The grumpy thread

[dozeydustman]

Your Mum's your Dad,

Your Dad's your Mum,

You're fucking your Sister,

You're Sheppey scum!

 

-Insert Regional Variation Here-

[GrumpiusMaximus]

 

 

You are a big posh sod with plums in your mouth, and the plums have mutated and they have got beaks. You make pigs smoke. You feed beef burgers to swans. You have big sheds, but nobody's allowed in. And in these sheds you have 20ft high chickens, and these chickens are scared because the don't know why they're so big, and they're going, "Oh why am I so massive?" and they're looking down at all the little chickens and they think they're in an aeroplane because all the other chickens are so small. Do you deny that? No, I think his silence speaks volumes.

[New POD]

That reminds me of an episode on the street where I lived about 10+ years ago. One of the local rigger booted morons was riding a noisy crosser up and down the road at around 9pm. Up and down up and down. He'd go away for a bit then come back. So, another posted resident of the street tied a nice long bits of thin rope (or fat string) around one of the lamp posts at about chest height and then around the other one opposite. He waited for RBM to come crossing down the street. BLAAAA-BLAAAA-BLAAAAA and then BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! as the rider free bike powered itself down the road, eventually hitting a parked BT van. Moron was whipped clean off, landed on his arse and I think had a few injuries. Fuck me it was funny - I would have loved to see that happen.

 

The rope was there still but nobody ever owned up.

Get that sort of thing wrong and you could spend your days in prison.

 

Death by decapitation is usually murder.

[danthecapriman]

Fucking useless incompetent DPD.

 

I ordered something on Saturday evening, payed for the next working day delivery and got confirmation.

 

Got an email this morning from the cunts in question confirming delivery today between 09:30 and 10:30.

10:30 came and went so I looked on the real time tracking link. ‘Your parcel was delivered and signed for at 10:02 by danthecapriman esq’!

 

Hmm, news to me!

Took the time off work to be available for taking this parcel in given its high value. Nobody knocked, no missed you notes not a fucking thing.

Further enquires from myself and the store I bought from gather information from DPD that their driver was stressed and doesn’t do this round usually or some such horse shit and he thinks he’s delivered it to the same house number a few streets away!

 

So your job is effectively a postman!? You then discard the free useful information provided on the label like my postcode and street name. Then decide to just let any old Herbert who does not have the same name on the label to sign for my parcel which is worth almost £500? Acceptable? No it fucking isn’t you useless fucks.

 

To add insult to injury they’ve offered no apology, no refunds and told me that you can just walk round the corner and recover the parcel yourself! Oh brilliant. Thank you so so much you wankers.

 

And now I can’t get any answer from the address it may have been delivered to.

 

Any good ideas how I can get back at these pricks? They really do deserve it.

[NorthernMonkey]

How much dismantling to remove a radiator from a fecking Clio? Seriously?

 

 

Also, let’s shave 2 euros off the build cost and combine the air con condenser and both radiators into one complete unit. Tres Bon, you twats.

[anonymous user]

I liked it, not for the grump, but because that's what a garage should look like

[The Moog]

Ohh start a tales from the garage thread please mister! 

[320touring]

Welcome to #ClioLyfe

[wuvvum]

Aye, nobody with a two post lift in their garage has any business grumping about car repairs.

[NorthernMonkey]

Ohh start a tales from the garage thread please mister!

Ok, if you insist...

[alf892]

Fucking useless incompetent DPD.

I ordered something on Saturday evening, payed for the next working day delivery and got confirmation.

Got an email this morning from the cunts in question confirming delivery today between 09:30 and 10:30.

10:30 came and went so I looked on the real time tracking link. ‘Your parcel was delivered and signed for at 10:02 by danthecapriman esq’!

Hmm, news to me!

Took the time off work to be available for taking this parcel in given its high value. Nobody knocked, no missed you notes not a fucking thing.

Further enquires from myself and the store I bought from gather information from DPD that their driver was stressed and doesn’t do this round usually or some such horse shit and he thinks he’s delivered it to the same house number a few streets away!

So your job is effectively a postman!? You then discard the free useful information provided on the label like my postcode and street name. Then decide to just let any old Herbert who does not have the same name on the label to sign for my parcel which is worth almost £500? Acceptable? No it fucking isn’t you useless fucks.

To add insult to injury they’ve offered no apology, no refunds and told me that you can just walk round the corner and recover the parcel yourself! Oh brilliant. Thank you so so much you wankers.

And now I can’t get any answer from the address it may have been delivered to.

Any good ideas how I can get back at these pricks? They really do deserve it.

You haven't received the goods.......go back to the seller. Sorting things out with DPD is their problem.

 

We use DPD a lot......prob 30 parcels a day. Occasionally stuff goes tits up.......we don't expect our customer to need to get deeply involved.

[myglaren]

My boss has an allergic reaction to a number of sprays.  I have to tell people at work not to spray around in our department all the time...

Me too and there is some bugger sprays some weapons grade stink just before clocking out time.

 

I haven't clocked out in ages, just run out of the back door.

[drum]

Her sister is her mother,

Her uncle is her brother,

They're shagging one another,

The(insert name here) family!

Arbroath: the only place you can buy a card that says Happy Birthday Uncle Dad.

[Crispian_J_Hotson]

That's nothing compared to people who stop either just inside, or just outside a shop doorway.

