What makes you grin? Antidote to grumpy thread

[the judge]

Congrats Sloth! Ours is 11 days old today and she's already sleeping all though the night, I can't see it lasting!

 

Please refer to 2 new trade names you will use lots soon.

 

Infacol.

 

Bonjela.

 

If you do not use both of these trade names,you can CMFP.

[Timewaster]

Wot no calpol?

[purplebargeken]

I have my grandparents clock in the loft. Mrs PBK hates it

[scruff]

[the judge]

Wot no calpol?

 

True brother,true xxxx

[hairnet]

ask seth

[saucedoctor]

Fatha_Sauce is using my Jaaaaag at the minute, cos he STILL can't make up his mind what he wants to buy. We had (me and a mate) lined up a glorious S Type R for him, but the seller changed his mind at the last minute, and decided to keep the car.

 

The X snapped a front spring a short while ago while my Dad was driving it, and was dispatched to my tame mechanic to sort it out. The JTIS document on front spring changes runs to 16 pages, so I reckoned it was beyond my L33T SKILLZ and equipment. Phoned Direct Line and they said "No problem, we'll get it lifted and taken anywhere you want. No charge" Grin #1

 

I arranged the lift, and this mental Russian guy (Andriy, as I discovered) arrived to pick the car up the same day. "Beautiful. English car. Someday I have car like this. Is wonderful." Due to the fact that he didn't know where I wanted the Jag to be taken, I asked him to follow me. The whole way down the road he was making faces at me in the mirror, and he gave the international "wanker" gesture when an Audi TT overtook me. It was hysterical. I ain't laughed that much in ages.

 

Got to the mechanic, and he came out. "Andriy! Mate! What about ye! I see Andy has fucked up his Jag." Andriy, with very serious face on said "You fix this car properly. No fucking about." Then they both fell about themselves, laughing. Grin #2

Got the springs done, £250 which was pretty damned good considering the work involved. Grin #3

While the Jag was in for surgery, I lent my Dad my S350 AMG. It's a 3 litre diesel. And he did a Lord Sward, and put petrol in it. Once again, Direct Line to the rescue. No charge. Grin #4

My tame mechanic phoned me to say that the springs were done, but that the sills were a bit rotten, and welding would be required. He doesn't do welding "cos it's a fucking pain in the hole".

Anyway, East Antrim Motor Factors recommended a chap known as "Smurfy" who is "brilliant at welding". So I went to see him.

Smurfy, as it turns out, is a headcase Glaswegian shortarse called Neville. And is epic at welding. (Excuse me for trying to type in a Glasgow accent). He looked at the sills, pondered a moment, consulted his colleague in a language I didn't understand and said to me "Fuck me, wee man, a good Jag! Ya dinnae see them like tha! I thought ah was gunnae ha tae weld the whole sill. Dyae getter cleaned under the arse or wha?" I said that I washed the shit out from under the car a couple of times a year. "That's what's saved her" he said. "Yan's a fuckin lovely motor, ye need two platies and she'll be grand. I'll cut er oot weld er and underseal. 80 quid a side"

Great, says I. Just to make conversation I asked if he'd MIG it. "Fuck tha!" he said "MIG? Fuck aff! Tha's for gurrrls and poofs! OXY MAN! OXY!" I didn't know what to say! Anyway, he did a great job and you literally can't see the join. Grin #5


 

[vulgalour]

Did I mention on my way home I saw a Mk3 Ford Cortina four door in metallic brown with a black vinyl roof?  It looked heavy on the factory trim but not on the aftermarket accessories so I'm guessing it was a GXL.  Sadly no picture, we were both on a roundabout and there just wasn't opportunity, very nearly followed him to see where he went so I could get a snap but I guess having something to eat was more important to me at the time.

[Noel Tidybeard]

Did I mention on my way home I saw a Mk3 Ford Cortina four door in metallic brown with a black vinyl roof?  It looked heavy on the factory trim but not on the aftermarket accessories so I'm guessing it was a GXL.  Sadly no picture, we were both on a roundabout and there just wasn't opportunity, very nearly followed him to see where he went so I could get a snap but I guess having something to eat was more important to me at the time.

leave now, you dont deserve to be here

 

 

[philibusmo]

Tomorrow I will have spent exactly a year in Australia.

Tomorrow I will mostly spend going to New Zealand.

Tomorrow I will meet some Autoshiters.

 

I get the feeling that tomorrow will be a good day.

