What makes you grin? Antidote to grumpy thread

[goosey]

  On 30/01/2023 at 16:17, Aston Martin said:

😢

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I’ll be honest I’d rather be stuck in roadworks than be in the Office 😀

[iainrcz]

Describing an air freshener she bought, my Mrs said "it's a bit clawing"

Daft cunt 🤣

[Wack]

  On 30/01/2023 at 15:27, Tenmil Socket said:

A rough calculation shows I save £3 per tank. 

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If I queued up in the range rover SC it'd cost me £10 by the time I got to the pump

[Wack]

  On 30/01/2023 at 16:28, iainrcz said:

Describing an air freshener she bought, my Mrs said "it's a bit clawing"

Daft cunt 🤣

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We went to a funeral on friday, first into the function suite after the service, we both went for a pee , the toilets are shared by the pub and the function suite L for pub R for suite , I come out and she's stood in the pub looking bewildered so I go in and she says, is this where we came in , the pub looks like a pub, the function suite is big round tables with white table cloths and white chairs

er, no, this is the pub

[iainrcz]

  On 30/01/2023 at 16:32, Wack said:

We went to a funeral on friday, first into the function suite after the service, we both went for a pee , the toilets are shared by the pub and the function suite L for pub R for suite , I come out and she's stood in the pub looking bewildered so I go in and she says, is this where we came in , the pub looks like a pub, the function suite is big round tables with white table cloths and white chairs

er, no, this is the pub

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They're special.

Reminds me of the time my Mrs tried getting in the wrong car when I went to pick her up from work.

 

[jakebullet]

Ma was talking to Hazel across the street. Hazel is a big fan of cunts next door due to their habit of parking 2mm away from her car to intimidate her.

Well a bit back CND bought his n hers range rover sports, which are of course top quality cars and never break down. Turns out the one 2mm from Hazel's bumper is fucked and doesn't run. So she has CND hammering on her door to move her car so he can get it on a pikey recovery truck. What a shame she was suddenly hard of hearing and didn't hear a thing. Took them quite a long time to push it up hill to be able to get it out and on the truck. She waits till they're strapping it down and strolls out and drives away.

[Rust Collector]

My mrs brought this home tonight for the little one:

I’m looking forward to bath time so I can see what new letters are in the ‘new and improved’ 72 letter alphabet, I’ve been using the crappy old one with 26 letters.

[somewhatfoolish]

The world's gone mad, etc. By next year I'll be able to sell mine and retire on the proceeds. WTAF.

[High Jetter]

  On 31/01/2023 at 20:41, Rust Collector said:

My mrs brought this home tonight for the little one:

I’m looking forward to bath time so I can see what new letters are in the ‘new and improved’ 72 letter alphabet, I’ve been using the crappy old one with 26 letters.

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It doesn't say they're all different. Am a bit confused about 'Wet, Stick and Play!' though.

[Rust Collector]

  On 31/01/2023 at 23:21, High Jetter said:

It doesn't say they're all different. Am a bit confused about 'Wet, Stick and Play!' though.

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What’s confusing about those instructions? Grab a stick from the garden, dunk it in the bath water and then play with it 😅

[wuvvum]

We're finally out of fucking January. 🕺

[Datsuncog]

Probably shouldn't be laughing at this, but interesting* to find out that you're as likely to find a heinous bodge carried out on the reactor of a nuclear submarine as on a grotty old Laguna from the armpit of Facebook Marketplace.

Royal Navy orders investigation into nuclear submarine ‘repaired with glue’ | Royal Navy | The Guardian

The faulty repairs on the cooling pipes aboard the HMS Vanguard were found after one of the bolts fell off during an inspection, the Sun reported.

The bolt heads originally came off due to over-tightening. But, rather than replacing the damaged shafts, staff at the defence contractor Babcock implemented a quick fix and glued them back on.

Engineers at the contractor reported it as a procedural glitch after the problem was found, but did not mention the botched nature of the repair.

The glued bolts held insulation in place on the coolant pipes in the nuclear reactor and were found just as workers were set to fire it up to full power for the first time, the newspaper reported.

Investigators will trawl records of repairs to find out when the bodged work occurred and who was ultimately responsible.

A navy source told the newspaper: “It’s a disgrace. You can’t cut corners with nuclear. Standards are standards. Nuclear standards are never compromised.”

 

*interesting = terrifying

[somewhatfoolish]

  On 01/02/2023 at 10:18, Datsuncog said:

Probably shouldn't be laughing at this, but interesting* to find out that you're as likely to find a heinous bodge carried out on the reactor of a nuclear submarine as on a grotty old Laguna from the armpit of Facebook Marketplace.

Royal Navy orders investigation into nuclear submarine ‘repaired with glue’ | Royal Navy | The Guardian

The faulty repairs on the cooling pipes aboard the HMS Vanguard were found after one of the bolts fell off during an inspection, the Sun reported.

The bolt heads originally came off due to over-tightening. But, rather than replacing the damaged shafts, staff at the defence contractor Babcock implemented a quick fix and glued them back on.

Engineers at the contractor reported it as a procedural glitch after the problem was found, but did not mention the botched nature of the repair.

The glued bolts held insulation in place on the coolant pipes in the nuclear reactor and were found just as workers were set to fire it up to full power for the first time, the newspaper reported.

Investigators will trawl records of repairs to find out when the bodged work occurred and who was ultimately responsible.

A navy source told the newspaper: “It’s a disgrace. You can’t cut corners with nuclear. Standards are standards. Nuclear standards are never compromised.”

