I paid a year ago as well.

 

I know it's sad and pathetic but it cheered me right up!

 

However, just to put things in to perspective: if I had used taxis for EVERY journey made this year, I would have saved a couple of hundred quid. I have done 1000 miles in 12 months!

[catsinthewelder]

  On 05/07/2015 at 20:34, FakeConcern said:

On Friday when my wife got home with the shopping some random old boy walking past our house asked her if my XM is the one for sale in the Classic paper. She told him not for sale & he went on about various clasics he's owned and how reasonable was the price of the XM he saw for sale-£3000! My wife should have offered him mine for £2500.

Anyway next day the said Classic paper is posted through our letterbox with an inscription on the front.

I wonder why this picture makes me think of DW?

[Taff]

  On 05/07/2015 at 09:19, NorfolkNWeigh said:

My wife understands me, which is unfortunate for many reasons.

 

my wife understood me all too well, that's why she is now the ex-wife...