[Aston Martin]

I saw a tidy F reg 309 in tescos, then I saw a 309 gti 5 door in Tahiti blue an hour later.

[STUNO]

Please refer to 2 new trade names you will use lots soon.

 

Infacol.

 

Bonjela.

 

If you do not use both of these trade names,you can CMFP.

London dry gin. They just go to sleep smiling. but after sleeping well all night the demands for more get a bit dramatic. Solution...dose as required.

[bub2006]

Just followed a Citroen nemo into somercotes. Someone had wrote finding in the dirt of the back door.

[fordperv]

Got a delivery of South African snacks earlier that mrs fp ordered, can't wait to tuck into them now

 

[daveb47]

[dollywobbler]

My appendix seems to have calmed down a bit today. Which is nice. 

[hairnet]

Tomorrow I will have spent exactly a year in Australia.

Tomorrow I will mostly spend going to New Zealand.

Tomorrow I will meet some Autoshiters.

 

I get the feeling that tomorrow will be a good day.

fuck right off

 

enjoy

[steve_earwig]

http://www.heraldscotland.com/news/14195092.News_reader_accidentally_says_RIP_David_Cameron_while_reporting_death_of_David_Bowie/

 

Shame...

[STUNO]

Today I go to the big airport  for autoshite reasons called Phil, will even meet one called Jon who will be there at the same time, but has a whole car full to collect. I'm going to enjoy this day.

It really is good to live in a small place.

[Craig the Princess]

Just saw this on twitter,

 

I came home and my wife was filling in a form little Jonny brought home from school.

 

"What Class are you in?"

He looks up and says

"Working."

That's my boy!

[Jon]

Today I go to the big airport  for autoshite reasons called Phil, will even meet one called Jon who will be there at the same time, but has a whole car full to collect. I'm going to enjoy this day.

It really is good to live in a small place.

 

 

So, just over 100 miles one way to the airport and we manage to bump into each other (metaphorically, thankfully) both ways, going there and driving back  - despite different flights involved.

 

Welcome to New Zealand.

[beko1987]

 

Yey my sunroof repair kit came...

[D Spares & Tyres]

Great. Now you will have black fingerprints all over your ZX, your house and probably your family....

[STUNO]

Well, Phil collected as above, a very pleasant young chap. Fed, watered and put to bed on a sofa, off to Jon's tomorrow. Had a good day today !

[philibusmo]

I'm in New Zealand!

[Danblez]

Great. Now you will have black fingerprints all over your ZX, your house and probably your family....

 

Has anyone managed to use this stuff more than once before it goes off? No matter how I seal it, its solid by the time I want to use it again and it aint cheap.

 

I just buy generic PU adhesive off ebay now which works just as well.

[xtriple]

Just had a 'funny' occurrence... went to the co-op and parked outside, got to the counter and was talking to the lady serving. This is not uncommon as I sort of know them all in there and they always chat away. What was funny was she was taking the piss out of this car parked outside: it was too long and you'd need to 'berth' it rather than park it, and nobody needs a car that big...

 

So I joined in and said I agreed with her and look at those two dogs sat in the back of it, scruffy mutts not posh at all...

She said, 'I can''t make them out' so I handed her the keys and said: 'press that, the window will come down and you can see them better!'

 

There has never, in living memory, been such a rapid backtrack!

 

Apparently she much prefers Bentleys to Rolls Royce and what a lovely car.... :)

[strangeangel]

Big score on Gumtree this aft

 

 

The Eagle is a bit of a budget job, it was the Lafayette I really fancied and they were only for sale as a pair.

 

Still, not bad for £25 eh?

[beko1987]

 

Has anyone managed to use this stuff more than once before it goes off? No matter how I seal it, its solid by the time I want to use it again and it aint cheap.

 

I just buy generic PU adhesive off ebay now which works just as well.

I got a fair bit of use out of the last tube I had with the XM, but IIRC no more than a month or two. I bought this because A, I know it works really REALLY well, and B, I'll use it to help seal up a co-workers Mini one lunchtime if it needs it/anyway just in case.

 

Plus I'm getting a DC01 from Freecycle tomorrow, and need something to seal up the bleed valve bit to the main cyclone, and this will work very well.

[Slappy]

Robot Wars is coming back! 6 part series on BBC2 at some point.

 

Couldn't believe it when I saw that it used to get about 6 million viewers, that's about the same as the last round of Snooze Factor, and that is was the biggest* programme on telly (© High trousered bloke).