The @barefoot car naming thread

[grogee]

23 minutes ago, eddyramrod said:

The Marina

Fucking show-off. 

[eddyramrod]

Just now, grogee said:

Fucking show-off. 

Well yeah, but this was when you could buy one made by BL not Corgi for £40.  So there were four, over about eight years.  Six or seven Ladas and all kinds of other junk, some of which was highly entertaining.

[barefoot]

1 hour ago, Merryck said:

It's big and red. So anyway, big and red -> red baron, doesn't corner -> "The Lady is not for turning" -> Thatcher -> Baroness Thatcher -> The Red Baroness -> The Baroness.

Convoluted twat 

[UltraWomble]

Mrs Womble:
Small Mobility Scooter = MADGE
Big Mobility Scooter = SUPER MADGE
Alhambra = Winnie

Me
Alto = Scrotum

Jr Womble 1
108 = BIG EARS

[barefoot]

I suspect that you know exactly where I stand on all that lot...

[Merryck]

2 hours ago, barefoot said:

Convoluted twat 

[JMotor]

Another one to call a twat or a c*nt if you wish.

Maestro - Boaby the dobber Maestro, was originally in reference to it being "Bobby Basic".

Altezza - Toto ( I blame my old man for this one)

Volvo V70 - Patch, as it needed many patches welded in.

Reason for the names as it more polite than "That fucking pile of shit" or "Yon cu*tin' waste 'o money".

[auntiemaryscanary]

Nevermind naming 'em, which twat* has done this...

(Sainsbury's, today, 10am)

* = ®™ & © @barefoot. Unauthorised use, broadcast or transmission without permission of the rights holder is expressly forbidden.

[JeeExEll]

I once briefly had a really shagged out Mk2 Capri 2.0S which I called 'Cunt' because it deserved it. It went to the bridge. Probably worth a bit as a source of genuine spare parts now but hey ho.

[Marina door handles]

Some of my cars have had names but they are not of my choosing.

I had a BMW E28 which Mrs  MDH named Helga, predictably because it was sort of blonde (well maybe a dirty gold colour) and it was obviously German...

Oscar my Long term Project MGB was named by its previous owner and it sort of stuck...

The XK8 was christened Ken by Mrs MDH after her Grandfather.

 

Its not my fault but I keep letting it happen..........

[barefoot]

On 09/07/2026 at 15:19, rusty_vw_man said:

To save @barefoot the hassle of having to read all the threads to find out what people have called their vehicles and call them a twat, I thought we could have them consolidated into one thread. 

I see it a bit like confession - you confess your vehicle names, @barefoot calls you a twat and all is well in the world. 

I’ll start with the current names vehicles I own:

Bright orange Aygo called The Donald - it’s bigly orange. 
 

VW T25  called George the Second. It’s the second one I’ve had and the first one was called George. 
 

Motorhome called The Palace, as after a lifetime of shit camping this 18 year old damp filled caravan strapped to a Stellantis groups chassis feels palatial.  
 

The confessional is open. 

Thank you, that was a lot of fun. Can I just say in my defence that I have been working in the VW scene for many years. On the one hand this involves frequent contact with the fucking right on, too kool for skool dubbers who can't leave home without a pineapple up their own arse. People who don't lower, but who slam, tub, channel and notch. Whilst on the other I'm faced with glampers new to the sport who not only name their vans,  but have graphics made up so that every fucker knows to call it Betty. Back in my magazine editing days, I used to write half a dozen van stories each month, half of which were stuck with idiotic names. It's no wonder I come on here, read about Bob & fucking Soya and have to pop into the cupboard under the stairs and shoot up!

[Soundwave]

I'm conflicted on the subject of naming. 

On the one hand... it's a bit of whimsy. And if there's one thing we could use more of in this increasingly bleak world, it's whimsy.

On the other... my car doesn't have a name for the exact same reason my toaster doesn't have a name. It's a machine that serves a function. It doesn't need a name because I never need to get its attention or speak to it.

[rusty_vw_man]

2 hours ago, barefoot said:

Thank you, that was a lot of fun. Can I just say in my defence that I have been working in the VW scene for many years. On the one hand this involves frequent contact with the fucking right on, too kool for school dubbers who can't leave home without a pineapple up their own arse. People who don't lower, but who slam, tub, channel and notch. Whilst on the other I'm faced with glampers new to the sport who not only name their vans,  but have graphics made up so that every fucker knows to call it Betty. Back in my magazine editing days, I used to write half a dozen van stories each month, half of which were stuck with idiotic names. It's no wonder I come on here, read about Bob & fucking Soya and have to pop into the cupboard under the stairs and shoot up!

Ah, the VW scene - 2% absolute gold plated legends, 98% fanatical loons. I love loads of VW stuff up to the 90’s, and have owned a reasonable  selection but I’ve always found the scene hard going..

I find it even harder now, it’s all new vans which don’t do it for me. 

