Shite You CAN'T STAND!

[St.Jude]

26 minutes ago, MarvinsMom said:

THIS- we live on the coast too and we are beset with these shitty things all year round.

we call them TWAT-vans.

cos they are usually driven by twats,in a twattish manner.

fuggin' HATE them all. wankers.

Driven by the offspring of those numpty's who would stick "One life. Live it" on the back of their rotten Discovery I's with the daft tyres and no bumpers.

[Mr Pastry]

Fake vintage wedding cars, or is it fake wedding vintage cars.  Utterly depressing.  Why are they even a thing?

[Steve79]

13 minutes ago, Mr Pastry said:

Fake vintage wedding cars, or is it fake wedding vintage cars.  Utterly depressing.  Why are they even a thing?

May as well just have a Vauxhall Eagle Quest if you want something that looks half arsed for the wedding on a tight budget! ?

 

[NorfolkNWeigh]

5 minutes ago, Mr Pastry said:

Fake vintage wedding cars, or is it fake wedding vintage cars.  Utterly depressing.  Why are they even a thing?

A few years ago I had a white S-Type and did some weddings with it, usually quickie register office jobs £150 for 2 hours work- nice.

Anyway got a booking for a posher affair as the brides mother transport, They’d spent a fortune on two “Vintage” cars  for the Bride and bridesmaids.

Got to the house and was made to park down the road because the photographer was taking pics on the drive of two shonky Beaufords or similar, one open top, one closed. The wedding party came out and the bride was not a slender young girl ...

There was no way the bride and her very large father were going to fit in the back of what was effectively a mini shell sitting on bits of Granada and some plastic slides. After taking one look, she said “ Fuck that, I’m going in that Jag!” So I lead the procession in my wife’s SType shopping car. They were great and afterwards the father bunged me another £100 for saving the day. He said he’d paid a Grand for the 2 Vintage * cars and was most interested when I told him what they actually were, he was going to try and get some money back for misrepresentiion or some such.

[Mr Pastry]

I had a colleague who had worked as a salesman for a wedding co. who hired out these things.  There was a tall square one, built I think on a taxi chassis.

They had stand at a wedding fair, and a prospective punter came over to look at the car.  Knuckles dragging on the ground, trakkies, trainers, etc, that sort.

"So... Would Sir be interested in hiring one of these for the big day?"

"Naah.  My girl wouldn't like that.  She's got...... Taste."

My pal had to stop himself saying "Well, in that case, why's she marrying you?"

 

[eddyramrod]

All German cars after about 1980 and almost all of them before it

All cars painted grey or silver, and all black cars after about 1980

Most cars made after about 1980

Diesel in anything smaller than a LWB Transit

Bloated "small" cars that are nearly as big as my Volvo

FWD

Manual gearboxes, why do they even exist these days?

"connectivity" and "infotainment" - and especially touchscreens.  WTF was wrong with simple switches and rotary knobs?

Scene tax, especially on thoroughly miserable cars like mk1 and 2 Escorts.  They were crap new and are still crap!

 

[NorfolkNWeigh]

5 minutes ago, eddyramrod said:

All German cars after about 1980 and almost all of them before it

All cars painted grey or silver, and all black cars after about 1980

Most cars made after about 1980

Diesel in anything smaller than a LWB Transit

Bloated "small" cars that are nearly as big as my Volvo

FWD

Manual gearboxes, why do they even exist these days?

"connectivity" and "infotainment" - and especially touchscreens.  WTF was wrong with simple switches and rotary knobs?

Scene tax, especially on thoroughly miserable cars like mk1 and 2 Escorts.  They were crap new and are still crap!

 

You’ve just about covered everything I own there! ?

[St.Jude]

33 minutes ago, NorfolkNWeigh said:

A few years ago I had a white S-Type and did some weddings with it, usually quickie register office jobs £150 for 2 hours work- nice.

Anyway got a booking for a posher affair as the brides mother transport, They’d spent a fortune on two “Vintage” cars  for the Bride and bridesmaids.

