What makes you grin? Antidote to grumpy thread

[purplebargeken]

Resurrected my old mountain bike this evening, pumped the tyres up, Muc-Off applied and hosed it down. New chain fitted. 

 

This could either end well with me cycling short distances frequently or end up with me being crippled more. I remain hopeful for now. 

[wuvvum]

I never knew magpies could talk

Nope, me neither.  The vicious noisy thieving little fuckers have just gone up in my estimation.

[Mr Lobster]

Resurrected my old mountain bike this evening, pumped the tyres up, Muc-Off applied and hosed it down. New chain fitted. 

 

This could either end well with me cycling short distances frequently or end up with me being crippled more. I remain hopeful for now. 

 

Did the same a few weeks back. Ours had been sat in the back of the unit for six years so brought them home, gave them a once over and went for a ride.  Aside from feeling like I'd been buggered by a rhino for a day or two after I really enjoyed it.

[rainagain]

Driving home from work last night at one of those traffic light controlled roundabouts with three lanes, where the far left and middle lane both exit on to a dual carriageway. As usual all the sheeple were queued in the left lane leaving the middle lane clear, so I drove past them in the middle lane passing the first car just as the lights went green and took the exit. The angry middle aged man with sun glasses in a white Audi TT a couple of cars back from the first car in the left lane obviously thought this was a challenge to his man hood and shot into the middle lane and right up my arse. We hit the next roundabout, I keep my speed up and left him behind, the road straightens out, he catches up and flies up my arse weaving around because he can’t over take as the road is now a single carriageway and there’s cars coming the other way.  We repeat this over the next three roundabouts, with his weaving/ tail gating getting more aggressive and me leaving him every time there’s a roundabout.

 

I kept seeing his face of pure rage in the mirror because he is can’t get past a Punto that probably costs less than a couple of tyres for his car, the more I saw his face the more it made me laugh, I still laughing as I parked up.  

[320touring]

Driving home from work last night at one of those traffic light controlled roundabouts with three lanes, where the far left and middle lane both exit on to a dual carriageway. As usual all the sheeple were queued in the left lane leaving the middle lane clear, so I drove past them in the middle lane passing the first car just as the lights went green and took the exit. The angry middle aged man with sun glasses in a white Audi TT a couple of cars back from the first car in the left lane obviously thought this was a challenge to his man hood and shot into the middle lane and right up my arse. We hit the next roundabout, I keep my speed up and left him behind, the road straightens out, he catches up and flies up my arse weaving around because he can’t over take as the road is now a single carriageway and there’s cars coming the other way. We repeat this over the next three roundabouts, with his weaving/ tail gating getting more aggressive and me leaving him every time there’s a roundabout.

 

I kept seeing his face of pure rage in the mirror because he is can’t get past a Punto that probably costs less than a couple of tyres for his car, the more I saw his face the more it made me laugh, I still laughing as I parked up.

Local set of lights up here has 2 lanes (1 straight and left, the other straight over) with a merge in turn after the junction.

 

Usual big line of stationary traffig in the rh lane, nowt in the left. A well timed roll up in the derv of doom- all 64bhp n/a veg munching 99ft/lb torque of it means you can easily get to the front of the queue without cutting anyone up, drag racing or exceeding the 30mph limit.

 

In the Clio 172 its good fun to out drag audi a5 3.0tdis doing the same thing:)

[Alan_Green]

The A3 exit from the M25 is like that. 2 lanes to turn left. Every morning I use the outer lane to overtake about 50 sheeple flocked in the inner lane. Alpha males often get annoyed and then race up behind you, but have to pull in as the road narrows. Same thing happens when using bus lanes after 7pm to overtake the flock.

[beko1987]

I do this on Handy Cross. Mr Audi/BMW thinks he's king as I slow to a crawl for the first set of lights, as he races past me up to them and comes to a dead stop...

 

Isn't so happy when I boot it past him when they go amber having stayed in 2nd, then straight through the next 2 lights on green to amber because I know the timings. If you stop at the first set, you stop at them all because of the timings, need to be pushing 50 to waft through all of them on green/just amber.

