The grumpy thread

[scruff]

Is this the FB group in question? https://www.facebook.com/groups/autoshite/?fref=ts

[Mr Livered]

Is this the FB group in question? https://www.facebook.com/groups/autoshite/?fref=ts

I don't usually bother with Facebook but since there was a link I thought I'd click on it.

 

Well it's terrible isn't it? The best thing is the title banner at the top depicting a car being pushed. The rest appears to be like a spots thread, but people post one picture at a time and expect a series of comments on each one. Hardly any of the cars are autoshite on the terms that forum users would accept.

 

Verdict: boring and suitable mainly for those with very low iq indeed.

[trigger]

To be fair most of them on there don't even realise that there is a forum.

[Cavcraft]

Let's hope it stays that way.

[tooSavvy]

Let's hope it stays that way.

 

I don't evva FB.....

 

... Hmm 

[vulgalour]

I'm pretty sure the two competing houses at the top of our street are now visible from space thanks to the copious amount of illuminated seasonal tat they've bolted onto every available surface.

[wuvvum]

Well that didn't last long.  The engine on the Laguna has just seized on the way home from Norwich.  No idea why as yet - there was a squealing noise from under the bonnet like a bad fanbelt slip (but fanbelt appears fine), then it started running on three, then it stopped dead and now won't turn over at all.

 

Fucking Renaults.

[cort16]

That's a pisser wuvvum. It seems these things have a selection of interesting ways of destroying themself.

Is there any oil in it?

[wuvvum]

Oil gauge on the dash says there's plenty.  Unfortunately the plastic dipstick has disappeared, but there weren't any low oil pressure warnings or owt like that before it died.  It's not the cambelt either - I've just been back up to the car with a 10mm spanner and whipped the cover off for a look, and it's all intact.  Now waiting for the AA to turn up as I'm fucked if I'm pushing it half a mile home.  Only problem is that this has now used up all my "lives" with the AA (after the LNA broke down, the Rover snapped its fanbelt and the Range Rover seized its water pump), so I'm going to have to join the RAC as I appear to be having a bit of a run of bad luck at the minute.

[Cavcraft]

Maybe your brother who lives at the same address as you should also join the AA at some point?

[cort16]

Vuwwum

 

What's the diagnosis then Wuvvum? Is it seized, con rod through block or is it less less terminal than that?

[Mr_Bo11ox]

Its difficult not to have a little chuckle at that development Wuvz, I doubt you’re laughing right now but I reckon you’ll find it funny in a few days.

 

1. Shiter buys old Laguna.
2. Terminal mechanical failure occurs within a week.
3. Shiter goes to check oil and finds the plastic dipstick has vanished.
4. Shiter replaces engine single-handedly in supermarket carpark. On startup, ECU does not communicate with new engine and invokes emergency shutdown of all electronic systems including locks, steering, brakes, transmission and minidisc player which is permanently set to dealer-reset-only limp-home mode during which it loudly plays ‘Loving You’ by Minnie Riperton on repeat until the battery is flat, at which point all the tyres explode (showering sparkly Renault-branded confetti everywhere) and the doors fall off like a clown car.
5. Shiter admits defeat and phones ‘cartakeback’.

[ruffgeezer]

In addition to those shiters brave enough to be honest a few pages back, I too appear to be suffering some sort of head issues, from clouding moments of utter despair to rages that remove me from control, I don't know how to communicate to my wife, who is arriving at the end of her tether with me already.

[RobT]

Oil gauge on the dash says there's plenty.  Unfortunately the plastic dipstick has disappeared, but there weren't any low oil pressure warnings or owt like that before it died.  It's not the cambelt either - I've just been back up to the car with a 10mm spanner and whipped the cover off for a look, and it's all intact.  Now waiting for the AA to turn up as I'm fucked if I'm pushing it half a mile home.  Only problem is that this has now used up all my "lives" with the AA (after the LNA broke down, the Rover snapped its fanbelt and the Range Rover seized its water pump), so I'm going to have to join the RAC as I appear to be having a bit of a run of bad luck at the minute.

 

You could give GEM motoring assist a try Wuv, the last I knew they don't have limits on the number of call-outs.  Cost me £100 last year but haven't renewed it just because I've got breakdown on my classic policy.

 

Plus, you get a quarterly magazine full of interesting* articles and letters from Daily Mail reading tossers about the state of our roads etc.

[cort16]

Grenading Laguna II diesels and k-series Rovers with blown head gaskets are the poster boys of modern autoshite.

[dugong]

Shoot I was doing this evening has now been cancelled. GREAT. 

Place that wanted me to shoot stuff for them for bog-all now want to me to do some other work. FOR NOTHING. 

Pay from work still not resolved. ARGH. 

There is something very wrong about all of this.

[MrDuke]

In addition to those shiters brave enough to be honest a few pages back, I too appear to be suffering some sort of head issues, from clouding moments of utter despair to rages that remove me from control, I don't know how to communicate to my wife, who is arriving at the end of her tether with me already.

 

I reckon there must be some seriously weird stuff floating around in the air at the moment (even more so than normal) as I'm having by far the worst winter in nearly 20 years of being 'mental'. The darker evenings and gloomy days always affect me badly anyway, on top of everything else, but this year they're properly getting to me like never before. I did think that finally making an effort to kick the bottle might be making it harder for me, but the evidence of other people would suggest a widespread problem.

