Tropes you see on the road

[Lord Sterling]

Dave "chevrons of entitlement"

Dave drives a invariably a Ford Transit pick up with/////HIGHWAY MAINTENANCE\\\\\\ on the back. No one actually knows what his actual job is, and it's highly debatable that he even knows what his own job is, or indeed who he actually works for.

However, Dave, who looks like a younger Onslow from Keeping Up Appearances but who wears cement-stained trackies and mud-plugging builder boots seems to fill his Transit with all assortment of crap that leaks. He fills the Transit with two other equally gormless looking mates driving about aimlessly and talking about football and probably how much he'd like to buy ole' "Tommeh" a beer, cuz iz ideas, yeh, make sense inniiiiit mayte.

[timolloyd]

^^^ And a windscreen sticker that says ‘All Lives Matter’

[Split_Pin]

Mo you are probably the most observational person on earth. Your descriptions are absolutely spot on , I've seen so many of them!

[Pieman]

This is one of the best threads on here - there is definitely scope for a book here.

Not sure if this one's already been done, apologies if so...

The BO55 number plate: The driver of a vehicle with one of these has one purpose in life and it is to prove how much better and more important they are than anyone else.  Said plate will be fixed most often to a massive modified Range Rover Sport or other modified SUV, or sometimes to a large German saloon.  Less commonly to said BO55's work vehicle if they are a tradesperson.  Second part of the reg will be a crude attempt at spelling the company they run's name, or if that's not the case and they are just desperate to be as self-important as possible it will be their initials.

The vehicle is driven absolutely flat out at all times and MUST get in front of everyone else to assert the driver's dominance and self-importance.  It will literally bully slower vehicles out of its way especially on motorways.  Red lights are often optional.  Lane discipline anywhere?  Forget it.  Parks exactly where they want to no matter how illegal and fuck the rest of the world.

The driver has a permanent "Look how 'ard I am, innit" look on their face, and will view anyone who isn't exactly like them with utter contempt, and anyone who is exactly like them with suspicion that they may threaten their alpha dominance.  They will often seem to model their appearance on someone like Levi Bellfield, and probably harbour violent tendencies towards their spouse or other family members when they cannot get their own way.

The BO55 is the sort of person you would throw out of an aircraft to keep it in the air, and they are incapable of seeing that it would be far cheaper and easier to carry around a big sign reading "I AM A MASSIVE FUCKING CRETIN".

[warch]

I've seen at least two cars with BO55 numberplates, both were Range Rovers.

[warch]

The Professional Driver Not a 'fro topped 70's throwback in a Capri, but a man or woman who drives for a living, usually in an LGV or PSV.

The industry is quite a broad church these days, but is dominated by people who started out in the industry 30 years ago. Or 40 or 50 years ago. 

The road haulage industry is a cruel mistress, and most drivers bear the physical and mental scars of decades sitting behind the wheel gloomily contemplating the rear doors of the truck 8ft in front of them as they creep through endless roadworks or contraflow on the M6. Bandy legs, bad knees, a paunch, a thousand yard stare and diabetes are a likely outcome of a lifetime spent behind the wheel.

Some are borderline psychotic (some are actually psychotic), a symptom of long hours in their own company, or even worse listening to Jeremy Vine or Talkradio, whilst fending off fatigue, twats cutting them up or working out whether the diversion for an road closure ahead will send them down a country lane that you'd struggle to negotiate in a Focus.

Bus/coach drivers are usually even more hard bitten, having had to spend all day wearing a nylon shirt in the company of smelly pensioners, incontinent/sickly children or the sorts of nutters or equally incontinent or sickly pissheads usually found on night buses. 

Truckers still have a romantic attachment to the good old days, tramping out to the Near East, a girl in every truck stop, the freedom of the open road. Many contemplate the life of a driver in America or Australia, those lucky sods don't know they're born, never having had to negotiate a medieval town centre to a drop at a suburban Tesco only to find some old git has parked directly in their turning zone. At least British drivers don't have to dodge kangaroos in the road, redbacks under the bonnet, change a wheel in 50 degree heat or drive across frozen lakes, so there is that.   

[Pieman]

13 hours ago, Lord Sterling said:

Dave "chevrons of entitlement"

Dave drives a invariably a Ford Transit pick up with/////HIGHWAY MAINTENANCE\\\\\\ on the back. No one actually what his actual job is, it's highly debatable that even he knows what his own job is. 

However, Dave, who looks like a younger Onslow from Keeping Up Appearances but who wears cement-stained trackies and mud-plugging builder boots seems to fill his Transit with all assortment of crap that leaks. He fills the Transit with two other equally gormless looking mates driving about aimlessly and talking about football and probably how much he'd like to buy ole' "Tommeh" a beer, cuz iz ideas, yeh, make sense inniiiiit mayte.

