Best phrases in car adverts

[RoverFolkUs]

As above, inspired by the shed of an Audi A6 I've just posted in the tat thread. 

Starting off with "treatable in the absence of common sense" 

[RoverFolkUs]

(Hoping there isn't one of these threads already, but couldn't find one following a quick search) 

[AndaBoss]

Manuel

 

 

 

[MiniMort]

Oh Facebook Marketplace, never change

[ProgRocker]

"First to see will buy" 

What if the first person viewing decides against it? 

[HMC]

“Excellent pre accident condition”

[Daviemck2006]

Will pass mot no problem. Why not fucking mot it then?

Sent from my SM-T585 using Tapatalk

[Pieman]

15 hours ago, AndaBoss said:

Manuel

[GeordieInExile]

"It is what it is, it ain't what it ain't" - I quite enjoyed seeing this the other day on an ad for something with no MOT in need of welding and a clutch.

[goosey]

Bad bits - all cars ave em 

[RoverFolkUs]

51 minutes ago, HMC said:

“Excellent pre accident condition”

Just like "ran and drove before it was parked up in 1984"

[RoverFolkUs]

"Easy fix just haven't got the time as I've bought a new car" - car is FUBARed in every way imaginable

"Selling for a friend" - no, you're a dodgy private trader who has no explanation for why the V5 is missing or not in your name

"Cambelt snapped and engine beyond repair" ....... Followed by "ran perfectly beforehand and had a full service a month ago" 🤦

[neil1971]

Description of issue e.g. missing reverse gear followed by 'but it never bothered me'
Full MoT history (wow)
Anything where the make & model is spelt incorrectly - there's usually a badge on the back if you're not sure
Genuine reason for sale - impending mechanical doom is certainly a genuine reason

[sutty2006]

“Restored 30 years ago”

 

 

so it needs doing again then. 

[Crackers]

"great patina"

No, you mean the paint's fucked

[HMC]

“I have not tried to operate xyz” (eg commonly- sunroof)

The sunroof doesn’t work.

[HMC]

“The v5 will need to be applied for” 

Never a good sign. What else is missing in action?

Get ready for a 5 week wait before you can sell it (big turn off for idiots like me)

[83C]

I still see the odd advert with something like “10 months tax remaining.”

Yes, if you don’t sell it. But as it’s for sale, it’s totally fucking irrelevant.

 

[RoverFolkUs]

Ok its not a car advert, but still Facebook marketplace

[Mrcento]

13 hours ago, RoverFolkUs said:

"Cambelt snapped and engine beyond repair" ....... Followed by "ran perfectly beforehand and had a full service a month ago" 🤦

In a very similar vein.

'Had the car for 4 years, been totally reliable, started every time until it didn't, will need trailered away'.

I always read that as 'Car had a horrible hard life, never serviced, ran it into the ground and now the timing belt that was probably 4 years and 20k miles overdue has let go or a small coolant leak lead to an overheat which has cooked the engine'.

Throw in

'I don't know what's wrong with it, i'm not a mechanic'.

Sure Jan, it's just not worked one day and you've immediately just fired it up for sale not knowing if it's a 20p fuse or if the Engine has detonated and are willing to lose out of thousands'

And

'MOT due soon, will pass with flying colours'

Yeah, sure. Stick it on for one then, sell with a years ticket for way more?, No?.... thought so.

Honourable mention for 'Don't come expecting a new car, it's 20 years old'. You can bet it's rough as fuck.

[lesapandre]

'Needs recommissioning before use'

Posh-eze for it's neglected and knackered.

'Price on Application'  

We are  a bunch of toff  ****ers.

'Easy fix' - if you own an F1 racing team.

'Parts included' - no I can't be bothered to fix it either.

'Boot full of spares' - a used clutch in an old box, several unidentifiable rusty parts, two old spark plugs, some rope and an oily pair of old underpants.

'Lady owner' - great we can discuss your many prejudices while I inspect the car.

'Rare car' - yup the rest have been mercifully scrapped.

'Find another' - go on do I get a prize?

'Celebrity owner' - yes it was Ronnie Corbett's hairdresser's.

'Titled owner' - ah the age of deference isn't over. I will sent my butler round to collect.🧐

'90% complete' - yup I flogged the valuable and totally unobtainable bits elsewhere.

'Barn find' 😫

'Transferable registration plate' - you really don't like historic cars do you?

'Non- transferable registration plate' - yea I flogged the nice old number that had been on it from new.

'Personal reg included' - whatever that indecipherable jumble of numbers and letters signifies?

'Personal reg not included' - so why show it in the ad?

'Personal reg not included' - I am going to faff about for weeks before you can collect the car. 

'Need to apply for V5' or the more passive-aggressive - 'V5 lost'.

'Great winter project' - I think I'll stick to roasting chestnuts and stoking the fire...

'Patina' 

'Goodwood'

'Rare slime green version with the desirable check trim' - no one in the rest of world cares...

 

 

[sierraman]

16 hours ago, HMC said:

“The v5 will need to be applied for” 

Never a good sign. What else is missing in action?

Get ready for a 5 week wait before you can sell it (big turn off for idiots like me)

Driveway trader waiting for the V5 through. 

Poor spelling in general on an advert is a big warning of what you are walking into. Also what’s on the radio? If it’s Radio 2 or 4 then probably it’s a good ‘un. 

Photos - where is it parked? On a quagmire in front of a house where the number is painted in foot high gloss by hand then forget it. 

[RoverFolkUs]

"has a knocking noise, been told it's just a clip/hanger/peg (delete as appropriate) on exhaust but haven't got the time to sort and not got mechanical knowledge" - usually written by someone who's always selling cars and has loads of car adverts on their profile - means something is terminally fucked big time or it's been subjected to year of neglect which means it has no chance of passing it's next MOT 

[SRi05]

"FULL MOT"

*Checks vehicle enquiry service*

NO MOT ❌

Why do cunts do this 

[lesapandre]

FULL MOT - Once.. 

[sierraman]

4 minutes ago, SRi05 said:

"FULL MOT"

*Checks vehicle enquiry service*

NO MOT ❌

Why do cunts do this 

Will be MOT’d on purchase. At which time it’ll be too late to renege on the deal when it’s discovered it smokes like fuck.

[RoverFolkUs]

Very popular when approaching the final months of the year - MOT until next year 

Actually, we're in December and it expires the consecutive January....

[RoverFolkUs]

6 minutes ago, sierraman said:

Will be MOT’d on purchase. At which time it’ll be too late to renege on the deal when it’s discovered it smokes like fuck.

Or perhaps issued an MOT certificate on purchase, whether it actually visits the test station is a different matter! 😅

[Sham]

One of the reasons why I'd rather have a 3 month MoT issued 8k miles ago, than a fresh one on purchase.

My favourite that I've seen recently - great condition, will need welding for MoT.

[SRi05]

19 minutes ago, sierraman said:

Will be MOT’d on purchase. At which time it’ll be too late to renege on the deal when it’s discovered it smokes like fuck.

I genuinely think there's some folk who don't realise the look up service exists. Pure lies about a car's condition, then you look up the MOT and it has a shopping list of advisories