What makes you grin? Antidote to grumpy thread

[somewhatfoolish]

The sign behind says it all

 

Daughter 1 was doing survival training yesterday and came home with a box of rations which I read before throwing out.

 

IMG_20180620_181137914.jpg

 

How thick are squaddies?

Thicker than a whale omlette(so I'm told); when the MoD buy new idiot-proof equipment the army always up the ante with a better quality of idiot capable of breaking it. The warning to not throw ammo on a fire sums it up.

[Richard]

The sign behind says it all

 

Daughter 1 was doing survival training yesterday and came home with a box of rations which I read before throwing out.

 

IMG_20180620_181137914.jpg

 

How thick are squaddies?

 

I don't know about squaddies but I have done nearly all the things that tells you not to do. I think I'd draw the line at throwing live ammo on a fire though.

[Guest Hooli]

Try yanks, they need 'this side towards enemy' on their claymore mines!

 

Oh and 'do not eat' on C4.

[DodgeRover]

Try yanks, they need 'this side towards enemy' on their claymore mines!

 

Oh and 'do not eat' on C4.

I wonder if C4 would pass through the body unchanged as it's pretty stable, if you put a detonator into the resulting turd would it explode?

Can someone ask on ARRSE please?

[Guest Hooli]

I wonder if C4 would pass through the body unchanged as it's pretty stable, if you put a detonator into the resulting turd would it explode?

Can someone ask on ARRSE please?

No idea but i'm told it smells of marzipan.

 

You ask that on Arrse and someone will try it!

[DodgeRover]

No idea but i'm told it smells of marzipan.

 

You ask that on Arrse and someone will try it!

Can you imagine the possible youtube advertising revenue....

[Guest Hooli]

As most made for YouTube stuff is utter shit it should do well.

[dome]

First track day in the MR2 achieved! Car was spot on, drivers need some work though...

[Stanky]

When I was a youth and went to music festivals we always bought army rations from the local army surplus shop to take with us and eat, they look a bit unappetising but everything tasted amazing, whether it was hot or cold. The chocolate pudding was really good, and they did another thing which was fruit dumplings in a sort of custard-y sauce.

 

One packet was always enough, I genuinely lolled at Nyphur's chocolate pudding binge!

[tobyd]

those clogged you up like a bastard for about a week though...

[DodgeRover]

those clogged you up like a bastard for about a week though...

Perfect for a 3 day festival then!

[gm]

First track day in the MR2 achieved! Car was spot on, drivers need some work though...

You've got the right lines, confidence will come with seat time. Thanks for letting me have a go in the mr2, that little car has a lot of potential, great fun

[dean36014]

I appear to have out done myself and won a speed boat off eBay for 99p. I somehow doubt he'll sell it me though. What use I have for it I don't know and it's particularly helpful that I'm having major surgery next week too!

https://m.ebay.co.uk/itm/Power-Boat-Hull/173365375694

[catsinthewelder]

Speedboat is a mighty win but I'm giggling more at the juxtaposition of the two posts above it.

 

 

seat time

[clayts450]

I appear to have out done myself and won a speed boat off eBay for 99p. I somehow doubt he'll sell it me though. What use I have for it I don't know and it's particularly helpful that I'm having major surgery next week too!

https://m.ebay.co.uk/itm/Power-Boat-Hull/173365375694

 

Expect a relist with seller saying what an utter rotter buyer dean36014 is and that ebay should ban him, and that he probably goes on nun and kitten killing sprees. And, for added AS bonus points, the seller is on here and refers to you as a 'fuckwit' in the appropriate topic in the Open forum.

 

Well bought sir - was this some vague attempt at recreating someone from Birmingham winning a speedboat on Bullseye ? Their face when Bully's star prize was revealed and it weren't a biege Metro was always a sight to behold.

 

[Sloth in a bowl]

I appear to have out done myself and won a speed boat load of damp fire wood in a knackered plastic shell off eBay for 99p. I somehow doubt he'll sell it me though. What use I have for it I don't know and it's particularly helpful that I'm having major surgery next week too!

https://m.ebay.co.uk/itm/Power-Boat-Hull/173365375694

 

 

FIFY

[RobT]

I've spent a thoroughly pleasant evening drinking red wine and watching these two bearded wonders drive across Europe. Best thing that's been on telly in ages.

 

You legends!

 

[yes oui si]

I bought a cheap sleeping bag off amazon, and the manufacturers slogan really inspires a lot of confidence

 

I'm half-tempted to swap my Rab for one...

 

Perfect for a 3 day festival then!

