What makes you grin? Antidote to grumpy thread

[Station]

Look at those horrifically pointed shoes, Frank Spencer trousers and inappropriately coloured shirt, I bet he calls you 'bud' after every sentence, and has forearms that have been heavily 'inked'.

[purplebargeken]

Looks like he needs a kick in the nuts and some styling advice. 

[DeeJay]

Cow pats are flatter than that.

It's his penis shaped head that gives the impression of depth.

[cort16]

Last time I looked on their facebook page it was quite homophobic and featured the kind of "banter" I actively avoid.

 

 

 

Anyway, look at this salesman's fucking hair! Would you buy a car off him?

 

There is still plenty of that OMG UR GAY shite on it, which is a shame as there is also some genuinely good stuff.

[greengartside]

You can almost imagine the level of intelligence this bloke has.

 

'Alright mate, you wanna buy a new whip? Can I show ya the wicked little Corsa we got yeah? You on disablement? Na no worries innit. Fancy a cheeky Nandos with me and the lads after doin this shit?' #bants #cheekynandos

[Louise2cv]

Good day here today, weather is glorious (soz!) and I have managed to sort out the garden in a big way: weeding, removed rotten fence, got the moss off the steps, weeded the more inaccessible ledges and stone walls, cut the lawn taken out some unruly ferns.  

 

The garden waste wheelie bin is full to overflowing and I am pooped.

 

Only downside is that wrestling the push along mower on slightly too long grass and all the crouching, stretching, lifting and climbing has rather aggravated my running injury so I am likely to be unable to walk properly tomorrow, but... its another job done!! 

[junkyarddog]

Ambling home from a show yesterday in my little corolla,

a twat for want of a better word in a Corsa decides he's had enough of my nearly at the speed limit cruising and decides to over take.

 

On a fucking blind corner.

 

Oncoming car was the cops,forced to swerve,and swung around,

Blues and twos on,and pulled matey boy over.

 

Made my day.

Sometimes life is good.

[BavarianRetro]

Exactly the same thing happened to me on Saturday evening. Overtook me going too fast in built up area. I was probably doing more than 30. Overtook the car in front causing it to brake to allow him in before the car coming the other way, which had to swerve.

 

Before he'd finished swerving he'd the blue lights on and did a U turn, aided by the guy in front of me coming to a stop and to be fair to him, he stopped pretty much immediately, but as bad a piece of driving as I've seen in a while.

[Pillock]

Rescued a TV out of the skip at work. Turns out to be a 40" Smart Samsung jobbie, immaculate, all the bells and whistles and stuff that was just getting binned because it's two years old.

Just took it round to some friends who have got the most knackered borrowed-time CRT you've ever seen where the buttons have all gone weird, but they're those weirdo people who spend all their money on their kids and family things instead of gadgets. They're over the flippin' moon which is nice as it's cost me nowt, but we've come home having been fed and watered, and the promise of a night out on the town.

[Conrad D. Conelrad]

I've been researching articles about fuel vaporisation in old books and magazines. 

 

I know I've shouted almost exactly this phrase at the Rover:

 

[MarvinsMom]

Have you seen what they've done with the High st/Riverside way/Victoria bridge/A66 junction in Stockton? Used to be a roundabout with a model train on it, now it looks like a Neill Blomkamp film gone wrong.

 

no i haven't been to Stockton in years, so i have yet to enjoy* this new and improved piece of traffic management, i can imagine it is horrendous.

 

does it have a whole shit load of lines all over the place that make little or no sense? 

 

year ago that white paint they use on the road was £20 a metre, so god alone what it costs now and its so bloody slippy in the wet. 

 

Redcar council like to plaster the bloody stuff EVERYWHERE just in case you don't know how roundabouts or lanes on a dual carriageway work. and then some smug git of a councilor will be saying how the small fortune that has been wasted carefully spent on these improvements are all for our good.

 

dickheads.

[Pillock]

Whoever whitelines these things presumably comes out on a Sunday morning when there's no traffic, but they must have a blinding Saturday night because they're messing it up all over the shop.

 

Newark-on-Trent, where the new dialled A46 meets the town. Three times they've laid the white lines, the first time there was a lane that just disappeared as you went past a junction - the second, two lanes came into the roundabout and tried to merge into the same lane, and now they've actually lost one of the lanes on the roundabout as they'd built it for two wide and lined it up for three - lots of squished cars by Polish lorry drivers. That reminds me of a grump, I'll head over to that thread in a second. 

 

Nottingham, A453/M1 junction has just been redone. More vanishing lanes on the roundabout, get in one that says "A453" and thirty yards later it says "M1 N" and you're battling to move lanes in rush hour. But still, that's a awful junction now as it's essentially a Venn diagram with one small roundabout intersecting the main one. If you come A50 and want to head to the airport you end up driving into the central part of the roundabout. 