Dave spends his evenings going on police and news Facebook pages replying to every post no matter what its subject with "WHY DON'T THEY STOP THE BOATS INSTEAD?" and racist comments.

[quicksilver]

One I love to see: the old-fashioned showman. An elderly gentleman well past retirement age, wearing a flat cap and overalls and driving a classic ERF or Foden drawbar unit (often signwritten in the traditional style) with two trailers of fairground attractions. His family have been in the funfair business for generations and the travelling life is the only life he has ever known. He started his driving career as a boy in the 1950s shunting his dad's pre-war Scammell around the grounds as soon as he was big enough to see over the steering wheel, and despite never taking a goods vehicle test is highly skilled at driving his rig in even the tightest spaces. He dislikes modern trucks because of all the complex electronics that mean they can't be fixed with a hammer, and is determined to keep his British classic on the road for the rest of his life. His yard is filled with every lorry and ride he has ever owned over the last 50 years, all rotting into the ground but nothing is for sale because he's "going to do it up one day".

[Pieman]

2 minutes ago, quicksilver said:

One I love to see: the traditional showman. An elderly gentleman well past retirement age, wearing a flat cap and overalls and driving a classic ERF or Foden drawbar unit (often signwritten in the traditional style) with two trailers of fairground attractions. His family have been in the funfair business for generations and the travelling life is the only life he has ever known. He started his driving career as a boy in the 1950s shunting his dad's pre-war Scammell around the grounds as soon as he was big enough to see over the steering wheel, and despite never taking a goods vehicle test is highly skilled at driving his rig in even the tightest spaces. He dislikes modern trucks because of all the complex electronics that mean they can't be fixed with a hammer, and is determined to keep his British classic on the road as long as possible. His yard is filled with every lorry and ride he has ever owned over the last 50 years, all rotting into the ground but nothing is for sale because he's "going to do it up one day".

He'll be at the circus that's currently in a field a few minutes from my place, they've got some lovely old Fodens.

[Split_Pin]

This is a drug dealer's car.

[quicksilver]

The old-fashioned showman's young grandson. He inherits all his grandad's equipment when the old man finally pops his clogs after working right up to that point, and none of the stuff in the yard has been touched for decades. He too has grown up in the funfair business but is forward-looking and thinks grandad was living in the past, and he decides the old truck and vintage wooden ride are too hard work so they get laid up in the yard with all the other scrap and replaced by a nondescript white modern ex-fleet Volvo or DAF tractor unit pulling one of the latest thrill rides covered in flashing lights and bright graphics. Eventually he gets fed up of living in a yard full of junk and calls the scrapman to bale the lot.

Sometimes there is more than one and they disagree over what to do with grandad's stuff, causing a family rift that can last for generations.

[richardmorris]

29 minutes ago, Split_Pin said:

This is a drug dealer's car.

Not round here, it’s a white bmw or black range Roger sport.

[puddlethumper]

58 minutes ago, Pieman said:

He'll be at the circus that's currently in a field a few minutes from my place, they've got some lovely old Fodens.

If they are blue it's probably Circus Fantasia.

[Pieman]

1 minute ago, puddlethumper said:

If they are blue it's probably Circus Fantasia.

Peter Jolly's, yellow and red.

[Asimo]

The drive-by carer.

Harassed, vaping, tatooed 20something wearing a corporate "uniform".

 Sat in her logo'd Yaris watching the time until she is due at the next client.

(Who hasn't seen anyone for 16 hours and is really looking forward to having his bag changed.)

She really wishes she understood why everyone beeped at her when she turned right at those lights...

[warch]

55 minutes ago, Pieman said:

Peter Jolly's, yellow and red.

He was seasonally my neighbour for about ten years, he’s a really decent chap. Had some awesome old trucks as well. 

[quicksilver]

The tipper driver. Think Hell Drivers but slightly more law-abiding.

There'll be a gaggle of them working on some massive construction project where they're paid per load, so they're always in a hurry to get tipped and reloaded as quickly as possible. They're loaded right up to their gross weight and driving on the limit, heeling over at crazy angles as they take corners without slowing down, on dual carriageways they're always in the outside lane and on single carriageways aggressively tailgating slower traffic looking for any opportunity to overtake. Sometimes you'll see them stopped in a layby for their tacho break but they'll be back on the road the second they've had their mandated time. They have thousands of tonnes to move over a short distance so you'll see them charging back and forth on the same route numerous times a day for weeks on end. Most of them are Irish, Sikh or eastern European, good honest down-to-earth lads who work bloody hard for their money.

[RayMK]

1 hour ago, quicksilver said:

The tipper driver. Think Hell Drivers but slightly more law-abiding.