My body always seems to go "Oh, we're living in a field again? Let me just stop all lower bowel movement for three days" which is followed by attempting to pass something with the size and density of Remy Bonjasky's thigh.

[yellowperil]

Furniture & bulky waste collections today. Made a pleasant change as not running around like an idiot in this poxy humid weather.

 

Collected 3 sofas from the Vicarage in Southbourne near Chichester. Vicar (a young hipster chap) comes out with a cup of tea for each of us, a plate of biscuits and a tin of coke each to drink later on.

 

He was also wearing a Ron Swanson t-shirt for added win.

 

A free tea & biscuits + Swanson cheered me up for we had a bad start to the day. Vicar was also a very nice bloke

That as what I do for my council, we don't get tea and biscuits very often, but we do make sure to kick the bottom of the sofas in.

 

Lots of coins to be found in old sofas, I even have a piggy bank on the dashboard.

[dozeydustman]

That as what I do for my council, we don't get tea and biscuits very often, but we do make sure to kick the bottom of the sofas in.

 

Lots of coins to be found in old sofas, I even have a piggy bank on the dashboard.

 

 

We have a Stanley knife in the cab for just that purpose. Thankfully we use a box lorry so we can spend a bit of time and be thorough.

 

At my old council we used to put it in a dustcart. Sofas got raped before they went in. You'd see any coins you did miss drop into the hopper once the packer had done its work. Most I've had from a sofa is about £9. A really old sofa we picked had £1. 7s 8d & 3 farthings in it (including a really screwed up 10 bob note)

[PhilA]

Do that here too, though usually it's pinging hot so the offer is bottled water, normally graciously accepted.

 

Back home the last time the street was being dug up (think it was water lines) there was a continuous stream of tea and biscuits out to the workers from our house. Funnily, ours was the only driveway that didn't get completely blocked at any time...

[andy18s]

That as what I do for my council, we don't get tea and biscuits very often, but we do make sure to kick the bottom of the sofas in.

 

Lots of coins to be found in old sofas, I even have a piggy bank on the dashboard.

Used to work for company that did pay as you go washing machines,kit had slots fitted for a pound coin

Many of those coins would miss the collection box and end up loose inside the sealed machine

Whenever I had to collect a machine for repair it always had a few quid knocking around in it,so a free lunch would be had

Best find was a machine that had filled up the drum to door rubber seal

Just over £90 in that 1 !

[beko1987]

"on this day 4 years ago..."

 

 

The day I collected my old ZX!

[SiC]

"on this day 4 years ago..."

 

Screenshot_Facebook_20180622-075146.png

 

The day I collected my old ZX!

It looks like from that picture, they closed the road for you!

[Kiltox]

It looks like from that picture, they closed the road for you!

I think they did

 

Lost a wheel didn’t it?

[Saabnut]

My grin follows on from my major grump of Cobra clutch failing in Le Mans though it got me to Crawley with the bonus of a NIP on the way down. The grin? Superb service from the AA. I know they often get a bad press but they could not have been better. Called them out (from the comfort of my brothers sitting room) and they sent a man with a van who declared it dead and organised a recovery truck. That arrived, and I overheard a phone conversation between the driver and the AA operator, saying despite my membership not covering hire cars, as I was so far from home they would supply one. I got a brand new Hyundai Tucson with 12 miles on the clock from Enterprise for 3 days, whilst the Cobra made its way north. Regular emails kept me informed of progress and it arrived safe and sound yesterday afternoon.

 

Top service from the AA

[beko1987]

Yea, wheel fell off at 60! That was a fun waft onto the hard shoulder! That's the rolling roadblock of the m25 as the wombles picked up bits of tyre from the carriageway!

 

Always check your nuts on a collection mission!

[cms206]

I've spent a thoroughly pleasant evening drinking red wine and watching these two bearded wonders drive across Europe. Best thing that's been on telly in ages.

 

You legends!

 

20180621_220348.jpg

We were doing similar yesterday morning... CHILD_CMS does like that diesel Olds.

 

Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk

[Exiled_Tat_Gatherer]

Always check your nuts on a collection mission!

Usually lose mine once I declare what I've just purchased ..... or she sees it for the first time.

[castros_bro]

I wonder if C4 would pass through the body unchanged as it's pretty stable, if you put a detonator into the resulting turd would it explode?

Can someone ask on ARRSE please?

 

No.  it's initiated by a shock wave so if you mix it in with another substance eg undigested KFC this will not (I haven’t tried KFC with a det but am pretty sure) be initiated by the shock wave.  Howevers a det in a dog turd in the open makes a bang and splatters well, even betters is 10 litres of gasoline in a 6' termite mound on a hot evening and a det. so I'm told.