Who owns the fastest shite?

[Tayne]

Also don't recall when I last saw a bit of road free of bumbling brake dabbing zombies scattered randomly across all lanes

That's because you live in the south east of England.

[RobT]

^^^Got any pics (of the Riley)?

[TimothyClaypole]

My Astra is broken and my BMW is in pieces so I'm losing badly I think. 

[NorfolkNWeigh]

I

 

Went up to 156 mph in this on the A46 (the satnav informs the rental company)

 

 

 I may have had an embarrassing phone call from a rental company, pointing out that the tracker alerts them when one of their cars goes over 100. In my case the Merc C220 diesel thought it was doing 137 mph( on a private motorway) they were quite good about it , just pointed out that in the event of an accident the Police might want to see the printouts for the 4 weeks I had it ! It didn't go over 99 again for the rest of the rental.

I asked the guy what was the fastest he'd had to call about, he reckoned a 911 had come up at 175, during the daytime on the M6! But he said the bikes were worse, needless to say it was a credit hire/ accident management/ ambulance chaser company.

[fordperv]

The funniest I heard about a hire car from one of them ambulance chasing companies was, they supplied a super duper rs4 Audi estate to a guy, who crashed it he claimed he lost control on a country road when in reality he went on a track day and fluffed it he didn't realise they were tracked and someone had a video and put it on YouTube and someone from the hire company saw it

 

heres the video

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XT6XGQrZc90

[wackywacerwill]

This sounds like it could develop into a Shite outing to Santa Pod on a RWYB day or DWYBR? In this case.

 Sounds a great idea. I'm thinking of ways to strap a drum of veg to the front grill of the Renault gasser style.

 

A muddy field may do the job, will certainly level it out it a bit for all shite to compete*

[brickwall]

Aye, that dipstick in the Audi was about 3 months ago. He got stung for nearly thirty bags, the little dick.

[Guest Breadvan72]

...

 

LOL at the thread generally though............good to see the art of bullshit alive and well and even maintained in the face of common sense and reality

 

 

Bullshit baffles brains.  If this were not so, there would be no Autoshite.

[Cavcraft]

306 n/a: would probably crack three figures if you had several weeks, hundreds of miles of empty motorway and a strong tail wind. Other than that keeping it at 80mph is about top whack to do comfortably.

[inconsistant]

My cars are averagely slow, but on the plus side I've got two cocks.

[cms206]

I took the Council Estate out on my private race track and on a downhill stretch with the pedal mashed into the floor it managed an indicated 106.

The GPS was showing a mere 93mph...

[chaseracer]

The 300E will apparently knock on the door of 140. Or, at least, it would have done in 1990. Either way, I cannot vouch... 

The Blingo managed a satnav 107 on the A4 near Eisenach a few years back.

 

The Dyane was doing 85 on the M1 near Milton Grommet when the bonnet popped...   
 

[catsinthewelder]

I was impressed with an indicated 130 from my camper van though that was KmPH

 

Previous owner claims that the Austin will hit the ton if you fold the mirror in and have a very long road,  I have too much mechanical sympathy to find out.
 

[I_am_Diesel]

I've got a massive cock, so I don't need a fast car.

[jmsguzzi]

The Monza did a reported 107 out the factory but once you replaced some of the shite Guzzi parts it could crack 120. Probably the slowest "sports" bike on here.

[explosive-cabbage]

I once drove from Glasgow to Settle, North Yorkshire (Near Chodfest '13) in 2 hours flat, in a 205 TD. Mind you it was the early hours of the morning.

Work that one out...

[hairymel]

..Work that one out...

 

as an approximation

 

170 mile journey divided by 2 hours travel  gives an average speed of 85mph..ish

 

haz i win prize?

[Sloth in a bowl]

I drive slow shite.

 

The 260Z is limited to 110mph as that's when the windscreen wipers start flapping about and making a bid for freedom.

 

I once had 126mph on the clock on the V40 before traffic intervened between me and engine destruction, the speed put the fear of god into the driver of the Aston Martin that I was catching as he had originally passed me at very high speed when I was still in legal territory.

 

I never maxed out my old Uno 45S though I did hit 90 on the big A34 dippers near Didcot once and I could hit the redline (10500rpm) in top on a long down hill on my old Kawasaki AR125, this equated to 93mph which was pretty rapid for a supposed 12hp restricted bike.

 

I've also been a passenger in a TVR Griffith 500 doing well over a ton in Germany when the bonnet came up. All I could see was the underside of the bonnet, thankfully the driver was a tall bugger and had a crack of vision over the top so I looked around for a clear path to the hard shoulder and guided him over while he concentrated on going straight with feck all visibility.

[The Moog]

For current stuff  Transit makes your ears bleed once you are over 80, Xantia wheezes like an asthmatic fat kid doing the cross country around 100 and the Xsara will happily see 110 with more to go.

