The grumpy thread

[beko1987]

Just typed this into the 17 thread, then realised it was a general grump so switched to here:

 

I had a polo full of cunts next to me on the m40 yesterday evening on the way home. I was pottering in the inside lane at 65ish as always, they came up along side, and gave me the finger. Once I'd checked that I didnt know them I gave them it back. They then carried on fingering me, accelerating backwards and forwards next to me, then sped up and went infront of me, then started brake testing me. Fuck this I thought, looked behind to a clear m40, and went straight to L3, the polo full of twats going to l2. I then spy a lorry infront of me in l2 'overtaking' another one, and cars coming up behind me (I'm only doing 70 still).

 

Polo is alongside me, trying to get infront. He starts to accellerate to get ahead of me before he has to brake, so I unleashed the XM and with one last wanker sign from me (immature, moi?) fucked off, leaving him doing 56mph behind a lorry, with a stream of cars doing 80+ in l3 which I had made bunch up for this very reason. Wasnt too far from home so did illegal speeds up and off the ramp so he didnt see where I went, as I didnt fancy a group of dicks trying it on outside my house.

 

Was something about 17 year olds in there but I'm so angry again after typing that I'm off for a rolly grrrrrrr

 

Ah that was it, why do 17 year olds in a 4 up 1.2l polo think they can take on someone in a 1 up 2l turbo with half a tank of fuel they dont give a fuck about at that moment in time? Kids today etc...

[SambaS]

Could have tapped their rear quarter and caused them to spin out... that would make them think twice. If they lived. Would have to be a fairly hard shove so you would sustain a bit of damage. Practice makes perfect etc.

[beko1987]

Sort of like twat pool? If front aprons for XM's werent unobtanium I may have considered it, but being a normally peaceful, tax paying citizen with no criminal record I'd probably get fucked over for it...

[SambaS]

Yep... you would have learned everyone who wasn't following at a safe distance a lesson too. I think you've missed a huge educational opportunity there.

[Lankytim]

I have a spare XM nose I would have donated had you decided to use the back of their polo as a crumple zone.

[HillmanImp]

They are for your hands! Fuck me. Now i feel stupid. I was wondering why these new urinals were covering me and everyone around me in piss.

[Richard]

They do leave your cock nice and dry though.

[twosmoke300]

Fucking windburnt too!

[chaseracer]

I have a spare XM nose I would have donated had you decided to use the back of their polo as a crumple zone.

I've got three. Practise away, Beko...

[beko1987]

Ffs! Ok, will endeavour to get into some sort of twattery induced educational road incident during the week and report back!

[bub2006]

That's the spirit. Take one for the team. I get a lot of twattish taxi drivers on a Saturday night when delivering takeaway. Just pull out without looking,stop in middle of road with no signals.

[cort16]

I would have chimped them.

[purplebargeken]

Well thank you both Polski neighbours. LH side leave the dog outside whilst it howls it's ears off in frustration, RH side decide that 00.30hrs is really the best time to play and sing with their 2 year old. It's now 01.20hrs and I am downstairs and wiiiiide awake. Fucking arsehole cunts. I am starting to hate living in 'multi-cultural' London. More like multi-cuntural tbh.

 

Will now watch Homeland S2 until my eyelids droop. Wonderful.

[overrun]

The Walking Dead clashed.

 

F

M

L

[meggersdog]

To coin a Bricktop phrase

"I facking hate pikeys"

 

Got a little Pug 106 on Gumtree for three hundred quid.

Phonecall this morning sounds forin, nothing wrong with that so I give him my address.Three and a half hours later (just as I'm about to go out) he turns up.Not an east european as expected but a mumbling,stinky pikey.Oh well never mind.

Before I know it I'm stood at the side of the road with his car keys and he's test driving my car.Seems to have been gone ages but I can hear someone around the corner pulling away in third? and riding the clutch.Sure enough the little Pug comes round the corner with smoke billowing out the side of it and I can smell the burning clutch from 50 yards away.

I don't usually swear at potential customers but I asked this chump "what the fuck have you done to my car?"

