The grumpy thread

[Tetleysmooth]

Am I speaking in a perverse or anti social language?

A car I'm interested in has come back up for sale.

 

Being a Sunday afternoon, I didn't like to phone, so used the email facility.

Me: Is the car still available?

He: Yes, still here Dave.

 

I thought, wow, I'm going to get this one.

Me: Just one question, do all the dashlights go out when the engine is running?

No answer.

Just in case something had gone wrong, and he didn't receive my question, I sent the same question.

Up to now, no answer.

Have I missed something? Is that the one question that must never be asked?

Doesn't look good, does it

[quicksilver]

Online dating? I have never done it but one of my best mates who is very autistic and hit 35 without a girlfriend (I think my wife was the first female apart from his mum he had spoken to) went online dating and six years on he is married with a young daughter.

Thanks for the suggestion but I don't think online dating is the right answer for this scenario. To be honest the very thought of it terrifies me - I find it difficult enough in social situations with people I know (even with family and friends) so being alone with someone I've never met before is something I'd really struggle to cope with. I'm starting to feel like I'm invisible as a university environment should be a great social scene, yet so often I'll be sitting alone in the bar or refectory and there is a constant stream of people coming in but very rarely does anyone ever come and introduce themselves to me or even acknowledge my existence in many cases. It feels like I'm the one making all the effort for little reward: if I want to meet people I have to push my way into their social groups and introduce myself, and then it feels like I'm intruding in their group and they don't really want me there. My social life seems to have been little more than passing hellos of late and I just can't get into a meaningful conversation with anyone as one of their friends always seems to interrupt and steal them away or change the subject to something I don't know enough about to join in. I just want to feel like I'm part of a group instead of always on the edge trying to worm my way in, yet I never seem to get the chance.

 

I did have some great friends in the cohort who have just graduated but now they've left I'm finding it oddly difficult to make new friends - this year's new cohort just don't seem to have even noticed me for some reason and I really don't know why. I go to the social events yet everyone seems too wrapped up with their existing friends and/or getting drunk to show any interest in making conversation with me.

[Tamworthbay]

Thanks for the suggestion but I don't think online dating is the right answer for this scenario. To be honest the very thought of it terrifies me - I find it difficult enough in social situations with people I know (even with family and friends) so being alone with someone I've never met before is something I'd really struggle to cope with. I'm starting to feel like I'm invisible as a university environment should be a great social scene, yet so often I'll be sitting alone in the bar or refectory and there is a constant stream of people coming in but very rarely does anyone ever come and introduce themselves to me or even acknowledge my existence in many cases. It feels like I'm the one making all the effort for little reward: if I want to meet people I have to push my way into their social groups and introduce myself, and then it feels like I'm intruding in their group and they don't really want me there. My social life seems to have been little more than passing hellos of late and I just can't get into a meaningful conversation with anyone as one of their friends always seems to interrupt and change the subject to something I don't know enough about to join in.

My mate didn't do any blind dates, he was chatting online with them for a good while before he met anyone. He was the same as you, and still is to a large extent, regarding meeting strangers. Or why not try a new hobby? That's a good way to meet people. One of my wife's friend met his wife at the ballroom dancing club at uni, they are always short of blokes so you will get a warm welcome.

[tooSavvy]

"Do all the lights go out.....?"

 

If its an auto 'yes'- it starts in P, no handbrake.

 

Otherwise 'no'- handbrake is ON (tell tale light).

 

TS

[Lacquer Peel]

I struggle with social things too but online dating is easier than conventional dating IMO, you can get to know someone a bit and build a rapport before meeting them face to face.

[Tetleysmooth]

"Do all the lights go out.....?"

 

If its an auto 'yes'- it starts in P, no handbrake.

 

Otherwise 'no'- handbrake is ON (tell tale light).

 

TS

Engine management is staying on apparently.

[cobblers]

Have you tried the mybuilder type websites? Because it's rated it's slightly easier to weed out the shite hawks.

 

 

TOP TIP MATE! thanks for this, I've finally had some joy.

