Velocity and Satisfaction - The AS Vel Satis.

[gadgetgricey]

2 minutes ago, BorniteIdentity said:

 

Jesus....

I know everyone said it was a big old beast, but you don't realise until you see it parked next to something else....

[BorniteIdentity]

It’s a land whale. That is the only real way to describe it. The wheels look like they’ve been nicked off a cowboy’s wagon they’re so large. 

Barefoot is right tho; it’s just because the proportions are - how you say - unorthodox. But it makes my Avensis look slim. Quite how it looks against modernz I’m not really sure. 

[loserone]

7 minutes ago, BorniteIdentity said:

Monumentally. I’m so emotionally fragile; I feel like I’ve not slept for 4 days. 

I do need to get a cheap device so that I can knock out the inevitable EML of doom. Any suggestions gratefully received. 

I imagine that gets worse now it's here.  Sorry!

 

I highly recommend black electrical tape.

[SRi05]

Jesus, it is big even compared to "moderns"  must have been gigantic in 2003. Wheels look tiny in those arches ! 

[barefoot]

The proportions are... 

I'm glad you're chuffed with it. Now all you have to do is to convince the fair wife of its charms. I had a struggle but won mine over in the end, she was actually sad to see it go.

[wuvvum]

I imagine this is a much better bet than the V6 diesel auto Initiale I had.  That was a right pain in the arse.

I'd still like a go in the 350Z-engined version at some point mind.

[NorthernMonkey]

Christ, I’d forgotten how big it is!!

[Fat_Pirate]

That is seriously HOT, you spawny git.  

[BorniteIdentity]

Something terrible happened earlier.

I was outside doing “the six car shuffle” (not a euphemism) and needed to sit in and drive both my Avensis and the Vel Satis. 

As I got out I said “Oh Dear”

and the ghost of Barry Chuckle said “Oh Dear Oh Dear”. 

You see, the Avensis doesn’t seem particularly shit. Until you get into something else. It’s why I’ve systematically refused to buy anything better over the last four years. All acquisitions have had to be inferior. The Vel is palatial, sumptuous and welcoming. The Avensis is uncomfortable, spartan and a bit bleak. 

Shit. 

I genuinely didn’t see this coming. At all. But then again, I’ve never owned a wallowy old French bateau. 

I hate myself for even writing it down. 

[beko1987]

Come over to the French side, give in, give in! Sell me your Toyota come march 2020...

I felt the same coming out of the 406 into the zx, and the xm into the zx years ago. Takes a while to get over it, I'm still not fully there with the current zx either... 

[Kiltox]

You need a Delphi DS150E knock off and a cheap spare laptop. The only hope of winning the diagnostic war. 

[beko1987]

Mr @SiC s Oh No Renault saved my fucking bacon many a time!

Did you know that if you operate the EPB about 25 times, each time spraying wd40 at the caliper and twatting it with a hammer it throws a fault? Fun fact... 

[The Moog]

Lol. Welcome to the world of Velma.

She is a magnificent beast, takes up a lot of space but is a nice place to be. Especially the clock!

It is the one car that missus Puss and Puss mother in law loved.

It's the wrong engine and wrong gearbox but so easy to drive. Loads of room and you will need loads of room when parking!

[Kiltox]

I just bought another DS150 because the USB port is shagged on mine. £26  now which is a BARGAIN. 

https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/2015R3-Car-Truck-OBD-Diagnostic-Scanner-Kits-Bluetooth-TCS-For-Ds150e-CDP-U-N1B8/223739167573?hash=item3417e4c355:g:2DMAAOSwEOxdw~Hg

[BorniteIdentity]

8 minutes ago, snagglepuss said:

Lol. Welcome to the world of Velma.

She is a magnificent beast, takes up a lot of space but is a nice place to be. Especially the clock!

It is the one car that missus Puss and Puss mother in law loved.

It's the wrong engine and wrong gearbox but so easy to drive. Loads of room and you will need loads of room when parking!

The clock is immense. Particularly backlit in the evening. So welcoming.

I’m not sure about the engine. I hoped it would be faster, but then she’s a big old hefferlump. A diesel would be of no interest to me at all, and the 3.5 would probably keep me awake at night. 

I’m comforted by 3 things here. 1- it’s done 269500 miles (shit cars don’t get this far.) 2- There’s a wealth of info on here. 3- It was free - I can’t lose. 

I do wish it wasn’t so fucking ugly tho! 

[beko1987]

Ignore the outside. It'll be a lovely place to be on December the 17th at 8am in the pissing freezing rain stuck on the motorway!

[wuvvum]

15 minutes ago, beko1987 said:

Ignore the outside. It'll be a lovely place to be on December the 17th at 8am in the pissing freezing rain stuck on the motorway hard shoulder waiting for the RAC!

FTFY.

[chodweaver]

Picking this up on the morrow.
Has anyone EVER managed to slide a Vel Satis...?

Yes. Not what I'd call rewarding.

(Sorry, couldn't resist that.)


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[chodweaver]

I thought I was being a bit weird about the clock, then Keymaster reassured me: it IS gorgeous.

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[Keymaster]

I thought I was being a bit weird about the clock, then Keymaster reassured me: it IS gorgeous.

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Well, the Renault stylists had to get *something* right on it eventually

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[chodweaver]

Is that like on the C6? The door bins are to die for...

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[Wack]

8 hours ago, BorniteIdentity said:

All you’re 95 RON + E5 are belong to us. 

It looks a bit like a touareg with collapsed suspension in that picture 

[The Moog]

I thought I was being a bit weird about the clock, then Keymaster reassured me: it IS gorgeous.

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Is Keymaster ever wrong?

[chodweaver]

Nope. Keymaster is good. Keymaster is wise.

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[Keymaster]

Constantly wrong. Unlike that clock. Which is all levels of right.

 

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[Keymaster]

Nope. Keymaster is good. Keymaster is wise.

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[Ohdearme]

8 hours ago, BorniteIdentity said:

Home. Completely uneventful, apart from I stuck it in reverse and stalled.  Mostly because I’d put it in 6th. Otherwise no lights, no maintenance pauses and no malodies. 

It’s the most comfortable car I’ve ever owned. It’s the cheapest car I’ve ever owned. It’s hideous to look at (seriously, I’d rather climb inside Gemma Collins) but I quite like it. 

Thanks to Barefoot for the ride in the period correct Scirocco and for the excellent luncheon, and to Loserone for the ticket. 

I’m now off to clean it! 

It is indeed the vehicular manifestation of Gemma Collin’s snatch. Fair play for chowing down and taking one for the team.

My Roffle fingers are poised for the next epb failure

GLWS
(Where S=Stint)

 

[GeordieInExile]

I like how insanely big it is. 

You should get an Avantime next and do a comparison video.

[beko1987]

So you now have an example of one of the most basic cars ever made, and one of the most kitted out! 

Id keep the base working as a backup car though

[beko1987]

Just now, GeordieInExile said:

I like how insanely big it is. 

You should get an Avantime next and do a comparison video.

And an espace, the scary age one