I suspect it may be the proliferation of malfunctioning iphones, frying our neural networks with their f*cked up radiation. Apple bastards.

[skattrd]

You could give GEM motoring assist a try Wuv, the last I knew they don't have limits on the number of call-outs.  Cost me £100 last year but haven't renewed it just because I've got breakdown on my classic policy.

 

Plus, you get a quarterly magazine full of interesting* articles and letters from Daily Mail reading tossers about the state of our roads etc.

 

I've been with GEM for years. Some years I use them A LOT, others, not at all and they never say anything. I've got the cover all policy which costs me about £80 a year.

[Mr_Bo11ox]

Blimey it sounds like we need a new forum subsection for the many AS members who periodically suffer MH issues. Maybe call it a ‘ward’?

 

NB I am not taking the piss out of anyone BTW.

[Cavcraft]

Someone's just been to see my lad's car. 'Great, I'll have that.'....'cash machine has swallowed my card, where is nearest other bank?'...'hi mate problem at bank, will see if I can borrow the money off my mum, let you know later.'

 

Let's see what happens.

[dugong]

Someone's just been to see my lad's car. 'Great, I'll have that.'....'cash machine has swallowed my card, where is nearest other bank?'...'hi mate problem at bank, will see if I can borrow the money off my mum, let you know later.'

 

Let's see what happens.

Translation : I am skint and just wanted to look at a 147. 

[mercrocker]

I wonder if there really is any co-relation between the subject above, the problems dugong is having and the dark shadow of MH not-wellness that hovers around us sometimes....Being fucked about on a daily basis seems to be something that we increasingly have to suffer from employers, "friends" family and almost everybody we come into contact with that have sold us something or shown extreme interest in buying.    It is only when we ourselves are near to point of parting with large amounts of cash, love or assistance that people approach the level of treating us properly.    At all other times they seem to act like proper cunts and this is increasingly becoming the case and its not just me and its certainly not just those of us who have posted their troubles on here....

[dugong]

I wonder if there really is any co-relation between the subject above, the problems dugong is having and the dark shadow of MH not-wellness that hovers around us sometimes....Being fucked about on a daily basis seems to be something that we increasingly have to suffer from employers, "friends" family and almost everybody we come into contact with that have sold us something or shown extreme interest in buying.    It is only when we ourselves are near to point of parting with large amounts of cash, love or assistance that people approach the level of treating us properly.    At all other times they seem to act like proper cunts and this is increasingly becoming the case and its not just me and its certainly not just those of us who have posted their troubles on here....

 

No, they just can't find anyone else (read : can't find anyone else who'll do it for bog-all, including me) and think if they leave it long enough I'll either help them out of desperation (CV desperation? To avoid going stir-crazy?) or, in the case of le work wage cock up, that I'll go away and stop mithering them. It didn't work for my last employer, and it won't work for them. 

 

Tonight's update : No, I'm not going to donate money to your charity because everyone else in the office is. Additional : No, I can't spare £5. Furthermore, the package that arrived today was a Christmas present for a family member. Nice presumption, but it just means my [already poor] opinion of you just got ever so slightly worse. 

 

Really trying my patience, this. 

[trigger]

How to make friends and advance your career in journalism...

 

http://modernwomandigest.com/five-reasons-glad-paul-walker-dead/

[cort16]

^nice

[Craig the Princess]

How to make friends and advance your career in journalism...

 

http://modernwomandigest.com/five-reasons-glad-paul-walker-dead/

 

Wait, that wasn't a spoof?

The comments pages (on the update: Adora Bull on sucide watch artical) are properly nasty but I can't help laughing at them :-S

[scruff]

AMERICA

 

FUCK NO

[dollywobbler]

That's brilliant. I think there's a delicious hint of sarcasm to the piece that clearly the entire world has missed. The comments are amusing but I'm stopping now. Not enough time to read them all and relish the illiteracy of angry keyboard warriors. I particularly like the comment laughing at someone being rude about someone they've never met, complaining about the author writing a rude piece about someone they'd never met.

[MrDuke]

That's brilliant. I think there's a delicious hint of sarcasm to the piece that clearly the entire world has missed.

 

While I think you're correct, there are two areas in which she's failed:

 

1) like the majority of (although not all) Americans, despite her best efforts she just can't pull off concise, subtle-but-scathing sarcasm, instead going way OTT with a whole article where one paragraph would've been sufficient (see also TB's posts). Either this was her first attempt at "irony", or she was just baiting, which is frankly rather dull and stale (see also Frankie Boyle).

 

2) regardless of what her actual intention was, and whatever else she may have chosen to write instead, just reading her 'bio' section at the bottom made me want to run her over with a rusty Scammell, several times. Oh, but wait - maybe that bit was just 'clever' 'irony' as well?

 

Sadly though, the comments (all 15 of the ones that I bothered reading) make me despair for humanity far more than she does.

[rml2345]

WARNING!!!

Scotland may be a bit windy tonight so please stay at home, preferably in a bomb shelter for two weeks as there's a risk of MINOR DISRUPTION.

Why the fuck is this news? It's Scotland, in December.