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What makes you grin? Antidote to grumpy thread


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Posted

My faith in human nature has been restored today.

Going to see my dad in Hospital I got a puncture on the Acle straight.

Now anyone who knows Norfolk will know that the Acle straight is a desolate, fast moving, single carriage way road with fuck all along its 7.5 mile length.

I limped in to a layby and had a look, yep flat as a flat thing, now this is where I got caught (metaphorically) with my pants down. Both the jack and wheel brace were in the garage at home!! Bollocks.

In the layby in front of me was a van so I went and asked if he had anything to help. He jumped out into the rain with me and routed around in his "piece of shit" rental van and came out with the jack and brace. Tried the brace and it was too big for my car.

"Don't worry " he said "I'll drive you to Gt Yarmouth and we'll find a garage and borrow one", so off we go and we got chatting his name was Mel and he once had a body shop in California (USA) for a while and apparently his boss is a cunt.

We found a garage and borrowed a brace to which Mel left his Passport as he had it with him as a deposit!

He drove me back to my car and helped change the wheel.

Job done I thanked profusely Shook his hand and he went to take the brace back and retrieve his Passport, all of this took the best part of an hour and he was still to get to his 1st job.

It made me realise that there are good people around who will go out of there way to help and I realised I should do it more.

I'm sure he's not on here and our paths will never cross again.

Sorry for long winded post but a big thank you to Mel from North Walsham.

Posted

I saw Van Morrison playing in Chester park years ago. Musically brilliant, but as miserable as a bloodhound that'd just missed the last bus home in the pissing rain.

 

My missus also paid stupid hundred quid to go and see that twat Bruno Mars with my son last year. If he played in my back garden I wouldn't open the curtain to watch him.

  • Like 3
Posted

That's would be more reasonable but it's on a Friday? No mention on the site of anything else beyond the two bands on the flyer. Three consecutive festivals in three different places as well seems odd.

Naaah, it's legit. Slamdunk is three sites, three days. Has been arranged that way for the past couple of years at least, I went in 2014 to Leeds and all the same bands that played from about 12 until midnight had been to Hertford and Birmingham too, exact same lineup.
  • Like 1
Posted

What makes me grin? Following a tractor unit on the way back to the local truck dealer tonight, the driver caught and controlled a sweet drift around the roundabout, and nailed it off up the road.

 

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Posted

Bum. Duffed 3 nil.

 

Grin: standing on the street on a cold night in Belfast eating chips with your mates, talking shit about football, and then getting a lift home in the world's most fucked W202.

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Posted

The specials in millennium square? Kinky girl is going to love it when I take her to stand over the road from it for nowt.

Posted

 

 

I saw Van Morrison playing in Chester park years ago.

I thought I saw Van Morrison in a car park in Chester years ago, but then realised I was looking in the mirror and it was actually a Morrisons Van.

 

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Posted

My serial car hoarding mate has just quizzed me about changing the gear selector cables on an mgf.

 

Seems he's bought one for peanuts with a broken cable, sight unseen.

 

WCPGW??

Posted

My serial car hoarding mate has just quizzed me about changing the gear selector cables on an mgf.

 

Seems he's bought one for peanuts with a broken cable, sight unseen.

 

WCPGW??

At least he's not planning a LHD conversion!

Posted

It may have only been 4', but I can now say I've towed a Renault 6 with an Applause and a length of rope barely thicker than string.  My back has thanked me for this solution.

Posted

I just stumbled across a photograph I forgot I took.  Talbot logo found on a high level brake light from a phase 2 Picasso.  I'd not expected to see a Talbot logo on a car part from any car made after about 1990.

 

post-5335-0-94855200-1479315872_thumb.jpg

Posted

 

My daughter's ferret is in the national news today because he's up for a national "animal survivor" award. Please vote for him, I'm sure he'd make an excellent Prime Minister :)

Posted

I made a small guillotine blade out of silver earlier.  Snagged my finger on something as I was filing the edge resulting in bloodstains all over it.  Mrs_Seth thought this a bit too 'authentic' for a decorative item.

Posted

we were out in our work tourneo earlier heard grinding from the front left brake then heard an almighty bang, the lad who was driving said fuck ive got no brakes as i heard a ting ta ting ting, the brake pad made a bid for freedom, they have tried to fob us off saying the van gets checked every saturday, my arse it does

 

post-4828-0-96834200-1479322280_thumb.jpg

 

the piston also popped out of the caliper pissing fluid everywhere

 

post-4828-0-63565200-1479322385_thumb.jpg

 

old school chap came out to us, mole grips on the flexi and we were on our way back to work, i drove back

Posted

I thought I saw Van Morrison in a car park in Chester years ago, but then realised I was looking in the mirror and it was actually a Morrisons Van.

 

Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk

There's a building services company here called Morrison's (ex Gateshead Council) and on of their vans had signwritten above the windscreen "Van Morrison"

Oddly enough their yard was bulldozed to turn into a Morrisons supermarket.

Posted

Just thought I would say how brilliant the Co-Op Bank is.

 

Got a text at 5.15 saying "are you withdrawing cash in Spain right now?" or words to that effect, to which I said no.

