Tropes you see on the road

[cort1977]

7 hours ago, artdjones said:

An Irish stereotype would be the ICA member. The ICA is the Irish Countrywomen's Association. It's like the WI but rural in focus.

The person will be in their 60s or 70s , with blue rinsed hair. They can be encountered driving from an ICA meeting to take tea at cousin John-Joe's farm. The car is almost invariably a Toyota in silver. It could be any of the smaller models, but most commonly will be a Corolla saloon. The speed never varies, always around 60-70kph, even on a National Road with a 100 limit. When you are finally able to get past, their eyes are always level with the top of the steering wheel.

When encountered in their own home they are invariably excellent bakers.

My auntie Kay says it's an Astra actually and you drive like a maniac.

[artdjones]

15 minutes ago, cort1977 said:

My auntie Kay says it's an Astra actually and you drive like a maniac.

Most of them don't even notice you overtaking, they just keep staring glassily ahead.😊

[Metal Guru]

4 hours ago, dozeydustman said:

The skanks.

Normally seen in a 20+ year old Astra they’ve purchased from a bloke called Mick in the car park of flat-roof pub. In their ownership it has never been cleaned and has green mould inside and out. Ashtray full of dog ends of roll-up. He is thin and dishevelled, long greasy hair, permanent roll-up on the go, old jumper with holes and grease stained jeans. She is morbidly obese, wears elasticated waist skirts and horrible nylon t-shirts without a bra. May also be seen wearing a velour tracksuit and one of those clowns on a 9ct gold chain from Argos. Again unwashed and unkempt.
 

Both smell of a unique blend of clothes that sat in the washing machine for 3 weeks after the cycle finished, stale cooking oil, fagash & wee. Both have food & drink stains on their tops. The car smells the same inside.

They know someone who can do their MoT for £10 just by looking at whether the engine has oil in it. Jettison litter from their car, normally a wrapper or drinks can from Farmfoods own brand products.

Previous cars will include a decommissioned ambulance which was used to transport their many children. Has a rusting transit parked in the front garden in which has become the youngest child’s bedroom but was originally going to be their camper when they first bought it in 1987.

They both gave up on life after the 3rd eldest son was arrested for breaking and entering the 7th time.

You’ve been watching the repeats of Shameless!

[dozeydustman]

Just now, Metal Guru said:

You’ve been watching the repeats of Shameless!

Believe it or not I've never seen an episode

[GrumpiusMaximus]

9 hours ago, sierraman said:

It’s enough to make you want to go and live on the Orkneys. 

Fuck that, my aunt lives in South Ronaldsay.  Stay away.

[rusty_vw_man]

It’s all retirement flats round here, so we also have the joy of the blue badge brigade. 

I have nothing against the idea of blue badges, it’s an excellent scheme however, round here it’s abused by the old! 

So vehicle of choice is something semi prestigious, think small Audi. It is immaculate, apart from the parking injuries on all four corners, and the wheels that have done more miles running down the kerb than off. 

They drive at 10mph below the speed limit (which given its 20 round here now is painful). This however is not their defining feature - that comes into play when they need to stop. 

Stopping is achieved by parking on the nearest junction with double yellow lines. Despite the wheels being kerbed heavily, they come to rest about a foot from the kerb. For maximum points, complete instruction of the junction visibility should be achieved. Albert will then proceed to unpack a mobility cart or two, and him and Ethel will power off at a steady pace the 10ft they need to go to the shop. 

Parking wardens won’t touch them, and if asked to move they will either become strangely abusive, or weirdly deaf. 

National Trust stickers and a ‘please leave space for my mobility chariot’ stickers are often a good early warning. Front grills may still house an AA badge or an IAM badge they got 40 years ago  

They often congregate around the post office, the mobility shop and the tea rooms.

Other than as a method to increase minor traffic accidents and make crossing the road harder, they do act as a constant reminder to live life dangerously, on the edge as the alternative is the blue badge and a shuffle for a reasonably priced cup of tea….. 

 

[RayMK]

@rusty_vw_man I frequently see the type described. If they have not got an automatic, they park using at least 3000rpm.  Just to declare my situation: 74 a bit later this month, Blue badge holder for over 15 years, mobility scooter (class 2) user for longer, drive a Mitsubishi Mirage which is usually covered in pigeon poo (my  parking spot at home has the TV aerial above) and has got the odd minor dent.  The dents were caused by my son's Honda NC750x toppling away from its side stand last October in a storm and a garage which had an accident with jacking during a service.  These innocently obtained scars do however make people give me a wide berth which is handy 😃.   I have never parked on yellow or double yellows or too near a junction with or without the blue badge of immunity and have not got kerbed wheels because I can judge the width of my vehicle, unlike at least 50% of SUV drivers.

