What makes you grin? Antidote to grumpy thread

[richardmorris]

http://www.stewardwood.org/index.ghtml

[angle]

On reflection I've decided this thread is the correct one because he irritates the piss out of me, but the man I sit next to at work came in all happy because he'd bought a car yesterday (he was 'working from home') and was picking it up tonight. An 04-plate Meriva for £1100. I asked him if he liked it:

 

'Yeah, it's done a few miles but its in pretty good condition. The steering suddenly got really stiff when I went on a test drive but the guy said it just needed a new battery and he's fitting one today.'

 

Seriously man, you have an engineering degree.

 

I told him to type 'Meriva power steering' into Google and went on site for the afternoon...

[rantingYoof]

A chap at work left today.

 

As is the norm a presentation was had in the centre of the office. Nice chap, and after the usual speech from the team leader he said a few words.

 

My mind was just beginning to wander when I heard the words "I've bought the BEAST!" and I tuned back in to see him pointing vaguely out the window towards the car park.

 

I hung around after everyone had dispersed and spoke to him.

I'll sum up his accidental but brilliant venture into Autoshite briefly...

 

 - Had a Renault Megane. It bombed an MOT. He fragged it spontaneously.

 

 - Realised he had no car and was rather a long way from home, relatively speaking.

 

 - Fired up Gumtree on his phone.

 

 - Found a near immaculate 1995 Citroen Ax 1.0 with 45,000 miles, with MOTs/history from previously elderly lady owner, for £250 around the corner from where he was.

 

 - Trotted over, bought it pretty much on sight alone, drove it home.

 

WINNING.

[danthecapriman]

I think I'd rather pay £1100 for someone to repeatedly kick me in the bollocks than for a Meriva!

[saucedoctor]

danthecapriman, on 03 Mar 2016 - 11:11 PM, said:

I think I'd rather pay £1100 for someone to repeatedly kick me in the bollocks than for a Meriva!

 

It's seems that you're representative of the public. I bought one at the block and couldn't get shot of it. 1600 8 valve, the road tax was putting buyers off. That, and the fact it was a Vauxhall.

[The Moog]

Take one light weight fwd car

Stir in some skinny 13inch wheels

Pop in the tesco carpark for 10 minutes at gas mark 10mph

Sprinkle with snow

 

And voilà a guaranteed smilefest rally stylee

[danthecapriman]

Take one light weight fwd car

Stir in some skinny 13inch wheels

Pop in the tesco carpark for 10 minutes at gas mark 10mph

Sprinkle with snow

And voilà a guaranteed smilefest rally stylee

When it snowed really badly a few years ago, everyone else was busy shitting themselves about driving.

I jumped into my old RWD automatic Volvo 740 and drove to the nearest deserted car park. Great fun!

 

We've had no snow at all for the last few years down here. Shit loads of rain instead though!

[oldcars]

I woundnt mind but they have covered the panda in cement, got shit all over my drive, been all over my drive, no one asked, or knocked or even clean up my side.

 

Tempted to go chuck all the shit back on his drive.

I was just going to say, would have been nice if they had asked you to move the Panda. Like my neighbours, feck everyone else me me me attitude 

[oldcars]

Some bloke on the 75 forum is selling his 2001 car, duff clutch and no MOT for £2750 !!!!

 

Im on that place but its not my cup of tea. Might go for a 80 CASH 2NITE M8, OR SWAP PS3 2 CONTROLERS 6GAMES

[beko1987]

It's seems that you're representative of the public. I bought one at the block and couldn't get shot of it. 1600 8 valve, the road tax was putting buyers off. That, and the fact it was a Vauxhall.

I'm hoping that then Amy wants shot of our Meriva it's worth so little that I can just sell it on here for a tenner and have done with it! Failing that, her cousin is a banger racer, tempted to give it to him then film it going round the oval

[rantingYoof]

My 9000 was awesome in the snow. Eighty tons of car with half of that being an engine over the front wheels meant you could hold awesome handbrake-induced drifts in deepish snow.