 

Two blokes came round today to quote for the job. Both seemed eager for the work and I was happy enough that both of them were on the same page as me with regards to how decent I actually want it to look etc etc.

One quoted £450, the other £380. Both are happy to do the job next weekend.

The one that quoted £380 gave me a better vibe cos he seemed to spot all the major issues straight away like one wall being absolutely pissed para that I need to fit the units on so he'd board that one to get it straight and just skim the rest, whereas the other bloke didn't even notice it until I pointed it out.

[dollywobbler]

Online dating is the answer. Funnily enough, some females aren't very good at social stuff either. I was never going to find the woman of my dreams either at work or in a nightclub. I know this to be true, because the woman I married hates nightclubs and has never had the sort of job where I'd be likely to meet her.

 

Another thing, who says you have to conform to expectations? This desperate desire to conform is what gets people locked into shit loads of debt. Expectation suggests you must buy a new car and spunk away a shit load of cash on depreciation. You're already on here, so you're clearly of the right mindset.

[Negative Creep]

Overheard a neighbour asking the local kids to stop kicking the ball near his car, got a torrent of abuse from the nearby mothers, something along the lines of IT AINT ILLEGAL TO PLAY FOOTBALL IN THE STREET SO WHY DON'T YOU FAACK OFF. I'm not saying kids should be sitting glued to the computer all day, but trying to relax when they're booting it repeatedly against a wall is a bit frustrating

[gordonbennet]

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^   Isn't Dollywobblers post bloody truth, who says you have to be the life and soul, some go getter, that life might be the apparent norm but being conformist normal isn't everything.

 

There's millions out there living identikit lives, they're on faceache announcing to the world how wonderful their life is to all and sundry with photos to prove...oh i've got such a busy lifestyle doncha know, its better than yours...i call it the Audi lifestyle.

 

There's also other millions out there who don't live their lives around a pub,  can actually have fun without being pissed, don't need to be spending fuckin thousands of borrowed £££ on credit cards to enjoy their lives, who's right?, no one, it's whats right for you that counts.

 

Be yourself and enjoy being who you are, but try some different things out, go to the gym and do some bodybuilding would one suggestion, maybe try amateur dramatics, anything different, oh and seek out others with your particular hobby, don't conform to the life of others, find your niche.

 

Oh and a tip for you from someone who learned later in life...with the lovely ladies you could do worse than think Latin or more eastern, wish i'd known that before...but thats me and we're all different, there is someone out there for everyone.

[the judge]

Take motorcycle lessons,then go on roadtrip.

[Cavcraft]

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^   Isn't Dollywobblers post bloody truth, who says you have to be the life and soul, some go getter, that life might be the apparent norm but being conformist normal isn't everything.

 

There's millions out there living identikit lives, they're on faceache announcing to the world how wonderful their life is to all and sundry with photos to prove...oh i've got such a busy lifestyle doncha know, its better than yours...i call it the Audi lifestyle.

 

There's also other millions out there who don't live their lives around a pub,  can actually have fun without being pissed, don't need to be spending fuckin thousands of borrowed £££ on credit cards to enjoy their lives, who's right?, no one, it's whats right for you that counts.

 

Be yourself and enjoy being who you are, but try some different things out, go to the gym and do some bodybuilding would one suggestion, maybe try amateur dramatics, anything different, oh and seek out others with your particular hobby, don't conform to the life of others, find your niche.

 

Oh and a tip for you from someone who learned later in life...with the lovely ladies you could do worse than think Latin or more eastern, wish i'd known that before...but thats me and we're all different, there is someone out there for everyone.

 

 

The other thing about social media/the internet in general is that it's very easy to look like you have a fabulous and successful lifestyle, and very easy to believe that other people do, but you only know what they're telling you. And as far as social media is concerned, probably 65%+ of it is absolute bollocks anyhow.

[mrbenn]

I stopped drinking nearly 3 years ago for various reasons. If people find this out they look at me like I am some sort of inbred bogey licking child snatcher. Its interesting watching their faces as they try to comprehend how I could possibly get through life without getting pissed out of my face every weekend.

