For Sale Drive shite, look shite smell shite. Autoshite merchandise opportunity...

[Cavcraft]

This last few days I've been in contact with highly reputable* merchandising company and have spent literally minutes designing a natty new range of air fresheners.

 

They are NOT a definite yet, but if anyone is foolhardy discerning enough to want to quadruple the value of their motor, or attract some flange or something, you cannot* go wrong...

 

 

I reckon they'll come in at about £1.75 (all in including UK postage) with a 50p discount if you buy more than one at the same time going to the same address. If anyone is interested I'd have thought we're looking at mid-end of January before they're ready.

 

 

 

[chaseracer]

Do they smell of meths?  Will they make my car pong like a dead tramp?  Not interested otherwise... 

[vulgalour]

I'm hoping the range of fragances are:

 

WD40

Hot Oil

Despair

Fresh Rust

Charlie

Exhaust Fumes

Divorce Pending

I'm Not Smoking Weed, Honest

[Uncle Jimmy]

Is that Charlie Sheen or Dymock?

[Uncle Jimmy]

Something far more romantic needed, like 'Silverstone bogs 1977' or 'dog shit on my trainer in International Stores 1973' or 'Grandads wet himself again, we're on the M5 and can't stop 1986'.

[vulgalour]

 

Surprisingly few appalling pictures available to illustrate this iconic fragrance odour.

[sporty-shite]

Surely they should be available in a choice of Old Spice, Brut 33 or Hai Karate.

[Micrashed]

I'm hoping the range of fragances are:

 

WD40

Hot Oil

Despair

Fresh Rust

Charlie

Exhaust Fumes

Divorce Pending

I'm Not Smoking Weed, Honest

They smell of SHAME, that is all.

 

Yes I'll have a couple

[beko1987]

They should smell of oil! Count me in for a few when done, my detailed clean one I got free last year has lost its smell...

[Bren]

Other flavours available -

 

EP 90

Burning insulation

Plastic padding

Hot brakes

Damp carpet

Crankcase pressure

 

Please, please can they be made from something that does'nt attack plastic - the current stuff is like the scene in alien where Ian Holm cuts into the face hugger and the acid starts dissolving the nostromo.

[Tayne]

Will it smell better than Land Rover's official adventure scented urinal cleaner?

 

Adritt by Tayne, on Flickr

[Taff]

I'm in.

 

I don't care what they smell of, I lost my sense of smell in a freak yachting accident in Tenby in 2007.

 

Shape is all, though. Can't you make them round. And insulting to Vauxhalls?

[forddeliveryboy]

Someone should bring out a smell like good old four star. The stuff they call four star doesn't smell quite right, today. It may have made you slowly go stupid, all that lead, but at least it didn't have loads of benzene in it. Unleaded smells nasty, modern diesel equally so - or is that just the nano-particles which your lungs can't cough out and which pass directly into the pulmonary system?

 

Essence du AutoShite would be bound to be a winner - old garage with greasy overalls and brown drawer full of pre-dec money, 120Y, Triumph 2000 (hot and cold), Renault, Rover (95, 100 and P6) and so on would sell well. They could include a free MP3 of the car's sound, to make it all the more realistic. I'd buy loads.

[Cavcraft]

I'm afraid they're only mildly insulting to GM shite ('Your motoring is our concern, unless it's a Vauxhall') but I expect something a bit more vicious could be arranged.

[plasticvandan]

Feu Orange. Nuff said

[cms206]

I'm in...

[twosmoke300]

What about my personal fave ? " leaking heater matrix "

[tux]

Feu Orange. Nuff said

 

Now that, to me, is the quintessential 70's/80's car smell. Can you still get them?

[Cavcraft]

How much?

 

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/1-X-New-Original-Retro-Feu-Orange-Air-Freshener-Rare-/121515140331?pt=UK_Car_Interior_Accessories&hash=item1c4adde4eb

[fordperv]

What about my personal fave ? " leaking heater matrix "

Ahh the miffy gone off curry smell, what about the smell of lucas smoke

[320touring]

They should smell of oil! Count me in for a few when done, my detailed clean one I got free last year has lost its smell...

I propose a fragrance called "Beko has lost his wheel"

 

Can you guess what it'd smell like?

 

*parp*

[chaseracer]

For research porpoises, go to the British Motor Heritage Museum and stick your head through the open window of this:

 

 

Now THAT* is the smell you want!

 

 

 

 

 

* Wood, leather, determination, Bovril, a hint of damp, Strand cigarettes and a fin de siecle sense of imperial entitlement... 

[derskine]

Those are horrifically shit, count me in.

[xtriple]

I'm in as well. Can you make them strong enough to overcome the pong of wet, muddy dogs? I suggest 'estuary no5'.

[Taff]

I'm afraid they're only mildly insulting to GM shite ('Your motoring is our concern, unless it's a Vauxhall') but I expect something a bit more vicious could be arranged.

 

Tha'ts good enough for me, brother Cavcraft .

 

Passengers* will be curious about that sentiment, and I can just stare blankly at them when they ask.

 

 

 

*passengers or victims? I think we should let the courts decide that one, eh?

[DVee8]

Can you do 2month old 2ltr milk carton lost misplaced/forgot about under drivers seat,then seat moved splitting carton allowing contents to soak lie on a renault clio rear carpets during the summer of 2001 great smell that lasted for weeks.

[greengartside]

The smell of a thousand magic trees hanging from the mirror of a Manchester taxi driver's Nissan Sunny, complete with bonus vomit and trod-in dog shit aroma. Or the smell of gone-off washer fluid which for the interested smells like cat piss.

 

 

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[outlaw118]

Yep, can't smell any worse than The Shed (mainly damp, fags, and my arse, or Workshite ( fags, my arse, and utter boredom).

[rml2345]

If they smell faintly of cheap interior dash shine and disappointment then I'm in.

[John F]

xtriple, on 18 Dec 2014 - 10:07 AM, said:

I'm in as well. Can you make them strong enough to overcome the pong of wet, muddy dogs? I suggest 'estuary no5'.

 

Hmm. I was actually going to request "Wet Dog"...