[Negative Creep]

I must say the C70 is the first car I've owned in a while that could safely be described as rapid. Haven't quite got the hand of a quick launch in an auto box without OMG TORQUE STEER but it does pick up and go in any gear with very little lag. I must say it's rather addictive and don't want to go back to a slow car, but sadly not much pre 1993 shite could be considered quick by modern standards

[outlaw118]

Not maxed the Shed (Leon Cupra) yet, but had an indicated 135 (satnav 126) on a private bit of the M1 on Sunday morning, with 4 up.

Capri hasn't been driven at any speed since the restoration, but I saw an indicated 130 shortly after I had the engine blueprinted and overbored in 1993. Not bad for a 1600!

The Moose, the V40 T4, i never managed to find out how quick it was, I always ran out of road/space/balls before the accelerator was truly bent into the carpet. Again, an indicated 130 was the best I could do.

My previous work van, a Citroen Dispatch 1.9n/a dizzler, I saw an indicated 95 on the M11 southbound, just before the M25 junction - there's a nice long downhill run up. I couldn't hear anything for about 2 days afterwards....

[stilo_active]

My 205 Junior will do at least 25mph so I'm ok. However, it does have stripes down the sides which means it instantly gains four hundred and eleventy twelve bhp. Therefore it's faster than literally some things.

 

Sent from my GT-I9300 using Tapatalk

[Stanky]

Domestic management has a friend who is full of the most spectacular bullshit. His crowning glory while I was present was claiming he used to own a 1.4 litre Vauxhall Nova which he and his friends fitted with Nitrous Oxide and on a dyno* it put out 780 (seven hundred and eighty) BHP. Apparently he could never drive it on the road because it was 'too powerful and tore up the tarmac' when he accelerated.

 

He is a massive bell end and is full of the most shit I've ever heard. I hope he dies of AIDS soon, since he has an overwhelming desire to mate with anything that moves, but its an amusing story nonetheless. The 780bhp nova has become the yardstick of all performance motoring between Brutha_stanky and me.

 

None of the other vehicles on here could possibly match the might of the imaginary 780bhp Nova. 

 

ALLVOXALLSRMADEUPSUPRCARZ

[Alfamale]

Sounds a great idea. I'm thinking of ways to strap a drum of veg to the front grill of the Renault gasser style.

 

A muddy field may do the job, will certainly level it out it a bit for all shite to compete*

I'm claiming quickest on mud with my Lancia Delta HF4WD. All the power and grip of the integrale without the lairy body kit!

[Vince70]

Not the fastest I've been but I was a passenger in a friends nearly new Smart Roadster Brabus Xclusive a few years back and we were on a very long clear downhill stretch on a Private Road which had 3 lanes and resembled a Motorway.

 

The car topped out at 126 mph via the TomTom which bloody amazed me as as it was only 700cc and I think that was on a standard map at the time but he did change the wheels as the original ones were quite heavy plus if you went over a fag packet the original Brabus wheels were known to buckle.

 

But saying that the build quality was a bit iffy on smart roadsters and his did have to go back more than a few times to the main dealer for warranty repairs but I'm not surprised

 

Plus I guess the engine wasn't exactly built for the long haul as I think at 60000 miles your looking at a rebuild or I imagine in his case it would have been at around 30000 miles.

 

I had one myself but it was a standard 90 which I took up to a ton on a couple of occasions but only very briefly as I was a bit of a tart with mine as I never really thrashed it and it was treated as a garage queen only coming out on the odd sunny summers day..

[bub2006]

The quickest car i have been in was a x plate jag xjr v8 supercharged. I wasn't driving. Seemed to kick you in the back so hard from standstill when the driver pulled off. Seen an indicated 145. Most scared i have ever been was just over a ton on the speedo of my old robin

[Sloth in a bowl]

 Most scared i have ever been was just over a ton on the speedo of my old robin

 

The man has enough balls, if not enough wheels.

[Ghosty]

My dad did the ton in his old Prelude over the A62 a few years ago, that seemed to have a bit left to give but it was only a 4 speed. It was fun, at least!

[wuvvum]

I once held (an indicated, on the speedos of cars I overtook) 73mph for several miles on a 1979 Honda C90, going along the Norwich southern bypass with a strong (as in Force 7) tailwind.  It blew the condenser, but otherwise the old heap didn't seem any the worse for its ordeal.

[Stroller133]

It's much more fun* going fast* in a slow car. My mate bought a 1256 Viva HC a few years back and I drove it from Birmingham to Newquay for a weekend jaunt. Kept it above 70 nearly all the way there, built up to an indicated 90 downhill with the prop shaft thudding away at the tunnel, just before the water pump gave up and we ground to a halt. Luckily local motor factors had one on the shelf! Changed it Sunday morning and drove it back at 50 as any faster caused the temp to go towards H.