You're not a petrolhead until...

[delux]

Not a true petrolhead until you have spent time in a scrapyard taking bits off a car thats in better nick than the one they are going on!

Not a true petrolhead until you have eaten a bacon roll with brake dust/oil/brake fluid on it but just kept eating!

Not a true petrolhead unless the only magazines under your bed are just car magazines that have fallen from the piles.

Not a true petrolhead unless your 'When I win the lottery...' list has anything other than cars in the top 5.

[IronStar]

34 minutes ago, delux said:

Not a true petrolhead until you have spent time in a scrapyard taking bits off a car thats in better nick than the one they are going on!

In the words of a friend of mine that works at technical inspection station, when owner asked about condition of his Fiat Stilo - If it was in considerably better condition, it would be fit for scrap. This….not even scrapman would take it in this state. Needless to say, the car didn’t pass. 😄

[junkyarddog]

You're not a petrolhead until,The temporary repair you did late one Sunday to get your arse to work the next morning,is still holding 12 months later.

Used a breakfast cereal packet to make a gasket.(I recommend Weetabix)

Ran a car for several months with red oxide primer patches.

Ran a car with a fucked gearbox that jumped out of gear on the overrun,so it became second nature to keep your hand on the gear leaver at all times.

Accidentally filled the sump with a couple of liters of gearbox oil,and left it in!!(actually quietened down a rattly timing chain)

Fitted one different Lamp from a newer model as that was all you could find.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Dick Cheeseburger]

8 hours ago, junkyarddog said:

You're not a petrolhead until,The temporary repair you did late one Sunday to get your arse to work the next morning,is still holding 12 months later.

Used a breakfast cereal packet to make a gasket.(I recommend Weetabix)

Ran a car for several months with red oxide primer patches.

Ran a car with a fucked gearbox that jumped out of gear on the overrun,so it became second nature to keep your hand on the gear leaver at all times.

Accidentally filled the sump with a couple of liters of gearbox oil,and left it in!!(actually quietened down a rattly timing chain)

Fitted one different Lamp from a newer model as that was all you could find.

 

 

 

 

 

 

A lot of these sound very familiar...

[Tommyboy12]

I prefer Amazon cardboard delivery sleeves for gaskets nowadays. No shiny side like a cereal box

[2flags]

I must admit to a lot of these. Haynes manuals, as well as full manufacture's manuals, not only for your car, but also for cars your father owned! I have also been bathed in oil, antifreeze, TQF and, even more aromatic, EP90! I also find that Cornflake packets make a good substitute for gasket paper. 😁

[purplebargeken]

You chant repeatedly ‘I am invisible’ at the patrol car behind you on the M1 whilst you are driving home in the incredibly tidy and shiny Saab 900 that you bought 20 minutes ago that currently has no tax or mot. Then thank the car gods as he then exits the motorway.

[comfortablynumb]

23 minutes ago, purplebargeken said:

You chant repeatedly ‘I am invisible’ at the patrol car behind you on the M1 whilst you are driving home in the incredibly tidy and shiny Saab 900 that you bought 20 minutes ago that currently has no tax or mot. Then thank the car gods as he then exits the motorway.

Does driving a MK1 Capri you've bought as a parts car, but it's so rotten the front wings are flapping at the scuttle end count?  Or having a copper shake his head at it, and then rapidly drive in the other direction with an air of " I'm not pulling that, I'll be here all fecking night!"🤣

[juular]

On 21/07/2024 at 22:19, Rust Collector said:

To expand on this; you should have had all of the following in your mouth, against your will, at some point:

• Petrol
• Diesel
• Brake fluid
• Antifreeze
• Engine oil
• ATF

..until you've been running your only working car with all of the above as fuel. At the same time.

[comfortablynumb]

You've been examining a brake cylinder, and idly push the pushrod/piston back in, firing brake Fluid at high pressure into your eye😜

[Dick Cheeseburger]

I'd forgotten about this thread!

Another... 

... you keep the engine running whilst filling up with fuel as you know the old bastard isn't going to restart if you switch it off. 

[Metal Guru]

26 minutes ago, Dick Cheeseburger said:

I'd forgotten about this thread!

Another... 

... you keep the engine running whilst filling up with fuel as you know the old bastard isn't going to restart if you switch it off. 

I was driving from Cumbria to Kent in such a car. I had enough petrol but needed a pee about halfway.  I was on my own so couldn’t go to the services , so had to resort to a lay bye (old A1, there were lots). 

[comfortablynumb]

Don't get spotted on the A41 @Metal Guru, theyre nicking people for that!

[Three Speed]

5 hours ago, Dick Cheeseburger said:

I'd forgotten about this thread!

Another... 

... you keep the engine running whilst filling up with fuel as you know the old bastard isn't going to restart if you switch it off. 

A long time ago I had a purple Scimitar SE5a which was had the benefit of a Peugeot 2.1 diesel out of a 504 pickup. Very unpleasant. Soon after I got it the thermostat stuck shut resulting in a partially seized engine. If you shut the engine off to fill up, you’d be waiting 20 minutes for it to cool down before the starter motor would be able to turn the engine. I used this car to commute from Southend to Crawley for several months (before the bridge opened). So I had to film up often. I had so many people shouting at me either that I was filling a petrok car with diesel or that I would burn the whole place down because I had left the engine running. I had to pretend I couldn’t hear them over the noise of the engine.

