What makes you grin? Antidote to grumpy thread

[purplebargeken]

Lucky Dip win....... £25. Handy. 

[EssDeeWon]

Lucky Dip win....... £25. Handy. 

 

I had £25 the other night...but I play online so I receive an email saying 'News about your ticket' which always gets me quite excited until I log on and see £25 sitting there, much disappointment. But if you get 3 numbers on a ticket it feels like a better result.

[mat_the_cat]

You may be distressed to learn that much of the silly beard has gone...

 

On the plus side, it no longer gets caught in the zip of my jackets! Yay!

 

Jacket? Jeans I would have thought!

 

Take an LT35 and put Porsche logos on it.

 

What, like this?

 

 

Done as a piss take at the number of VW van owners who seem to fit Porsche calipers and daft wheels...

[fordperv]

I would've thought 924 owners club would embrace Autoshite as they live with rust and misery every day by owning a 924, who are they to get up themselves anyway it's not as if they've got 1980s 911 turbos mmmm now that's a porsche

[Danblez]

I've got to step in and defend here, 924OC are a great bunch, down to earth and as helpful as they come.

 

They just don't know what AS is all about! In fact they do but just don't realise it!

[Cavcraft]

Is there really an AS meet up though?

[inconsistant]

I've got to step in and defend here, 924OC are a great bunch, down to earth and as helpful as they come.

 

They just don't know what AS is all about!

 

I've done my bit.

[Danblez]

Is there really an AS meet up though?

Think so, you coming along?

[mat_the_cat]

The only one I knew about was the one at Cosford, Telford way. Any details of the Manchester one?

[Cavcraft]

There's an (unintentionally) funny local Faceache page and a minor row has started. In response to person A suggesting B should get out more, person B retorted 'I've shit more places out of my arse than you have seen.'

[Richard]

This has been amusing me greatly recently http://badkidsjokes.tumblr.com/ It's jokes that kids have either made up, modified or got a bit wrong. None of them should work but the more you read the funnier they get.

 

As you might imagine toilet (or often toilot) humour features heavily.
 

waiter do you have frog legs.

no Ive always had ketchup legs with poo on them.

 

 

 

What Smells Bad And Putts People To Sleep
Uh…Tear Gas
NO. Your bottem

 

Some of them make some sort of sense

 

 

what do you call it when you get egg in your eye

egg eye

 

Some not so much

 

 

what did the doctor say to the platypus?

sir you are in quite a pickle

[Cavcraft]

I've just discovered that if you want to talk like a South African, you just replace "A"s with "E"s

 

For exemple.

[NorfolkNWeigh]

I've just discovered that if you want to talk like a South African, you just replace "A"s with "E"s

 

For exemple.

If you replace the A s with I s you can now speak like a New Zealander

 

For eximple.

 

The Autoshite guide to polyglotism.

[Timewaster]

For Norfolk replace o with ah.

 

Nahwich fahr example

[Des]

EFA.

 

For Norfolk replace words with grunts.

[fordperv]

I've got to step in and defend here, 924OC are a great bunch, down to earth and as helpful as they come.

 

They just don't know what AS is all about! In fact they do but just don't realise it!

Fair enough, so they are just scared of what they don't know, an Autoshite welcome pack would be a good idea then members can visit car clubs at shows who have no awareness. like Autoshite witnesses and spread the good word of shite

[cms206]

Fair enough, so they are just scared of what they don't know, an Autoshite welcome pack would be a good idea then members can visit car clubs at shows who have no awareness. like Autoshite witnesses and spread the good word of shite

Does Billy not already have Billy's Witnesses? Like a sort of Jehovah "Corsas B the word of the Lord!" crossed with CAVCRAFT DEBT COLLECTION AND KNEECAP REPOSSESSION SERVICE.

[HillmanImp]

I was talking to this chap last week at a car show. 

 

http://www.thetelegraphandargus.co.uk/news/local/airelocal/11405315.Swansong_exhibition_for_Elvis_artist/

 

He is a Jehovas witness and goes round knocking on peoples doors. Thankfully we managed to keep the conversation on track and just talked about old cars. He has a Beetle which he NEVER drives in the rain or at night. He was horrified that I keep my old cars outside and not in a heated garage like his. I said, what's a bit of rain, just keep them on hard ground and off salty roads too often and its no bother at all. Better to be used than to be sat there. Thats when things go wrong.

 

He went away thinking about it. Maybe I converted him? Am I doing well lord? Will I get through the rusty gates of our lord Jesus Christs almighty scrapyard:

 

http://dartford.cylex-uk.co.uk/company/j-c-auto-breakers-13550609.html

 

If we do start a cult can we have one of these ones that brainwashes fit women into having sex with us? Convince them that the only way into haven is for two of them to take it in turn on a member of the Forum in the back of an Austin Maxi?

[daveb47]

[Tayne]

Fixing the front door entry system this morning with a little bit of dismantling and lubricating.

[skattrd]

If you remember the last ios upgrade for the iphone made them waterproof, the new ios introduces microwave recharging ...

[purplebargeken]

Perfect. Must encourage this activity+++++

[skattrd]

Perfect. Must encourage this activity+++++

 

Yes, but be careful not to microwave your iphone for more than 300 seconds

[Spiny Norman]

Major grin this week was the arsehole neighbour with the equally arsehole kids moving out of our flats. Happy days.

Also happy that the cheap as chips Volvo V40 I bought last week seems to be performing fine, no bangs, booms or thumps to report and it's even picked up the customary door mirror spider making it feel like it belongs in its parking spot beside the bushes.

[chaseracer]

Today I saw (and heard) mat_the_cat's V8 Korean Cortina.

 

Burble-tastic.

 

[STUNO]

Fixing the front door entry system this morning with a little bit of dismantling and lubricating.

 

We oldies used to call it oiling the hinges.

[Tayne]

The problem was actually one of the electronic switches inside the front door of the building , there was no need to go near the hinges.

[jonathan_dyane]

Tonight is a rare evening to myself. Between Tom Waits and and a few glasses of scotch the nightmare that was last week seems a distant dream.

[wuvvum]

I was talking to this chap last week at a car show. 

 

http://www.thetelegraphandargus.co.uk/news/local/airelocal/11405315.Swansong_exhibition_for_Elvis_artist/

 

He is a Jehovas witness and goes round knocking on peoples doors. Thankfully we managed to keep the conversation on track and just talked about old cars. He has a Beetle which he NEVER drives in the rain or at night. He was horrified that I keep my old cars outside and not in a heated garage like his. I said, what's a bit of rain, just keep them on hard ground and off salty roads too often and its no bother at all. Better to be used than to be sat there. Thats when things go wrong.

Do Jehovah's Witnesses refuse to do oil changes on their cars?

[overrun]

My almost 5 years old, but 152K mile Mondeo pissed it's MOT, today.

The car is like new underneath (and on top/inside). Brake pipes, springs etc all gleaming like it was built yesterday.

 

It has been a motorway miler company car before me and now it's a taxi, so to have both the local council and MOT tester be highly complimentary of the car, pleased me.

 

She's a good un! (and was far cheaper than average)