 

He then feels big again when he shoots past me on the bypass where I'm pottering at 70 on the inside lane as it's normally cutting it fine to overtake all the cars then pull back in to take the first exit to work/mums, so I normalyl don't bother and just light a rolly and chill!

[alf892]

Grin

 

The Radio 2 500 words competition.

[DVee8]

Spotted in Sunderland this afternoon,no camera shame.

An S reg Maxi in red.giffer owned. class

An A reg Granada estate ghia in white in the petrol station opposite the maxi.

Then on the way home a yellow C reg Orion.

[D Spares & Tyres]

hahaha I had a similar experience in Telford

 

I was ( legally ) overtaking a bunch of cars on the road towards the town

 

Last bloke I overtook in a newish Audi got pissed off ( flashing and wanker signal )

 

The next island I was going straight over and it is marked on the road that left is left lane and straight over and right is right lane

 

I was at front of queue in right lane as I was going straight over, I didn`t really notice the Audi to my left as I booted it away from the roundabout but as I was nearly at my exit I hit him in the drivers side. He was going right and obviously thought he was going to out accelerate me away and cut me up but I had the last laugh as my Scenic was fine (apart from I still have some of his paint ) and his Audi had two dented doors and a scuffed bumper   Idiot

 

Can`t really say what happened next

[gordonbennet]

It's official i've lost the plot.

 

Delivered to one of the big bakeries this morning, at least 4 of us go to just that one 364 days of the year, security sign us out a swipe card so we can use the canteen or loos.

 

So, parked next to the flour silos i've gone back to the lorry to get summat, swiped meself out of the building, keycard still in hand, walk round to me wagon, keycard still in hand, swipe me lorry door handle..nothing, fuck, swipe me door handle again..nothing double fuck, what's wrong with this bleedin lock?

 

What the hell am i doing trying to unlock the door of my lorry with the swipecard to a bakery?      There's no hope.

[alf892]

Had to go to docs this morning so took my 'home' glasses. Just in case you see....... I like to plan ahead and be organised me.

 

Went docs and on to work........left work got 2 mins up the road and realised left my home glasses there. Had to go back as on hols next week.......

 

Get home open glasses case.......no fuggin glasses. Must of left them at work.......like a twat.

 

Stand in kitchen and curse loudly for quite a time.......and then more.

 

Wench hears me and asks what problem is.......so I explain.

 

You daft bugger she says........your glasses are on the table by the front door where they have been all day

[155V6]

It's official i've lost the plot.

 

Delivered to one of the big bakeries this morning, at least 4 of us go to just that one 364 days of the year, security sign us out a swipe card so we can use the canteen or loos.

 

So, parked next to the flour silos i've gone back to the lorry to get summat, swiped meself out of the building, keycard still in hand, walk round to me wagon, keycard still in hand, swipe me lorry door handle..nothing, fuck, swipe me door handle again..nothing double fuck, what's wrong with this bleedin lock?

 

What the hell am i doing trying to unlock the door of my lorry with the swipecard to a bakery?      There's no hope.

I may have come back from the pub & tried to open the front door with the remote for my MG before now 

[richardmorris]

I do this on Handy Cross. Mr Audi/BMW thinks he's king as I slow to a crawl for the first set of lights, as he races past me up to them and comes to a dead stop...

 

Isn't so happy when I boot it past him when they go amber having stayed in 2nd, then straight through the next 2 lights on green to amber because I know the timings. If you stop at the first set, you stop at them all because of the timings, need to be pushing 50 to waft through all of them on green/just amber.

 

He then feels big again when he shoots past me on the bypass where I'm pottering at 70 on the inside lane as it's normally cutting it fine to overtake all the cars then pull back in to take the first exit to work/mums, so I normalyl don't bother and just light a rolly and chill!

Came through handy cross at 50 mph in the 2cv on Wednesday night. Just made the first lights off the m40 on green and passed through the the next two to go down to the m4 just before they changed.

 

Made it until the m4 junction before needing to change out of fourth- since Telford!