There'll be a gaggle of them working on some massive construction project where they're paid per load, so they're always in a hurry to get tipped and reloaded as quickly as possible. They're loaded right up to their gross weight and driving on the limit, heeling over at crazy angles as they take corners without slowing down, on dual carriageways they're always in the outside lane and on single carriageways aggressively tailgating slower traffic looking for any opportunity to overtake. Sometimes you'll see them stopped in a layby for their tacho break but they'll be back on the road the second they've had their mandated time. They have thousands of tonnes to move over a short distance so you'll see them charging back and forth on the same route numerous times a day for weeks on end. Most of them are Irish, Sikh or eastern European, good honest down-to-earth lads who work bloody hard for their money.

I regularly see these lads rapidly moving earth in the massive landscaping project going on between London and Birmingham.  

[Lord Sterling]

MGB G-Pete.

Peter is a gentleman in his late early 70s. He has a violently clean and heavily restored MGB GT (aka: Sherpa Coupe).

He is a showman. His (incorrectly fitted to an originally rubber-bumpered) chrome bumpers are adorn with ancient but highly polished badges, he also has a small cabinet at home and some of the fireplace shelf with adorned with show winner trophies and the like.

The BGT rarely sees the road, it travels sometimes on the back of a trailer, usually because; "trailer queen" but more often than not, because it's broken down again. Pete never did get around to timing the engine right.

When he does go out in it, he'll insist on wearing sling-back driving gloves, a flatcap and smoke a pipe, "er indoors" or often known as "the dragon" who stands his passion for his car (because it better than him trying and failing to chase young skirt) will wear a 50s-style headscarf as they turf down the road in the old chugger.

[Lord Sterling]

9 hours ago, Pieman said:

This is one of the best threads on here - there is definitely scope for a book here.

Not sure if this one's already been done, apologies if so...

The BO55 number plate: The driver of a vehicle with one of these has one purpose in life and it is to prove how much better and more important they are than anyone else.  Said plate will be fixed most often to a massive modified Range Rover Sport or other modified SUV, or sometimes to a large German saloon.  Less commonly to said BO55's work vehicle if they are a tradesperson.  Second part of the reg will be a crude attempt at spelling the company they run's name, or if that's not the case and they are just desperate to be as self-important as possible it will be their initials.

The vehicle is driven absolutely flat out at all times and MUST get in front of everyone else to assert the driver's dominance and self-importance.  It will literally bully slower vehicles out of its way especially on motorways.  Red lights are often optional.  Lane discipline anywhere?  Forget it.  Parks exactly where they want to no matter how illegal and fuck the rest of the world.

The driver has a permanent "Look how 'ard I am, innit" look on their face, and will view anyone who isn't exactly like them with utter contempt, and anyone who is exactly like them with suspicion that they may threaten their alpha dominance.  They will often seem to model their appearance on someone like Levi Bellfield, and probably harbour violent tendencies towards their spouse or other family members when they cannot get their own way.

The BO55 is the sort of person you would throw out of an aircraft to keep it in the air, and they are incapable of seeing that it would be far cheaper and easier to carry around a big sign reading "I AM A MASSIVE FUCKING CRETIN".

There is literally nothing I can add to this. You summed it up exactly the way I would have.

[catsinthewelder]

Peter is in his mid 50s, has grey hair, glasses and a professional job.  No interest in cars so carefully drives a small, newish VAG or far Eastern hatchback.  His daughter is at University so he's been bullied by has wife, Audrey into hiring a medium size van to take her stuff to the flat in Bristol.  He is pretending to enjoy the adventure of a manly job for the weekend but is less keen when he clouts the panel behind the sliding door turning out of the tight back alley behind the flat.

[timolloyd]

6 hours ago, Lord Sterling said:

MGB G-Pete.

Peter is a gentleman in his late early 70s. He has a violently clean and heavily restored MGB GT (aka: Sherpa Coupe).

He is a showman. His (incorrectly fitted to an originally rubber-bumpered) chrome bumpers are adorn with ancient but highly polished badges, he also has a small cabinet at home and some of the fireplace shelf with adorned with show winner trophies and the like.

The BGT rarely sees the road, it travels sometimes on the back of a trailer, usually because; "trailer queen" but more often than not, because it's broken down again. Pete never did get around to timing the engine right.

When he does go out in it, he'll insist on wearing sling-back driving gloves, a flatcap and smoke a pipe, "er indoors" or often known as "the dragon" who stands his passion for his car (because it better than him trying and failing to chase young skirt) will wear a 50s-style headscarf as they turf down the road in the old chugger.

Said MGB is difficult to start, hot or cold, has wooden brakes and rock hard ancient tyres slathered in sidewall polish.