Got to the house and was made to park down the road because the photographer was taking pics on the drive of two shonky Beaufords or similar, one open top, one closed. The wedding party came out and the bride was not a slender young girl ...

There was no way the bride and her very large father were going to fit in the back of what was effectively a mini shell sitting on bits of Granada and some plastic slides. After taking one look, she said “ Fuck that, I’m going in that Jag!” So I lead the procession in my wife’s SType shopping car. They were great and afterwards the father bunged me another £100 for saving the day. He said he’d paid a Grand for the 2 Vintage * cars and was most interested when I told him what they actually were, he was going to try and get some money back for misrepresentiion or some such.

We hired two Jaguar Mk2's for our wedding, one for us (obvs) and the other for the bridesmaids. 

Beautiful machine, slightly annoyed me on my wedding day though thinking this would probably be as close as I get to enjoy one of them. 

Saying that, I saw on an FSO Polonez group that the white Mk 1 Polonez's are used as wedding cars. Gave me an idea for the colour and use for my Lada!

[Borsuq]

I think I've mellowed with age, but there aren't really any cars I can't stand anymore. There's plenty of stuff that in my opinion has zero appeal and so many cars I'm just indiffrent towards, but nothing I genuinely hate.

I used to be rather opinionated about stuff like Daewoos, CityRovers, Agilas and many others, but these days, while they still don't really float me goat much, seeing one can bring a little smile onto my face. Especially if it's an FSO branded Matiz or Lanos.

That said, I'm not happy about historic badges being misappropriated, like in the case of those fat Fiat 500 spinoffs and Countrymans. Really wish they'd named those something else.

[bunglebus]

15 hours ago, brownnova said:

That and Ford Escort Mk1s... I do not get the hype there at all... 

I think you have to have had them when they were either current or a cheap 2nd hand car.

Considering how basic they are, they are just so much fun to chuck about, sideways is easy and controllable, gearshift is unbeatable and the steering is perfectly weighted and geared. They're also so simple to work on that it didn't matter if you broke something (not that they broke easily). 

I'm not interested in paying £30k for one, but when you could buy them for £30 they were brilliant.

[Luxxo Waftybarger]

8 hours ago, MarvinsMom said:

THIS- we live on the coast too and we are beset with these shitty things all year round.

we call them TWAT-vans.

cos they are usually driven by twats,in a twattish manner.

fuggin' HATE them all. wankers.

I got cut up coming back from the surf by 2 T6s today racing each other on the A30. Led running lights blaring, orange trim, lowered i.e full twat vans. 

I know when I'm getting changed for a surf and they park next to me some angry wide brimmed baseball capped type with a trendy 'mid length' or over sized hypto crypto is going to Instagram the surf before he even gets in. At least I can drop in on him without feeling bad.

[Dick Cheeseburger]

4 hours ago, bunglebus said:

I think you have to have had them when they were either current or a cheap 2nd hand car.

Considering how basic they are, they are just so much fun to chuck about, sideways is easy and controllable, gearshift is unbeatable and the steering is perfectly weighted and geared. They're also so simple to work on that it didn't matter if you broke something (not that they broke easily). 

I'm not interested in paying £30k for one, but when you could buy them for £30 they were brilliant.

They look fantastic in mildly tweaked form too. None of this big arched bollocks. This one is perfection. 

 

[Shite Ron]

8 hours ago, eddyramrod said:

All German cars after about 1980 and almost all of them before it

All cars painted grey or silver, and all black cars after about 1980

Most cars made after about 1980

Diesel in anything smaller than a LWB Transit

Bloated "small" cars that are nearly as big as my Volvo

FWD

Manual gearboxes, why do they even exist these days?

"connectivity" and "infotainment" - and especially touchscreens.  WTF was wrong with simple switches and rotary knobs?

Scene tax, especially on thoroughly miserable cars like mk1 and 2 Escorts.  They were crap new and are still crap!