[hairnet]

t minus less than 4 days to SF15

 

oh and like the above - using bus lanes on the motorsickle - where at a light the road will be normal, cross the junction and the bus lane starts again which means the car invariably behind shits it and causes chaos when they pull out of it into the normal lane because they didnt read the time signs for it

 

or scooters in cities that dont realise that that two foot wide = there are gaps between cars

[hairnet]

LOL at the pop thing on bbc 4

 

boy george 'lookalike'

 

looks like freddy krueger

[cort16]

Well it looks like my cortina wasn't stolen and there's a chance I'll have it back next week with an mot.

One of the springs was burst and the guy changing it was attempting to remove it when a bit of spring shot out and knocker the fag he was smoking out his mouth (health and safety) and dented the roof of a car 10 ft away. I'm glad I didn't do it myself now .

 

He had to get a front shock and a wheel bearing for it and got them dingbros no bother . surprised they stocked it bits for a 1977 cortina

[twosmoke300]

I've done cortina springs in my kit car , they are no fun that's for sure

[trigger]

All going well I'm of to look at a A reg Morris Ital Van tomorrow that's been of the road since 1993 and that I've known since 1995 (and not seen for over 15 years). WCPGW?

[Stanky]

Terminal wheel bearing on the kia replaced, other side tightened up after it was replaced 6 months ago and has now bedded in, relative silence restored while on the move. Parts and labour grand total £35.00.

 

Great Success.

[Noel Tidybeard]

getting a trailer tent that is going to cost me a sony car stereo

[michael1703]

Just completed an epic collection......

 

Bought a piano for a fiver on eBay,because... Err I dunno, just thought I needed one?

 

Don't know how to play one, got it onto a trailer,forgot my best ratchet straps and used 3 shit ones,predictably the piano fell over on a tight bend but doesn't look any more damaged.

 

Had a job unloading it and getting it into the front room, whereupon I've decided I don't like the look of it.

 

It's too dark and imposing and doesn't match my walnut furniture

 

I've found I can tune it using my brake adjuster spanner

[burraston2006]

I've found I can tune it using my brake adjuster spanner

 

 

 

 

Does that mean you can use the piano tuning spanner to adjust your brakes? Will they squeak in tune?!

[HillmanImp]

My mate had two old upright pianos a few years ago. He cannibalised one for parts and was wanting to throw another one away. 

 

For me there was only one option for an unwanted piano. It was to put it in the back of a van, drive to somewhere with a large cliff, wait for it to get dark, cover it in petrol, light it and push it off the cliff to a firey fate below.

 

Sadly my mate has absolutely no vision, disagreed and gave it to some bloke from Lawnswood. Idiot.

[skattrd]

I have just spoken to the vendor of my most recent ebay purchase, and yes I am grinning.

 

I mentioned I would come down to Leics by train tomorrow (about 50 miles or so) and asked him how far from the station he was. He told me not to bother as trains can be expensive and unreliable so he would come and pick me up, where did I live? He shall be collecting me at around mid-day tomorrow to take me to my new car.

 

I'm excited, I've never driven a Tipo before, I currently own 2 cars based on the Tipo platform, but this is to be my first Tipo ... I shall start a thread for it in the morning .... Oh fuck, where am I going to put the car?

[HillmanImp]

Oh fuck, where am I going to put the car?

 

Give me a Lancia. Room made, job sorted.

[hairnet]

if you lived in north lincs 40 quid ffs and it makes you go sheffield ffs

 

lincoln to leics is 14

 

fuckers

 

nice of yer man to taxi tho

 

mmm tipo

[cms206]

I may have come back from the pub & tried to open the front door with the remote for my MG before now

When I had remote central locking I used to do that... now I just try to lock the car with the house keys, or as I did today, spent all day driving a Volvo coach went in, opened garage, hung my car keys in the key box instead of the bus keys and then wondered why the car wouldn't start.

[cms206]

This question...

 

 

... and then this answer in amongst the financed up to the bollocks shit...

[hairnet]

v6 galaxy senisble wtf