The next stage of your trope category is to have the licence to drive taken away, upon which they buy a hefty class 3 mobility scooter and meander their way around town and even local countryside at 8mph.  Unfortunately, many also drive on pavements and through parks at 8mph as they haven't a clue how to set it to 4mph for 'pavement' use, are unaware of the law or have become completely clueless.

[sierraman]

Hoonigan - Has the obligatory window banner sticker, car will be a very rough example of pretty much anything. Driven very erratically by someone perhaps in their forties with a fluorescent hi vis waistcoat, smoking one of those vape things that produces an excessive amount of metered smoke like his car. To piss people off a bit more it will be one of those blueberry flavoured vapes. 

[Talbot]

1 hour ago, sierraman said:

Hoonigan

Invariably on the absolute lowest power version of whatever fucking abysmal Vauxhaul shitwagon they managed to get from Dave down the pub with a quesitonable MOT and every single warning lamp illuminated on the dash.

[sierraman]

15 minutes ago, Talbot said:

Invariably on the absolute lowest power version of whatever fucking abysmal Vauxhaul shitwagon they managed to get from Dave down the pub with a quesitonable MOT and every single warning lamp illuminated on the dash.

It is usually something like a 55 plate Vectra 120 CDTI, flywheel rattling it’s tits off, chucking out more clag than Nat King Cole. Frequently in a bum colour like that awful metallic yellow they did them in.

[quicksilver]

The cowboy. Huge 1950s to early 80s Yank land yacht or dayvan bedecked with Confederate flags, bull horns, mudflaps featuring the state of Texas and other stereotypical southern American adornments. Driver always wears a cowboy hat and boots and a check shirt, attends line dances and rides rodeo bulls. He greets everyone with "Howdy y'all", speaks in a bizarre fake southern drawl and acts as if he lives on a ranch in Texas rather than a 2-bed semi in some dull English town. The car looks rustier every time you see it as it was imported from a dry state but now has to live outside in rainy England, then disappears one day when it's finally rotted away to nothing.

[sierraman]

I’m not sure driving round Croydon with a confederate flag would go down well...

[Rocket88]

1 hour ago, sierraman said:

I’m not sure driving round Croydon with a confederate flag would go down well...

I’m not sure driving in Croydon in anything is that advisable…

[leafsprung]

The pot hole pointer. Local rag regular, perma-compo-faced misery. Portly, gammon complexion, filthy beard. Kneeling beside or pointing at pothole with walking stick in front of his shagged out metallic porridge coloured Skoda Roomster/Honda Jizz holding a genuine* bill for '£2000' for damage caused by driving over a pothole' 

[Soundwave]

2 hours ago, quicksilver said:

The cowboy. Huge 1950s to early 80s Yank land yacht or dayvan bedecked with Confederate flags, bull horns, mudflaps featuring the state of Texas and other stereotypical southern American adornments. Driver always wears a cowboy hat and boots and a check shirt, attends line dances and rides rodeo bulls. He greets everyone with "Howdy y'all", speaks in a bizarre fake southern drawl and acts as if he lives on a ranch in Texas rather than a 2-bed semi in some dull English town. The car looks rustier every time you see it as it was imported from a dry state but now has to live outside in rainy England, then disappears one day when it's finally rotted away to nothing.

Sometimes also has a native American dream catcher hanging off the rear view mirror, and a spare wheel cover on the back of their dayvan with an image of an Indian chieftain on it.

[sierraman]

37 minutes ago, Soundwave said:

Sometimes also has a native American dream catcher hanging off the rear view mirror, and a spare wheel cover on the back of their dayvan with an image of an Indian chieftain on it.

And one of those fleeces with a wolf on that they all wear in Cornwall. 

[Pieman]

3 hours ago, quicksilver said:

The cowboy. Huge 1950s to early 80s Yank land yacht or dayvan bedecked with Confederate flags, bull horns, mudflaps featuring the state of Texas and other stereotypical southern American adornments. Driver always wears a cowboy hat and boots and a check shirt, attends line dances and rides rodeo bulls. He greets everyone with "Howdy y'all", speaks in a bizarre fake southern drawl and acts as if he lives on a ranch in Texas rather than a 2-bed semi in some dull English town. The car looks rustier every time you see it as it was imported from a dry state but now has to live outside in rainy England, then disappears one day when it's finally rotted away to nothing.