[Lacquer Peel]

My 9000 was awesome in the snow. Eighty tons of car with half of that being an engine over the front wheels meant you could hold awesome handbrake-induced drifts in deepish snow.

 

 

It drove out of there on winter tyres.

[nick]

 

The latest from North Yorkshire: "Van driver reported be in deep water with bosses."

[FakeConcern]

I happened to read on another forum that Dollywobblers cure for most electrical problems (XM) is to whack the offending area really hard. My dipped beam warning light on the dash hasn't worked for ages and this fixed it!

[fordperv]

 

The latest from North Yorkshire: "Van driver reported be in deep water with bosses."

DPD driver damages yet more parcels

[Tamworthbay]

I happened to read on another forum that Dollywobblers cure for most electrical problems (XM) is to whack the offending area really hard. My dipped beam warning light on the dash hasn't worked for ages and this fixed it!

percussive maintenance, it never fails. If it's broke and you whack there are two options, 1, it's still broke - nothing lost, 2, one in a million random chance of fixing the problem.

 

Never fails.

[FakeConcern]

percussive maintenance, it never fails. If it's broke and you whack there are two options, 1, it's still broke - nothing lost, 2, one in a million random chance of fixing the problem.

 

Never fails.

Option 3) something else breaks!

[Tamworthbay]

Option 3) something else breaks!

pessimist!

[FakeConcern]

pessimist!

Realist!

[inconsistant]

[Tamworthbay]

inaccurate whacker Realist!

FTFY

[Pillock]

percussive maintenance, it never fails. If it's broke and you whack there are two options, 1, it's still broke - nothing lost, 2, one in a million random chance of fixing the problem.

 

Never fails.

 

I hit the rear light of my Leon to try and make it work.

I broke the lens.

Then I got pulled over by the police to tell me I had a broken tail light (in all fairness I'd just pulled out of a pub carpark so it was probably just an excuse to pull me for a whiff of my breath) and had to put on my best surprised face.

[Tamworthbay]

Had a laugh at Sainsburys this afternoon. Some cock in his Aston Martin decides to use the last disabled space and then jog Into he store with his shirt half open and sun glasses on head. Less than a minute later, gormless bloke lets go of trolley whilst juggling two bags and a nipper. Trolley acts under the power of karma magnetics and falls into the side of cock boys Aston. I just looked at the other guy and he smirked. He dived into his car and headed off.

[michael1703]

Gorgeous day today, bright and sunny and not a cloud and a balmy 9 degrees, snow didn't get this far

[cobblers]

Yesterday I cadged a brand new 2kw 24v mains inverter from work, and earlier tonight I wired it up to a massive pile of batteries I also got free from work in the attic as a UPS system just out of curiosity.

I'd just got all the batteries fully charged and swapped everything over to the inverter to test the system,when 5 minutes later all the lights go out. Thinking I'd tripped the rccb somehow, I go downstairs to find that by sheer coincidence were having the first power cut in 2 years! 4500 houses without power til midnight,apart from mine!

[cobblers]

Tbh this cheap Chinese inverter could well be the reason for the power cut but nevermind

[hairnet]

decided to buy a bike just after xmas and pay for it weekly - cant believe they let me

 

theres now only three payments left........

 

but i sold my current bike to a friend in ireland

 

he asked when id be over with it (i go an awful lot)

 

i said easter

 

ive figured out ill have paid it off before i go - i was planning on borrowing the final coupla payments from a friend then giving it back the week after when i delivered the bike

 

i can now launch the civic and buy mammy a car with the money im getting for my bike

 

anyone wanna buy a civic 111k mot till july no issues bit dented runs excellent

[Noel Tidybeard]

0845 number on fone

"oh well here goes, ppi/accident inever had?"

"hi i'm ***** from EE calling as you're loyal customer"

"are you aware of the promo for galaxy s7/7edge? today is last day for early delivery ordering etc..."

 

the upshot is the nice people are letting me have a shiny new fone with no upfront payment and it comes on tuesday instead of the 11th for everyone else

[beko1987]

S7? Nice! Did you go for the edge?

[scdan4]

happy burfday camry