 

I agree with most of your opinions here, 2 of my favourite cars in my fleet are silver although I would prefer if they had been better colours I can live with silver although it is not great, black on the other hand is a step too far. German cars are not bad in my opinion probably the better of bland new cars as long as they are RWD. My cut off for cars really worth having is 1982 so not far off yours. Escorts are ok but massively overpriced now, I like to see original ones but have no desire to own one. Rally replicas though are less palatable. I do like manual gearboxes but also have a few autos.

i used to really dislike Viva’s based on the fact my father had a silver 2 door with black vinyl interior. It couldn’t of been more miserable. Now I quite like a Viva GLS or Magnum. 
 

For cars I really can’t stand it is now only the modern stuff already mentioned, Picasso, Juke, Ssan Yongs, Tacuma etc. I do think the original Multipla is an interesting car for an MPV and is far and away the best of a bad lot. MPV’s and SUV’s are all very grim. Also FWD Mercedes and BMW, completely sold out their ‘luxury’ brand name.

[PaykanHunter]

On 8/18/2020 at 3:20 AM, Talbot said:

That was quite an impressive thread resurrection.  Over 7 years this one has been dormant.

But I'll add the Nissan Juke to the mix.  Just looks fucking stupid at the front.

Since Juke has come to the market there has been uglier cars on the road, so I might have to say that Juke is actually looking a little bit better now, just a tiny bit. 

[PaykanHunter]

This turd I really can't stand! And they are all over Iran and still in production! 

 

 

 

 

[Split_Pin]

+1 for 'twat vans'. 

They seem popular with faux-lifestyle types around here and are almost always aggressively driven. I believe they are quite powerful too which is a dangerous ingredient.

Modern barried vans, in particular Ford Transit Customs. In my opinion they try to portray a sanctimonious 'I'm a self-made working - class hero'  image. A real hard-working vehicle is a slightly rusty 10 year old Transit.

VAG, Audi and Mercedes products produced after about 2010. The image went from solidity, prestige and build quality to pretentious bling driven by arrogant knuckleheads, both male and female.  

Modern BMW engines- they ruined the concept of a timing chain being one less thing to worry about. The M47R in my 75 is a stonker in terms of durability so where did they go wrong with the petrols?

[paulplom]

Er.. My custom's only four or five years old and I graft my tits off usually. I px'ed my slightly rusty 2010 transit against it because it was slightly rusty ?. Saying that if it wasn't scabby I'd have kept it.

The customs are meant to be galvanised which is the reason I bought it. Same engine etc as my old tranny. Providing the rust stays away, I'll be keeping it indefinitely.

Agreed with the thoughts on VW though. Take a very practical vehicle then remove all the practicality out of it by dropping it on it's arse. If anything I need more height to hide the weight.

I bought a new ducato in 2006. the first job I did on it was put some beefy leaf springs on it from ebay. I had a dumpy bag of sand in it once and the height didn't drop. The tyres looked like they were about to burst though.

[Split_Pin]

I like the look of Transit Customs, my neighbour had one for a while when they first came out. It's the ones with ostentatious bodykits and racing stripes that I think look overbearing.

Anyway, most of my fleet have a mention in this thread.....

[motorpunk]

On 8/19/2020 at 8:32 PM, Dick Longbridge said:

They look fantastic in mildly tweaked form too. None of this big arched bollocks. This one is perfection. 

 

I’m not a big Ford fan but that looks flippin’ ace.

[Split_Pin]

On 8/19/2020 at 8:32 PM, Dick Longbridge said:

They look fantastic in mildly tweaked form too. None of this big arched bollocks. This one is perfection. 

 

I've never driven one but a MK1 was my favourite car to spot as a kid in the early 80s, back when tatty 1100s were still fairly common. I agree the above one looks ace. 

[NorfolkNWeigh]

On 8/19/2020 at 8:32 PM, Dick Longbridge said:

They look fantastic in mildly tweaked form too. None of this big arched bollocks. This one is perfection. 

 

Have to agree , so many Fast and Furious looking Mk1s with ugly rims and bodywork out there

Gordon Murray , unsurprisingly, knows ho to do it

Build details herehttps://www.facebook.com/gordonsmk1/photos/a.381101282428310/496857400852697

Probably cost him most of what the T50 makes, mind.