[BavarianRetro]

I stopped drinking nearly 3 years ago for various reasons. If people find this out they look at me like I am some sort of inbred bogey licking child snatcher. Its interesting watching their faces as they try to comprehend how I could possibly get through life without getting pissed out of my face every weekend.

Try this approach in the Glasgow area.

 

I'm not teetotal. I'll have a very, very occasional drink. The last time I had alcohol, I think was in Januarty when I I had a bottle of Magners. I don't know when I'll next have something.

 

Tell people you don't really drink and they assume, not that you don't like it, or that you're always driving, but that you're a recovering alcoholic - I'm not. Then they ask, "Have you never taken a drink?" Which is polite for, "Are you a recovering alcholic?"

 

Explaining that I did drink, quite a lot at times, but that I never was alcoholic myself, but the decision that alcohol - or rather hangovers - weren't for me was hastened by the demise of two close friends (both lawyers) one who died and one who lost his business, marriage, his life basically, to it - usually gets that knowing look and the thought, "I knew he was a recovering alcoholic.", passing externally visibly through their head.

 

My pals now view it as a bonus - there's always somebody to drive.

 

If alcohol was invented now, they'd never ever be allowed to sell it. I heard someone say that there's not a family in Scotland that hasn't been affected by alcoholism. That's a shocking statistic. (If true, but it certainly has the ring of truth)

[cms206]

I know that only too well Bavarian Retro; I drank from below the legal age to get through shit at the time. My old man died through drink 3 months after I turned 18... he started drinking after he'd been made redundant at 50 and after him and my mum split he hit it really hard. I was getting older and he felt he had nothing to keep going for. When my mum told me I went on a bender for three days. I dragged myself together for the funeral. Saw his drinking buddies. Everyone there, even my pals were drinking. I had one beer to toast him and I've not had a drop since. I tell people I'm on call for work normally as I'm a gaffer at a coach company so if theres a breakdown or whatever I need to go to it but even that gets strange looks in a Glasgow boozer.

 

My mate's mum and dad broke up through drink about five years ago and it went the other way - my mate and his missus get through 12 cans and a bottle of wine between them every night of the week more or less. I didn't want or need that.

[gordonbennet]

Suits those in charge to have a high number of stupified, by drink or drugs, people out there, much easier to brainwash and control when incapable of caring less or rational thought, plus the govt makes a hell of a lot of money from the alcohol industry, and why they're going to legalise cannabis in a few years to tap into that income source too.

[Louise2cv]

Yep the way society views alcohol is funny, I'd never thought along the lines of "if they invented it now" but you're right!

 

I was a late starter drinkingwise (as in I actually waited until I was 18 and then only had a period of 2 years at uni where I would get drunk). I got pregnant and stopped the odd beer or glass of wine. After having the kids I breastfed for about 4 yrs so had a limit on how much I could drink, but after no2 was born I would often really fancy a beer,then I'd try some and it just wouldn't live up to what I was remembering about beer. I got tipsy quickly and hated it so I thought, actually, I don't like the taste or the way it's making me feel, why bother.

 

 

Now I am surprised at how many of the local running races have alcohol as prizes, I baffle people when I say I don't drink. And people (who know i don't) still offer me drinks out of habit.

 

It's such a big part of our culture even doctors look at me gone out when I say I don't drink!

[xtriple]

I don't drink either. Not since about 1986! Since the millennium I have had an occasional drink but I can't actually remember the last time - Christmas two years ago?

 

My Mum was an alcoholic and by Christ, it doesn't half change your attitudes when you see these things.

 

Yes, you do get a lot of people who cannot comprehend how you can do without the stuff or you must be a recovering alcoholic. Fuck 'em.

[Jazoli]

Suits those in charge to have a high number of stupified, by drink or drugs, people out there, much easier to brainwash and control when incapable of caring less or rational thought, plus the govt makes a hell of a lot of money from the alcohol industry, and why they're going to legalise cannabis in a few years to tap into that income source too.

