The most useless feature of a car?

[St.Jude]

It occurred to me today, when it was a bit moist and I had to drive my wife’s Merc, that electric adjustable seats must be the most useless feature of a car?

In my case, my soon-to-be-fixed-and-gone Land Cruiser has them. But when you’ve set the seat, that’s it. It’s done. I think I’ve adjusted it twice in the ~16 months I’ve had it, and not by much.

My wife’s Merc is a pure piss take. She’s 5ft 5, and naturally sits higher up and closer to the wheel than I do. So when I get to the car, I have to stand outside pressing the memory setting to see the seat slowly move down and back, only for the wheel to then move. And I don’t get that, why can’t the seat and the wheel move at the same time? Can’t be difficult?!

But it would be so much easier with the mechanical manual seat adjustment? We shared my 107 with this set up and I could get in the car in seconds.

They’re heavy and useless as far as I’m concerned. When you think about it, there can’t be a much more useless feature in a car?

[ruffgeezer]

Electric handbrake.

[Jazoli]

Lane departure assist, I drive moderns every day for work and it's utter garbage in 99% of new cars.

I like electric handbrakes, a good setup just works.

I also like electric adjustable seats, it means the wife and I can swap cars and just press either button 1 or 2 to have the seat the way we like it, works for us.

[ruffgeezer]

8 minutes ago, Jazoli said:

I like electric handbrakes...

 

BURN THE HERETIC!

[Split_Pin]

Sorry, I really cannot understand the OP.

Electric memory seats are brilliant. When my wife uses the 75 I simply get out and press memory 2 for her and the seat is in exactly the position she wants, every time, and vice versa. How is that worse than cranking knobs and levers for minutes on end until, if youre lucky, you get the seat the way it was the last time you drove the car?

Night panel on a Saab. Just why.

Rain sensitive wipers. I've had about 5 cars with this feature now and apart from the Spaceship Civic, the other systems remained lifeless when rain was lashing down and on fast speed when the screen is dry. Not only useless, but dangerous. Thankfully I managed to fuck it right off on the 75 and restore the variable intermittent function, however it remains on the Saab 93

[Shedking]

The foot operated parking brake in the Merc.  Not a massive inconvenience given it's an automatic but I also had one in a manual C Class.  Why, oh why oh why did they ever invent such a pointless, stupid thing.  It used to give the wife nightmares doing a hill start in that thing. Does it work any better than a normal handbrake?  No,  just another example of a stupid German over complicating something for the sake of it.

[Rustybullethole]

But you might not ever find that beautiful new driving position my accident. 
That said my mrs kicks up a massive fuss about the breaker seat belt clip being plugged in and the seat kicked back. Sure it’ll be more of an arse in years to come when we have a none manual option stuck in one size fits no one position.

[Richard_FM]

15 minutes ago, Shedking said:

The foot operated parking brake in the Merc.  Not a massive inconvenience given it's an automatic but I also had one in a manual C Class.  Why, oh why oh why did they ever invent such a pointless, stupid thing.  It used to give the wife nightmares doing a hill start in that thing. Does it work any better than a normal handbrake?  No,  just another example of a stupid German over complicating something for the sake of it.

Quite common on American cars where there is room for 3 sitting in the front.  The Chevrolet Impala me & my parents hired in 2008 could turn the central console into a 3rd seat, probably only big enough for a child.  The gearshift was on the steering column to make enough room. 

[Dead_E23]

Keyless entry seems to be a pretty pointless feature; from what I see on the hilarious Nextdoor app it means you have to use a Disklok or your car will inevitably be stolen.  

I'm surprised insurance companies will even cover keyless cars.

[Datsuncog]

The foot operated parking brake on my XM estate was a disaster - and, as a manual box version, was a massive inconvenience.

Hill starts required a minimum of three legs and three arms to successfully pull away... 

I've no experience of electric memory seats as (a) my cars have all been way too pauper-spec for such luxuries and (b) fortunately MrsDC and I are of similar stature so we never need to move the seat when swapping between cars.

So I'm gonna have to say the most useless feature of a car is built-in tyre pressure sensors. Great for the first couple of years of a car's life, but after that you're in a death-loop of either booking it in to have sensors replaced for £££ at alarmingly regular intervals, or having the dashboard explode with panic every time you turn the key and the stereo display permanently obscured with warning messages.

Just use a pressure gauge once or twice a month...

[RoverFolkUs]

The bottle of sticky foam in the boot..

Brilliant* if you've got a small puncture

Had a blowout? Or buckled the wheel into a pothole? Happy walking!

[RoverFolkUs]

Locking wheel nuts

[High Jetter]

An ECU.

[Jazoli]

17 minutes ago, Datsuncog said:

So I'm gonna have to say the most useless feature of a car is built-in tyre pressure sensors. Great for the first couple of years of a car's life, but after that you're in a death-loop of either booking it in to have sensors replaced for £££ at alarmingly regular intervals, or having the dashboard explode with panic every time you turn the key and the stereo display permanently obscured with warning messages.

Just use a pressure gauge once or twice a month...

But they don't hardly ever fail, and will give you a very clear indication of pressure loss, which means you might have chance to stop before the tyre is fucked or you lose all grip/steering response.

[High Jetter]

Handling feel should be the first indication, without fancy (fallible) sensors

[Datsuncog]

26 minutes ago, Jazoli said:

But they don't hardly ever fail, and will give you a very clear indication of pressure loss, which means you might have chance to stop before the tyre is fucked or you lose all grip/steering response.