[bezzabsa]

you have mastered the art of changing gear without a clutch (way too manytimes)

you know how much handbrake you need to 'help' the brakes

Keep a hammer in the door pocket for when the starter has a moment!!

when you can remember exactly what keys does what on an old 70's car!!!!!

[comfortablynumb]

6 minutes ago, bezzabsa said:

you have mastered the art of changing gear without a clutch (way too manytimes)

And are praying that the battery will hold its charge, so when you do have to stop, it has enough power to crank in gear and get you going again 🥺

[JMotor]

Keeping a just purchased shitter going when the engine sounds like it's gonna scatter part numbers everywhere?

Or mastering the bump start on your own? 

[DavidB]

You buy a specific car because you have a set of that car's OEM mats at home.

[High Jetter]

You buy a car in your 40s that you got the sales brochure from the motor show when you were 10

[New POD]

You fix your car after it fails the MOT and the MOT guy throws the pass certificate and keys at you with the words "Take that piece of shit away" 

Or he says "Go away and adjust the engine so it runs properly" 

Had to explain to him that my mate Dave, used to work in the Engine Development Lab at Longbridge, as well as Grass track racing an 850 mini, so when I couldn't get my wife's 850 mini started after I'd had to swap the head, he came around got it started and then adjusted the points and timing and the carb in such a way that the fuel consumption halved and the emissions were "optimised"  ..... Such that the MOT man had never seen a mini that idled so lean. 

[Tommyboy12]

4 hours ago, New POD said:

You fix your car after it fails the MOT and the MOT guy throws the pass certificate and keys at you with the words "Take that piece of shit away" 

Or he says "Go away and adjust the engine so it runs properly" 

Had to explain to him that my mate Dave, used to work in the Engine Development Lab at Longbridge, as well as Grass track racing an 850 mini, so when I couldn't get my wife's 850 mini started after I'd had to swap the head, he came around got it started and then adjusted the points and timing and the carb in such a way that the fuel consumption halved and the emissions were "optimised"  ..... Such that the MOT man had never seen a mini that idled so lean. 

I usually end up adjusting mine while they're on the in the test bay 😅

I definitely don't remember the amount of turns I take out and then add them back in when I'm home...

[camryv6]

On 29/11/2025 at 11:26, comfortablynumb said:

You've been examining a brake cylinder, and idly push the pushrod/piston back in, firing brake Fluid at high pressure into your eye😜

Or the car paintwork ?

[Cavcraft]

Taking back roads home to avoid the coppers and mentally patting yourself on the back at getting there and/or back home without being pulled.

Studying maps to find the best way to by-pass VOSA check points as you don't even know if your tachograph works, let alone have ever used it.

Going through town to avoid VOSA as anti freeze is pissing out and bits of broken glass/random detritus are falling off the 7 series BMW on the back of your your desperately overweight Transit. 

[Rust Collector]

26 minutes ago, Cavcraft said:

Taking back roads home to avoid the coppers and mentally patting yourself on the back at getting there and/or back home without being pulled.

This, plus ‘on the end of a tow rope, behind an equally shagged car driven by a mate who doesn’t understand that you have no brakes. Hammering the horn reveals that it doesn’t work, and so you just hold both feet on the brake pedal for the seemingly endless journey and pray for your life’

[DSdriver]

On 29/11/2025 at 12:36, comfortablynumb said:

Don't get spotted on the A41 @Metal Guru, theyre nicking people for that!

Does being half French give you an exemption?

[DSdriver]

When a teenager I lived on a hill which was handy for bump starting my A30, there was sometimes an old car abandoned before the junction at the bottom of the hill by residents who must have had slightly more problems than an aging battery.

[Metal Guru]

On 29/11/2025 at 12:36, comfortablynumb said:

Don't get spotted on the A41 @Metal Guru, theyre nicking people for that!

OK if you’re waving your knob at passing traffic, but behind your car up against the hedge? Ridiculous. Surely desperately needing a pee, distracts from your concentration and could be construed as driving without due care and attention. (Well that’s my defence if I ever get caught.)

[lisbon_road]

5 minutes ago, Metal Guru said:

OK if you’re waving your knob at passing traffic, but behind your car up against the hedge? Ridiculous. Surely desperately needing a pee, distracts from your concentration and could be construed as driving without due care and attention. (Well that’s my defence if I ever get caught.)

Yeah I've reached that age too.  

[comfortablynumb]

Apparently they're actually following people into the bushes, from what I've read...🥺

From Google;

There is no specific "A41 fine" but fines for public urination on the A41 lay-bys are typically issued under the Environmental Protection Act 1990 for littering or the Public Order Act 1986 for anti-social behavior. In the case of Dacorum Borough Council, the fines are controversial and were temporarily suspended after public outcry and legal challenges regarding whether urine can be legally classified as "litter". 

Apparently it's now paused

Edited December 1, 2025 by comfortablynumb
Additional

[andy18s]

On 21/07/2024 at 16:09, MiniMinorMk3 said:

Or you write to all the F1 teams asking for stickers. (Tyrrell, JPS Lotus, McLaren etc etc)

(I do not have them anymore as I stuck them on stuff that has long been skipped, crushed or dumped.)

McLaren would have to send out a pair,just to be fair....iykyk.