 

[Asimo]

5 hours ago, PaykanHunter said:

This turd I really can't stand! And they are all over Iran and still in production! 

 

 

 

 

The stacked quad headlights  and  that grille are a bit classy.  Looks like crossply tires too. 

[Steve79]

The Toyota IQ really boils my piss. Looks like a feckin shoe on wheels. 

 

 

[Dick Cheeseburger]

30 minutes ago, Asimo said:

The stacked quad headlights  and  that grille are a bit classy.  Looks like crossply tires too. 

Agreed. I quite like that.

[Dick Cheeseburger]

4 hours ago, Split_Pin said:

I've never driven one but a MK1 was my favourite car to spot as a kid in the early 80s, back when tatty 1100s were still fairly common. I agree the above one looks ace. 

Need to stop looking. Stunning.

[sierraman]

On 8/21/2020 at 4:49 AM, Split_Pin said:

+1 for 'twat vans'. 

They seem popular with faux-lifestyle types around here and are almost always aggressively driven. I believe they are quite powerful too which is a dangerous ingredient.

Modern barried vans, in particular Ford Transit Customs. In my opinion they try to portray a sanctimonious 'I'm a self-made working - class hero'  image. A real hard-working vehicle is a slightly rusty 10 year old Transit.

VAG, Audi and Mercedes products produced after about 2010. The image went from solidity, prestige and build quality to pretentious bling driven by arrogant knuckleheads, both male and female.  

Modern BMW engines- they ruined the concept of a timing chain being one less thing to worry about. The M47R in my 75 is a stonker in terms of durability so where did they go wrong with the petrols?

I had one literally up my arse last night, a ‘new’ Transit, don’t know which mark but let’s say it was 65 plate in those raised gel digit plates or whatever, White with all the ‘because Transit’ stickers on it and some massive alloys on it. I hope he rides over a load of roofing tacks on Monday necessitating a new set of tyres on those stupid alloys. 

That leads me to another one modified VAGs, nearly always driven by some coke head 19 year old apprentice at a toilet roll factory. 

[jmsguzzi]

Any car that I like that's been dropped on it's arse and ruined by some mong as is the trend with old cars these days. 

Or any car that was brilliant to drive from the factory such as the MX5 or old BMW's thats been dropped on it's arse to such an extent that it's no longer fun to drive.

Or any car that was known to have superb ride quality when new that's had the springs cut down to a coil by some mong.

Think there's a trend here.....

 

oh and the Nissan Qashqai.....

[Skut]

On 8/21/2020 at 4:26 AM, PaykanHunter said:

This turd I really can't stand! And they are all over Iran and still in production! 

 

 

 

 

What is that? It looks like something you'd nick from Sandy Shores in GTA.

[Bren]

On 8/19/2020 at 11:55 AM, NorfolkNWeigh said:

A few years ago I had a white S-Type and did some weddings with it, usually quickie register office jobs £150 for 2 hours work- nice.

Anyway got a booking for a posher affair as the brides mother transport, They’d spent a fortune on two “Vintage” cars  for the Bride and bridesmaids.

Got to the house and was made to park down the road because the photographer was taking pics on the drive of two shonky Beaufords or similar, one open top, one closed. The wedding party came out and the bride was not a slender young girl ...

There was no way the bride and her very large father were going to fit in the back of what was effectively a mini shell sitting on bits of Granada and some plastic slides. After taking one look, she said “ Fuck that, I’m going in that Jag!” So I lead the procession in my wife’s SType shopping car. They were great and afterwards the father bunged me another £100 for saving the day. He said he’d paid a Grand for the 2 Vintage * cars and was most interested when I told him what they actually were, he was going to try and get some money back for misrepresentiion or some such.

My wife wanted a beauford. She was told to fuck right off on the basis I did'nt look like Liberace.

[EssDeeWon]

Any car with a fckin stupid loud exhaust system. I now live on a fairly busy road which I don’t mind until some twat boots it past in some heap of crap with a completely unnecessarily loud exhaust.  Often bolted to something about 10 years old and under 1300cc