Or a PT Loser Cruiser.

Do they also drink Mountain Dew and sleep with their cousins?

[artdjones]

3 hours ago, quicksilver said:

The cowboy. Huge 1950s to early 80s Yank land yacht or dayvan bedecked with Confederate flags, bull horns, mudflaps featuring the state of Texas and other stereotypical southern American adornments. Driver always wears a cowboy hat and boots and a check shirt, attends line dances and rides rodeo bulls. He greets everyone with "Howdy y'all", speaks in a bizarre fake southern drawl and acts as if he lives on a ranch in Texas rather than a 2-bed semi in some dull English town. The car looks rustier every time you see it as it was imported from a dry state but now has to live outside in rainy England, then disappears one day when it's finally rotted away to nothing.

You forgot the bolo tie.

[quicksilver]

35 minutes ago, artdjones said:

You forgot the bolo tie.

Yep, that's exactly the guy I had in mind. It'll be obvious his car is the shagged-out Cadillac taking up three spaces outside the community centre on line dancing night.

[GrumpiusMaximus]

1 hour ago, Pieman said:

Or a PT Loser Cruiser.

Do they also drink Mountain Dew and sleep with their cousins?

You're thinking of Suffolk.

[dozeydustman]

The Highway Maintenance

A flatbed van or 7.5 tonner, usually an Iv*co, with a pedestrian roller on a small dolly trailer behind. Always 3-up, wearing hoodies or really dirty fleece hi-viz, cargo shorts and rigger boots. At least one member of the crew is called ‘Kev’. Nobody in the vehicle wears a seat belt. Because commercial vehicle is exempt m9.

2 weeks’ worth of red top newspapers litter the dash along with a similar amount of empty meal deal sandwich packets, cans of Monster and coffee cups.

The first job of the day is to park on a pump at a petrol stations, purchase no fuel but spend 45 minutes getting a round of Costa coffees in for everyone on site taking up the one working machine, then kicking off because the company rep in the Audi purchased the last chicken and bacon sandwich.

Has two speeds on a dual carriageway - 62mph or 90mph, any 7.5 tonners have a broken* tachograph or speed limiter. Because highway maintenance is exempt m7.

Of the 10 hours they are paid daily, 8 are spent driving about like dickheads, 45 mins as already mentioned above, 30 minutes spent having a fag break on arrival at site and before long it’s time to have another 20 minute fag break and pack up for the day. 15 minutes is the maximum productivity seen on site.

[dozeydustman]

22 hours ago, rusty_vw_man said:

It’s all retirement flats round here, so we also have the joy of the blue badge brigade. 

I have nothing against the idea of blue badges, it’s an excellent scheme however, round here it’s abused by the old! 

So vehicle of choice is something semi prestigious, think small Audi. It is immaculate, apart from the parking injuries on all four corners, and the wheels that have done more miles running down the kerb than off. 

They drive at 10mph below the speed limit (which given its 20 round here now is painful). This however is not their defining feature - that comes into play when they need to stop. 

Stopping is achieved by parking on the nearest junction with double yellow lines. Despite the wheels being kerbed heavily, they come to rest about a foot from the kerb. For maximum points, complete instruction of the junction visibility should be achieved. Albert will then proceed to unpack a mobility cart or two, and him and Ethel will power off at a steady pace the 10ft they need to go to the shop. 

Parking wardens won’t touch them, and if asked to move they will either become strangely abusive, or weirdly deaf. 

National Trust stickers and a ‘please leave space for my mobility chariot’ stickers are often a good early warning. Front grills may still house an AA badge or an IAM badge they got 40 years ago  

They often congregate around the post office, the mobility shop and the tea rooms.

Other than as a method to increase minor traffic accidents and make crossing the road harder, they do act as a constant reminder to live life dangerously, on the edge as the alternative is the blue badge and a shuffle for a reasonably priced cup of tea….. 

 

You quite often see these people make several trips a day to the only recycling centre in the county where you don’t need to book an appointment, bringing each time 3 cardboard boxes, or a small bag containing two teabags and a paper towel, or a carrier bag of hedge prunings.

[rusty_vw_man]

5 hours ago, dozeydustman said:

The Highway Maintenance

A flatbed van or 7.5 tonner, usually an Iv*co, with a pedestrian roller on a small dolly trailer behind. Always 3-up, wearing hoodies or really dirty fleece hi-viz, cargo shorts and rigger boots. At least one member of the crew is called ‘Kev’. Nobody in the vehicle wears a seat belt. Because commercial vehicle is exempt m9.

