The grumpy thread

[Cavcraft]

Now his legend has gone.

[messerschmitt owner]

Oh yes, but from which irritating little island is James Blunt?

Ibiza

 

Is Tidworth Wilts on Ibiza then?

he lives in Ibiza - which is an island - Tidworth has disowned him! You didn't say you meant his birthplace, just which island he was from - which is Ibiza, his home.

 

And if this island is so irritating ...

[ChinaTom]

Being tired. So tired that 10 minutes ago I leant back in my chair to think for a bit, nodded off and the chair collapsed backwards banging my head on a sharp corner of the windowframe. Decided a "call of nature" would wake me up a bit. Just fell asleep on the pot, fell over forwards and banged my forehead on the one and only chipped marble wall tile in the whole bathroom. I am bleeding front and back, ruining my one good Tyrwitt shirt.

 

Bed at 16:45. Sleep pattern buggered again.

 

night night.

[RedSparrow]

'Windows gives me the family nature never could'

 

SERIOUSLY, W.T.F.

[Guest]

VIDEO JOURNALISM - AND JESUS WEPT (Part 1)

 

Jon despaired as yet more gibberish spake forth from the mouth of his idiot lecturer. She was confused about how to use Avid. The exact reasons for this were lost in the midst of time. For the fifth time Jon asked why in God's name you needed to storyboard a spontaneous news event, having had it confirmed that this was not how it was done by a friend at ITN and the technician whose previous job at North West Tonight stood him in better stead than the supposed lecturer whose supposed competency was out taking a shit on the M602. She sidestepped the question again with the now famous retort: 'Well, I've been in the industry for 25 years.'

 

'Doing what?' inquired Jon, the bile at the very tip of his tongue. 'Making the fucking tea?'

The class, equally baffled, stopped for a moment.

 

And then Jon walked out. And then Jon wrote an irate letter to the head of his school demanding a third of his tuition free back 'because watching three monkeys in a call centre hurling shit at one another would be better value for money'.

 

As Jon walked out in search of cigarette, his headache momentarily worsened. This was because of the laughable soundproofing present in the basement of the media room and the caterwauling fuckwittery of the band practicing above, who had appeared to have rehearsed the same 'FLVGHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.....BANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANG' intro for nearly 3 hours.

 

I'll learn Avid from our technician.

 

I'm not going into that lecture again.

[myglaren]

RIP Jet Harris

 

[Lankytim]

Waiting in for someone to come and view the Fezza. I rang him up earlier to confirm "oh yes mate, ill be round at 6ish, ill bring some cash" Its past 7 now and no sign!

 

Anyone want to place bets as to wether he will show or not?

[Conrad D. Conelrad]

For the fifth time Jon asked why in God's name you needed to storyboard a spontaneous news event

This reminded me of doing cookery lessons at school, most of which was "designing a pizza". To this day I avoid pizzas, I just can't be bothered with all the paperwork.

[Guest Leonard Hatred]

Thirty three twatting quid to tax my (197cc) scooter.

 

£125 to tax my (602cc) car!

 

£0 to tax my 1896cc car! It's on SORN.

[trigger]

I am converting my heating system from a 1972 back boiler to a new Combi system as well as having a new bathroom fitted, What a mare!, The house now looks like something from Japan, Every room looks like a bombs gone off, Mess everywhere and the new bath they have fitted turns out has a crack in it so it now need taking out again and replacing.

 

On the plus side i have hot water and heating again and I'm paying a good price as my plumber mate is doing it for me at cost.

[dollywobbler]

We're doing the opposite! Getting rid of our combi boiler and going for a wood-burner with back-boiler feeding into a large storage tank, then underfloor heating. The grump comes from being forced to get a shift on with this plan when it's still cold after the combi failed! That and the fact we've got a bloke coming to quote for the work tomorrow morning. GR-10 4 lazing in bed.

[Lankytim]

Waiting in for someone to come and view the Fezza. I rang him up earlier to confirm "oh yes mate, ill be round at 6ish, ill bring some cash" Its past 7 now and no sign!

 

Anyone want to place bets as to wether he will show or not?

 

Bloody hell, he turned up, pushed some crisp £20 notes into my hand and bogged off- great! He did knock me down a bit mind, but its ok, cause he took the car there and then!

[Cavcraft]

'Lenny Henry' and 'comedy' in the same sentence. Surely some mistake?

[Alexg]

Watching comic relief. Brings home how lucky we are really. Children should have to suffer like that

[RedSparrow]

Lenny Henry did a gig recently at one of the theatres I work in. He came across as a right big-headed twat, constantly talking about himself and how great he thinks he is.

Also he is still doing his material about the differences between black and white people from the 1980s. Might have been relevant then, but isn't really anymore. My younger collegues went as far as saying that by doing such material he is making racism an issue again, so is being counter productive.

