What makes you grin? Antidote to grumpy thread

[loserone]

i always liked the foreign accent when you rang orange and got thru to Peterlee

wye-eye man

 

Surely if you rang Orange, you got through to Darlington? Peterlee is where the pit yakkers for Albany Assistance and so on are.  

 

Accents are worlds apart to me, and I sound like a posh southerner to everyone around here.

[Pillock]

There was some research done to show that northern accents are more friendly, and instantly all the call centres moved to Sheffield and Newcastle. Ours is in the former.

 

TPS stops cold calling, but there's a loophole for surveys. If it's for a survey, not a product or service, they can phone you.

[fairkens]

There was some research done to show that northerners are cheaper, and instantly all the call centres moved to Sheffield and Newcastle. Ours is in the former.

 

TPS stops cold calling, but there's a loophole for surveys. If it's for a survey, not a product or service, they can phone you.

 

[Craig the Princess]

TPS stops cold calling, but there's a loophole for surveys. If it's for a survey, not a product or service, they can phone you.

 

There was a set of questions to ask to get their information out of them doing the rounds a few months ago which looked good (cab't find it now).

I tend to act as an ebay buyer on the phone,

Wot iz ur best prize 4 cash if I collect double glazing 2nite?

Can HIAB ur loft insoluation.

[forddeliveryboy]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qCR1l9gYTLM

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=shCCmYbZQ8s

[EssDeeWon]

I dont get many cold calls, especially from abroad but when I do I treat it as a great time to try and impersonate Brian Badonde or Dufrais.

 

Waste my time? I'll waste yours.

[HillmanImp]

Is this monkey hanger a relation Mr B?

 

 

 

[Richard]

It's probably old news by now but this has amused me today

 

[rml2345]

Whenever I dealt with our Indian call centres as a bank monkey I found them incredibly argumentative and blunt to the point of rudeness. They generated so many complaints that Santander began closing them and moving the contact centres back to the UK. What's worse is that we had an Indian chap at Santander Glasgow who couldn't have been nicer and he kept getting told by customers to transfer them to the UK...

[320touring]

Fookin Holiday times the morrah!

 

YAAAASSSSS!

 

*may also include a modicum of choddery*

[DS20]

The good folk of Grimsby have gone big on fireworks this year. The whizzbangs started at about 6.30pm and are still in full flow. I get a display from the warmth* of my sitting room, for free

[Parky]

I have to do a lot of cold calling in my job. Basically selling investment services to pension funds who need these services.

 

Most people are generally quite happy to chat but you do get the odd one who is thoroughly unpleasant. On Friday a guy told me that "he was too busy to chat and would I kindly fuck off as he was very important" before slamming the phone down. Water off a ducks back.

 

Yesterday I went to a conference and he was there. Standing there face to face having a nice chat, I mentioned I called him Friday but he was a bit busy. Seeing the blood drain from his face as he remembered what he said was beautiful. Needless to say he is now more than happy to meet me next week for a chat about our investment services. Tempted to ask him if he had the balls to tell me to fuck off to my face but one tries to be professional......

[DSdriver]

Cold callers piss me off. They interrupt my work, prevent customers from calling and I would never buy anything from a telesales person anyway.

But I do try to be polite when I reject their sales pitch and generally we have a competition to see who can cut the call off first.

Every day must be a bad day for them - so many rejections.

[bub2006]

I remember a few months back my dad played an answer phone message to me from a cold caller. Had a couple of calls before from this number and my dad just said he wasn't interested. Anyway this day my dad had fell asleep on the sofa after working all night and the company rang him again. My dad said they had woke him and he put phone Down. It rang practically straight away so my dad let answerphone take the call. Bell end on phone calling my dad a stupid ignorant fucker etc. He rang back and manager didn't care and wouldn't give him a company address. Quiet good they didn't as knowing my calm placid father,he would have gone there and inserted an auto ringing device up said nob heads anal passage. Sideways.

[Cavcraft]

For God's sake don't phone me at home then.

[TimothyClaypole]

No trouble from them as I don't give them chance, pick up the phone, if there's a delay or any background noise click.

 

Can I speak to the homeowner? So you don't know my name? click etc.

 

Better things to worry over. 