Where have you left your tinfoil hat?

[Cavcraft]

I drink as much as I can when I go out. Nothing wrong with it if you're sensible.

[mrbenn]

I drink as much as I can when I go out. Nothing wrong with it if you're sensible.

 

This seems to be where some folk have difficulties.

[Bren]

The side skirts I ordered from ebay actually are'nt that bad - I fixed them with making tape and they are pretty close - they will have to be bonded on as there is no room for rivets or screws.

 

I am going to try another bodyshop- wish me luck.

[BavarianRetro]

I drink as much as I can when I go out. Nothing wrong with it if you're sensible.

Absolutely agree.

[Negative Creep]

I used to go out and get drunk even though I knew I didn't enjoy it, but just to follow the crowd. Barely drink these days and haven't been out for years. Don't miss listening to shit dance music whilst being bumped into by chavs every 10 seconds

[Louise2cv]

Oh yeah I don't have a problem with drinking.

 

Just surprised that it's generally assumed that everyone drinks.

[beko1987]

I get tired when I get drunk now. Company funded all you can drink bender - 5 pints and I was asleep on the coach back. 3 cans on friday night on the sofa - asleep by 10.30.

 

It's annoying as I quite like beer, but lately I've not got excited about it. Maybe when summer is here and I can start at lunchtime and slowly sup throughout the day I'll be better!

[Cavcraft]

Oh aye, it's not for everyone and the less that do drink the quicker we get served, so it's a win win situation.

Have always maintained thought that the minute I want to start fighting people or causing agro when I'm pissed is the same time I'd stop drinking.

Everyone is different, but to me drinking should be something you do to get out of the house and have a bit of a laugh, if you're not enjoying it it's pointless.

[AlabamaShrimp]

I do drink but not a lot anymore. I realised after being proper sick one night and then feeling like death for 3 days after that it just wasn't worth it so have now worked out when to stop.

 

I've got a mate that can't drink due to some medical thing. He's OK with it but he does seem to nurse the same pint of pop for hours.

In contrast though I've got a "keeping up with the joans'" mate who'll now only drink poncy stuff. Unfortunately he never knows when to stop as he has to "be better" than anyone he's out with, which is stupid.

[dollywobbler]

Oh yeah I don't have a problem with drinking.

 

Just surprised that it's generally assumed that everyone drinks.

 

Yup. I get this. As you well know, 2CVers like a proper drink. Some of them just cannot get a grasp on my sobriety.

[jakebullet]

Feeling rather low so please bear with me while I get this off my chest. My sister (28 and two years younger than me) is talking about buying her own house and setting up home with her boyfriend and it's made me realise just how far behind the majority of people of my age I am. Thanks to a series of mental and physical health issues my confidence and independence are crippingly low and I feel like I've been left behind and lost a decade of my life - at 30 I feel far less mature and worldly-wise than the 18-20 year olds I meet at the university. Most of my school friends are now in stable relationships, some married with kids, but I feel I haven't progressed at all since I left school over a decade ago. I'm 30, still living with my parents, I have few close friends, I've never had even a casual girlfriend (not for want of trying), I can't drive for medical reasons and live in a town with poor public transport, and I don't have the confidence to do things alone but don't have anyone to do them with. I'm quite well off for someone of my age but money can't buy me happiness and quite frankly I'm sick of everything and I feel like no matter what I try my life just isn't going anywhere. Basically I have my work, my model collection, and that's about it.

 

Sorry for being so depressing but I really needed to let it out and I know the good folks of Autoshite will understand what I'm gooing through.

 

You've described my world until recently, except I got to 41 before Kinky girl came along. I've still not got the house etc bit, but it's nice to have a real human companion.

 

Another suggestion: meetup.com Stick in your postcode and see if there's any groups nearby that float your boat. I've been in a few of the mental peeps groups, and generally it's surprising how nice the people are. If there's no group near you it's only £30 ish to create one, with the advantage you can make it anything you would like.