2 weeks’ worth of red top newspapers litter the dash along with a similar amount of empty meal deal sandwich packets, cans of Monster and coffee cups.

The first job of the day is to park on a pump at a petrol stations, purchase no fuel but spend 45 minutes getting a round of Costa coffees in for everyone on site taking up the one working machine, then kicking off because the company rep in the Audi purchased the last chicken and bacon sandwich.

Has two speeds on a dual carriageway - 62mph or 90mph, any 7.5 tonners have a broken* tachograph or speed limiter. Because highway maintenance is exempt m7.

Of the 10 hours they are paid daily, 8 are spent driving about like dickheads, 45 mins as already mentioned above, 30 minutes spent having a fag break on arrival at site and before long it’s time to have another 20 minute fag break and pack up for the day. 15 minutes is the maximum productivity seen on site.

Bonus points if they have an apprentice they bully, but call it banter. 

[stuboy]

is this a national tropes...

mum-skinny, normally blonde, loud, bit skanky, father of 1 of the 3 kiddies, works as a subbie on the railways, tattoos, shave hair but slicked back top cut,  driving a high mileage Q7/range rover/discover/G wagon or cayenne, with black gloss wheels, and always bloody late picking up or dropping off for school and wants too park on the yellow zig xags

[155V6]

3 hours ago, dozeydustman said:

You quite often see these people make several trips a day to the only recycling centre in the county where you don’t need to book an appointment, bringing each time 3 cardboard boxes, or a small bag containing two teabags and a paper towel, or a carrier bag of hedge prunings.

Before you had to make an appointment,I'd quite often be behind these people in the queue & wonder if they actually had anything in their car as you couldn't see anything through the windows.They wouldn't even have the back seats folded down 😂

[dozeydustman]

8 hours ago, rusty_vw_man said:

Bonus points if they have an apprentice they bully, but call it banter. 

He’a the one they make buy the round of 20 coffees

[New POD]

11 hours ago, 155V6 said:

Before you had to make an appointment,I'd quite often be behind these people in the queue & wonder if they actually had anything in their car as you couldn't see anything through the windows.They wouldn't even have the back seats folded down 😂

That should be illegal 

[warch]

22 hours ago, quicksilver said:

The cowboy. Huge 1950s to early 80s Yank land yacht or dayvan bedecked with Confederate flags, bull horns, mudflaps featuring the state of Texas and other stereotypical southern American adornments. Driver always wears a cowboy hat and boots and a check shirt, attends line dances and rides rodeo bulls. He greets everyone with "Howdy y'all", speaks in a bizarre fake southern drawl and acts as if he lives on a ranch in Texas rather than a 2-bed semi in some dull English town. The car looks rustier every time you see it as it was imported from a dry state but now has to live outside in rainy England, then disappears one day when it's finally rotted away to nothing.

I don't know if they still do them, but Powis Castle used to host a Country and Weston weekend for exactly this sort of demographic. What I loved was how you could sort of tell that the couple in tasselled shirts, stetsons and cowboy boots were Welsh before they'd even said anything, mainly because neither of them were taller than 5'5" and because (the big giveaway) they'd rocked up in a base spec 5dr Mk3 Astra they'd carefully adorned with Confederate flags (innit!). 

They really are one of the most fascinating subcultures out there. 

[quicksilver]

47 minutes ago, warch said:

I don't know if they still do them, but Powis Castle used to host a Country and Weston weekend for exactly this sort of demographic. What I loved was how you could sort of tell that the couple in tasselled shirts, stetsons and cowboy boots were Welsh before they'd even said anything, mainly because neither of them were taller than 5'5" and because (the big giveaway) they'd rocked up in a base spec 5dr Mk3 Astra they'd carefully adorned with Confederate flags (innit!). 

They really are one of the most fascinating subcultures out there. 

That's hilarious! A short Welsh cowboy driving an Astra is a very strange mental image.

[Rust Collector]

The Hyundai Tragic

First observed driving a Trajet, but in recent years more likely to be seen behind the wheel of an i800.

They say that your car is an extension of your personality, and Hyundai have cornered the market for dull, joyless blobs that relentlessly trundle along.

The people carrier is a pale coloured curveless slab, and the driver has a complexion and figure to match.

Showing more wear and tear than you'd expect for the mileage, she has several children in tow - the produce of decades of a dull missionary with their equally vapid partner (no sightings of him in the same car have yet been recorded).

Something of a paradox as despite being seen spending most of their waking hours driving around the local area, it's very apparent that they are truly going nowhere.