Fair enough, if that's your experience. From my side, my father swore he'd never have a Peugeot again after his 407 and then 308 gave him incessant bother (and expense) with malfunctioning tyre pressure sensors. This was, apparently, a common problem. I knew someone else with a Saab who couldn't say enough bad things about them either.

I can't think of a single occasion in my driving career where tyre pressure sensors would have helped me in any way. But maybe that's just me.

[Metal Guru]

Computer controlled functions that require you to navigate several screens instead of a single flick or turn of a manual switch . 
Spoilers are pretty pointless  at any legal speed.

Indicators on Audis and BMWs since the drivers will never use them.

An engine with more than 30 bhp for 70% of drivers.

 

[New POD]

7 hours ago, ruffgeezer said:

Electric handbrake.

No electric hand brake is fine 

6 hours ago, Jazoli said:

Lane departure assist, I drive moderns every day for work and it's utter garbage in 99% of new cars.

I like electric handbrakes, a good setup just works.

I also like electric adjustable seats, it means the wife and I can swap cars and just press either button 1 or 2 to have the seat the way we like it, works for us.

Run flats need pressure sensor 

[New POD]

5 hours ago, High Jetter said:

Handling feel should be the first indication, without fancy (fallible) sensors

Run flats 

[1duck]

8 hours ago, ruffgeezer said:

Electric handbrake.

Fly by wire throttle too

[GrumpiusMaximus]

8 hours ago, Datsuncog said:

...fortunately MrsDC and I are of similar stature so we never need to move the seat when swapping between cars.

You lucky bastard.  There's an 8" difference in height in our household and it's a massive pain in the arse every time we swap cars.  Which is frequently.

[Rustybullethole]

1 minute ago, GrumpiusMaximus said:

You lucky bastard.  There's an 8" difference in height in our household and it's a massive pain in the arse every time we swap cars.  Which is frequently.

As a manual worker I find it no drama pulling a lever to wang the seat back. Mrs hates it though for some reason. I used to know exactly how many clicks my mums car seat was from fully back. Only as I was 13 at the time and didn’t want her catching me driving the thing. Computer set car to Will would have been a massive giveaway. 

[GrumpiusMaximus]

4 minutes ago, Rustybullethole said:

As a manual worker I find it no drama pulling a lever to wang the seat back. Mrs hates it though for some reason. I used to know exactly how many clicks my mums car seat was from fully back. Only as I was 13 at the time and didn’t want her catching me driving the thing. Computer set car to Will would have been a massive giveaway. 

The problem is that I find it quite difficult to get comfortable in the Bini (people that aren't fat bastards may not have this issue) and she likes the seat bolt upright.  I don't.  It's essentially one extreme of adjustment to another.

My Mum always knew Dad had driven her car because she couldn't ever work out how to change the radio station back to Classic FM.  It didn't matter which car it was, she must have some kind of very specific car radio-based dyslexia.

[St.Jude]

10 hours ago, Split_Pin said:

Sorry, I really cannot understand the OP.

Electric memory seats are brilliant. When my wife uses the 75 I simply get out and press memory 2 for her and the seat is in exactly the position she wants, every time, and vice versa. How is that worse than cranking knobs and levers for minutes on end until, if youre lucky, you get the seat the way it was the last time you drove the car?

It’s not the memory setting that’s the problem, it’s the electric seat.

I can’t sit in the car the way she has the seat, so I have to stand outside while the seat moves back, then the wheel. In all weathers. It’s no fun doing this in the pissing rain.

When we shared the 107 it was a simpler process. Open the door, grab the handle push it back, I get in. Electric seats take 10 times as long to do that.

And what’s more, if you’re in a situation where the seat never changes position, you’re lugging so much extra weight with the electrics and motors and the gears. It’s wasteful.

[big_al_granvia]

I agree with st jude, On paddy it's a simple case of lower to bottom then push fully back, 10 seconds, On the Volvo it's fannying about.

Also why do wifes/partners have to change every vent setting. It's every bloody thing inc the radio

[PrinceRupert]

I suspect a TVR may be cheating, but a few:

- If I press the fan button a little blue light comes on.  I don't have aircon, so it literally serves no purpose.  Once the car is up to temperature, the fans only deliver roasting hot air, but are almost impossible to direct to face you, only up the windscreen and then straight into your eyeballs. Not that you need to, it quickly becomes a sauna in there.

- The frosty roads alert, which beeps constantly even after you turn it off.  I suspect the suggestion is that if it is frosty, you shouldn't be driving it.

- Dials for window operation.  What's wrong with an up-down button?  Anyway, they rarely do what you ask of them.

[willswitchengage]

I imagine moduhns with electric seat adjust have 'profiles' where you select who is driving. For example Mr and Mrs will be of different heights etc and warrant different driving positions. Select who is driving when you enter and hey presto, everything adjusts itself accordingly.

Saying that we have never had an issue simply using the mechanical adjustment lever.

[sutty2006]

0.5 increments on digital temperature switches. 
 

Why? I’ve never fancied being 0.5 degrees higher than the temperature I want. 

[yes oui si]

38 minutes ago, willswitchengage said:

I imagine moduhns with electric seat adjust have 'profiles' where you select who is driving. 

They've had that since at least the nineties. 

[reb]

My 850 has memory seats, I have all 3 set for myself but different moods. From bolt upright to almost horizontal*, handy to be able to adjust both the back and base at the same time.

 

*not so far back I can't see around me or operate the controls, before anyone starts.