He replied the clutch was knackered. I told him I'd heard him pulling away in third and he'd caused the problem,why knacker someone else's car? "well I don't want a car where the clutch has gone" "I'll give you fifty quid for it" he said.

I handed him his keys,grabbed mine and told him the best thing he could do was to get back in his car and fuck off.There was a bit of mumbling and stuttering so I repeated my instructions and said I'm not dealing with him.I told him to f...off about five times before he got the message.

The car seems fine now but the smell is still lingering.He's phoned three times since so I had to switch my phone off.

Why do that to someone else's car ?

[HillmanImp]

What a cock.

[Station]

What a tool! Maybe knackering it to get the price down?

[retrogeezer]

so he offered you money for a car he didn't want. LOL.  

 

I don't think I would let anyone I didn't know drive off in a car on their own, why didn't you just go with him? If it was the smell I would have said it was no longer for sale anyway.

[meggersdog]

He jumped in the car and before I could get in he was gone.Our estate is just a square with 30 houses on each street so when I said I'd go with him he said "I'll just take it round the block" and was off down the street leaving me stood there.I'd got the V5 and spare keys in one hand and the key to his scabby 07 plate vectra in the other.He didn't sound like a pikey on the phone because if he did I would have said the car was sold.There are a lot of them around here and you cannot deal with them because most are just twats like him.

[HillmanImp]

Just been outbid on the car I wanted

 

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/citroen-visa-1-0e-leader-mot-/321228514391

 

 

My highest bid was £370. Oh well, back to searching. After a trip to the pub with Mrs Imp who is probably secretly pleased she would not have to be driven around in that.

[trigger]

That Visa's still doing the rounds, I remember it being listed last year for £800ish and looking mint, then it was up again by another seller after being crashed and now here it is again.

[vulgalour]

Talktalk are supposed to provide us with up to 10meg Broadband.  Whenever they test the line it always comes back as being "perfectly fine, sir, there's nothing wrong" so why is it when I test it using online services such as Ookla and iPlayer's own testing thing it comes back as being a meagre up to 5meg on a good day and, just lately, up to 1 meg most of the time and up to 3 meg if I'm lucky?

 

It's not like I live in the middle of nowhere here either.  I know I should complain but when I'm constantly rerouted to India or wherever and the person on the phone can't understand me and I can't understand them, what's the use?

[UmBongo]

To the boy-racer wankers in the silver Golf a couple of weeks ago who passed me going in the opp direction, then turned around to deliberately overtake me just yards from a roundabout, potentially causing my windscreen to break with the gravel you threw up...FUCK YOU!!!

 

The last thing I need is to replace the windscreen on a Silvia S12, pricks.

 

So, take your silver Golf, with it's barely legal window tints, lowered springs and noisy exhaust, and stick it up your collective arsehole.

[eddyramrod]

I'd bet even on Autoshite there won't be many offers of spare nosecones for that one so you can practice PITting!  What a shame.

[purplebargeken]

Take note of silver Golf, find out where it is and liberally apply a luscious coating of brake fluid. Wankers.

[Lankytim]

Nah, find out where it is and piss all over it, especially the door handles.

[vulgalour]

6 years of debt to the HMRC equates to a bill of £912 arriving on my doorstep today.  I didn't even know I was in debt to them, they've never mentioned it before and I've always done my tax returns and whatnot.  Queue more form filling as apparently there's a form I can fill in to prove I don't owe this obscene amount of money based on my low income.   Interestingly, they can't just cross reference against the information I've sent to them for the past few years to provide me with an accurate bill.

 

What's the betting I end up owing them another £100 to be paid off just as I finish paying off the current £100 bill generated by a cock-up on the part of Bolsover Council.

 

Nine hundred and twelve pounds!  That's insane.

[trigger]

Nah, find out where it is and piss all over it, especially the door handles.

 

Even better, just wipe dog shit under the door handles, he'll have a nutty surprise come the morning.

[purplebargeken]

Yeah, best not use brake fluid 'cos that'll lead to paint loss and rust. Thereby increasing his scene-based cool factor by about a million.

[purplebargeken]

I believe cat poo is more malodorous than dog.