[83C]

15 hours ago, warch said:

Bus/coach drivers are usually even more hard bitten, having had to spend all day wearing a nylon shirt in the company of smelly pensioners, incontinent/sickly children or the sorts of nutters or equally incontinent or sickly pissheads usually found on night buses. 

Yup. We would see new drivers arrive, fresh out of the training school. The poor buggers would land in a depot, get a crash course (sometimes literally) in the routes they were to drive and then get sent out solo. The transformation from happy new employee with a shiny new licence to depressed grumpy bastard with a thousand yard stare and a hatred of the general public usually took around 4 weeks.

[warch]

3 hours ago, catsinthewelder said:

Peter is in his mid 50s, has grey hair, glasses and a professional job.  No interest in cars so carefully drives a small, newish VAG or far Eastern hatchback.  His daughter is at University so he's been bullied by has wife, Audrey into hiring a medium size van to take her stuff to the flat in Bristol.  He is pretending to enjoy the adventure of a manly job for the weekend but is less keen when he clouts the panel behind the sliding door turning out of the tight back alley behind the flat.

I slightly resent Pete because his garage is immaculate, with a few tins of paint from redecorating the house and maybe a tiny tool box containing virginal tools and an unused Argos socket set. Whereas my shed is creaking at the seams with greasy well used tools, bits of car and motorbike and currently a landrover engine stripped into its components parts. 

[dozeydustman]

The “I’ve got a posh car and you will respect my authoritah”.

Scumbag piece of trash who lives in a delapidated council house on an estate that is less welcoming that Beirut, the Gaza strip or Dartford town centre. House is a rathole, car is a shed, he wears grubby joggers and a selection of faded raggy tops, but he’s alright because he’s now got a posh car. Doesn’t have a job, hasn’t done since the age of 20, but always has a pocket full of £20 notes. Never wears the seat belt and probably doesn’t have a license.

Drives like an absolute knob everywhere, cuts anyone and everyone up, won’t make leeway for emergency vehicles because he’s got a posh car and he rules the road. Probably has a bent MoT if any at all.

In the mid 1990s this would have been a Mk2 Granada 2.8i Ghia X which had been clocked every 18 months, and the bumpers held on with gaffer tape. Nowadays this would be something around 2006-2010 with the three-pointed star of entitlement, four rings of privilege or the white and blue quarters of superiority.

[Volksy]

Having changed my commute to using the train, I now have to deal with the following if I miss time my arrival at the station, as it's located next to two private schools.

The Mummy of Privilege.

Normally a Range-Rover, BMW X#, XC90, Tesla. 

Driven by Orange Duck Faced Mummys, probably still tipsy from many Prosecco's the previous evening. Uses Sat Nav, even though she makes the same journey to drop off Tarquin and Aubrey every day. 

Thoroughly miserable, as her Husband will be having an affair with his PA, or a guy from the gym. 

Known for complete lack of indication, awareness of anything surrounding the vehicle is non existent, mind will be concentrating on 'Why was Lorenza's party more popular than hers?' 'How many cases of Prosecco do we need this week?' 'Who's going to do my lip fillers now Sandra has left the preferred aesthetic clinic'..... etc

Will cut you up, Stop in the middle of the road at random, Wait at green lights, Be driving round half pissed at 2pm on a Wednesday afternoon, having had 'brunch' with their friends (who they hate).

[Erebus]

2 hours ago, dozeydustman said:

the three-pointed star of entitlement, four rings of privilege or the white and blue quarters of superiority

I'll definitely be using these in the future!

[castros_bro]

On 11/06/2025 at 20:57, quicksilver said:

One I love to see: the old-fashioned showman. An elderly gentleman well past retirement age, wearing a flat cap and overalls and driving a classic ERF or Foden drawbar unit (often signwritten in the traditional style) with two trailers of fairground attractions. His family have been in the funfair business for generations and the travelling life is the only life he has ever known. He started his driving career as a boy in the 1950s shunting his dad's pre-war Scammell around the grounds as soon as he was big enough to see over the steering wheel, and despite never taking a goods vehicle test is highly skilled at driving his rig in even the tightest spaces. He dislikes modern trucks because of all the complex electronics that mean they can't be fixed with a hammer, and is determined to keep his British classic on the road for the rest of his life. His yard is filled with every lorry and ride he has ever owned over the last 50 years, all rotting into the ground but nothing is for sale because he's "going to do it up one day".

 

[Pieman]

2 minutes ago, castros_bro said:

 

"CAN'T PARK THERE M8" no doubt said the entire internet cos they're too thick to get an imagination.

(I really hate that comment, in case you hadn't already guessed.)

[Cavcraft]

Sure to be piloted by some absolute bell end about .002 inches from your rear bumper, or barrelling down the wrong side of the road towards you past parked cars on his side. £1 shop tattoos (bonus if they're on his face) and a permanent aggressive look on his dial.