 

In fact, the same thing disappearing lane thing on the M42(N) where it TOTSOs to avoid the M6 Toll, the two lanes that are marked up as M42 are lanes 3 and 4 (of five lanes total) and on the next gantry, it's lane 2 and 3. Brilliant, cheers for that.

[catsinthewelder]

I'm glad that you posted that as I keep thinking I'm going daft when I'm sure I'm in the right lane one minute and next I'm trying to fit a 6M van into a 5M gap in another lane because it turned out that I wasn't.

[Ghosty]

Ah, Tameside Council are wonderful* for that.

[scaryoldcortina]

 

Amusingly they have updated the map but not the satellite image so you can see both versions. Imagine a set of traffic lights or three every time those grey lines meet, and make most of them three or four lanes wide.

[seth]

Numerous members of this forum like to shout about how shit London is.  They probably have to come here now and again for some tedious reason at peak travel time, arriving at a dull station and being caught in the crush of the tube.  Or they try and drive in without any sense of how to get around and what routes to take (or not take).

 

Well, having spent much of the last couple of weeks staying in exclusive* tax payer funded accommodation in the West End I have to say that wandering around Bloomsbury early-ish on a bright summer weekend morning is absolute bliss. The roads are quiet, not many people about and it is possible to get a real feel of the place and its history, taking in the enormous extent of centuries-old architecture that the Luftwaffe left behind.

[fairkens]

I didn't enjoy the scrubs when I was there but glad you did

[wuvvum]

I have nowt against London, as long as I don't have to drive anywhere.  I can find my way around the City well enough through having worked there, and Westminster through having done the touristy thing lots of times, but anywhere else I'm guaranteed to get lost, even with a sat nav.  Walking or tubing around I have no problem with.

[dollywobbler]

The trick is to find the right car. I drove right across the centre of London last Easter in a Jag X300. It was bloody marvellous, especially as I wasn't paying for fuel. Saw a great many of the sights, ended up in Greenwich which was very pleasant. A weekend was about my limit of endurance though. I was still glad to get home...

[Inspector Morose]

Every time I go to London I get lost. I can't help it, I've tried so hard to get my bearings but I just can't. I drive a double decker bus and that bit doesn't help one jot. Then again I was staying next to Trafalgar Square last Thursday and Friday and the bus was safely parked at kings college Hospital. Cue me wandering around central London early morning then a waive of the arm, TAXI! (Still managed to get hopelessly lost getting the bus back out Friday. I'm fucking useless).

[Lord Sterling]

London doesn't bother me driving, parking or walking wise. London is a little world of its own, some places are truly shit, but others are fantastically interesting and a joy to be in (if a little expensive). I used to wonder about London back in the day when I used to Coach it to/from Brussels. It was nice to have an aimable wonder about for a few hours just looking around.

 

I enjoyed driving around Central London in my Rovers when I had the time:

 

[fred]

London to a tiny Village dolt like me is a scary place, Kerbs the size of houses, people walk 5 times faster than me, talk 5 times faster than me, and everything seems to be in fast forward

Awesome place, but I like my little slow sad life

[purplebargeken]

It is a different place (in places) at the weekend when all of the City types/commuter drones are at home.

 

I still hate London and cannot wait to move. Some people love it but I feel they may be a bit nuts, Mrs. PBK included. 

[Taff]

Why people can be arsed having something as dismally unfunny as that piped into their eyes is beyond me, but to be honest the many mysteries of how people operate has left me with more questions than answers. Therefore I'm going to resign as a human being and take a training course to become either a cockroach or woodlouse.

 

you can join my shooting club, if you like? No real rules, just shoot those who anger you. I have quite a list, and I think it will be more fun than being a cockroach

[angle]

I just saw the Dalai Lama in a beige Toyota Camry.

[Aston Martin]

Today whilst leaving a factory, several yellow learner motorbikes went past with their instructor. Lets call this 'junction 1' (of a 4 junction) roundabout, it's a normal road. I wanted junction 4 which is the motorway... about 300 feet on the motorway hard shoulder was another learner motorbike, who had clearly turned off a junction too early.  

 

I'm intrigued as to how he got off. The sliproad was coned off to be fair, so i'd have turned the bike around and pushed it down.

[DVee8]

Just found this site

 

http://hatchheaven.com/

[scaryoldcortina]

Someone in my street bought a Great Wall!

 

 

 

aaaaaaaand it's broken.

[DVee8]

Anyone on here A-framing a Opel Manta with a 406 estate (i think) through Chester le street around 4ish this afternoon.

[scaryoldcortina]

No, but I've got a pretty good idea who it might have been.