 

How about a train that stops so that the doors to the disabled entrance on it are directly opposite an escalator, the most narrow bit of the platform! Then they put the ramp on and the poor dude in the leccy wheelchair has to do a 60 point turn to get up it. Shocking performance... Bad train company.

[Crispian_J_Hotson]

I suffer badly from Multiple Chemical Sensitivity, MCS.

Any perfume makes me very ill. 

They say it's not real.

It is if you are me.

 

 

I totally get that. Walking into Debenhams (is that still a thing?) or the like triggers a massive fit of sneezing and snots, sometimes an itchy rash followed by a grim headache chaser. Not all things do it, lynx spray is a guaranteed hurt though. Mild paint fumes recently have triggered cluster headaches where I just want to (and try to) crush my own skull at 3 in the morning. 

 

Roll on deodorant is the way to go.

[loserone]

Went for a walk on the old railway lines with the kids in the double buggy.

 

First of all the little one screamed until I took him out of his warm suit, presumably because it's getting a bit short.

 

Then when he's wrapped up in my hoody and has just nodded off, four mountain bikers with ludicrous lights come past flat out, shouting "are we going to fit past", fucking my night vision and waking both the kids up with their lights.

 

Fuckers.

 

Next time I'll take my headtorch and light up their faces as they go past, see how they like being dazzled.

[adw1977]

How about a train that stops so that the doors to the disabled entrance on it are directly opposite an escalator, the most narrow bit of the platform! Then they put the ramp on and the poor dude in the leccy wheelchair has to do a 60 point turn to get up it. Shocking performance... Bad train company.

The trouble is the station was probably built a long time ago with no regard for such issues, how much of a rebuild would be needed to move the escalators?

 

The train has to stop at dozens of different stations, all with a different layout, so there's never going to be a place for the disabled entrance that works well at every station.

[Crispian_J_Hotson]

It's a London terminal. They could put the carriage as no.2 rather than no.3 but that would involve extra thought I suppose.

[bramz7]

Spot a dodgy looking Transit driving a bit aggressively in Reading earlier this evening...with a Sierra Cosworth on the back. Numberplates removed. Right...

See on Facebook that someone has had a Cosworth stolen from a town about 8 miles away!

 

The Transit was branded in a garages colours too! Wonder if that was also stolen?

[Tadhg Tiogar]

Arbroath: the only place you can buy a card that says Happy Birthday Uncle Dad.

I thought that was Bradford? Or was that Luton?

[Rocket88]

My fucking 18 plate Fabia.............6000 miles since new......has now stranded me twice with 'Untraceable electrics defect"...........this time, they can keep the thing.....sale of goods act etc etc etc

[Crispian_J_Hotson]

More train related grumps. Why do they decide that this morning will be a great time to add in 4 remote and unused stations to the stops? What a waste of everyone's time. Now I'll arrive late to work by 10 minutes. For what? So Georgie the ghost can commute?

'Ah, here we are at whatever pitch black station this is... No one here...( What a surprise...) Oh well, let's try the next sleepy village and see if anyone is awake yeah?' 

 

Someone must have a sensible answer?

[Crispian_J_Hotson]

Oh wait... I've just found out why! We're stuck behind a really slow freight train (we've just caught it up) So instead of everyone doing delay repay because they are delayed by over 15 minutes, they make out that it was MEANT to happen! 

 

Oh, well, that's ok then...

[New POD]

How much dismantling to remove a radiator from a fecking Clio? Seriously?

 

82706051-96B1-4233-864D-64A775C01AC6.jpeg

 

Also, let’s shave 2 euros off the build cost and combine the air con condenser and both radiators into one complete unit. Tres Bon, you twats.

Okay, I'm worried.

 

I need to change the spark plugs on a 1.6 Juke.

 

I have to take the inlet manifold off.

 

I get it loose.

 

The radiator expansion is in the way.

 

It looks like I should take the radiator off, which given that it's probably due new coolant, would allow me to back flush it off the car. But now I've seen that I'm thinking..........

fffffffff

Uuuuuuuuuu

Ccccccccc

Kkkkkkkkkķkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

[New POD]

My fucking 18 plate Fabia.............6000 miles since new......has now stranded me twice with 'Untraceable electrics defect"...........this time, they can keep the thing.....sale of goods act etc etc etc

I have liked this.

 

Not for the breakdown, but for the sticking 2 fingers up to VAG

 

Publicly dissing VAG On social media would be my next step ( if I were on Snapfacechatbooktwatterlinkedout)

[New POD]

Spot a dodgy looking Transit driving a bit aggressively in Reading earlier this evening...with a Sierra Cosworth on the back. Numberplates removed. Right...

See on Facebook that someone has had a Cosworth stolen from a town about 8 miles away!

 

The Transit was branded in a garages colours too! Wonder if that was also stolen?

Share information with CID (now)

[New POD]

You need to get some string tied across the track. See post above for plan.

Or just a pile of dog shit.

 

Nothing worse than riding through dog shit in the dark.

 

Now. I'm lycra clad and off to polish my teeth before cycling to work.

 

Hope not to fall in the canal.

[fordperv]

Spot a dodgy looking Transit driving a bit aggressively in Reading earlier this evening...with a Sierra Cosworth on the back. Numberplates removed. Right...

See on Facebook that someone has had a Cosworth stolen from a town about 8 miles away!

 

The Transit was branded in a garages colours too! Wonder if that was also stolen?

Was it the white 3 door cosworth?

[bramz7]

Yeah it was. Oddly the posts about being stolen seem to have been deleted.

[fordperv]

The posts are still else where

The van reg