What makes you grin? Antidote to grumpy thread

[High Jetter]

2 hours ago, reb said:

Even though I spend roughly 75% of the time blind drunk, even I would question the utility of an electric corkscrew.

Yup, my waiter's friend (a promo from the 90s) works well.

[Metal Guru]

7 hours ago, myglaren said:

I recently went to open a corked bottle and couldn't find the corkscrew anywhere so used a 'waiter's' corkscrew that wouldn't pivot properly on the top of the bottle and ended up chewing the cork out in bits, aided with a screwdriver.  Took the best part of an hour.

Then couldn't find a stopper for the bottle.  Fortunately I have a decanter that was brought into use.

After a few bottles like that I did discover the corkscrew, on my desk, the stopper too.

Just opened a bottle of Tokaji Amethyst, screw top as it happens.

What’s a stopper?

[somewhatfoolish]

5 hours ago, loserone said:

Bit of string and a lighter, followed by some ice

Won't you need some accelerant to get that to work?

6 minutes ago, Metal Guru said:

What’s a stopper?

A thing for weirdos who don't drink a whole bottle in one go, it's a fancy reusable cork.

[comfortablynumb]

I had a boss/ mate who was a Scot, was one of those ' once you've opened the bottle you've defiled it' types.

There's several evenings/ nights I had round his where I've NO idea what occurred 🥳

Edited October 5, 2024 by comfortablynumb
Bloody autocorrect

[andy18s]

10 hours ago, richardmorris said:

Surprised none of you has a Swiss Army knife.

Because nearly everything we cook is fresh we don't have a tin opener. The odd tin we do buy has a ring pull on it, because EU.

So imagine our surprise when we received a package containing Rice Puddings that we couldn't get into..

I had to dig out my trusty Swiss Army knife,once I could remember where it was..

[New POD]

Heathens the lot of you. 

2 kitchen draws 

3 Cork screws 

2 wine stoppers

A tin opener.  (There's a spare in the attic in the camping box)  

[IronStar]

18 minutes ago, andy18s said:

Because nearly everything we cook is fresh we don't have a tin opener. The odd tin we do buy has a ring pull on it, because EU.

So imagine our surprise when we received a package containing Rice Puddings that we couldn't get into..

I had to dig out my trusty Swiss Army knife,once I could remember where it was..

 I’ve previously hammered a screwdriver into a lid, and pulled it open with pliers, told myself I’ll buy a tin opener, then promptly forgot about it, and repeated the process next time we ran into a can with no ring pull. Still didn’t buy tin opener. 😄

[Westbay]

14 hours ago, reb said:

My new neighbours were moving some things in today, they gave me a bottle of wine!

arr, the pre-emptive strike, makes it harder for you complain about the noise !   🤣

[myglaren]

I have two tin openers and find that there are some tins, usually Tuna, that neither of them have much luck with.

There should be one of the old fashioned ones kicking about but anyone's guess where it might be.  Son's from when he was in the TA.

[24vdiamond]

A few years back I did a favour for a  "friend" and he said "you like wine dont you?" me says yes with thoughts of a nice bottle of red  rumbling about in my tiny brain  

"friend" turns up a few days later with a cork screw as a gift!! most over-complicated thing ive ever seen that now lies dormant in the back of the kitchen draw  😁

[Dyslexic Viking]

On can/tin openers have noticed that they also have glass bottle openers on them. So perfect for the bachelor can open canned food and beer with the same tool.

Mine

[Metal Guru]

4 hours ago, comfortablynumb said:

I had a boss/ mate who was a Scot, was one of those ' once you've opened the bottle you've defiled it' types.

There's several evenings/ nights I had round his where I've NO idea what occurred 🥳

I’d admit to always finishing a bottle of wine but I do put the cork back in a Whisky bottle.

[myglaren]

[Remspoor]

13 hours ago, Metal Guru said:

What’s a stopper?

[richardmorris]

1 hour ago, Remspoor said:

I prefer mine

[richardmorris]

[wuvvum]

21 hours ago, richardmorris said:

Surprised none of you has a Swiss Army knife.

I bought a Swiss* Army Knife from Poundland many, many years ago.  The first time I tried to use the corkscrew, it just straightened out as soon as I started pulling on it.

[somewhatfoolish]

I think you'll find that's a swizz army knife. Ayethangewe.💩

[wuvvum]

On 03/10/2024 at 23:02, artdjones said:

Go via Pont de Brotonne, it's free.

Yup, that's the way I came back on Monday.

[reb]

Another bottle from the neighbours!

At least this one won't need me to fight with the cork.

[dozeydustman]

I took the 205 to work today. Bleary eyed at half 4 this morning I didn’t notice this until I got in when I finished at 1pm.

That’s 1,026 miles in my ownership. I think also I know how to fix the hands on the clock.

[Remspoor]

Just about 2 weeks ago some jack ass* wrote this :

Sue Gray isn’t going anywhere. 😅

https://www.msn.com/en-gb/news/uknews/pat-mcfadden-sue-gray-isn-t-going-anywhere/ar-AA1qVnU8

 

 

[paulplom]

Aldi Bedlington. See this all over the town but only just managed to photo the front today. Mid 70s bloke got out. Mid 70s lady last time. Obviously in daily use. Tha rear is just as good.

[paulplom]

I should have made him an offer on it. 

It's that shit it's cool again.

[paulplom]

I bet it's got a terrific stereo

[hairnet]

did a stupid

crowded house at coop live tomorrow

so im looking at the ticket (its one of them ticketmaster ones where the thing swipes across the barcode )

and there were two listings - errr ive def only bought one cos im going on me own

looked at the numbers in the corner or the thumbnail and theyre both different

oh fuck

looked at the details and the block and seat are different

oh

so went into ticketmaster and theres a bit above the details - sell

tried  that and all kinds of details needed (which they should have) but it  then says 2-3 business days needed to process

log in via phone and its listed it straightaway - when i click one - mine

click the other - it tells me its up for sale

wtf is up with that

if it sells fine - if not - cock

ahh well

[hairnet]

another lol

a friend bought a corsa e when he retired

for lols i was looking at them as had a go in his and theyre ok - the pez versions are good so 1.21 gigawatts should be ok right

saw one on autotrader and its in NI

20 plate 81000 miles

i ask him if hed buy that

he said battery will be fucked

i said no its done 140000 kms not the range is 140km

still wouldnt buy it

errr.............

madness

its 7500 - id be all over it

[richardmorris]

[myglaren]

[iainrcz]

Actually made the Ice queen crack a smile today. I snatched up my cup of coffee with a flourish and announced that "If anyone wants me I'll be upstairs watching reruns of Geordie Racer"