Best phrases in car adverts

[lesapandre]

Sellers who use death as a selling point.

"Selling on behalf of my old Gran following the death of my Grandad" etc.

 

[Cooper1]

18 minutes ago, lesapandre said:

Sellers who use death as a selling point.

"Selling on behalf of my old Gran following the death of my Grandad" etc.

 

Who is still in the car hence sale 😂

[MisterH]

A round of Scenic Bingo

Bollocks Price aside, We have:

Quote

A very rare one this !

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Purchased new by Mr Booth of Knutsford on 14th September 2000 and kept ever since

Good to know I suppose

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Having spoken with Mr Booth he has confirmed that the Renault has been serviced every year
( Initially by Renault and then a local garage after that )

Glad you spoke to the owner, at least it probably wasn't nicked

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We will have the car serviced and inspected with a new Cambelt change ready for the new keeper

I should bloody well hope so for what you're asking for it...

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Arrives early April Please Call Michael to discuss and arrange a viewing

Why have you put it up this early then? I know its rare and all but it is a Renault Scenic after all...

 

 

 

...ok I have had a tiring day at university which involved driving from winchester to Bath and back, but still, I must be on to something right?

 

 

One last thing:

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Low Mileage of 96000 miles in 22 years ( 4360 per year )

and the Icing on the Cake 

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£3,990 As stated

https://www.carandclassic.com/car/C1433073

Edited March 13, 2022 by MisterH
Link

[RoverFolkUs]

1 minute ago, MisterH said:

A round of Scenic Bingo

Bollocks Price aside, We have:

Good to know I suppose

Glad you spoke to the owner, at least it probably wasn't nicked

I should bloody well hope so for what you're asking for it...

Why have you put it up this early then? I know its rare and all but it is a Renault Scenic after all...

 

 

 

...ok I have had a tiring day at university which involved driving from winchester to Bath and back, but still, I must be on to something right?

 

 

One last thing:

and the Icing on the Cake 

 

Linky? 😁

I wanna see this!

[MisterH]

Just now, RoverFolkUs said:

Linky? 😁

I wanna see this!

https://www.carandclassic.com/car/C1433073

[RoverFolkUs]

4 minutes ago, MisterH said:

https://www.carandclassic.com/car/C1433073

Car and classic 🤣

What a delusional bloke

He's also asking £4290 for a 2003 Polo and £5000 for a Mazda 323. Also supposedly sold a Volvo V70 that was up for £5000 (really!?)

All three of them belong in the bargains thread 😂

[HMC]

“Drives without fault”

Sweeping statement, and often not backed up by the test drive.

“no test pilots”

Perhaps I’ll never be able to find out?

 

[Eyersey1234]

9 hours ago, HMC said:

“Fully loaded”

Very useful  to the browser only if they happen to know all the specs. Also assumes the vender knows every possibly option the car could have come with. When it come to eg Mercedes that’s quite a tall order. Ok it could just be a figure of speech rather than to be taken literally. Or is it?

#pedant

Volvo and Saab were good at that as well. I remember once reading about a white base spec 850 Estate that someone had bought, except it was effectively a GLT with the 7 seat kit. 

[RoverFolkUs]

5 minutes ago, HMC said:

“Drives without fault”

Sweeping statement, and often not backed up by the test drive.

“no test pilots”

Perhaps I’ll never be able to find out?

 

I saw someone selling a Yaris privately the other day for over £10k...

"I've SORNed it so no test drives at all sorry" 

"Full service history, last one was Sept 2019 due to pandemic" 🤦

It was a Hybrid. So free road tax. Nothing stopping them from taxing it (it's free FFS) and taking out a short term insurance policy to give prospective buyers confidence in the car!

No way would I pay £10k for a car without driving it beforehand, especially when its a private sale with no comeback!

[Jazoli]

7 hours ago, RoverFolkUs said:

I saw someone selling a Yaris privately the other day for over £10k...

"I've SORNed it so no test drives at all sorry" 

"Full service history, last one was Sept 2019 due to pandemic" 🤦

It was a Hybrid. So free road tax. Nothing stopping them from taxing it (it's free FFS) and taking out a short term insurance policy to give prospective buyers confidence in the car!

No way would I pay £10k for a car without driving it beforehand, especially when its a private sale with no comeback!

None of that would really concern me on a FSH Yaris hybrid,  probably about the safest bet you could make. 

[83C]

19 hours ago, HMC said:

“Fully loaded”

Very useful  to the browser only if they happen to know all the specs. Also assumes the vender knows every possibly option the car could have come with. When it come to eg Mercedes that’s quite a tall order. Ok it could just be a figure of speech rather than to be taken literally. Or is it?

#pedant

Very rarely is the car described as ‘fully loaded’ ever actually specified as such.

