Things in car adverts that make you go "Oh F*** Off"

[cort1977]

I would love to advertise a car as "Clio, fucked, 150".  

[The Reverend Bluejeans]

Adverts for 5 Series BMW's and E Class Mercs that say 'PAS, E/W'.

 

Well that's an arse because I really wanted the manual steering wind up windows version that they never made.

 

THEY ALL HAVE PAS AND E/W, cuntstick.

[Grundig]

"Due in soon"  

[New POD]

I hate all newspaper adverts for cars that sell a lifestyle and not functionality. I want to know that for 99p deposit and 99quid a month, that the corsa I'm getting is a 3 cylinder 997 cc with 12 bhp and 14 Nm. I don't care that it has an iPhone socket.

[RoadworkUK]

"auxilliary heating" ticked on the spec list when the vast, vast majority of people out there have no idea what that means and just assume it refers to the dial you turn to make the cabin warm up.

 

I'll not mention those fine chariots which have had their original, small, wheezy engine torn out and a big, wildly unsuitable engine wedged in yet "still says 1.2 on log book so cheap insurance"

 

Search eBay for C20LET and you'll usually find half a dozen every time. I report them sometimes if I'm bored in the office...

[bigfella2]

"Sold" well in that case remove f#cking advert. Or "sold" but we have other piece of shit that you can buy instead!! Especially as car in original advert never existed.

[Parky]

Or when the ad is entitled E969 OME

 

Brilliant, I just happened to be looking for a car with that exact number plate. I mean really! Who says "what are you driving these days" expecting the reply "I have one of those L876 KNO's"

[Alan_Green]

  On 15/01/2015 at 19:22, messerschmitt owner said:

I have a dispatch combi six seater - diesel - air con not working - probably just needs a regas

Yup. MIght try a LPG Dispatch next. McClaren converted. Have researched it and have had positive LPG experiences in the past.

[messerschmitt owner]

the Dispatch is alright - the hdi goes quick, carries a humungous load and drives just like  a car.

[chaseracer]

  On 15/01/2015 at 20:26, cort1977 said:

I would love to advertise a car as "Clio, fucked, 150".  

 

Bit thin on the ground in TX, small Renners... 

[dugong]

'Needs restore'.

WHAT?

 

I read English, not American. Does it need restoring?

[Cavcraft]

  On 15/01/2015 at 21:36, dugong said:

'Needs restore'.

 

WHAT?

 

I read English, not American. Does it need restoring?

 

 

Thank God I'm not the only one who hates that. Another stupid Americanism creeping into our language.

[Albert Ross]

Nissan Leaf. UP TO 124 miles range..... yeah.. Downhill, WITHOUT ventilation, lights, wipers, heating/Aircon, radio, satnav etc. Turn that shit on, or go on the level/climb, and you're going 20 miles.... in the rain....... and then sitting there for specialist recovery because "It's electric mate"

[Felly Magic]

'Genuine reason for sale' and 'starts and drives'., Both translate to 'it's totally fucked'

[UltraWomble]

  On 15/01/2015 at 22:00, Felly Magic said:

'Genuine reason for sale' 

Another pet hate - just say why you are selling. If its fucked just say so, no one is going to be fooled by your spiel of shite.

[They_all_do_that_sir]

"Should be an easy fix for the right person"

 

Translates as "terminally fucked, only a complete mental would pour more cash into this heap"

 

It's right up there with "once fixed would be worth £LOTS"

So why not bloody well fix it yourself then? Oh yes that's right, you've had a quote of eleventy million quid to fix it and thought fuck this

 

I utterly adore ads that read like:

1998 ford fungus for sale, 1.9 dizzler turbot, 600,000 miles. Price is 59pence. Phone me on 01234558484.

 

You know when you call they will speak normal English (as in not text speak innit) and be able to answer basic questions about the car.

 

ALSO:

 

WHY put "no time wasters"? What time waster is going to read that and think "NO, I shan't waste this chaps time. I shall find another seller who is receptive to the wasting of time"

 

Time wasters by their very nature do not recognise they are in fact actual time wasters. They beleive you might half the price for them. Or great aunt Gertrude will lend them the extra £500 they need to buy your car. Or you will feel sorry for them and offer a 99p a week payment plan.

[dugong]

People who try chip money off an ad that says NO OFFERS is a good one.

 

'Well it's only worth £xxx to me. Why won't you accept it?'

 

Because it's £XXX for a reason, you're low-balling me on the internet and you're not stood in front of me with readies in hand?

[Cavcraft]

'My wife doesn't like it.'

 

(It's fucked and that's the best excuse I can think of)

[dugong]

  On 15/01/2015 at 22:28, Cavcraft said:

'My wife doesn't like it.'

 

(It's fucked and that's the best excuse I can think of)

"I don't like your wife either. Stop wasting my time."

[HH-R]

I hate it when they list a car as NISSAN MICRA NOT CORSA CLIO HORSEY HORSELESS FORD SCROTE etc. Should be banned from eBay for that IMO.

[vulgalour]

"100% original" followed up with "recently had new alloys, tyres, repaint, exorcism..." so it's not 100% original is it, you absolute phlegm gargler.

[Asimo]

In the days when car ads were only in local papers and Exchange and Mart, the phrases that fucked me off were:

"Executive Car" (Cortina) and "Directors Car" (Granada). At least that sort of Hyacinth Bucket bollocks has slipped into hostory. I think.

[UltraWomble]

  On 15/01/2015 at 22:28, Cavcraft said:

'My wife doesn't like it.'

 

I had "my husband isnt keen on it" as an excuse for an insultingly low offer on one vehicle I was selling.

 

I replied "oh thats a shame, best go and buy one he is keen on then lest he fucks off with his secratary and leaves you for frittering his hard earned cash away"

[mercrocker]

Those pretentious but low-rent "classic" dealers operating from their shed (sorry, garden office) who insist on trotting out reams of five-second wiki knowledge as a description instead of telling you exactly what is wrong with the forecourt-red wob-fest they are trying to shift.   I can read a coffee-table book extract myself, twat.   

[brickwall]

Easy fix.

[Tetleysmooth]

Irrational I know, but I hate adverts for single wheels and tyres, only to look down the listings and oh, there's another one from the same seller. If you've got four, list the effing four.

[saucedoctor]

Adverts that start "Introduced in 1976, The Rover SD1 was designed by bla bla". If I want to know that sort of thing, I'll look at Wikipedia.

 

Adverts that say "Full service history from Mercedes (or whatever)". NO. Unless you take your car back to Stuttgart every year, you mean a Mercedes DEALER.

[Christine]

Slight tear in the seat...and a picture of a steering wheel with the drivers seat right back so you cant see the fucking great hole in the bolster with wires sticking out

[jakebullet]

  On 15/01/2015 at 23:55, Christine said:

Slight tear in the seat...and a picture of a steering wheel with the drivers seat right back so you cant see the fucking great hole in the bolster with wires sticking out

 

This. It's illegal to take a photo showing the drivers recaro bolster in a crapi.

[Felly Magic]

L@@K!!!!!