 

*interesting = terrifying

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Shitty but not terrifying, at least not directly, an insulation clamp falling off will only result in sweaty tiffs being slightly sweatier; that fitters who think this is an acceptable way to behave are anywhere near a submarine is a concern and I hope Babcock receive a large corporate wedgie. Shades of the glued on bolt heads on an RN patrol ship recently.

[High Jetter]

  On 01/02/2023 at 17:30, somewhatfoolish said:

Shitty but not terrifying, at least not directly, an insulation clamp falling off will only result in sweaty tiffs being slightly sweatier; that fitters who think this is an acceptable way to behave are anywhere near a submarine is a concern and I hope Babcock receive a large corporate wedgie. Shades of the glued on bolt heads on an RN patrol ship recently.

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Are they not torqued up, and failures removed and the bolt suppliers bollocked? It is worrying if this wasn't an isolated incident.

[Wack]

[High Jetter]

  On 01/02/2023 at 19:41, Wack said:

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Pressed for a comment, he could only manage "Ta, Mac"

[Dick Cheeseburger]

Haven't we got a few Iveco fans on here? 🤣

[High Jetter]

  On 01/02/2023 at 22:28, Dick Longbridge said:

Haven't we got a few Iveco fans on here? 🤣

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This keeps springing up...

[omegod]

I got a £20 voucher free for Sports Direct/USC after buying a load of stuff in November so ordered a Berghaus T shirt online on 14/12 , no sign of it so in early January I contacted USC who promptly sent me a replacement one, I was very surprised when the original order turned up today !  

You gotta love Evri in this case   

 

[Remspoor]

 

[62 Austin]

  On 27/01/2023 at 18:25, 808 Estate said:

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One Does Not Put A Trailer Hitch On A Blower Bentley With Which To Tow A Nissan Boy Racer Special unless you have the IQ of a Cherrystone Clam!

 

 

 

 

 

[New POD]

  On 01/02/2023 at 17:30, somewhatfoolish said:

Shitty but not terrifying, at least not directly, an insulation clamp falling off will only result in sweaty tiffs being slightly sweatier; that fitters who think this is an acceptable way to behave are anywhere near a submarine is a concern and I hope Babcock receive a large corporate wedgie. Shades of the glued on bolt heads on an RN patrol ship recently.

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How did they find it? The fitter, will have filled in an assembly build complaint, and this will have been checked along with a pile of 2000, other build issues. He propably glued it back so they knew where to look. 

[Markeh]

I love whoever's writing the descriptions for Jeremy Vine's show on Radio 2 this week:

[Remspoor]

 

  On 02/02/2023 at 10:32, Markeh said:

I love whoever's writing the descriptions for Jeremy Vine's show on Radio 2 this week:

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My version

[wuvvum]

  On 02/02/2023 at 02:04, 62 Austin said:

One Does Not Put A Trailer Hitch On A Blower Bentley With Which To Tow A Nissan Boy Racer Special unless you have the IQ of a Cherrystone Clam!

 

 

 

 

 

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Nissan??

[Sunny Jim]

Savage interrogation by the Portuguese Maritime Police on arrival at Sevagen Grande an uninhabited island between Madeira and the Canaries. 

Link to video

[Metal Guru]

Not really a laughing matter, I know  but just watched a police traffic car programme. Women driving a Range Rover reported for erratic  driving and eventually stopped by police.

They open the car, small bottle bank’s worth of empties in the back and a bottle of wine in the front cup holder. That’s taking drink driving a bit too literally.
Officer says “anything over 35 , and you’ll be arrested . Oh , it’s 145” FFS.

Thing is , she’s sounds completely  ok. speech not even slightly slurred.

Got a bit angry that she only got fined £300, ( she’d nearly drunk that much judging by the empties), although banned for 24 months and sent on a rehab course.

[New POD]

  On 03/02/2023 at 00:45, Metal Guru said:

Not really a laughing matter, I know  but just watched a police traffic car programme. Women driving a Range Rover reported for erratic  driving and eventually stopped by police.

They open the car, small bottle bank’s worth of empties in the back and a bottle of wine in the front cup holder. That’s taking drink driving a bit too literally.
Officer says “anything over 35 , and you’ll be arrested . Oh , it’s 145” FFS.

Thing is , she’s sounds completely  ok. speech not even slightly slurred.

Got a bit angry that she only got fined £300, ( she’d nearly drunk that much judging by the empties), although banned for 24 months and sent on a rehab course.

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It's amazing how much you can train your liver to cope with. 

Isn't fine related to income? 

If she was a housewife, she might have no income. 

[GrumpiusMaximus]

  On 03/02/2023 at 05:19, New POD said:

It's amazing how much you can train your liver to cope with. 

Isn't fine related to income? 

If she was a housewife, she might have no income. 

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You clearly didn't know my old mate Mad Dog, who would wake up and swig vodka despite being (at the time) unemployed.  Glad to say that he kicked it and the last time I saw him he was doing much better.

[Wack]

  On 03/02/2023 at 00:45, Metal Guru said:

Not really a laughing matter, I know  but just watched a police traffic car programme. Women driving a Range Rover reported for erratic  driving and eventually stopped by police.

They open the car, small bottle bank’s worth of empties in the back and a bottle of wine in the front cup holder. That’s taking drink driving a bit too literally.
Officer says “anything over 35 , and you’ll be arrested . Oh , it’s 145” FFS.

Thing is , she’s sounds completely  ok. speech not even slightly slurred.

Got a bit angry that she only got fined £300, ( she’d nearly drunk that much judging by the empties), although banned for 24 months and sent on a rehab course.

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I watched that, I bet his reaction would've been different without the camera crew, if she's drunk that much this won't be her first time, just the first time they've caught her