What makes you grin? Antidote to grumpy thread

[hairnet]

highway patrol and theyre in a queue of traffic and they see a gammon on the phone

pull him over and hes like yeah i know but and then starts i cant afford the fine etc etc

you were using it blah (more rant from him)

cops didnt care and wrote him a $476 ticket

ouch

 

[Metal Guru]

News about train strikes on BBC Scotland news the other day.

First the reporter’s name was Legget , very appropriate if there’s no trains.

Then he said there would be a skeleton service on some lines. I just had an image of a fun fair ghost train trundling down the tracks.

Well it amused me.

[320touring]

you'll never guess how big an Xmas tree I managed to fit in the Abarth...

 

[hairnet]

abarth erm

toledo ftw no?

 

[hairnet]

Woop 

[Dyslexic Viking]

18 minutes ago, hairnet said:

Woop 

You were just in Thailand.

How many flight miles a year do you actually have?

[New POD]

6 hours ago, 320touring said:

you'll never guess how big an Xmas tree I managed to fit in the Abarth...

 

You need an astra and then you can get a proper sized tree. 

[hairnet]

16 minutes ago, Dyslexic Viking said:

You were just in Thailand.

How many flight miles a year do you actually have?

LOL

its been 5 years since i went to thai

6 to nz

[beko1987]

1 hour ago, New POD said:

You need an astra and then you can get a proper sized tree. 

Pppft we got this in the Xsara with only half the back seat rest needing to go down! Charlie did get a face full when I booted it around a roundabout and it shifted but 🤷😂

[320touring]

8 minutes ago, beko1987 said:

Pppft we got this in the Xsara with only half the back seat rest needing to go down! Charlie did get a face full when I booted it around a roundabout and it shifted but 🤷😂

I managed to get a huge one in the 595...

[loserone]

Yes but what about the Christmas tree 

[320touring]

1 minute ago, loserone said:

Yes but what about the Christmas tree 

Now now...

[hairnet]

thats not the tree thats his age

[brownnova]

[castros_bro]

3 hours ago, Dyslexic Viking said:

You were just in Thailand.

How many flight miles a year do you actually have?

She's a commercial pilot and "restaurant critic" and  writes for various national and specialist publications on airline food.

[Dyslexic Viking]

10 minutes ago, castros_bro said:

She's a commercial pilot and "restaurant critic" and  writes for various national and specialist publications on airline food.

It wouldn't surprise me if that were true.

[reb]

Did you know...

[High Jetter]

1 hour ago, reb said:

Did you know...

No.

[Metal Guru]

Flicking through YouTube football highlights last night , came across the Maidstone United FA cup match. ( used to live in the area otherwise no interest ).

Anyway the commentator couldn’t pronounce his “Rs”. Think Fools and Horses with the singer who had to sing “Crying”.
Didn’t help the opponents were Bawwow , I mean Barrow and the winning goal was scored by someone called Gurung!

Good luck to Maidstone in the 3rd wound dwaw!

(Apologies I know it’s not nice to make fun of someone’s afflictions but it was funny).

[Metal Guru]

Sun online “news”.

Internet riddle only those with high IQs can solve.

I buy a cow for £800 and sell it for £1000.

I then buy it back for £1100 and then sell it again for £1300.

How much have I made?

I can’t see what’s difficult and to me it’s primary school maths, but people were coming up with many wrong answers, guessing or just saying it was too hard, apparently.

What does anyone else think and what do you think the answer is?

[New POD]

1 hour ago, Metal Guru said:

Sun online “news”.

Internet riddle only those with high IQs can solve.

I buy a cow for £800 and sell it for £1000.

I then buy it back for £1100 and then sell it again for £1300.

How much have I made?

I can’t see what’s difficult and to me it’s primary school maths, but people were coming up with many wrong answers, guessing or just saying it was too hard, apparently.

What does anyone else think and what do you think the answer is?

= ((£1300 -£1100) + (£1000 - £800)) ×0.8* 

= ((200) + (200)) x 0.8*

= £400 x 0.8*

= £320 

* 0.8 because you obviously are declaring the profit as part of your income and are currently taxed at 20% by the HMRC

The answer you were looking for is £400. 

 

[MiniMinorMk3]

2 hours ago, Metal Guru said:

Sun online “news”.

Internet riddle only those with high IQs can solve.

I buy a cow for £800 and sell it for £1000.

I then buy it back for £1100 and then sell it again for £1300.

How much have I made?

I can’t see what’s difficult and to me it’s primary school maths, but people were coming up with many wrong answers, guessing or just saying it was too hard, apparently.

What does anyone else think and what do you think the answer is?

£400. 

 

Say you start with 1200.

1200-800=400

400+1000=1400

1400-1100=300

300+1300=1600

1600-1200=400.

 

[High Jetter]

As it's a cow, the answer surely has to be some Moolah?

[Wack]

capitalist maths

spend the initial profit on a deposit for a bull , resulting offspring = free cows, who cares how much you made

[New POD]

14 minutes ago, Wack said:

capitalist maths

spend the initial profit on a deposit for a bull , resulting offspring = free cows, who cares how much you made

I see an idea forming.

Form ltd company. Borrow £800 to buy cow, sell for £1000.  Borrow £100 to buy back cow, now you owe £900, sell cow for £1300, Borrow another £1300, because you are obviously good for it.

Pay yourself a pension bonus of £2600 and call in the receivers. Banks fail to recover money as there is none. 

Ltd company dead, but you imediately retire taking 25% of pension tax free (£650) and the rest paying 20% tax thus giving you a total of £2210. 

With this you buy 2 cows and rent a bull for a day. 

[Metal Guru]

54 minutes ago, New POD said:

I see an idea forming.

Form ltd company. Borrow £800 to buy cow, sell for £1000.  Borrow £100 to buy back cow, now you owe £900, sell cow for £1300, Borrow another £1300, because you are obviously good for it.

Pay yourself a pension bonus of £2600 and call in the receivers. Banks fail to recover money as there is none. 

Ltd company dead, but you imediately retire taking 25% of pension tax free (£650) and the rest paying 20% tax thus giving you a total of £2210. 

With this you buy 2 cows and rent a bull for a day. 

Maybe not. Bull semen was £28k / litre according to Top Gear many moons ago.

[junkyarddog]

Now,I've  heard of a Cat on a hot tin roof,but never a Cat on a warm 2.0 pinto!

🤣

[Pieman]

This tweet to Fesshole was clearly sent in by a 'shiter!
 

 

[beko1987]

26 minutes ago, junkyarddog said:

Now,I've  heard of a Cat on a hot tin roof,but never a Cat on a warm 2.0 pinto!

🤣

Gah no its got a cat marker on it now, scrap it m8

[High Jetter]

1 hour ago, junkyarddog said:

Now,I've  heard of a Cat on a hot tin roof,but never a Cat on a warm 2.0 pinto!

🤣

Get back, get back, get back...🎶