How did you feel about all the named funny cars that did the rounds? Writing about how well ‘peaches and scream’ managed the quarter mile at Santa Pod with a ‘VW’ engine could get equally tiring! 

[camryv6]

19 hours ago, Marina door handles said:

Some of my cars have had names but they are not of my choosing.

I had a BMW E28 which Mrs  MDH named Helga, predictably because it was sort of blonde (well maybe a dirty gold colour) and it was obviously German...

Oscar my Long term Project MGB was named by its previous owner and it sort of stuck...

The XK8 was christened Ken by Mrs MDH after her Grandfather.

 

Its not my fault but I keep letting it happen..........

Have you considered a divorce ? 

[Marina door handles]

2 hours ago, camryv6 said:

Have you considered a divorce ? 

Ha no! Mrs MDH actually understands my mild car hoarding collecting tendencies and is happy for me to spend hours in my garage which makes the car naming thing a trivial issue. 

[EyesWeldedShut]

I'm a twat married to a twatette - she likes to name the cars/lorries/vans - usually upon first journey. Number plates may figure but, usually, random thoughts.
Some, however, are so bland (to her) that they never generate a name so we have had the following nameless things:
Ford Cargo, Pug 206SW, 1998 Escort, my 1989 Range Rover, my 1968 Land Rover, my Vauxhall Omega Estate, my Gooner , my Safrane, my Ovlov 940 +440 

Of those I did name only the 440 (Cnut) as, fundamentally, it was a total cnut of a car - the only car I have ever got rid off simply because I hated driving it.

Named shite? 

Muriel        - 2001 Bini
Gordon*    - 1996 Musso
Malcom     - 1989 AWD TL Horsey lorry (former mini-pantechnicon owned by Malcom Proud Removals, Isle of Wight)
Black Bob - Pug Boxer Horsey Van         
Beige Bob - Renault Master Horsey Van
Gloria          - 1983 Porsche 924
Lizzie            - SLK 320
Cilla               - CLK220
Lemmie       - 2008 Bini (number plate begins MT08 which equals Motorhead?)
Max               - 2010 Outback (number plate began MX)
Desmond    - 2006 Berlingo
Nippy            - 1997 Sportage (no clue here - it was not, in any way, nippy)
Glossop        - 2005 Jeep KJ (number plate was something close to GL05SOP)

There's bound to be others but they're less memorable than a Peugeot 206SW 1.4 HDi - so best forgetten.

* Gordon got his moniker after passing an MOT "Gordon's Alive?"  He passed four or five like that before the rear end of the chassis ended up with just too many patches and not enough steel.
 

[High Jetter]

20 minutes ago, EyesWeldedShut said:

I'm a twat married to a twatette -

You're just baiting @barefoot. Gordon is a moron 😀

[EyesWeldedShut]

2 minutes ago, High Jetter said:

Gordon is a moron

I have a cousin named Gordon - never sure which of these apply:

 

 

 

[High Jetter]

6 minutes ago, EyesWeldedShut said:

I have a cousin named Gordon - never sure which of these apply:

 

 

 

Both are great tracks, on my playlist. I have empathy for jilted john

[barefoot]

16 hours ago, rusty_vw_man said:

Ah, the VW scene - 2% absolute gold plated legends, 98% fanatical loons. 

How did you feel about all the named funny cars that did the rounds? 

I had to write lots of stuff about, and in conjunction with this nutter...

...who despite a 3 litre turbocharged and intercooled VW* engine and sequential gearbox couldn't drive for fucking toffee.

 

[HMC]

Algernon?

[barefoot]

Twat

[mildlycretinous]

@barefoot I've just seen your name in another thread, and remembered this thread existed.

My Scénic Dynamique Plus Spor* is now called Sabine, cuz french init m8.

 

[dave j]

@barefoot you will be pleased to know my VW camper doesn't have a name! Sadly I know lots of other people who give theirs stupid names

[barefoot]

14 minutes ago, dave j said:

@barefoot you will be pleased to know my VW camper doesn't have a name! Sadly I know lots of other people who give theirs stupid names

One of you is a fine fellow.

48 minutes ago, mildlycretinous said:

@barefoot I've just seen your name in another thread, and remembered this thread existed.

My Scénic Dynamique Plus Spor* is now called Sabine, cuz french init m8.

 

The other I'm afraid is a bit of a twat. 

[New POD]

My wife named her mx5 Thelma years before she even owned it.  Because we bought it off her friend Louise...

You'd think that the reg would lead to a different name, but that was added later..

[Missy Charm]

I used to have a black car with a numberplate that ended 'VMP'; a friend christened it 'Vampire'.

My father used to have a plate ending 'KVH', which resulted in Kevin the Mondeo.  His replacement was Alison Goldfrapp (also a Mondeo), for similar reasons.

I've also had an old Nissan called Carly Krapp*.  Current car is named Vogon.  

*car is long gone, but I still possess Krapp's last tape, as in the last thing that went through the stereo -- Construction Time Again, Depeche Mode.