People selling BMWs, Mercedes & Audis seem particularly guilty of this. ‘Fully loaded’ - on a 318d SE in fleet spec with no iDrive, no heated leather and lots of blanking panels where switches should be, or a Mercedes S280 where because it’s the biggest car in the range and it has one or two more bells and whistles as standard compared to an A-class it must therefore be ‘top of the range’. No, an S65 AMG with every option ticked and a carefree attitude to spending money is ‘top of the range’, not a base spec big taxi.

Other nuggets of advertising shite:

”Very fast car/not for the faint-hearted” - its a 2.0 Golf turbo diesel and you’ve thrashed fuck out of it.

“Serviced by a friend so no receipts” - what, not even for buying the parts, or is your mate so generous that he gave you them for free?

[AnnoyingPentium]

12 hours ago, RoverFolkUs said:

He's also asking £4290 for a 2003 Polo

Oh that's a couple of years older than the Fabia. Might be able to offer him 5k for it... 🤣

[RoverFolkUs]

4 hours ago, Jazoli said:

None of that would really concern me on a FSH Yaris hybrid,  probably about the safest bet you could make. 

You would buy a car for £10k caveat emptor without test driving it?

Fine at a dealer, you have recourse

It was a 64 plate, so the batteries could be shitting themselves if not now but very soon

[GR8 PL8 M8]

I've got a few prospective buyers in mind.

[Erebus]

"Genuine one owner car" when it's clearly one previous owner and even that probably isn't true...

[dome]

Picture of car on back of transporter.

"Just missing part of exhaust"

Aye, you're a fucking lazy cunt who's chopped the cat off and can't be arsed to break the rest of the car. 

In

The

Sea

 

[big_al_granvia]

barn find classic====== put in a council lock up 30 years ago and forgotten about until the grandweans of the owner had to clear out said lock up

[skoda_fan]

On 3/12/2022 at 7:40 PM, grogee said:

"Here we have..."

Worse still: "SO, here we have...."

 

[Pieman]

1 hour ago, skoda_fan said:

Worse still: "SO, here we have...."

People who start every sentence with "So", written or spoken, make me want to pull all their teeth out with a pair of rusty pliers.

[RoverFolkUs]

Another I've just thought of..... 

"Pulls in every gear" 

Isn't that what it's supposed to do? 

Wouldn't be a very good car if it only worked in 1 or 2 gears!

[GR8 PL8 M8]

5 hours ago, RoverFolkUs said:

Another I've just thought of..... 

"Pulls in every gear" 

Isn't that what it's supposed to do? 

Wouldn't be a very good car if it only worked in 1 or 2 gears!

And the massively overused...

"Pulls like a train"

[AnnoyingPentium]

"RuNs LiKe It'S oN rAiLs, M9".

Never have I wanted so badly for people to be run over by the shitbox they're selling until I've read that in their listing.

[RoverFolkUs]

1 hour ago, GR8 PL8 M8 said:

And the massively overused...

"Pulls like a train"

I was hoping to leave that one out! 😁

29 minutes ago, AnnoyingPentium said:

"RuNs LiKe It'S oN rAiLs, M9".

Never have I wanted so badly for people to be run over by the shitbox they're selling until I've read that in their listing.

Must say I don't recall hearing that one before, is it a northern thing? 😉😆

[AnnoyingPentium]

4 minutes ago, RoverFolkUs said:

Must say I don't recall hearing that one before, is it a northern thing? 😉😆

Jump on the Faceache Marketplace and set your location to somewhere in Scotland, see if any come back with it. I've heard it a couple of times, even from a salesman for Fiat at one point... 😆

[RoverFolkUs]

11 minutes ago, AnnoyingPentium said:

Jump on the Faceache Marketplace and set your location to somewhere in Scotland, see if any come back with it. I've heard it a couple of times, even from a salesman for Fiat at one point... 😆

I shall do that later 😁

[The Vicar]

https://www.donedeal.ie/vintagecars-for-sale/bmw-e30-320i/30644016?campaign=3

I love this line in reference to service history:

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any more paperwork you'll need a secretary to sort it out!

 

[Metal Guru]

2 hours ago, GR8 PL8 M8 said:

And the massively overused...

"Pulls like a train"

0-60 in about 2 minutes.

[jamescarruthers]

On 3/12/2022 at 2:06 PM, sierraman said:

Harold Shipman and Dennis Nilson were Doctor and a Civil Servant. You’d willingly buy a car from either of those.

Beggars can’t be choosers when I comes to choice of Mk. 1 Espace though. 

[AnnoyingPentium]

28 minutes ago, Metal Guru said:

0-60 in about 2 minutes.

Oh? I thought we were measuring it with a calendar.

[sierraman]

‘Runs like it’s on rails’ as said by nobody who has ever used Northern Rail.