What makes you grin? Antidote to grumpy thread

[artdjones]

13 hours ago, Datsuncog said:

heading out of Belfast Lough on a north-east bearing towards the Clyde and Glasgow -

They were going to the Clyde to refuel, but that's been scrubbed now and they are going to Brest. So Cobh would be a good refuge if* it all goes pear shaped. I'll nip down and take a look if it happens.

[Markeh]

On yet another airport run for my parents this evening, this being number 3 of 4 this year. Due to Luton airport's lack of short stay parking I couldn't stand with a sign last time. This time it's Manchester again, and I can.

[High Jetter]

Saw these 2 stickers on a van today, the right one especially made me smile:

[reb]

My new neighbours were moving some things in today, they gave me a bottle of wine!

[reb]

21 minutes ago, reb said:

My new neighbours were moving some things in today, they gave me a bottle of wine!

It seems to me that it is the universal experience of those under 30 to be gifted a bottle of wine with a cork, be unable to find that promotional corkscrew you got 5 years ago, then fight using improvised tools in order to drink some wine with bits of cork floating in it.

[Markeh]

1 hour ago, reb said:

It seems to me that it is the universal experience of those under 30 to be gifted a bottle of wine with a cork, be unable to find that promotional corkscrew you got 5 years ago, then fight using improvised tools in order to drink some wine with bits of cork floating in it.

As a professional* alcoholic I know very well where my corkscrew is (although cheap bottles of White Zinfandel generally don't have corks for me to worry about!)

[reb]

11 minutes ago, Markeh said:

As a professional* alcoholic I know very well where my corkscrew is (although cheap bottles of White Zinfandel generally don't have corks for me to worry about!)

I generally drink fizzy piss featuring a self-removing cork.

[myglaren]

32 minutes ago, Markeh said:

As a professional* alcoholic I know very well where my corkscrew is (although cheap bottles of White Zinfandel generally don't have corks for me to worry about!)

I recently went to open a corked bottle and couldn't find the corkscrew anywhere so used a 'waiter's' corkscrew that wouldn't pivot properly on the top of the bottle and ended up chewing the cork out in bits, aided with a screwdriver.  Took the best part of an hour.

Then couldn't find a stopper for the bottle.  Fortunately I have a decanter that was brought into use.

After a few bottles like that I did discover the corkscrew, on my desk, the stopper too.

Just opened a bottle of Tokaji Amethyst, screw top as it happens.

[DavieW]

Whenever we get a bottle of wine with a cork, the bloody electric corkscrew is flat. 

[reb]

Just now, DavieW said:

Whenever we get a bottle of wine with a cork, the bloody electric corkscrew is flat. 

Even though I spend roughly 75% of the time blind drunk, even I would question the utility of an electric corkscrew.

[somewhatfoolish]

If you have a drift, pin punch or piece of dowel of suitable diameter and a hammer you can drive the cork into the bottle.

[richardmorris]

Surprised none of you has a Swiss Army knife.

[loserone]

Bit of string and a lighter, followed by some ice

[myglaren]

12 minutes ago, richardmorris said:

Surprised none of you has a Swiss Army knife.

I have three, not the original Swiss ones but a Leatherman and a couple of others.  They would just be the same as the waiter's corkscrew though.  Readily admit that I never thought of them.

[High Jetter]

2 hours ago, reb said:

Even though I spend roughly 75% of the time blind drunk, even I would question the utility of an electric corkscrew.

Yup, my waiter's friend (a promo from the 90s) works well.

[Metal Guru]

7 hours ago, myglaren said:

I recently went to open a corked bottle and couldn't find the corkscrew anywhere so used a 'waiter's' corkscrew that wouldn't pivot properly on the top of the bottle and ended up chewing the cork out in bits, aided with a screwdriver.  Took the best part of an hour.

Then couldn't find a stopper for the bottle.  Fortunately I have a decanter that was brought into use.

After a few bottles like that I did discover the corkscrew, on my desk, the stopper too.

Just opened a bottle of Tokaji Amethyst, screw top as it happens.

What’s a stopper?

[somewhatfoolish]

5 hours ago, loserone said:

Bit of string and a lighter, followed by some ice

Won't you need some accelerant to get that to work?

6 minutes ago, Metal Guru said:

What’s a stopper?

A thing for weirdos who don't drink a whole bottle in one go, it's a fancy reusable cork.

[comfortablynumb]

I had a boss/ mate who was a Scot, was one of those ' once you've opened the bottle you've defiled it' types.

There's several evenings/ nights I had round his where I've NO idea what occurred 🥳

Edited October 5 by comfortablynumb
Bloody autocorrect

[andy18s]

10 hours ago, richardmorris said:

Surprised none of you has a Swiss Army knife.

Because nearly everything we cook is fresh we don't have a tin opener. The odd tin we do buy has a ring pull on it, because EU.

So imagine our surprise when we received a package containing Rice Puddings that we couldn't get into..

I had to dig out my trusty Swiss Army knife,once I could remember where it was..

[New POD]

Heathens the lot of you. 

2 kitchen draws 

3 Cork screws 

2 wine stoppers

A tin opener.  (There's a spare in the attic in the camping box)  

[IronStar]

18 minutes ago, andy18s said:

Because nearly everything we cook is fresh we don't have a tin opener. The odd tin we do buy has a ring pull on it, because EU.

So imagine our surprise when we received a package containing Rice Puddings that we couldn't get into..

I had to dig out my trusty Swiss Army knife,once I could remember where it was..

 I’ve previously hammered a screwdriver into a lid, and pulled it open with pliers, told myself I’ll buy a tin opener, then promptly forgot about it, and repeated the process next time we ran into a can with no ring pull. Still didn’t buy tin opener. 😄

[Westbay]

14 hours ago, reb said:

My new neighbours were moving some things in today, they gave me a bottle of wine!

arr, the pre-emptive strike, makes it harder for you complain about the noise !   🤣

[myglaren]

I have two tin openers and find that there are some tins, usually Tuna, that neither of them have much luck with.

There should be one of the old fashioned ones kicking about but anyone's guess where it might be.  Son's from when he was in the TA.

[24vdiamond]

A few years back I did a favour for a  "friend" and he said "you like wine dont you?" me says yes with thoughts of a nice bottle of red  rumbling about in my tiny brain  

"friend" turns up a few days later with a cork screw as a gift!! most over-complicated thing ive ever seen that now lies dormant in the back of the kitchen draw  😁

[Dyslexic Viking]

On can/tin openers have noticed that they also have glass bottle openers on them. So perfect for the bachelor can open canned food and beer with the same tool.

Mine

[Metal Guru]

4 hours ago, comfortablynumb said:

I had a boss/ mate who was a Scot, was one of those ' once you've opened the bottle you've defiled it' types.

There's several evenings/ nights I had round his where I've NO idea what occurred 🥳

I’d admit to always finishing a bottle of wine but I do put the cork back in a Whisky bottle.

[myglaren]

[Remspoor]

13 hours ago, Metal Guru said:

What’s a stopper?

[richardmorris]

1 hour ago, Remspoor said:

I prefer mine

[richardmorris]