[Mr_Bo11ox]

These cold-calling bastards need shooting in the face. Its a total fucking disgrace how you have absolutely no means to protect yourself against these muthafuckaz. My dad is registered with the TPS but he still gets shitloads of nuisance calls off these shitehawks. Window sellers, PPI wankers, charities asking for money, he gets them all. It has basically made his phone useless as he doesn't bother answering it any more.

[Mr_Bo11ox]

These cold-calling bastards need shooting in the face. Its a total fucking disgrace how you have absolutely no means to protect yourself against these muthafuckaz. My dad is registered with the TPS but he still gets shitloads of nuisance calls off these shitehawks. Window sellers, PPI wankers, charities asking for money, he gets them all. It has basically made his phone useless as he doesn't bother answering it any more.

[dugong]

I generally ignore them - although one bloke claiming to be doing a survey from Salford University (outsourced - Surrey area code) wouldn't take no for an answer. I sang the first few bars of Lemon Jelly's 'Nice Weather For Ducks' in booming baritone while I brewed up a nice wet fart, hung it on the line and cut him off.

 

Rude? Certainly - after the 8th repeated call from someone claiming not to be the same person (I know someone in Surry who'd pull this, so around go five or six I told him to eff-oh) I got a bit sick of it. Sorry.

[Slappy]

12 years ago, I worked in a market research call centre. It wasn't too bad actually, paid well if you were 16 (£6/hour). Always tried to be polite, and even had a nice few chats on occasion. In the 12 months I was there I think I only had the phone slammed down on me twice, which I took as a pretty good record to be honest!

 

Doesn't mean that I like dealing with call centres now, mind!

[STUNO]

This ad for new Jeeps made me grin. Even they can take the piss out of the " i've got to have one" lot.

 

[NorfolkNWeigh]

Because I am a child

[phil_lihp]

It's amazing what a difference a simple oil change has made to the 940, it's so smooth and quiet now you can barely hear it inside the car.  Until you rev it and the turbo spools up of course.  I don't know when the oil was last changed but it was a pretty long time ago.  The corner garage had no issues cracking the seized sump plug off, which makes me feel slightly more of a failure, although my defence is that they weren't doing it lying upside down on a gravel driveway with a borrowed adjustable spanner and looming deadline.

 

This post comes with an apology to cms206 as it would seem that I have tipped the UK Volvo Welfare Balance in my favour and therefore broken yours in the process.  I'm a little worried that if I fix the two remaining faults on mine (disconnected heater control cable, leaking rear washer pipe) your engine will explode.

[twosmoke300]

Whoa whoa whoa Adjustable spanner ! What are you a plumber ? Known as nutfuckers in the trade .

 

[Sloth in a bowl]

Because I am a child

 

Would be even better as FUK 411

[Sloth in a bowl]

A simple trailer that has more laughs than most full length comedies, though it may just be me.

 

[media]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o8hxFE7RpSg[/media]

[meggersdog]

Had a VOSA, sorry, DVSA inspection at my MOT station yesterday.Should really be in the grump thread but meh.

Although my pass/fail rate is fine the average age of vehicles being tested was over 13 years.This is meant to flag up a high risk station.So I showed the inspector the day before's MOTs.10 O'clock a 1978 Chevette,midday a 1961 Victor with a bit of modern stuff thrown in through the day.The chevette had covered 1000 miles since last year and the Victor even less.He seemed fine with that and made a note about MOTing classics.

[Cavcraft]

Hey, turns out not all cold calls are a nuisance. My local MP's arse wipe PA (a snotty sounding bloke) has just rang. Before he could go in too much detail I told him my local MP is a knobhead, and after a short silence he said 'oh, is he really?' He then apologised.

[TimothyClaypole]

Off to Birmingham Airport, some stupid ass night time roadworks on the exit slip road by the Motorcycle Museum meaning a pain of a detour but picking the missus up so no grumping. 

[Timewaster]

Whoa whoa whoa Adjustable spanner ! What are you a plumber ? Known as nutfuckers in the trade .

Ha. I spent years in the parts and garage trade where an adjustable was seen as a tool for pikeys farmers and bodgers and would see you and it thrown out of the workshop.

Then I joined the electricity industry where they are used all the time, and some even have a hammer head cast into the end cos so many were getting smashed.

To be fair, if you are climbing up a pole in the middle of a field in a howling gale at 3 in the morning to get someone's lights back on, you aren't going to drag a full tool kit up there with you.