[Lord Sterling]

Whilst in the land of Londinium picking up the Rover 820E I planned to pass by the very Derek J Ketteringham garage as found in Neasdon on the old North Circular:

 

 

For those that know, this garage has some right old shitey treasure hidden away in the depths of the showroom, I really wanted to visit this place and seeing as I was going to be tooling along the North Circular I thought it would be a great opportunity........

 

I was travelling on the opposite carriageway, I thought about dumping the Rover in a some residential street and walking up there, but no, firstly every available space within a few miles of the garage was "Permit Holders only" parking, I thought about leaving it there but I could envisage the parking fairy issuing me a ticket. I left the car anyway and tried to see where I could cross the dual carriageway, I couldnt find anywhere close enough where I could pop into the garage, I also didnt fancy the car being ticketed.

 

Jumping back in I decided to see if I could drive around, worked out a route but as rush-hour traffic was building up fast, and time getting on I decided to knock it on the head

 

To be honest I probably should have checked out the local area via google maps, so my own fault there, again

 

Also - My headache, I've had this one on and off for the past 3 days

[Station]

Watching comic relief. Brings home how lucky we are really. Children should have to suffer like that

 

Why do you make them watch it then?

[pogweasel]

TRACTION CONTROL.

 

I have only driven one car prior to now with traction control, that was my mates' old Porsche Cayenne turbo. I can totally see the point in something as brutally powerful as that. Minimises the death toll as numpty nouveaux-riche/gypsys display lack of driving talent.

 

However, I am currently running about in a "10" reg VW transporter, with a whopping 102 bhp. Why is this vehicle fitted with TC? why??

And why does it come in whenever you try to get some flow into your driving? Bung it into a right turn around a big roundabout and instead of a bit of understeer as you feed the power in, it's doing stuff with the tc instead. Rubbish. I will decide thanks.

 

There is a button to turn it off, but I don't think it actually does anything. Doesn't illuminate, display on the dash, or turn off the tc. Assuming b0rked or never connected. If only everything in life etc!

[warren t claim]

I come from an era when Traction Control and Anti Lock brakes meant having a shagged clutch and warped discs...

[seth]

I come from an era when Traction Control and Anti Lock brakes meant having a shagged clutch and warped discs...

 

My Hillman has factory fitted traction control by virtue of the 1500 engine.

[dollywobbler]

TC should only ever mean Twin Carburettors. Or Twice as Crap.

[Guest]

Terrible Casserole.

[trigger]

Me and Mrs Trigger went to Walton On The Naze this morning in the Opel to give it a run and to walk the dog, We got to the Naze and i got out the car and Mrs T ran off to the loo, I had just got our dog out of the Opel when a Westie came running over, the lady owner was calling it back but the Westie was more interested in Alfie, our dog.

 

The next thing i hear is the lady shout "No Stop, Oh GOD!!" i thought that's strange, I Turned around to see the bloody dog had only been and pissed up the back of my leg!!!, I was not impressed, the lady did apologise and smack the dog but on the drive home all i could smell was piss on my jeans.

[Negative Creep]

Sorry Trig but

[trigger]

Not a lot really Norm, He just walked off with me shaking piss from my leg, I was glad i didn't have shorts on.

[autofive]

My animal story this weekend: I shot a big fat groundhog trying to establish a warren under one of my sheds. "Bang," goes Mr. Mossberg. Buh-buh, Mrs. Groundhog. I warned you with various pieces of steel grating and pallets not to dig under my shed, but you couldn't take a hint, ya furry bint.

 

goodo norm

 

can you pop out a shoot a buffalo next

[retrogeezer]

royally fucks me off when people leave their dogs off the lead and can't control them. They are always bounding up to my 7 year old daughter and she doesn't like dogs (and I guess when you are 7 most dogs are the same size as you)

 

All you ever hear are 'it won't hurt you, it's a softy' or ' it loves kids' I DONT FUCKING CARE - SHE DOESNT LIKE DOGS.

[eddyramrod]

Couldn't agree more, Retro. When I was about 2 I was frightened by a big dog, apparently, and spent my entire childhood scared stiff of them. Just before my 16th, my dad went and bought a little puppy... how can you be scared of something cute and loving that can sleep stretched out in your lap? But yeah, owner-bullshit is worth a big grump, I'm with you all the way. YOU know your dog won't bite (you think, hah!) but I sure as hell don't and I reserve the right to kill it by any means to hand. (And these are the words of a loving dog-owner!)

[myglaren]

When my eldest son was four years old, we were having a picnic by the river Wear near Finchale Priory when a huge hound came bounding up and snatched the sausage roll from his hand. Didn't injure him but he was terrified.

 

He works at HLS now, there may be a connection.

[Cavcraft]

It's almost as bad as when you have a dog yourself. Our's is only a small thing but everytime we take him for a walk (on his lead I might add) various bloody big dogs off their leads come bounding over. 'It's o.k, he/she loves other dogs/it won't bite' etc.

Yeah, I'll be the judge of that thanks and if he does bite or attack our dog your's will be going home with it's knackers half way up inside it's stomach, or my size 12s wedged up it's jacksie.