 

Immediately phone rings and it's the Fraud people. "Yes Mr Parky, we thought your card may have been cloned because it is unusual for you to attempt so many large purchases and cash withdrawals in such a small space of time. We have stopped all the attempts and are cancelling the card so it can't be used again". Whatever system they use works nicely as being without my card for a few days is better than having thousands ripped out of my account.

 

I suspect it was cloned at a Liverpool petrol station. Paid for fuel and used my credit card and I remember the guy saying that the terminal wasn't working, could I try again with another one, oh yes this one went through, thank you sir, etc. I bet the first machine was a scanner as the only other time I used my card this year was to buy train tickets from a machine in Stockholm!

 

Seems some folk are having a lovely holiday in Spain using other people's cards so a call to the Fuzz might be in order

  • Like 2
Posted

May i kindly ask which petrol station this was? I'll happily epoxy all the pumps to the holders overnight to make you feel better, pm me if preferred 

Posted

s-l1600.jpg

 

sorry i child

 

Are these the parts you needed to replace on your Panda after your gravel bath at Knockhill?

  • Like 2
Posted

May i kindly ask which petrol station this was? I'll happily epoxy all the pumps to the holders overnight to make you feel better, pm me if preferred

 

Not being from the area it was very much a case of "red light on, oh shit, this place will have to do" And I was lost! But I will have a look through my receipts and see if I can find it. I would have kept it for my expenses claim.

 

I don't really want their pumps epoxy'd but I wouldn't mind Plod popping in to ask about their spare card reader. That's if it is them of course, it is so hard to prove. Maybe I wouldn't be so relaxed about it if they had ripped a few grand off me.

 

When I got the call I was a tad suspicious it might be a setup so I asked which office the lady was calling from. When she said Skelmersdale I said "oh nice, it's lovely there" and her strong north west accented reply of "no it isn't, it's horrid and it's always raining" proved to me she was definitely from Skem where the co-op offices are.

Posted

When I got the call I was a tad suspicious it might be a setup so I asked which office the lady was calling from. When she said Skelmersdale I said "oh nice, it's lovely there" and her strong north west accented reply of "no it isn't, it's horrid and it's always raining" proved to me she was definitely from Skem where the co-op offices are.

 

Love it.  Can I use this as exemplar material in information security training?

  • Like 3
Posted

This sums up social media nicely:

 

"Moan all day about bein fucked then stay up until 3 looking at pictures of strangers on holiday on ya phone."

Posted

They do this and synthesisers......

 

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and there was me thinking he'd broken poor Moog, off here, for parts

  • Like 3
Posted

Are these the parts you needed to replace on your Panda after your gravel bath at Knockhill?

Grass and it did 600 miles without complaint :lol:

Posted

I have had a bit of a wierd afternoon... thinking. I was idly wondering if dogs have 'real' names? Like: dog goes up to my mutt and says: ' woof, woof, wooooooof, wooferty woof' which translates as: 'hey up pal, what's your name?'

 

I have never heard Chester (or Phoebe for that matter but then she doesn't speak to other dogs - far too stuck up :)   ) reply: ' wooferty, woof, wooooof, wof woofer, woo!' which translates as: ' what ho geezer, my name is Chester.'

 

So, I reckon his real name cannot be 'Chester' it is probably 'thickfuckerfartslots' or something similar which is why the BASTARD NEVER COMES BACK WHEN I CALL HIM!!!!!!!!

Posted

I have had a bit of a wierd afternoon... thinking. I was idly wondering if dogs have 'real' names? Like: dog goes up to my mutt and says: ' woof, woof, wooooooof, wooferty woof' which translates as: 'hey up pal, what's your name?'

 

I have never heard Chester (or Phoebe for that matter but then she doesn't speak to other dogs - far too stuck up :)   ) reply: ' wooferty, woof, wooooof, wof woofer, woo!' which translates as: ' what ho geezer, my name is Chester.'

 

So, I reckon his real name cannot be 'Chester' it is probably 'thickfuckerfartslots' or something similar which is why the BASTARD NEVER COMES BACK WHEN I CALL HIM!!!!!!!!

That's a bit Terry Pratchett.

 

I remember reading in one of his Discworld novels a character had a goat. The goat did not have a name in human language, as the owner operated on the assumption the goat already had a name in goat language, so it would be rude to rename it.

Posted

I have had a bit of a wierd afternoon... thinking. I was idly wondering if dogs have 'real' names? Like: dog goes up to my mutt and says: ' woof, woof, wooooooof, wooferty woof' which translates as: 'hey up pal, what's your name?'

 

I have never heard Chester (or Phoebe for that matter but then she doesn't speak to other dogs - far too stuck up :)   ) reply: ' wooferty, woof, wooooof, wof woofer, woo!' which translates as: ' what ho geezer, my name is Chester.'

 

So, I reckon his real name cannot be 'Chester' it is probably 'thickfuckerfartslots' or something similar which is why the BASTARD NEVER COMES BACK WHEN I CALL HIM!!!!!!!!

What Ho geezer? Methinks Chester cannot decide if he is posh or cockney!

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